Military Brides

sigh, deployment.

another day almost added to the time since i've seen him last. i can't complain, we've got a great situation considering. we have the ability to talk, in some form, pretty much everyday while he's out there... which is great. i know im luckier than most, so the idea of whining about him being gone seems petty to me in comparison to SO many military siginificant other's at home, patiently (or anxiously) awaiting their next contact.

he'll be home in, hopefully, less than three months. so again, something exciting to look forward to. i just, sigh... i just dont know.

i feel strange. i feel like the furthest thing from a "military wife". i dont know how im supposed to just assume that role. i mean, itd be nice to think that we'd maintain some sort of separation. but i heard this one quote that totally stuck with me... when you mary a marine, you marry the marine corps.

i just want to marry him. is it not just that simple? aside from his line of work, aside from silly deployments. am i really about to be so far into everything i dont stand for? im proud of his service, and i fully support anyone who willingly gives up their freedom for ours. but, i dont know. is the way i'm feeling selfish? wanting substansial separation of work and home? is that even a possibility? i love him, and honor his work, but i dont want to be coined just another military wife. i don't have the attitude, the tough skin, the typical political stance. i don't agree with the war, i hate weapons and brute force. i just want to be his wife... his yoga teaching, nature loving, peace striving, "hippie princess" (as he calls me) partner for life.

am i always going to feel this stifled? the last time i even attempted to join a group of military significant others, i was unfairly, and brutally banned. i dont think i can successfully walk on eggshells for a prolonged period of time :/.

man. i hope someone around here has some sort of experience with this.
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Re: sigh, deployment.

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    I am very, very, very Liberal. My stepdad is a for real pacifist. I'm joining the military, and my stepdad supports it because being philosophically opposed to war doesn't mean that he thinks I'm evil. He thinks war is evil. 

    You'll meet Marines and spouses of all political persuasions, and you'll meet some with no political persuasions. You choose to associate with people you're comfortable with. I find that the best advice is to not try and be friends with others because you're both military SOs. Find the people you'd be friends with anyway. I have friends whose political opinions are completely opposed to my own. They make my opinions stronger, because I have to think mine through. Those friends make me a more thoughtful Democrat. Don't shut people out because they think differently than you do. 

    However, I will say that I probably would not be able to be friends with someone who was anti-military and vehement about it. My dad succeeds because he's a very calm Quaker, and anti the very need for a military, NOT anti service member. He also finds the good in the military. He's always saying he loves the egalitarianism. He's not a militant hippie or anything. We debate, and it's good for both of us. We have very different philosophical opinions and very similar political opinions. It works because we have respect.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    That saying that you quoted is pretty right on.  In our house, you would trade Army for Marine Corps.  It's hard to avoid it when they get called out in the middle of the night or when the unit locks down because something is missing.  You never really get away from it. 
    Most wives have seen so many girl friends and fiancees come and go that it is hard for us to let you in to the circle unless you are married.  It is also important to remember that religion and politicalviews have no part in social gatherings.  You don't have to walk on eggshells.  If you know you are the odd man out when it comes to opinions, either walk away or respectfully disagree.  You don't have to go into details, just tell them you disagree and leave it at that. 
    Also, please don't ever call deployments silly.  I realize that you don't agree with the war and that's ok.  However, don't lessen what your FI is doing by calling it silly.  No sittuation where there is a chance he may not come home is silly.  There is nothing silly about my husband being shot when he was in Afghanistan.  There is nothing silly about us losing 8 friends on this last deployment.  There was nothing silly about my friend having a chaplain knock on her door to tell her her husband was dead when she was 8 months pregnant.   I've been to memorials for 12 men in the last two years.  There's nothing silly about watching a mom grasp onto a coffin and beg for someone to give her her son back.
    I wouldn't wish any of that on anyone, but these are all things that you deal with when you marry into the military.  It's part of being married to the Marine Corps.  This will be a part of your life. 


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  • edited December 2011
    im so sorry to hear all of that. i didnt mean silly in a demeaning way at all... i meant silly in the sense that it's just pointless... these are all avoidable casualties, in my opinion. when an entire nation is confused and answerless as to why this war was even started, then i don't really see a point in them being there. i, by NO means, regard any of these lost lives silly. not at all. i've got the deepest condolences for such people, and i just really wish we didn't have to keep losing loved ones, husbands, fathers, children, to a battle that isn't even our own anymore. i just wish this war would end... i wish all violence and greed and power feasting would end. but i guess what i want and what will come to be are not going to coincide.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: sigh, deployment.:
    im so sorry to hear all of that. i didnt mean silly in a demeaning way at all... i meant silly in the sense that it's just pointless... these are all avoidable casualties, in my opinion. when an entire nation is confused and answerless as to why this war was even started, then i don't really see a point in them being there. i, by NO means, regard any of these lost lives silly. not at all. i've got the deepest condolences for such people, and i just really wish we didn't have to keep losing loved ones, husbands, fathers, children, to a battle that isn't even our own anymore. i just wish this war would end... i wish all violence and greed and power feasting would end. but i guess what i want and what will come to be are not going to coincide.
    Posted by peaceistheway

    FYI: This statement is very inaccurate in regards to the war in Afghanistan. Please don't confuse the reason we went to war with Afghanistan and Iraq. If you were talking about Iraq then I can understand this pt a little better.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey there! I'm not going to touch on the war issue, I'm just hear to let you know that I'm in a similar situation. My Marine is in Afghanistan and also comes home in about 3 months or so. Planning this wedding while he's away is a bummer since I just want to talk to him about it so he can have input (he's shockingly involved for a groom, haha!).  But I know how you feel about wanting your future husband to be YOURS and not the government's. I've felt that before too. It's hard being so proud of a person but so jealous because his time and energy is almost always spent on his work. But that's why we got ourselves some Marines, right? They're the few good men. Anyways..I'm reading this book that addresses a lot of things you've talked about and puts a funny twist on them. It's called Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. She's a military humorist whose been married to her Marine for many years now. She talks about how hard it is to deal with this one major fact: That when you marry your Marine you MUST realize and accept that you will always come second to the service. It may be unfair, but it's his job. Continue to put him as #1 in your life, but be selfless and in love with him enough to accept that his duty is #1 in his own life. Not many women can accept this, and that's why so few are cut out for being military spouses. I think you'd enjoy the book though! Definitely pick it up some time. Hope this helps..and hang in there! He'll be home soon! :)
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: sigh, deployment.:
    i prolly completly understand what ur going through. myself and my fiance are both in the marines orps. we are trying to plan a wedding hopping that we wont get delpoyed an dhave to post pone it longer. just remember that itll happpen and this is only making the day more special when it happends because you would have been through so much to get to it.
    Posted by ah426
    Hi A! Welcome to the board. You're really going to want to change your SN for PERSEC reasons. There are a lot of nuts lurking on the boards. I would just make it something that has nothing to do with your first and last name. You can't change the one you have, but you can delete the above post and make a whole new SN. :)
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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