I hate my sister's haircut :(

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

Just a vent:
My sister is one of my BM's. She's shaved her head on both sides and left a strip down the middle that she parts on either side. It's hideous.
I get that my sister is gender fluid and wants to be comfortable in the summer. I don't even care that her hair is short. But this particular style I don't like at all
I know she can do whatever she wants since I'm not paying for her hair.
I just want to say on tk. I really hate it!!!!!

MobKaz

I am not a fan of what I consider to be "extreme" hair fads either.  As a teacher I see a lot of changes and fads, particularly as summer approaches.  I was more than surprised to see a fairly quiet student come to school the last day sporting a mohawk.  Seeing "buzz cuts" doesn't make me blink, although I find few kids that can actually "rock" it.  I get that it's more about ease and comfort.  What surprised me is that I thought the mohawk "phase" had died out.

I'm glad you vented on TK.  It's OK to dislike yet respect someone's choice.

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

@MobKaz That's exactly it. It's a fad. If she looks at the wedding photos in 20 years, she'll probably say WTF was I thinking?!

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

**edited for tact**

ei34

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

Just a vent:
My sister is one of my BM's. She's shaved her head on both sides and left a strip down the middle that she parts on either side. It's hideous.
I get that my sister is gender fluid and wants to be comfortable in the summer. I don't even care that her hair is short. But this particular style I don't like at all
I know she can do whatever she wants since I'm not paying for her hair.
I just want to say on tk. I really hate it!!!!!

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

I mean, gross

Definitely smart to keep the venting and calling it gross here. Your tone may be getting lost in the text but the words alone are rude. It’s not my particular style but hair is really personal, the beauty of it is everyone gets to decide for themself what they like.  

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

eileenrob said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

Just a vent:
My sister is one of my BM's. She's shaved her head on both sides and left a strip down the middle that she parts on either side. It's hideous.
I get that my sister is gender fluid and wants to be comfortable in the summer. I don't even care that her hair is short. But this particular style I don't like at all
I know she can do whatever she wants since I'm not paying for her hair.
I just want to say on tk. I really hate it!!!!!

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

I mean, gross

Definitely smart to keep the venting and calling it gross here. Your tone may be getting lost in the text but the words alone are rude. It’s not my particular style but hair is really personal, the beauty of it is everyone gets to decide for themself what they like.  

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

climbingsingle

I seriously can’t even imagine caring so much about someone’s haircut. I don’t even remember what my MOH’s hair looked like the day of our wedding. 

MobKaz

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@MobKaz That's exactly it. It's a fad. If she looks at the wedding photos in 20 years, she'll probably say WTF was I thinking?!

Yup.  Many a bride has said that in regard to their dress choice, the choice of wedding party attire, and a host of other things that “seemed” right/cool/unique at the time.  That “regret” is not only limited to weddings, however.  My daughter rarely, if ever, acknowledges her middle school JNCO jeans/goth style/foundation caked on her face phase.  I tried as hard as I could to “let it go” as the majority of it was temporary.  

Perhaps your sister “caved” to wearing dresses in the other weddings because she did not feel as safe/comfortable as she does among family.  Perhaps your sister is feeling more confident in her self perception.  You are right, however.  It is not worth an argument.  Be the person your sister may eventually thank for not being “that person.”

downtondiva

I don't like the hairstyle either, but she's an adult and can wear her hair however she chooses. You are right not to say anything to her about it or let it affect her role in your wedding. Keep your venting here; even if someone you know IRL makes a negative comment about your sister's hair, do not join in.  And yes, she may hate it years from now and ask what she was thinking, but that is her problem, not yours. 

MesmrEwe

My vote goes for the internal laugh of "She's going to wonder WTF she was thinking 20 years from now and *I* got it in photographs for a lifetime!" ... Anyone remember the big hair and bubble bangs from the late 80's/early 90's... And let's not forget - the Royal Crown Mullet!  Business in the front, party in the back!  Yes, we rocked it, but DANG!  

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

I am not homophobic; but I am allowed to say that I think her haircut looks terrible. She cut it herself.
And I know my sister. I did tell her she could wear a tux. But that I would buy her the dress, unless she wanted  to pay for the tux rental herself, simply because the tuxedo rental was more expensive.The other party members purchased their own dress or rented their own tux. 
Clothing choices aside; my sister likes to make a statement whether it concerns her sexuality or not. She's artistic. Marches to the beat of her own drum. She can think I'm boring because I follow gender stereotypes. I don't care. 
But she could have at least had a professional cut her damn hair. I'd rather it was completely shaved off because it looks awful. 

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

AND. A good friend who--is transgender--and who is the hairdresser for my wedding even said that my sister took the cut up too high on her crown. 

MobKaz

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

That last sentence of yours was a harsh and unwarranted judgment.  I am not a huge fan of the hairstyle, either.  It hardly makes me homophobic.  I wear my hair incredibly short and literally do not own a dress or skirt.  That hardly makes me butch, either.

ernursej

PP at the end of the day, you can think whatever you want about her hairstyle. Whatever you think, keep it to yourself. Whatever reason she decided to cut it is hers and she will live with the consequences (if there are any). Venting on a forum like this is probably okay.

Be the better person if you do think she is doing this to stir the pot and don't let it get to you. Be kind and considerate. I've found that people that tend to stir the pot are actually very uncomfortable and the best thing we can do for that is to show they that they belong and we care for them.

charlotte989875

Honestly, your posts sound super judgmental; not just about her about about her choices more broadly. I really hope that you are able to contain this around her. 

I'm curious though why it matters so much to you what her hair looks like? She likes it, that's what matters. 

thisismynickname2

Welp. You'll have your wedding photos to memorialize her choice for the rest of your days. However, like we tell anyone else who's having kittens over "the photos!!" remember what you're likely to frame in your home. You are likely to frame one portrait of you and your spouse. And that's probably it. 
If you're going to frame photos of your family, of the hundreds you'll receive I'm sure you can find one of you and sis that you like- more because of the expressions of happiness and love and celebration, that will overshadow any hair choices. 

MyNameIsNot

charlotte989875 said:

Honestly, your posts sound super judgmental; not just about her about about her choices more broadly. I really hope that you are able to contain this around her. 

I'm curious though why it matters so much to you what her hair looks like? She likes it, that's what matters. 

This. Hating her hair is not in and of itself homophobic. But the comments around her gender fluidity, calling her gross, clothing preferences, etc scream OP's disdain for her sister and her "otherness". If it was just about the hair, why did OP even need to bring the sister's gender/sexuality into this post? 

The idea that getting a haircut is somehow a passive aggressive attack on OP is absurd. It's her hair and she can do what she wants. You're free to have an opinion, but the idea that it impacts anyone but the sister is ridiculous. 

climbingsingle

MyNameIsNot said:

charlotte989875 said:

Honestly, your posts sound super judgmental; not just about her about about her choices more broadly. I really hope that you are able to contain this around her. 

I'm curious though why it matters so much to you what her hair looks like? She likes it, that's what matters. 

This. Hating her hair is not in and of itself homophobic. But the comments around her gender fluidity, calling her gross, clothing preferences, etc scream OP's disdain for her sister and her "otherness". If it was just about the hair, why did OP even need to bring the sister's gender/sexuality into this post? 

The idea that getting a haircut is somehow a passive aggressive attack on OP is absurd. It's her hair and she can do what she wants. You're free to have an opinion, but the idea that it impacts anyone but the sister is ridiculous. 

Yes, this exactly. Also, offering to only pay for her dress, but not a tuxedo feels like a way for your to exert control over her. That is GROSS. 

artbyallie

You ought to have asked all the wedding party members their budgets individually before picking a tuxedo rental your sister cannot afford. And being willing to buy her a dress but not rent a tux if that's what she prefers is manipulative and petty and mean.

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2

MobKaz said:

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

knottie6f05dc9f7907d7da said:

@eileenrob
Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.

Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

That last sentence of yours was a harsh and unwarranted judgment.  I am not a huge fan of the hairstyle, either.  It hardly makes me homophobic.  I wear my hair incredibly short and literally do not own a dress or skirt.  That hardly makes me butch, either.

no one said you were butch. 

banana468

I'm not understanding why you are OK spending money on a dress for your sister but not a tux because the tux is more expensive.   If the tux cost was too pricey for you how would you expect the WP to be OK with it?  

I think it's more than fine to not love the hairstyle of a WP member but the way you plan to handle her attire tells me that a lot of this may be more about your control.

If you said, "I'm paying for the tux she wants" then I'd be far more likely to roll with the comments but this seems a little more of a desire to see your sister conform. 

downtondiva

I'm still confused by the whole tux vs. dress issue. Everyone in your wedding party except your sister is responsible for paying for their own attire, BUT you will only pay for hers if she wears a dress because the tux is more expensive. If you were paying strictly to help your sister out because she was strapped for cash and you weren't, then the cost of the tux wouldn't matter so much. I just can't help thinking that this is more about your sister conforming to what you're comfortable with her wearing than anything else.

levioosa

So, I saw this a few days ago and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Your issues with your sister's haircut seem to go far beyond its appearance. You mention several times her gender preferences and "non-comformity" in a way that is judgy and mean. The haircut itself is not my cup of tea, but if she likes it and it makes her feel attractive, then that's what matters. I also think it is, to use your word, "gross" that you are forcing her into a dress. Come on. What harm does it do if she wears a suit? You'll buy her a dress but not a tux rental? Really?

short+sassy

levioosa said:

So, I saw this a few days ago and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Your issues with your sister's haircut seem to go far beyond its appearance. You mention several times her gender preferences and "non-comformity" in a way that is judgy and mean. The haircut itself is not my cup of tea, but if she likes it and it makes her feel attractive, then that's what matters. I also think it is, to use your word, "gross" that you are forcing her into a dress. Come on. What harm does it do if she wears a suit? You'll buy her a dress but not a tux rental? Really?

Yeah, I would have felt a lot better about this aspect if the cost of the dress that OP had originally budgeted for had at least been offered to reduce the cost of the tux.  Like, "Sure, sis.  I definitely don't mind you wearing a tux like some of the other WP members.  But the tux rental is $160 and I had only budgeted $100 for the BM dress.  Do you mind paying the difference?"  (I made the numbers up, as an example)