Privacy of Wedding Photos in todays Computer Age

danielemarie

Are there any suggestions on how to ask guests not to upload the day of photos to their facebook/my space pages etc.?

I feel it rude that some people post all pics the next day and the bride & groom have not even seen the pictures yet.  I also think that some people need to be told to "edit" the pictures- a few of themselves at the reception are okay, but to post all pictures off their camera for the world to see and download I feel is a bit rude and does not take others personal space and preference of privacy into consideration.  Even when a few pictures are posted, I feel there should be a proper amount of time first before doing so.

How have others addressed this with their guests?

danielemarie

Are there any suggestions on how to ask guests not to upload the day of photos to their facebook/my space pages etc.?

I feel it rude that some people post all pics the next day and the bride & groom have not even seen the pictures yet.  I also think that some people need to be told to "edit" the pictures- a few of themselves at the reception are okay, but to post all pictures off their camera for the world to see and download I feel is a bit rude and does not take others personal space and preference of privacy into consideration.  Even when a few pictures are posted, I feel there should be a proper amount of time first before doing so.

How have others addressed this with their guests?

Greenfield09

My cousin wrote a short note on the bottom of the program asking his quests to not post photos on online websites...I am going to do the same for my wedding and I think its polite and as the bride and groom you have every right to do so! Good Luck!

cukimerrydoll

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_photos-video_privacy-of-wedding-photos-todays-computer-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:30Discussion:e56fbea8-6847-4dd8-a441-d973e07693daPost:f5d98888-a6fc-40c0-b57a-5e698249c494">Re: Privacy of Wedding Photos in todays Computer Age</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin wrote a short note on the bottom of the program asking his quests to not post photos on online websites...I am going to do the same for my wedding and I think its polite and as the bride and groom you have every right to do so! Good Luck!
Posted by Greenfield09[/QUOTE]
This is a good idea! 

I might give my roommate/BM access to my FB for when we're on the honeymoon, so she can untag anything that's inappropriate.  But I'm not that worried, as I don't drink.

apizio

REALLY?!?!
Most people do this as a way to share pictures with you. As a bride you are going to want to see them all and asap and this is a great way! You can write the request but Im sorry I dont think it will stop everyone. Dont be neurotic about such a little thing. If you are worried about ugly or goofy pictures then dont do something to cause them. No offence but it sounds like you might need to loosen up a little, try to have fun on your day!

vitamint

Great idea- note at bottom of program! We don't do facebook- Its not about looking goofy to us- its about privacy.

mcclurekelley

While I know we're talking about wedding photos, I have a friend who just adopted a baby and had the same concern.  While the events are different, the situation is the same:  not wanting photos on facebook, social media sites, etc.

Here is what she said in an e-mail to her facebook friends (of course it's worded for the adoption, but you might find the overall feel and wording helpful--feel free to tweak it....):

As the "inner circle" of our lives, I want you all to know that we have made an agreement with (the birth mother) about social networks and how we will not post photos of (the baby). While I know I will not be able to control every photo ever taken, I would hope you all will be respectful of our wishes.

We have the upmost respect for (the baby's) birthmother and the decisions she has made. She is a phenomenal young woman and we are so blessed to have her in our lives.

What I loved about her message was that she accepted the obvious:  she can't control every photo ever taken, but hopes that if you respect her friendship & wishes--you'll agree to it.

Good luck!

lindseroo

I have never even considered this as being a problem!  I'm personally excited to see all the photos my guests capture on that day, especially since we (of course) won't be able to be with all of them all of the time!

RoxyV111582

Maybe instead of asking them not to post (because people WILL think its rude you asked them that) you set up an account at snapfish or kodak gallery, where ONLY the people who have access to it can see it, it is not open to the world like facebook, myspace, twitter, flicker, photobucket, etc.

they are private galleries that only the people who have access to can see and order pictures. so maybe you write a note saying if you wish to share your pictures of the wedding with us please do so by posting here (set up general username and password for friends and family only) and ask them to not post on other sites.

i usually don't post every single pic i take, i post a few of the day, but i have found that all of my friends and family who have been married in the last few years (where social networking has boomed) have posted ALL their personal and pro wedding pics and have asked others to post and share too.

honeybee77

You can express a preference, but you have no right to require people to refrain from posting-- sorry, their photos are their property and it does not matter that you are in them. I think it is a bit presumptuous and a bit rude to make this kind of request-- but if you have to do it, you should probably have a groomsman approach people individually or in small groups.  Printing it on your program is tacky!

ams17

Calling this neurotic and telling someone to loosen up shows a complete lack of understanding of what she is saying.  It's about privacy, not worrying about whether you look ugly or goofy.  I agree with not wanting everything on facebook, my fiance and I are both fairly private when it comes to having any pictures on the internet, let alone pictures of our wedding for the world to see. If I wanted all the randoms or even the 'fringe' friends on facebook to see every aspect of my wedding, I would have invited them.  I'm not sure how best you ask without offending (not sure how this is offensive) or discouraging people from taking pictures, I guess word of mouth before/after the wedding, or un-tagging yourself from photos.  The problem is not people close to you seeing, it's the random people that I could care less about or don't even know.  I disagree with asking groomsmen approach people, that sounds like bouncers or security, that would be weird.  I want people to take a ton of pictures, but to share them with me and people close to us, not the world.  People just have different ideas of privacy with the internet.

coachgurl050705

There is a privacy setting on Facebook as well where you can stop people from seeing any tagged photos of yourself. I am sure that this not the complete solution to your problem but for those that do not respect your wishes of keeping pictures off of Facebook you could at least stop them from coming on to your page and everyone seeing them. 

Good Luck! I had never thought about this, however I do see your point!

MissMerk

I have been debating the same issue as my fiancé is not on FB and is very private, I am on FB but still like to remain private as well. Yes, its true people will post whatever they feel but it is not rude or tacky to ask them to refrain from posting one of the most intimate moments of your lives with the stalker ridden/nosy internet world. That also shows a little courtesy for your guests as well because themselves may not want to be on these social networking sites. Its not about how you look or if you're drunk, its simply about privacy and control over your image/pic. etc. once its posted on the internet its no longer yours, its the worlds.  I say word of mouth plus starting a shared website and noting it at the bottom of the program should ease your mind. Everyone may not agree with everything you do at your wedding but it is your day...enjoy!

Anthriel22

Ok, so I think obviously when an adopted baby is in the picture, it makes more sense that pictures shouldnt be posted.  However, everyone is entitled to have their own feelings about their privacy.  You aren't neurotic, and people shouldnt say things like that, and it is perfectly fine that you have these feelings about your privacy.  I personally dont have that same feeling, as I am excited for people to post pics from my wedding so that I can go collect them all and save them to my computer and keep for myself!

Now, I dont think you can control your guests, and i have read that putting things like that on the program can be viewed as tacky.  But I am a strong beleiver that it is YOUR wedding, and you can put whatever you want on that program!  Your guests may not listen.  Someone said earlier that the pictures they take ARE technically their property, and if they want to post them, they can, and probably will.  Some people might respect your wishes though, if they know them, and the only way they will know them is if you let them know. Good luck on deciding how to go about this.  And if a few pics of you end up online, dont fret about it too much.  Nothing bad will come of it, people will just see how beautiful you looked at your wedding!!!

kaube

I understand this is a tough issue for modern couples, and I can see why you wouldnt want everyone to see your wedding pictures. I do think it is rude to tell guests not to post the pictures, they are their pictures after all. I also think its tacky to put it in the programs. However, I dont think there is anything wrong with your speaker (or master of ceremonies as the reception) mentioning that if you will be posting the pictures online after the wedding to please use the appropriate privacy settings to ensure the security of the couple's information. I will also be adding a note to this effect on our website. This way they will not be discouraged from sharing their pics but hopefully will do it respectfully.

kmcornwall

I agree that this should not be such a big deal, i am getting married in 6 months and i am not financially able to invite everyone i know, i am sure the people who are not invited are gonna want to see pics asap and i will be too busy to do that for them, this way my friends can take care of it, besides i want the whole world to know how much i love my future husband and how happy we are, i mean do you show every picture you take of someone to them before you show it to anyone else?

kaynix21

Huh....really? I can't wait to see my photos! I hope everyone puts them online, that way I can get all of them.

Too bad we'll be on our honeymoon and I won't see them for a week.

PhotogBride10

If this is truly about privacy, I would assume the bride who started this post is very selective about who she is friends with on facebook, who can see tagged photos of her, etc... so this shouldn't be too much of an issue for her? 

If you don't want people on the 'fringe' of your life to see the candids people take with their point & shoot cameras (they're not going to be that great of photos) at your wedding and  you don't want them at the wedding, why be friends with them on facebook? If they're truly people you do not want involved in your life, and don't want them to know what went on at your wedding, they don't need to be your friend on facebook. You can also disable the feature that posts on your profile pictures tagged of you, or allows people to browse the photos tagged of you.
 I think it's much more polite to decline a friend invitation on a social media outlet than to put a no posting photos of the bride on fb request in your program.  You might mention to people beforehand that you'd love to have all photos from the wedding emailed to you so that you can post them.  They'll probably get the hint.

Again, photos are the intellectual property of the photographer... I personally don't have time or energy to monitor what my 300 guests are putting on their facebook pages.

elizabeth_g229

I agree with honeybee here - a photo a person takes is their property, whether you are in it or not. I feel it is somewhat tacky to add this on a program asking people not to post their own photos.

Either untag yourself or alter your privacy settings. If this is such a big issue, I would just delete your facebook all together because it is there for social purposes.....

sara79000

My bff got married last summer in an outdoor wedding.  The DJ, who was a family friend took pics of the ceremony and posted them all over FB.  She didn't think it would bother her, but it really did because she couldn't understand why the intimate ceremony pics should have been posted.  She left the next day on her honeymoon and didn't see any of the pics until a week later.  

I don't know if I'd mind having my wedding pics posted, but I do think it's tacky to post ceremony pics.  I'm starting to believe in this day in age anything can and will happen, like it or not.  It is YOUR WEDDING!  If writing something nice and short on your programs about not posting pics will make you feel better you should totally do it.  But totally expect to see pics on FB.  It's going to happen.  But when it does know you are the beaming bride in those pics and everyone thinks your beautiful. 

klwithers

Why not send a polite note via facebook before the day expressing your wishes?  I wouldn't personally wouldn't be put off by that.  You can communicate your feelings much better in a paragraph/note than a sentence on your programs and furthermore you're only expressing your wishes to the people it involves rather than all of your guests.

Melissa Patino

I completely agree with not wanting people to post pictures of your wedding on Facebook.  In case people have forgotten, not everyone is on Facebook.  In fact, there are many people who do not like it at all.  But even if a person is on Facebook, this does not mean they necessarily want photos of a very personal day posted for the entire world to see.  That is for each and every person to decide for him or herself.  And it is not "tacky" or "obnoxious" to be a private person! 
That said, I do think there needs to be a level of tact in how you approach the situation with your guests.  I think word of mouth is the easiest way to let people know that you'd prefer them not to post.  Anyway you write it might come off in the wrong light and put people off.  I'm sure that anyone you'd invite to your wedding would be understanding enough to respect your wishes. 

tessablythe

I can understand your need for privacy to a point. If you print in the program you do not want the photos on facebook, it will be viewed as tacky becasue it IS tacky. Young people will likely be the only ones offended most likely. The photos are their property and you cannot demand them not to post the photos, especially the one of themselves having a great time and looking pretty with your wedding as the back drop.

However, if this is a serious concern throw tacky to wind and do what you are comfortable with. De-tag yourself and ask they keep them as private as possible (restricted to their friends only).

hillaryeggert

Honestly, I would not be a happy guest if I invested the time, energy and money to attend a wedding only to be told what I could or could not do with my own pictures.

I consider myself a private person.  I had a small, intimate wedding of just 30 people, and still I was excited to see pictures of our big day on Facebook.  It didn't take away from the privacy of our event at all, so I don't think I understand the dilemma.  Also, an "appropriate amount of time" before posting?  I don't see a difference between posting the next day or months later if privacy is the issue.

Consider it a compliment from people who enjoyed your wedding.  And, because I do not think there is any effective or tactful way to avoid this, just try not to let it bother you.  It's still YOUR day, no matter how many people see how gorgeous and happy you looked.

JessiW26

SInce the people that would most likely have facebook and other online social networks are obviously on the internet, why not post a little blurb about your feelings on your wedding website if you have one? Its a little more informal than having it printed on the programs, and the people you may be worried about posting pics will most likely see it and hopefullt respect your privacy online.

lisavida

I think there's a difference between posting pictures of yourself as a guest at someones wedding (which I wouldn't mind) and posting a bunch of pictures of the actual wedding (which I would mind).  I'm getting married in a couple of months and have been debating closing my FB account as well.  

It's like if i had a party at my home and people were taking pictures of themselves at that party, I wouldn't mind if they posted them on FB.  But if I logged into FB and saw a bunch of pictures of my kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, I wouldn't be so cool with that.

gemejane

I think a lot of people are missing the point about how facebook photo sharing works. First, the photos are still visible even if you are untagged. I have see wedding photos of people who I am NOT friends with on facebook through other people's albums. In these photographs the bride and groom are usually not tagged. I ocassionally look at people from high school's wedding photos through other people's facebook pages. Not everyone wants some random person from high school perusing their wedding photos and that is OKAY.

It is within your rights to ask people not to post your wedding photos. But I think the proper way to do this would be to wait and see, and then, if people post photos, you can contact them individually (after all you are friends with them because you invited them to the wedding) and politely ask them to remove them. You could also reach an understanding where they post only pictures of themselves or whatever you think meets you feel comfortable regarding your privacy.

If you still want to share photos online consider a password protected site. You can send the information for uploading/password etc with your favors or with your thank you notes or, as someone else mentioned, on your wedding website.

KristenLovesScott

I agree that it is super tacky to ask people not to post pictures or to print that on your programs! As a guest, I would be offended if I spent money on a nice outfit to wear to a ceremony, spent time getting ready, money on a gift, etc. and then was told what to do with my own photos. Maybe it would be ok toask people not to post pictures of you, but to ask them not to post any pics at all is going a bit overboard. If I like the way I look in a pic, I'm gonna do what I want with it. Period. On the other hand, as a future bride, I am looking forward to seeing all the pics my friends take!

stymitz

you might as well go ahead and tell the guests they cant have cameras and take any pictures.....

luvoo41488

Jeez, people. Not everyone even HAS a facebook, and some people have facebooks with zero pictures. It's their prerogative to attempt to control their own image on the vast and overly accesible internet. If someone wants their face splattered all over the internet, they can put it their if they please, but they should equally have the right to try and prevent having their face splattered all over.

Neither of us facebook. We have very strong opinions on social networking, and they're not positive. For us, it's all the more important that we nip the issue in the bud, since once it's out there, we'll never know.

 Rather than have to explain what facebook is to our older guests, let alone why our programs have a message about it on them, we're addressing the matter beforehand, with the worst offenders. 

A simple "hey _____, I know you really like to take pictures, but please don't post any pictures of us on FB. Go ahead and share party pictures, but we'd like to keep the more special moments of our day with those closest to us" is much more tactful and inoffensive.  We are setting up a site where people can share the photos with us and each other, but where we can control access, not some corporation that wishes it could remove all privacy settings, since they've decided that's what the people will want. (Look into it more, the founders have said they regret having any personal filters, since they decide what people want and the people will learn to like it)

Those nearest and dearest already know we don't want our faces and business all over the place, so it's a relatively minor issue for us.

azbride11

I think some posters may have missed the point on here.  The OP doesn't seem to be saying she does not want them online at all, she is referring to a specific way that photos are shared and seen on social networking sites such as FB. I have not thought about this, but could see the OP's point.  There could be a way for all to see the pictures as soon as possible such as a photo sharing website (ie Kodak).  It doesn't seem to be controlling, it is a personal preference.  I also find it hard to imagine that people would stick to only posting pics of themselves and the bride (which would be ok to me) vs downloading the whole day.  I think to each her own, but to say she is wrong or neurotic isn't helpful.  I think it is refreshing that someone is exercising a little discretion (Kardashians, anyone?).