I'm the bad guy

mehgank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bad-guy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bc0ca781-a5f2-41a3-9f96-165eb1a2a437Post:735d00ff-1f86-41c0-bf94-18113741a9ef">Re: I'm the bad guy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah definitely. Looking at these rude posts have actually made me see that I'm looking too far into it. And I thank you for stating your opinion and not being so harsh about it too. It isn't like I have talked to him about it and said I want to have it without. I was in a pickle and just looking for some guidance...obviously I've never done this before. But as it seems... these girls on here like to bash. Originally we had planned for March. Turns out he's a groomsman in a wedding in March so we moved it to november when we thought his brother would be back. But his brother said he didn't know exactly what date he'd be back so we haven't set a date yet. Or booked a venue. While it's not freezing (I obviously was over exaggerating), it does get pretty cold. These past few weeks have been pretty cold. So while it's warmer right now, it isn't always. Just because It's Tucson, doesn't mean it's warm year round... a common misconception. But like you said... even moving it another 6 mos wont kill me... if anything it will give us more time to plan out all the details. Thanks again.
Posted by cfputney[/QUOTE]

WTF kind of responses did you expect to receive on this board?

"Oh yeah, your FBIL is, like, totally selfish for getting deployed during your PPD!!"

No. You got honest advice. That doesn't equal us being rude. In fact, your passive aggressive response is probably the rudest in this entire thread.

brandichamberlain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bad-guy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bc0ca781-a5f2-41a3-9f96-165eb1a2a437Post:af03987b-9a55-4aa6-a702-9342aa9d3900">I'm the bad guy</a>:
[QUOTE]So... My FI and I planned on getting married early May of 2012. We found out last month that his brother who is the best man is getting deployed in April and wont be home until November. Well.. It's an outside venue or I wouldn't care about postponing it but am i being completely selfish for wanting to have the wedding without him? I just think it's shitty that this entire wedding is possibly being planned around ONE PERSON! I would love for him to be there obviously, he's my brother in law! But I really don't want to wait until winter and have it be so cold outside. And I DONT want to wait until spring 2013. :(  Is there a way to go about this in a way that I don't sound like a complete bitch for wanting to have it without him?  HELP!
Posted by cfputney[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>We moved ours because of my  brother being deployed and we never second guessed it. Put yourself in your FI's shoes. If it was your sibling, would it be different?</div>

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bad-guy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bc0ca781-a5f2-41a3-9f96-165eb1a2a437Post:735d00ff-1f86-41c0-bf94-18113741a9ef">Re: I'm the bad guy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah definitely. Looking at these rude posts have actually made me see that I'm looking too far into it. And I thank you for stating your opinion and not being so harsh about it too. It isn't like I have talked to him about it and said I want to have it without. I was in a pickle and just looking for some guidance...<strong>obviously I've never done this before</strong>. But as it seems... these girls on here like to bash. Originally we had planned for March. Turns out he's a groomsman in a wedding in March so we moved it to november when we thought his brother would be back. But his brother said he didn't know exactly what date he'd be back so we haven't set a date yet. Or booked a venue. While it's not freezing (I obviously was over exaggerating), it does get pretty cold. These past few weeks have been pretty cold. So while it's warmer right now, it isn't always. Just because It's Tucson, doesn't mean it's warm year round... a common misconception. But like you said... even moving it another 6 mos wont kill me... if anything it will give us more time to plan out all the details. Thanks again.
Posted by cfputney[/QUOTE]

It doesn't matter if you haven't done this before. Use some common sense OP. Would your FI really want to celebrate his wedding without his brother, his best man there? We had an Oct wedding planned, but my brother was deployed to Italy. That, and other reasons, caused us to move it to March. I have never planned a wedding either, but it's not rocket science that your FI would want his brother there.

2012FutureMrsB

I'm kinda throwing a wrench into things, but how do you determine what exactly is important enough to delay a wedding? For instance, my FI's best man recently found out his wife was pregnant and is due a week before our wedding. He told FI that he won't be able to make it. Did FI want to change the date? Well, he thought about it, but it's just not going to work for us and everyone else who is part of the wedding. We feel terrible that he can't make it! But what are we supposed to do?

It's a really sticky situation because you have a totally innocent person on one side who will be left out (in OP's case, her FBIL, the soldier), and on the other hand, you have everybody else who have already been making plans. I don't think it's fair to criticize the OP and make her feel bad for wanting to stick with her original date, especially when she isn't even certain when her FBIL will return. But at the same time, the OP shouldn't take her decision lightly either.

OP, I think you did come across a bit selfish, but either way, I think the best solution is to let go of the reigns of control and let your FI decide on this b/c it's his best man. If it's that important for him to wait until his brother gets back, then I would make arrangements to do that, or even move it up sooner. I know it won't be easy, but neither is life. I think this decision really needs to rest on your FI, but with your support as well.

Makeitthe10yearengagement

I personally have no problem with you wanting to keep the wedding rolling ASAP. 

[W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

I think you should try to talk it over with your FI and see what the thoughts are.  If he finds it that important for his bro to be there; then compromise (or at least use it as future leverage).