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Cringeworthy habit vent

MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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in Snarky Brides
FI and his mother both use their fingers to shove food onto their fork. It grosses me the heck out, especially when I'm eating with the two of them at a restaurant.

I just made a really nice lunch and he's scooping his food and I nicely asked if he wanted a knife and he pushed his food away angrily and told me maybe I should marry someone who's up to my standards.

Is it that hard to pick up a knife?

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Re: Cringeworthy habit vent

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    bunni727bunni727 member
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    Like peas or something? Sometimes they need help getting onto your fork. I don't see this as all that cringeworthy.


    Side note: maybe he's right. If it bothers you this much that you try to change his behavior, and you marry him knowing this, you'll end up making the both of you dread dinner. I wouldn't want to dread eating for the rest of my life. Or, you could accept it as a habit and ignore it. Everyone has cringeworthy habits.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    No, it's his entire meal.

    He's not right.
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    bunni727bunni727 member
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    Like, he can't stab his steak, he picks it up and puts it on his fork, then eats it? That's super weird, but still more confusing than anything to me.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    edited March 2013
    For steak, he would cut it up into smaller bites, and then put down his knife and scoop all of the individual steak pieces, potato and vegetable onto his fork with his fingers.

    If it was just a piece of steak left, he'd stab it. But he eats most food together scooping it.

    Today it was fish with a panko crumb and he kept pushing all the individual bites, then the potato, then the vegetable onto his fork with his fingers.

    It's not relationship-ending. I just find it overall gross.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    But is it a hill worth dying on?  Watch this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pax18Le4KQA

    again and again.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    No, that's why I said it's not something that's relationship-ending.
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    LiLe422LiLe422 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cringeworthy-habit-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:e4a0f4bc-02dc-46c6-8545-5d813f79c298Post:39ff9ae3-10d2-467c-8318-acae021ba41e">Re: Cringeworthy habit vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>For steak, he would cut it up into smaller bites, and then put down his knife and scoop all of the individual steak pieces, potato and vegetable onto his fork with his fingers.</strong> If it was just a piece of steak left, he'd stab it. But he eats most food together scooping it. Today it was fish with a panko crumb and he kept pushing all the individual bites, then the potato, then the vegetable onto his fork with his fingers. <strong>It's not relationship-ending. I just find it overall gross.</strong>
    Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]

    Ew<a href="http://www." rel="nofollow">www.</a> My brother does the exact. same. thing.  Its flucking disgusting. 

    I get what you're saying.  Honestly though, if he has always done this, I dont see him changing his eating style.  I would stop harping on him about it, BUT I would encourage him to wash up before dinner :)  Just sayin...
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My husband holds his fork weird.  I pointed it out once, about 3 or 4 years ago, and I really hurt his feelings. I regret ever saying anything. I made sure to never bring it up again, and now I don't even notice it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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     I'm not sure why it's being assumed that I constantly harp on him because I didn't say that.

    I said it once maybe a year and a half ago and he said he didnt realize he did it and picked up his knife. Today, I simply asked if he wanted a knife and I thought his reaction was over the top.

    He holds his fork weird too, like he grips it with his whole hand and digs in. I've never said anything about it.

    I'll get over it. I've been living with him for several years. Some meals, like flaky fish, are ickier than others to push your fingers all into.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cringeworthy-habit-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:e4a0f4bc-02dc-46c6-8545-5d813f79c298Post:bcf47575-b69d-4d11-8eca-5f2cf7b502e6">Re: Cringeworthy habit vent</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm not sure why it's being assumed that I constantly harp on him because I didn't say that. I said it once maybe a year and a half ago and he said he didnt realize he did it and picked up his knife. Today, I simply asked if he wanted a knife and I thought his reaction was over the top. He holds his fork weird too, like he grips it with his whole hand and digs in. I've never said anything about it. I'll get over it. I've been living with him for several years. Some meals, like flaky fish, are ickier than others to push your fingers all into.
    Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think the fact that you asked if he wanted a knife must have made him remember your previous comment and it upset him. Yep, that's how my husband holds his fork, too! </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    My H does that sometimes too but just not to the extent you are describing.  He will use his fingers to get those last bits of rice or peas or corn on his fork.  But he will use his knife when we are out at a restaurant.

    Honestly, I could careless if he eats with his fingers at home if that is how he wants to do it, but if we are out he picks up his fork because he realizes that using his fingers could possibly gross others out around us.

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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Gotcha.

    He wasn't upset the first time I mentioned it 1.5 years ago. He just said he didn't realize he did it and picked up his knife. There was no indication of the reaction I was going to get today.

    I understand that no one likes to be told something they do is annoying, but I don't really see how different it is from him telling me he hates my style in clothing and shoes and I've
    bought things that he likes seeing me in to accomodate that.

    His comment ticked me off the  as  he deliberately used a term his mother uses against me frequently about my "standards" that he knows hurts and angers me and I thought his reaction was dramatic She doesn't like "educated" people very much because she can't compete with "their" standards. 

    She uses the terms when she attacks me for things like, oh, tipping 20% (instead of $6 tip that she left as her contribution for a party of 4 for a meal in Vegas that we paid for), or not buying a trailer as she suggested. I didn't knock it. I just wanted a house.

    So him suggesting he's not up to my standards is a deliberate cut to me. I asked if he wanted a knife. I didn't say, you're grossing me out.


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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    FWIW, H chews with his mouth open. All. The. TIME. Smacking noises and all. It grosses out my family and I've tried a number of times to politely ask him to please try to close his mouth. He insists he can't breathe if he closes his mouth and he does get a little hurt/offended

    It's not a relationship-ender. I'll have a heck of a time teaching our kids (when we have them) to chew with their mouths closed since their daddy won't, but oh well. It's pretty much his worst habit, other than his sheer absent-mindedness, so it's not a big enough deal to me to try and force him to change.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Yeah, I've put thought into how I'll have to make sure to teach our kids table manners for sure.
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    Angelface225Angelface225 member
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    Maybe he has some breathing issues? I had a really hard time chewing with my mouth closed as a child (I used to get in trouble all the time) turns out I had a deviated septum from a face plant on the ice and only had 20% air passage through my nose. I got it fixed as an adult and it helped alot! (just saying it may not be his fault)

     

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    mcda04mcda04 member
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    It's not easy to gross me out so I wouldn't care how my H ate, the eating with your hands isn't a big deal to me. (We're both Mexican so we don't use silverware much, tortillas are the scoop).

    Your H might change his habit on his own. I agree that his reaction was uncalled for but like others have said; he probably remembered the first time you addressed it with him.
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    CorinakayCorinakay member
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    My FI licks food off of his fingers IN PUBLIC! I had to point it out to him.  I feel it is rude and pretty gross.  He would still do it.  When we went to an awards ceremony with my boss, they happen to have bbq.  I was already stressed out about him putting his fingers in his mouth.  I didn't want to say "Please don't suck on your fingers" ahead of time because I didn't want him to think that I was nagging him.  As I expected, I watched him put his fingers in his mouth and I cringed inside and looked at my boss and his wife hoping  they weren't seeing what I was.  It just isn't sanitary.  So after that night, I asked one more time.  "Please keep your fingers out of your mouth when we are in public, I don't want you to get sick from germs."  Hopefully that approach helps.  I wouldn't shake someones hands after I saw them sucking on their fingers!! Heck No!  
    With a smile :)
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    True Story:  My husband was single when I met him because he had just broken up with a girl who told him he ate too fast and it stressed her out.  He was THAT annoyed that she wanted to change his eating habits.  Men are weird.

    I think your FI pretty clearly drew a line in the sand here.  You have to decide if you are SO annoyed by the habit that you'd be willing to escalate from here, or if you are just going to let it go.  He's put the ball in your court.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    I've been dealing with it for a few years. I'll continue to deal with it.
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    sereneonesereneone
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    Oh my! yeah that is not cool. My father does the same thing. I am dreading my other guests watching him eat on my wedding day. He just never really learned (or doesn't care) about social graces! drives me nuts!! haha
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    SummerGrl15SummerGrl15
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    My FI constantly chews with his mouth open also (and sometimes slurps).  It's like nails on a chalkboard to me.  Every once in a while I give in and say something, but his whole family does it, so I guess he thinks it's normal. I think the same thing though about teaching our future kids to chew with their mouths closed.  But, it is what it is.  I am sure I do something that probably annoys him at times as well.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cringeworthy-habit-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e4a0f4bc-02dc-46c6-8545-5d813f79c298Post:9c4aae6e-bd29-4d49-af9e-5f1cf3a34ea3">Re: Cringeworthy habit vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]FWIW, H chews with his mouth open. All. The. TIME. Smacking noises and all. It grosses out my family and I've tried a number of times to politely ask him to please try to close his mouth. He insists he can't breathe if he closes his mouth and he does get a little hurt/offended It's not a relationship-ender. I'll have a heck of a time teaching our kids (when we have them) to chew with their mouths closed since their daddy won't, but oh well. It's pretty much his worst habit, other than his sheer absent-mindedness, so it's not a big enough deal to me to try and force him to change.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Yeah his mother does the food scooping with their fingers too.  They also both pick their teeth with their fingers in the middle of a table at a restaurant too....and I'm not talking dinner at Texas Roadhouse... This just happened at a fancy place last weekend.

    I think my family and I are the only onces who notice it....and it does totally get noticed.
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    Knottie_22383498Knottie_22383498
    Maybe he's sick of you nitpicking his quirks because you're supposed to accept him as he is. Next time you want to complain about his gross habits, you should think about what it is that you DO like about him. If you're disgusted by his eating habits, then marry someone else who lives up to your standards. You can't change the man you love by being his mother and all about his eating habits. Does your family tell you he has no class?

    Your family sucks if they made an issue about the fact he touched his food. Maybe this guy needs to find a partner who is loving and doesn't make fun of him behind his back. You and your family should stop ganging up on him. I wonder what disgusts him about you, what he might be complaining about behind your back to a group of people, so they can think why he's with someone like you, right? What would your family think of that!
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    edited March 2013
    LOL what did I do to you?

    I'm marrying him for all the things I love about him. I don't nitpick him and neither does my family. Not sure why you choose to attack me specifically when you made your troll account...but, whatever.
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    formerlyCooperformerlyCooper
    Name Dropper First Comment
    [QUOTE]Maybe he's sick of you nitpicking his quirks because you're supposed to accept him as he is. Next time you want to complain about his gross habits, you shouldnbsp;think aboutnbsp;what it is that you DO like about him. If you're disgusted by his eating habits, then marry someone else who lives up to your standards. You can't change the man you love by being his mother and all about his eating habits. Does your family tell you he has no class? Your family sucks if they made an issue about the fact he touched his food. Maybe this guy needs to find a partner who is loving and doesn't make fun of him behind his back. You and your family should stop ganging up on him. I wonder what disgusts him about you, what he might be complaining about behind your back to a group of people, so they can think why he's with someone like you, right? What would your family think of that! Posted by FIanytatoogurl[/QUOTE]
    Hey, look, a new troll!
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    Knottie_22383357Knottie_22383357
    Everyone has bad habits. I do understand things like that getting annoying, and I agree that his reaction was overreacting. My husband sometimes gets snappy and unreasonable like that for no reason (yours had one, even if it was silly). Maybe he was having a bad day to begin with and you didn't know it?

    Either way, I've learned that, if you mention it a few times and he's not willing to change it, unless it's a deal breaker... you'll have to deal with it. Funny enough, I'm more in his position. I learned long ago that nagging gets you no where. My husband? Yeah... HE is the nag in our family, lol. I have a few bad habits, as does everyone. And the most annoying, I am sure, is biting my nails. I don't mean to, and I have tried to stop many many MANY times. It's something I do that I don't even realize. I did head off that problem with my daughter, and she does not bite her nails. Since she could talk, I made it very clear that mommy doesn't like her own nails because of her bad habit, and biting your nails is not nice. So, success :) So we don't have to worry about her at least. But my husband is just horrible about nagging me about that habit. We'll be married 8 years this august, and renewing our vows in 2015... you'd think by now he would learn to accept me flaws and all? nope. While I appreciate him wanting to help me improve as a person, it does get so annoying when you feel like the person who is supposed to accept you for you, can't leave your flaws in peace.

    I know he really nags about it, and you said you only mentioned it a couple of times... but maybe he's just much more sensitive to it? While he's the nag in general, there is only 1 habit he has that I can't keep quiet about. He'll be eatting a snack, and wants to look over my shoulder because I'm watching a funny youtube video or looking at something interesting on ebay..... and "smack smack chew chew crunch" RIGHT in my ear! I never nag him about anything.... and the 1 time I told him how rude it was to literally chew in someone's ear (literally... 2 inches from my ear) he got soooo mad at me for saying anything. But it's ok in his book to nag me non stop about my nails. Now I don't say anything if he chews in my ear.... instead I will get up and go do something else, or move the computer over so he can see what it is without me wanting to strangle him for chewing in my ear.

    Bottom line... I don't think he'll change that habit since he obviously thinks it's not a "bad habit" in his eyes. I'd just learn to deal with it, as you really don't want to fight over something that's just not worth it :) You could call it a cultural difference... because obviously he was raised differently, and his idea of manners seems to differ from yours.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    I don't nag him at all. I mentioned it a year and a half ago and he picked up his knife. I asked if he wanted a knife last week. That's really it. I deal with it...and will deal with it for the rest of my life.
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    formerlyCooperformerlyCooper
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2013
    They should have some sort of a finishing school for men. The only man I've dated that has near flawless social manners is my now FI. Every other boyfriend or potential date I've had was definitely lacking in social graces, even little ones like who orders first in a restaurant, what to do with a butter knife, and how to properly hold a fork. So I feel your pain, but it is so hard to correct wrong habits once they've been ingrained. It's obvious it doesn't bother you that much if you haven't thrown your FI back into the dating pool. That said, his reaction to your criticism was very immature. You may have a problem there, and you definitely have a communication break down. Bummer. :[
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Yes, that is a flaw that he recognizes. It comes from his mother too. They both have very instinctive, negative and defensive reactions to things sometimes. After a few hours or a day, he will think about it and reflect and have a different opinion.

    He's actually been working at it a lot since we've been together and much more so since some issues with his mother happened last year and it's a lot better. I've also learned not to react to react to his initial reactions as much. I.e. in this case, I didn't say anything to him when he got upset and left it be. It still annoyed me, which is why I vented. But I was over it after I vented.

    This is my second time around, I would not be marrying someone if I couldn't accept them as they are. It doesn't mean that things can't be annoying to me. I don't know of any relationships where there aren't any. Overall, we have an excellent relationship.



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    KerisaHarman21KerisaHarman21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_cringeworthy-habit-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e4a0f4bc-02dc-46c6-8545-5d813f79c298Post:724ec8e2-68cf-4a5c-8325-3db910496c2e">Re: Cringeworthy habit vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't nag him at all. I mentioned it a year and a half ago and he picked up his knife. I asked if he wanted a knife last week. That's really it. I deal with it...and will deal with it for the rest of my life.
    Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]

    Take a deep breath, it seems that the troll has gotten the better of you, i'm sure that you don't nag him you just politely asked if he wanted a knife, maybe he just had a bad day or didn't like the fact you  had said in front of his mom and possibly other parties if it a was a restaurant? sorry I cant remember if this instance was a restaurant or in your home, my FH does somethings that make me annoyed as well but i've learned that i've also got habits that make him cringe like for example I LOVE seafood, lobster especially and one time we went there and I got a 2lb lobster and well the smell was overwhelming at the table ( I must admit it was stronger than I was even used to) and he and our friend mentioned the smell and I was hurt at first like he was critizing my choice of food (which he was not) after talking with him he apologized and we have just learned we each have habits that we don't like in each other but we are not marrying the habits and I will admit i've worked on and changed some of my habits and so has he so hopefully when it comes to children and teaching them to eat perhaps the habit can be broken especially if he doesn't want his child  to eat the same way, there is no better example then children! I'm sure he would be embaressed if his older child was with him and was spooning his food onto his fork, hope you guys can figure out this habit and move past it!
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