An interesting Dear Prudence

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:528c5ddc-f196-4610-b8b1-628e80d01ca3">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Well my advice to you is fix this or STFU.  It's simple if you can not articulate what you really mean stop talking until you figure it out.  You have had time to think about it.  <strong>Can you tell me now what it is that you mean? 
</strong>Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

Well this thread has gone in a lot of different directions. What is it you'd like clarified?

musicalsunlight

I guess I'm still stuck on the fact that in a situation where your friend might come to you saying "Hey, I need a place to stay, my H is beating me silly to the point of near death", you'd be all "Oh hey no prob, I'll protect you" .... but then when she says "I'm not sure what to do, should I file for divorce?" You shrug your shoulders and give it up. I just really don't understand that at all. If I was your friend, as a battered woman, I'd be very confused and not sure what to do if my friend didn't even know how to help me. 

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:5320d3f7-f18e-469d-87af-b24fa3cc1bc4">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Number, I get that, but if I believe you want to kill a person, I'm not going to sit there and not say anything because I want to respect your beliefs, right?  To put it in extreme terms, if you didn't think black people were really people, so it's okay to kill them, should I just respect your beliefs and let you kill them?  No, I can't respect that belief because it involves human life. For other beliefs, that aren't really life or death, I'm not going to force my beliefs on anyone. Also, I'd like to point out that this is a belief I hold consistently, not just for abortion.  I also feel the right to tell the government that it cannot execute citizens or bomb civilians in other countries.  Of course, the government doesn't listen to me. 
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

You rock so much at articulating what I was trying to say.  Thank you.

[Deleted User]

I think it's time for a Hitler reference.

anna.oskar

I would not have an abortion.  I would advise my family or friends of alternate options if they were considering one.  I wish abortion didn't exist.

But "you" don't get to tell me what to do with my body and I sure as hell am not going to tell others how they should take care of theirs. That's why I'm pro-choice.

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:ef0c4fb0-cce2-4e9e-97b0-8d2013737a11">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm still stuck on the fact that in a situation where your friend might come to you saying "Hey, I need a place to stay, my H is beating me silly to the point of near death", you'd be all "Oh hey no prob, I'll protect you" .... but then when she says "I'm not sure what to do, should I file for divorce?" You shrug your shoulders and give it up. I just really don't understand that at all. If I was your friend, as a battered woman, I'd be very confused and not sure what to do if my friend didn't even know how to help me. 
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]
Yeah, forget the religious beliefs that this thread turned into. I still can't believe this.<div>Edit: Or to hit him but still not think it's right to give divorce advice</div>

musicalsunlight

Also I think your friend would be awfully confused if you supported her going to court for an OFP or criminal proceedings against her H but when she wonders if she should divorce him, you don't have an answer. I just don't get it. 

monkeysip

@ Dot,

Thanks for at least letting me speak my view.

I don't have a problem with people thinking I'm wrong.  I have plenty of pro-choice friends. 

I'd just like to be able to share my views without people automatically flaming me.  But to me, flaming=/=disagreeing.

Blueyed228

I love how the pro-life argument insinuates that people who are pro-choice like the idea of abortion. Truth is most hate the idea of abortion but they hate the idea of YOU telling them what to do with their bodies more. Think abortion is murder? Then don't fcking have one. But when it comes to my body mind your fvcing business.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:5320d3f7-f18e-469d-87af-b24fa3cc1bc4">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Number, I get that, but if I believe you want to kill a person, I'm not going to sit there and not say anything because I want to respect your beliefs, right?  To put it in extreme terms, if you didn't think black people were really people, so it's okay to kill them, should I just respect your beliefs and let you kill them?  No, I can't respect that belief because it involves human life. For other beliefs, that aren't really life or death, I'm not going to force my beliefs on anyone. Also, I'd like to point out that this is a belief I hold consistently, not just for abortion.  I also feel the right to tell the government that it cannot execute citizens or bomb civilians in other countries.  Of course, the government doesn't listen to me. 
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>Ah, but you see, by all legal definitions, a human being, be it black or not, is a person. And that is why it is illegal to kill them. My fetus however, is not a person.  And therefore, yes, I expect you to respect my beliefs, because my beliefs are proped up by legal standing that supports the idea that a fetus is a person. And I wouldn't live in a country that did not support that view. I would never vote for a party that didn't support that view. I can understand why, given your beliefs, you might vote for a party that would change those laws (and in some states they have?) but alas, until they do where I live, the law supports my view and therefore I don't really feel that it is appropriate for anyone to comment on my choices that do not break the law. If I murder a person however, then, yes, you get to say something.</div>

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:b99148f9-a670-4cf1-a3d2-b5941e282be0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I love how the pro-life argument insinuates that people who are pro-choice like the idea of abortion</strong>. Truth is most hate the idea of abortion but they hate the idea of YOU telling them what to do with their bodies more. Think abortion is murder? Then don't fcking have one. But when it comes to my body mind your fvcing business.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
Exactly. 

musicalsunlight

Honestly, I'm gonna say it like this --- If I had a friend who came to me with the question of what to do and all I could say was "I'm not sure, do what you think is best and I'll support you" .... A battered woman might not take this the way you mean it, and then who knows, the next night she might not be alive because she went back to that guy. Then I'd be blaming myself for-fucking-ever for not giving her the advice she needed to see clearly. 

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:47d1cf73-c376-4c94-9976-063dad8c1119">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]@ Dot, Thanks for at least letting me speak my view. I don't have a problem with people thinking I'm wrong.  I have plenty of pro-choice friends.  I'd just like to be able to share my views without people automatically flaming me.  But to me, flaming=/=disagreeing.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]



But there are people here who have had abortions so your expression of your "beliefs" is just as much of a flame. You are calling them murderers. Thats pretty disgusting.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:b99148f9-a670-4cf1-a3d2-b5941e282be0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how the pro-life argument insinuates that people who are pro-choice like the idea of abortion. Truth is most hate the idea of abortion but they hate the idea of YOU telling them what to do with their bodies more. Think abortion is murder? Then don't fcking have one. But when it comes to my body mind your fvcing business.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Here here.

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:4c3663aa-5517-4aa2-9006-0fe5e9d57689">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : If she didn't know about the lie and then find out, she is committing the sin of fornication with someone she thinks is her normal, non lying husband?
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>If she is really hardcore Catholic, and she found out about it after the fact, then technically yes...IF she stays in the home and continues sleeping with him.  </div><div>
</div><div>I personally don't agree from the sin part,but the lie negates the sacriment.  Now if she never found out about the lie regarding the sacrament, then she would be considered innocent or without sin.  That's how I read it if one wants to get really technical.</div><div>
</div><div>Not to P&R but it's dinner time...this is an interesting thread though.

</div>

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:e31a9d04-8b16-4e3c-8725-0639be30c121">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : If she is really hardcore Catholic, and she found out about it after the fact, then technically yes...IF she stays in the home and continues sleeping with him.   I personally don't agree from the sin part,but the lie negates the sacriment.  Now if she never found out about the lie regarding the sacrament, then she would be considered innocent or without sin.  That's how I read it if one wants to get really technical. Not to P&R but it's dinner time...this is an interesting thread though.
Posted by Lizzieyounce[/QUOTE]
Thanks for answering!

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:b99148f9-a670-4cf1-a3d2-b5941e282be0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how the pro-life argument insinuates that people who are pro-choice like the idea of abortion. Truth is most hate the idea of abortion but they hate the idea of YOU telling them what to do with their bodies more. Think abortion is murder? Then don't fcking have one. But when it comes to my body mind your fvcing business.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Blue,

But why do they hate abortion?  (I'm not saying they don't... many do... I'm just asking why).  I hate abortion because I hate killing.  I can't speak for others.  And like I said before, people tell people not to kill others all the time.  To me, abortion is no different.  You used to be able to kill your slave because they were not a person with rights.  I'm not saying that slave-owners=pro-choicers, because I know the viewpoints are a little different, but my point is that it doesn't matter whether someone thinks it's okay to kill someone or not.  It's still always wrong.  I'm not going to sit back and let you kill someone so that I can "respect" your body, especially when the issue isn't your body but someone else's body.  There's nothing magical about birth that suddenly gives a being the right to life. 

My problem is that I don't know why pro-choicers would hate abortion.  Because it kills a child?  If they believed it was killing a child, why would they support a woman's right to kill children?  It doesn't make logical sense.

number55

yeah, I should point out, my pro-choice stance has nothing to do with what I would chose, it mostly comes out of my belief that I don't think other people should be making that choice for me or for other people. And I have VERY strong feelings about the intersection of church and state. And I know that a lot of pro-lifers aren't believers but many are. Even moreso, many believers are about pushing their views on other people rather than owning them for themselves and just letting the rest of the world live their lives.

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:0fd33744-9087-4307-aa51-000bcdd59a65">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Blue, But why do they hate abortion?  (I'm not saying they don't... many do... I'm just asking why).  I hate abortion because I hate killing.  I can't speak for others.  And like I said before, people tell people not to kill others all the time.  To me, abortion is no different.  You used to be able to kill your slave because they were not a person with rights.  I'm not saying that slave-owners=pro-choicers, <strong>because I know the viewpoints are a little different</strong>, but my point is that it doesn't matter whether someone thinks it's okay to kill someone or not.  It's still always wrong.  I'm not going to sit back and let you kill someone so that I can "respect" your body, especially when the issue isn't your body but someone else's body.  There's nothing magical about birth that suddenly gives a being the right to life.  My problem is that I don't know why pro-choicers would hate abortion.  Because it kills a child?  If they believed it was killing a child, why would they support a woman's right to kill children?  It doesn't make logical sense.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
A LITTLE different? I have a major problem with that statement right there. 

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:59ef48b9-c842-4ce8-9c21-e6ba9bb0fc2f">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]Lizzie, while the Catholic stance is not one I agree with, your explanation of the situation is a good one- thanks!
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You are welcome. I don't expect agreement from everyone, but at least a fair and honest listen and opinion. The world would be so boring if everone agreed on everything, no?</div>

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:8e59af8f-f736-4c1e-bbd7-5da60cc87fc0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]Also I think your friend would be awfully confused if you supported her going to court for an OFP or criminal proceedings against her H but when she wonders if she should divorce him, you don't have an answer. I just don't get it. 
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

IMO, divorce =\= automatically safe from an abuser. I will urge her until I'm blue in the face to stay out of the abusive situation.  But getting out of the abusive siatuion doesn't always have to equal divorce, if she doesn't want to get divorced.  If she were to say "Oh, I want to go back" I'd say "umm no. you're not going in that house until it's safe".  I promise you all that.   To me, safe can mean a lot more than just divorce though (which is why I won't tell ehr that she needs to divorce him).  it can mean separation, therapy, counseling, jailtime for the abuser, mental hospital for the abuser and/or other options. 

If she came to me, I'd be glad to help her weigh her options and give her the pros and cons of whether or not to divorce him.  But she needs to make the actual DIVORCE decision on her own. 

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:befa44ea-9e7f-4888-a561-40f1e6d475a3">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : But there are people here who have had abortions so your expression of your "beliefs" is just as much of a flame. You are calling them murderers. Thats pretty disgusting.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

No, I'm not calling anyone a murderer.

I think woman who choose abortion did so because they thought it was the right thing to do (or, in some cases, they were pressured or forced into it).  I'm not here to label people or judge them as "good" or "evil".  Certainly I'm not some angel that can go around pointing out other people's sins.

To me this is an issue of ethics and the law.  Roe v. Wade had no precedent or evidence on which to make the assertion that fetuses aren't persons.  I think it's really dangerous whenever people make distinctions between living humans and persons.  To me, they are the same.  If you're human and alive, you're a person.  When you start making distinctions between those who are just living humans and those who are "persons," you open yourself up to arbitrary distinctions of personhood that could be based upon race, religion, or other factors.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:0fd33744-9087-4307-aa51-000bcdd59a65">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Blue, But why do they hate abortion?  (I'm not saying they don't... many do... I'm just asking why).  I hate abortion because I hate killing.  I can't speak for others.  And like I said before, people tell people not to kill others all the time.  To me, abortion is no different.  You used to be able to kill your slave because they were not a person with rights.  I'm not saying that slave-owners=pro-choicers, because I know the viewpoints are a little different, but my point is that it doesn't matter whether someone thinks it's okay to kill someone or not.  It's still always wrong.  I'm not going to sit back and let you kill someone so that I can "respect" your body, especially when the issue isn't your body but someone else's body.  There's nothing magical about birth that suddenly gives a being the right to life.  My problem is that I don't know why pro-choicers would hate abortion.  Because it kills a child?  If they believed it was killing a child, why would they support a woman's right to kill children?  It doesn't make logical sense.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]



Or maybe the feel bad for the woman because she had to make that difficult decision.

If i choose to have an abortion for whatever reason, that is between me and my maker. It has nothing to do with you. I don't have to answer to you.

Reverse the situation. Pretend i wanted to be allowed to tell you that you HAVE to get an abortion because you don't qualify in my eyes to be fit to have a child. Now pretend i wanted legislation that enforces that.

Its my belief right? Cant flame that.

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:68190e68-2fcb-4076-bb11-de556b2daefa">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : IMO, divorce =\= automatically safe from an abuser. I will urge her until I'm blue in the face to stay out of the abusive situation.  But getting out of the abusive siatuion doesn't always have to equal divorce, if she doesn't want to get divorced.  If she were to say "Oh, I want to go back" I'd say "umm no. you're not going in that house until it's safe".  I promise you all that.   To me, safe can mean a lot more than just divorce though (which is why I won't tell ehr that she needs to divorce him).  it can mean separation, therapy, counseling, jailtime for the abuser, mental hospital for the abuser and/or other options.  If she came to me, I'd be glad to help her weigh her options and give her the pros and cons of whether or not to divorce him.  But she needs to make the actual DIVORCE decision on her own. 
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]<div>Why is the divorce word such a no no for you? You will tell her to leave, you won't let her go back, you'll hit the guy, but you won't mention the word divorce. Why not?

</div>

pixiedust84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:6de1e864-61d6-43b8-9eb5-06d4f3f59180">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I would not have an abortion.  I would advise my family or friends of alternate options if they were considering one.  I wish abortion didn't exist. But "you" don't get to tell me what to do with my body and I sure as hell am not going to tell others how they should take care of theirs. That's why I'm pro-choice.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]



Well said, I agree.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:203ecfb8-307d-465e-a80e-c23b4335db9c">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : No, I'm not calling anyone a murderer. I think woman who choose abortion did so because they thought it was the right thing to do (or, in some cases, they were pressured or forced into it).  I'm not here to label people or judge them as "good" or "evil".  Certainly I'm not some angel that can go around pointing out other people's sins. To me this is an issue of ethics and the law.  Roe v. Wade had no precedent or evidence on which to make the assertion that fetuses aren't persons.  I think it's really dangerous whenever people make distinctions between living humans and persons.  To me, they are the same.  If you're human and alive, you're a person.  When you start making distinctions between those who are just living humans and those who are "persons," you open yourself up to arbitrary distinctions of personhood that could be based upon race, religion, or other factors.<div>
</div><div>
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>That 'person' is actually more of a parasite than anything else...until it can survive outside the womb on its own it isn't a person.

</div>

Blueyed228

Monkey. Come the fvck on. Saying abortion = murder is 100% saying that women who have them are murderers. Dont back peddle that chit with me.

celticmyss

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:b99148f9-a670-4cf1-a3d2-b5941e282be0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how the pro-life argument insinuates that people who are pro-choice like the idea of abortion. Truth is most hate the idea of abortion but they hate the idea of YOU telling them what to do with their bodies more. Think abortion is murder? Then don't fcking have one. But when it comes to my body mind your fvcing business.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>QFT on this. I do not want children. However, if I got pregnant tomorrow I would have the child because I am in a loving, stable, and supportive relationship. This is my choice (and my partner's) and it has nothing to do with anyone else. It isn't what we planned but we would make due and (I hope) thrive. </div><div>
</div><div>When I got knocked up by a manipulative, cheating, lying bastard at 17 this was not the case. I stand by my decisions and I believe it was best for all involved. Was it easy and did I brush it off and never think back? Hell no. </div><div>
</div><div>Not to be flippant but my views on gay marriage and abortion are related. If you don't like it well then don't have one but leave everyone else alone. </div><div>
</div><div>Numbers - I enjoyed the link</div>

arwo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:68190e68-2fcb-4076-bb11-de556b2daefa">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : IMO, divorce =\= automatically safe from an abuser. I will urge her until I'm blue in the face to stay out of the abusive situation.  But getting out of the abusive siatuion doesn't always have to equal divorce, if she doesn't want to get divorced.  If she were to say "Oh, I want to go back" I'd say "umm no. you're not going in that house until it's safe".  I promise you all that.   To me, safe can mean a lot more than just divorce though (which is why I won't tell ehr that she needs to divorce him).  it can mean separation, therapy, counseling, jailtime for the abuser, mental hospital for the abuser and/or other options.  If she came to me, I'd be glad to help her weigh her options and give her the pros and cons of whether or not to divorce him.  <strong>But she needs to make the actual DIVORCE decision on her own. </strong>
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

<div>But this is always true, no matter whether you give advice or not. What is wrong with wanting advice before making a decision? I ask people for advice all of the time, especially if it's a big life decision and I don't know what to do.</div>

number55

Yeah, when I give people advice, I do not for a moment believe that I am making the decision for them. I am giving them food for thought, I am answering questions and mostly asking questions, and playing devil's advocate. I am not making the decision for them.