Crazy work stories

rhodesign

Howdy!

So indulge me a moment...
What is the craziest thing you've seen/heard at work? It can be anything from something a crazy client said, or a customer did, or a kid in your class, etc. Anything at all.

I'll start! (yes I've been dying to share this all day)
Working at a hospital, I've seen and heard a lot of crazy. Today takes the cake when we had a woman in the ED who was stuck in a toilet. They couldn't get her out at home, so they uprooted the toilet and brought the whole thing with her butt stuck in it to the ED. It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen, I think. I don't even work in the ED but happened to be there today and she was right next to us.
Sh!t was bananas.

Now you go!

katiewhompus

Oh my...let's see here...
There was once a time when a guy called into petsmart because his pet snake just ate his pet chihuahua and wanted to know how to get the dog out without hurting the snake. We're all still praying that was a prank though.

Oh! So my old old store was in the same building as a Target. One day I was feeding one of our baby birds and heard someone yelling for everyone to evacuate the building immediately. I grabbed my sweater, tucked the bird into the hood (his wings were clipped so he couldn't fly) and walked outside. Someone had strapped a suitcase to the Target doors with a sign saying "This is a bomb, do not move" so we were evacuated. Well, after 4 hours outside customers started getting pissy, and demanding that we open up Petsmart so they could buy their food. We told them we could not go back in until the police cleared the store so they went and started screaming at the police. We saw 4 people get arrested

number55

crap...most of my stories require actually verbally telling the story for it to be funny....students tend to 'say' funny things more than do them.

NatesGirl16

That's an awesome story, Rho.

The best story I have is the one I've told before about someone pissing in a bag in the dressing room.  Nothing that great happens at my school (I guess I should be grateful for that).

maratea

Well, there was a mass firing the day before Thanksgiving a few years back. I think 5 or 6 people were fired out of the blue and about 5 people who didn't get fired were so angry they quit.

LauraT25

I work at a University with a hospital, and a woman came in the other day looking for a rheumatologist.  I don't even know how she got past the security guard, but she came up to the 4th floor and wandered into my lab, shouting that she needed to make an appointment immediately.  I told her that we were a research lab, and that the hospital was just down the street, and she replied, "I'm a vet, I can go wherever I damn well please."

I was stunned for a second, and finally stuttered that I was sorry, but vet or no, there were no rheumatologists in our building and I couldn't help her.

Edit: that's my best story that isn't just 'a crackhead was passed out in my building'

NatesGirl16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:444ad0ee-7dac-4a7b-8325-33faa66b7d64">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]crap...most of my stories require actually verbally telling the story for it to be funny....students tend to 'say' funny things more than do them.
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]
Exactly!  They just don't translate when you type them out.

rhodesign

Katie--people really thought buying pet food was more important than a bomb threat?  THAT is truly nuts!

LZ--I have no idea! I'm not an ER nurse, but they are notorious for having wicked senses of humor and even though they do their jobs professionally, outside of the patient area it's a whole 'nuther story. In fact, the ER doc was the one who came to us and was like 'hey have you ever seen something like this?' and told us to check it out. Poor lady. I simultaneously wanted to laugh and felt bad for her.

LesPaul

The big boss in the office where I used to work was having a very public affair with one of the admins.  Both were married (he had 6 kids; she had 2).  They were often caught making out in the stairwell or file room.  And her older child was suspiciously dark-complected like the boss, and looked nothing like her very fair-skinned, light-haired H.  It was awful.  Someone finally sent an anonymous letter to his wife, although I suspect she already knew he was a dog.

LedZeppelin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:5403e5a9-d244-4488-be5a-26231b9cec12">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]Katie--people really thought buying pet food was more important than a bomb threat?  THAT is truly nuts! LZ--I have no idea! I'm not an ER nurse, but they are notorious for having wicked senses of humor and even though they do their jobs professionally, outside of the patient area it's a whole 'nuther story. In fact, the ER doc was the one who came to us and was like 'hey have you ever seen something like this?' and told us to check it out. Poor lady. I simultaneously wanted to laugh and felt bad for her.
Posted by rhodesign[/QUOTE]

I think you would have to have a wicked sense of humor to do that job. I did have a laser patient once who was an ER surgeon, I believe. She told me that she once had a patient who had a sex toy stuck in his bum. If that part wasn't awkward enough, she later ran into him out on the street.

katiewhompus

I love the things the students say. We once were talking about using email for school purposes and a freshman girl goes "Oh Em Gee Mrs Whompus. No one uses email anymore. That is so 60's."

[Deleted User]

I've already shared most of mine. But, yesterday as I was leaving work there were some teenage boys outside the building and as I passed I heard one say, "Real men lick each other's earlobes."

I couldn't help it, I laughed the whole way to my truck.

rhodesign

Oh I've heard many a sex toys in the bum stories, or something similar.
When I worked postpartum, I was checking a patient chart and read that while she was still pregnant, she visited the ER because she was masturbating with nosehair clippers and they got lodged in her butt while still on. It cut her up a bit. yeesh.

NatesGirl16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:652c476f-defb-4de1-aa03-ff3ca23fcdd8">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]I love the things the students say. We once were talking about using email for school purposes and a freshman girl goes "Oh Em Gee Mrs Whompus. No one uses email anymore. That is so 60's."
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
Ha! I usually am dying at the things they say, like tears running down my face, hysterically giggling at least once a week.  They kill me.

rhodesign

I kinda wish I worked around kids. (well, kids that talk at least)
They really do say the funniest things!
My bff works as a children's librarian and she kills me with the stories she tells! She had these two 12 year old boys she overheard talking about a friend of theirs, and the one boy says 'oh he just needs to get laid.' They pause a moment and the other boy says 'what does that mean?' to which the first boy replied 'I have no idea.'

dmiller9274

I used to manage a temporary agency, so I have an unlimited number of crazy stories. This is by far my favorite.

I placed a guy as a call center rep for Bank One.  He rode the bus to work, and called me 30 mins after he was suppose to start work to let me know that he couldn't make it in because there was a dead goose in the road and the bus driver wouldn't drive over it. Clearly his only option was to go home.  Knowing that the story was complete BS, I thanked him and told him that I would no longer be able to place him on assignments.  About 3 hours later he showed up in my office with empty paper towel rolls duct taped around his chest and yelled.  "Imma blow this mother fucker up if you don't get me a job!"  My office building was attached to the city center mall in downtown Columbus, the security guards had him tackled in about 5 mins.  

LP11509

last November, on Friday the 13th nonetheless, I was in my office with a client.  We finished our session, so I opened the door to let my client out to the lobby...and was greeted by a clearly angry, buck naked man that I had never seen before holding a chair up over his head.

I quickly shut and locked the door to keep my client and myself safe.  The executive director paged everyone telling them to stay locked inside their offices and called the police.  An hour later, we were permitted to come out.

The lobby was covered in broken glass and chairs/plants were strewn all over the place.  We found out from the police that the man had left the hospital down the street against medical advice.  

This is the story we got: Apparently he was high on drugs, and having psychotic symptoms.  His brother was driving him home and while they were stopped at the light in front of my office, the guy apparently just went crazy and jumped out of the car, stripped off his clothes and ran into the first place he saw, which happened to be my office.  He then proceeded to throw chairs all over the place. He broke the window and the (glass) front door. His brother apparently followed him in and they got into a fistfight, during which they ran to the back of the office where the staff lunch table.  They fought on top of the table, meaning the guys naked ass was on it. 

The best part is, I work for a deaf agency....80% of the staff and 100% of the clients are deaf.  So nobody could hear/understand what was going.  That was an interesting day, for sure.

rhodesign

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:25a00cfe-d5bf-46d7-8e72-6bf11c60b8cc">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]last November, on Friday the 13th nonetheless, I was in my office with a client.  We finished our session, so I opened the door to let my client out to the lobby...and was greeted by a clearly angry, buck naked man that I had never seen before holding a chair up over his head. I quickly shut and locked the door to keep my client and myself safe.  The executive director paged everyone telling them to stay locked inside their offices and called the police.  An hour later, we were permitted to come out. The lobby was covered in broken glass and chairs/plants were strewn all over the place.  We found out from the police that the man had left the hospital down the street against medical advice.   This is the story we got: Apparently he was high on drugs, and having psychotic symptoms.  His brother was driving him home and while they were stopped at the light in front of my office, the guy apparently just went crazy and jumped out of the car, stripped off his clothes and ran into the first place he saw, which happened to be my office.  He then proceeded to throw chairs all over the place. He broke the window and the (glass) front door. His brother apparently followed him in and they got into a fistfight, during which they ran to the back of the office where the staff lunch table.  They fought on top of the table, meaning the guys naked ass was on it.  The best part is, I work for a deaf agency....80% of the staff and 100% of the clients are deaf.  So nobody could hear/understand what was going.  That was an interesting day, for sure.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

BecW2be

My god these are crazy stories!

I only have the story of the time I walked into our workout center and the lights were off. I turned them on and a VP and his assistant ran out of the corner and acted like they were working out on weight machines. WTF? Why would I Ithink you were working out in the dark? It was a very long and awkwardly silent workout, and I cursed my co-worker who ditched me right before we were supposed to workout together.

K Byte

About 3 months into my first real job out of college (actually my only real job, but that's neither here nor there) we were all called into emergency secret hush-hush meetings with our immediate supervisors on a team by team basis (there's anywhere from 10-20 people on a team). They were only allowed to tell us that one of our coworkers was arrested the night before for kidnapping and attempted murder with the SUBTEXT being "We can't say anything BUT THIS IS BIG NEWS SO YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR DESK AND CHECK LOCAL NEWS SITES, BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT FROM ME." It wasn't a huge office so we found out REALLY quickly who did it, it was a programmer in another department who went home from work the night before and beat his wife unconcious in front of their two autistic preschoolers. She died a few days later. His desk was left vacant the entire 3.5 more years I worked there.

Another guy I worked with wife hit our former cleaning lady in a car accident and she died leaving behind 5 grandchildren she cared for in place of her daughter who was in prison or in rehab or something, and we had another employee who hit a guy drunk driving the wrong way down a major highway and killed him but she escaped unscathed, and was actually allowed to return to work until she was sentenced. :O

For the most part everyone got along well but the scandals were BIG scandals.

katiewhompus

Oh here's a fun one (but a bad story, pretend you don't know where I used to work).

One day I get to work and it's complete chaos. A dog had jumped out of the bath tub in grooming and gotten loose in the grooming area. No biggie as there is a sliding half door and a glass door as well as the two front doors. A customer held open both inner doors so the dog ran out, then stood in front of the outside doors so he ran out of the store. They found him 6 hours later on the on ramp to 395 (major DC highway) which was about 15 miles from the store.

Female owner was with us, and she had called her husband to let him know what happened. He called our sister store (in same city) and apparently started going off on the person who answered the phone, saying "I will come there and fvcking slit your throats you stupid biitches" "If you dont return my dog I will kill your entire fvcking family" etc. Poor person on the phone was incredibly confused because they didn't know about the situation at our store and thought that guy was nuts.

NatesGirl16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:25a00cfe-d5bf-46d7-8e72-6bf11c60b8cc">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]last November, on Friday the 13th nonetheless, I was in my office with a client.  We finished our session, so I opened the door to let my client out to the lobby...and was greeted by a clearly angry, buck naked man that I had never seen before holding a chair up over his head. I quickly shut and locked the door to keep my client and myself safe.  The executive director paged everyone telling them to stay locked inside their offices and called the police.  An hour later, we were permitted to come out. The lobby was covered in broken glass and chairs/plants were strewn all over the place.  We found out from the police that the man had left the hospital down the street against medical advice.   This is the story we got: Apparently he was high on drugs, and having psychotic symptoms.  His brother was driving him home and while they were stopped at the light in front of my office, the guy apparently just went crazy and jumped out of the car, stripped off his clothes and ran into the first place he saw, which happened to be my office.  He then proceeded to throw chairs all over the place. He broke the window and the (glass) front door. His brother apparently followed him in and they got into a fistfight, during which they ran to the back of the office where the staff lunch table.  They fought on top of the table, meaning the guys naked ass was on it.  The best part is, I work for a deaf agency....80% of the staff and 100% of the clients are deaf.  So nobody could hear/understand what was going.  That was an interesting day, for sure.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
Best story ever.  I read it aloud to FI and we both have tears running down our faces.

LedZeppelin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:3c28a09d-ba92-4cb2-993e-313d4ccbbaa1">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I've heard many a sex toys in the bum stories, or something similar. When I worked postpartum, I was checking a patient chart and read that while she was still pregnant, she visited the ER because she was masturbating with nosehair clippers and they got lodged in her butt while still on. It cut her up a bit. yeesh.
Posted by rhodesign[/QUOTE]

Wow. Just wow. I don't even know what else to say to that.

cupcakesfrosting

I work at a mall, downtown in a fairly large city. There are THREE homeless shelters that are within walking distance of the mall, so at a certain time of day, they kick everyone out, until "curfew". Naturally, most of the people come here to hang out.

We had a woman standing in the hallways in front of the bathroom, belting Aretha Franklin. While, erm... emptying herself on the floor.

We also had a man who was so drunk (at 8am) that he needed to be CARRIED up to the Dispatch office. He smelled and threw up at least twice on his way up.

We had someone shiit in the dressing room in one of ours stores. I will always remember having to call Housekeeping on the radio, and tell them there was a Code 69 at Journey's, and seeing them run up there in their Hazmat Suits. No joke.

When I worked at the bar, we walked into the men's bathroom, after getting a complaint that guys were hanging out in there, and found 4 men doing lines of cocaine on top of all the urinals.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:35337f3a-fb01-4d2a-9985-e3cc7798703b">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crazy work stories : Best story ever.  I read it aloud to FI and we both have tears running down our faces.
Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Looking back now, it's kind of funny.  But at the time, it was scary! </div>

rhodesign

see, I just don't get how you'd want to snort something up your nose that was on a urinal...

You ladies take the cake! As weird as many things I've seen have been, we've not had any major criminal activity or someone be stabbed on the premises. At least not on my floor. We do have the occasional unruly family members who we have to ban for being assholes, but that's about it

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:7eee473c-032e-4a14-8fbd-ebb48781c574">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]see, I just don't get how you'd want to snort something up your nose that was on a urinal... You ladies take the cake! As weird as many things I've seen have been, we've not had any major criminal activity or someone be stabbed on the premises. At least not on my floor. We do have the occasional unruly family members who we have to ban for being assholes, but that's about it
Posted by rhodesign[/QUOTE]

Ya, it was gross. My first thought was to grab my hand sanitizer, and squirt up their noses.

We had a gang member stabbed by Macy's inside the mall one day last year. Trailed blood through the mall, and he came up to me at Guest Services to ask for an ambulance. I forgot that story.

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_crazy-work-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9493640-c4ca-4662-bf4d-6be4b201bbbdPost:2c1dd365-76ac-4783-b247-d925bff177a5">Re: Crazy work stories</a>:
[QUOTE]When I was still at Express, there was a shooting at the opposite side of the mall.  So we were on one end and the shooting happened at the direct opposite end of the mall. So what do we see? Mall security, running towards us and away from the shooting, leaving countless freaked out people crashing into and stomping on each other.
Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

Oooh, that is so unprofessional, not to mention dangerous. You're never supposed to RUN in a situation like that, because it causes panic. At least where I work. Even in the middle of a gang fight, Security has to calmly (but quickly) walk to the situation. Even at the bar, we were never allowed to run, unless it was a Code 3.

rhodesign

What's a code 3?
We run all the time at work when there is a code called. We ran across the campus today to the ER (hence why I was there to see toilet lady) and it's kinda funny to see/hear people as we run by say stuff like 'oooh, I wonder what's going on! must be someone in the other buildings having a baby, etc.'

cupcakesfrosting

Code 1 - At your convenience
Code 2 - Urgent, but not dire
Code 3 - Emergency

JennaV26

My jobs seem pretty lame compared to yall's. 

DH worked in the ER for a year before he started school and he saw A LOT. One girl came in with her sweatshirt over her hands and after they started examining her they realized she had chewed her pinky off. Like, litterally chewed her pinky off; all  that was left was a nub of bone.

CPS was obviously called because can you imagine how long it would take a child to chew off her finger? The mom had said the girl had begun chewing on it around thanksgiving but by the time she brought the girl in it was over a month later!

I don't even know how that happens. The only thing I hate about his ER stories is that I never get to hear how it all ends because the patients are always transferred. Did the kid get taken from her parents? What kind of psychological treatment plan did she get put into? I also hate his ER stories because... they're gross. I could never be a doctor or a nurse!