My Boyfriend proposed, what I do now?

rainieennis3

My boyfriend of three years proposed to me on July 4th and since then I've been soo excited. I started planning to have the wedding next year; I couldn't wait. It wasn't until the next week he told me that he was being deployed overseas all next year. Nervous and lost, I don't know what to do. I have friends and family members telling me to get married in two months, but I am a college student with no money and he has only been in the Army for six months, so he is not making a lot of money either. Besides that , we agreed to wait until September 2012 to get married. People think we're crazy to wait that long because of the welfare of my fiance, but we are not comfortable with rushing to get married. Are crazy? Is it more "secure" to get married soon, before he leaves?

kyrgyzstan

WAIT. If you want to wait, do it. 

I'm not married to my boyfriend. I'm the sole beneficiary of his SGLI (life insurance), he can put me on the casualty notification list when he deploys again.

Go through this deployment, learn what your life will be like. He's only been in six months, so now's your chance. DO NOT RUSH BECAUSE OF A DEPLOYMENT. Bad decisions are made when people rush them. Go with your gut and wait.

ETA: It was really, really important that I graduate college before I got married, even though I'm older than most college students, which I did in June. I'd advise the same for anyone else. 

kyrgyzstan

Oh, and congrats on the engagement!

belkis86

I agree. Marriage is a big step, and if you aren't 100% there yet, I think it will be great for you go with your orginial plan. A deployment is scary, but your relationship may actually be stronger after you two have gone through it. I know the deployment my DH and I went through before our wedding was beneficial. More important than any benefits the military can give you are the benefits that come from learning who you are and what you are capable of.

AlouetteBeans

I would wait, because that's what you two had planned, and thats what you have already decided would be best for your relationship. Rushing it will not be doing anynone any favors.

meltoine

I agree with PPs. I think you should wait because your original plans and reasons for waiting until September 2012 are legit. 

How does your family think that being married will help your FI's welfare? 

danamh83

I'd wait.  Things like this shouldn't be rushed.

rainieennis3

OMG! Thank you for your reply, it was uplifting. My outside family members and friends told me that getting married sooner will be better so I can recieve the benefits of being an Army Wife; and I got upset. I don't want my fiance as my personal "sugar daddy", because I know he is more than that to me. So, I had to get outside opinions from people who wouldn't look at the money aspect of my life but what is best for us. So once again, I say thank you, thank you, thank you. I read your post out loud to my fiance, and he deeply appreciates it. Thanks again.

rainieennis3

Thank you for your reply, my fiance and I deeply apprecitate it. I read your message out loud and this only gives us more confidence that we are doing the right thing. Since our families and friends were pushing the wedding sooner due to the fact that it is far from now, it was only best to hear from someone with experience. Thank you for understanding the well-being of our relationship. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

kyrgyzstan

I'm so happy that we were able to help you feel more secure in your decision. Congrats and happy planning! 

mysticl

I'm a little late to the party but if waiting is what you want to do then wait.  My FI and I did decide to get married before his next deployment because that is what works best for us.  We probably would have gotten married at about the same time without a deployment on the horizen because the timing still works for us. 

Yes there are financial/medical benefits if you get married but just like marrying a man with ANY job the paycheck and the health plan shouldn't be the reason for it.   

Focus on school, it will help distract you while he is gone.  Good luck.

mysticl

Leisha,
First a word of internet safety advice, change your screen name to something else.  This isn't like fb where you can set privacy, everyone in the world can see this just by creating an account. 
If you want to plan a wedding while he is AD you can do it.  My FI has been able to help to a point.  I do the leg work and then show him the short list.  Sometimes he has been able to go look at stuff with me and other times it has meant e-mailing him stuff and getting his opinion.  But if you are waiting till 2012 to get married I'd wait till a year out at the most to start.  So many things can change with vendors if you plan too far out.   And always ask about military clauses in your contracts.