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A bit embarrassing, but...any other virgin brides out there?

halliebahallieba
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in Catholic Weddings
I know I'm going out on a limb by being so open on here, but I am a virgin bride-to-be.  I am obviously SOOO looking forward to the wedding night, to be married and to party, but also (let's be honest!) to FINALLY have sex!  I can't wait to give my entire self, at last, to my one true love.  I think it will be a pretty darn good wedding present to him!   ;)    However, I'm a little nervous, as I've heard it can be pretty painful the first few times, especially if you're a small woman (I'm 5'1).  Is anyone else thinking about this part of the wedding "experience" as well, besides all the lovely ceremony and reception details?  I mean, the sacrament is not complete until you've consummated it, right?  ;)
I can't wait to be Mrs.! :)
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Re: A bit embarrassing, but...any other virgin brides out there?

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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The sacrament is valid and complete at the vows. It becomes indissoluable at the consumnation.

    It is indeed the beautiful complete self gift of the whole person, the irrevocable gift that Christ gave of his body and blood at the cross that it is an image of that points us to heaven.
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
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    edited December 2011
    I am and I'm getting married in two weeks.  I'm nervous about it.  
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The best advice I can give, is to just relax and let it happen as it will. Everything will be fine. You will be amazed how your body works.
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    fam6fam6
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    edited December 2011
    I am not in this position...but a good friend of mine in college was a virgin bride.  I can tell you what she shared.  They did not have sex on her wedding night.  But, she did say that they had a wonderful night together.  They did have sex on their honeymoon and she was loving it by the time she got home.  She said they just took things slow and did what was comfortable for both of them.  But, she has nothing but rave reviews!  She says it was worth it and meaningful and she wouldn't change it for anything!
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i really wish i had been, but i wasnt.

    i made it until 21 before i had sex.... it was not painful at all.  id say the guy was of average size.  he was very loving and caring though, which i assume that your husband will be as well.  i'm wondering if much of hte pain some virgins experience is either due to the guy being too rough either out of inexperience or due to their nature, or simply the woman being extremely tense due to nerves.  while somewhat nervous, i was very relaxed my first time because it felt right and i had waited such a long time.  it also wasnt in the back of a car, in the woods, or some of these crazy places teens tend to do it in.

    i think you will be fine.  relax, and know its all right.

    i actually envy you.... i really wish i had the discipline to have waited.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_bit-embarrassing-butany-other-virgin-brides-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a23938c6-b02c-4872-90fe-686e9b29b5e6Post:9f0016dd-d2e4-44cc-afb8-32d803ae1567">Re: A bit embarrassing, but...any other virgin brides out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am not in this position...but a good friend of mine in college was a virgin bride.  I can tell you what she shared.  They did not have sex on her wedding night.  But, she did say that they had a wonderful night together.  They did have sex on their honeymoon and she was loving it by the time she got home.  She said they just took things slow and did what was comfortable for both of them.  But, she has nothing but rave reviews!  She says it was worth it and meaningful and she wouldn't change it for anything!
    Posted by fam6[/QUOTE]

    I basically ditto what fam6's friend said! PM me if you have any more questions <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

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    KayAyKayAy
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    edited December 2011
    I'm a virgin bride as well, and I've got to wait another year and a half before our wedding/wedding night! I know I'll be nervous... I mean, I will have waited almost 25 years for that night, so nervous is just the beginning. I've had some friends give advice and that's helped. One friend in particular suggested doing a relaxing activity before actually having sex, like taking a bath together, or massage, etc., so that the two of us become more comfortable with each other and our bodies. I think that's a fabulous idea, since right after the wedding and reception I know my head will be spinning and I'll want to unwind and be romantic with my sweetie, not ripping off my dress!
    Hard as love can be, love is the only eternal reality." -George Weigel Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    GulfCoasterGulfCoaster
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    edited December 2011
    I was a virgin when I married.  Start slow, with a lot of foreplay (the relaxing ideas KayAy mentioned are a good idea), and you'll be fine.  PM me if you have any more questions.

    Blessings to you and your soon-to-be husband as you wait the next few weeks and prepare for the sacrament of marriage! 


    PS, in regards to your post title, it isn't embarrassing at all.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_bit-embarrassing-butany-other-virgin-brides-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:a23938c6-b02c-4872-90fe-686e9b29b5e6Post:2669cd2f-0d1a-4d82-896f-6cb93472c12a">Re: A bit embarrassing, but...any other virgin brides out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]PS, in regards to your post title, it isn't embarrassing at all.
    Posted by GulfCoaster[/QUOTE]

    Yes! definitely that! It's quite an accomplishment, be proud!

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    Jasmine&RajahJasmine&Rajah member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, my goodness!  Why would you EVER be embarrassed?  Be proud - and grateful for the graces that Christ has blessed you with.  :-)

    You may want to talk with your FI about the option of not actually having sex on the wedding night IF you're both too tired.  Believe me, I certainly remember the feeling of, "Ican'twaitIcan'twaitICAN'TWAIT!" but if you're both totally bushed, enjoyed lots of champagne at your reception, and don't have the energy, you can always put it off for just a few more hours!

    And don't be nervous - you're marrying the man you love, and you will be a pro by the time you come home from the honeymoon.  I echo that you can feel free to PM me if need be.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not.  But I was bound and determined to be the first in my family to graduate from college as wasn't going to take any risks that would prevent me from finishing.  I did wait for the man I'm marrying though.  I figured that if I waited this long, I was going to be sure it was with the love of my life.  He made sure that it was a special evening, night and next morning.

    Don't worry if it will hurt.  You won't find out until you get there so there's no point in psyching yourself out.  It did hurt for me (and no, I wasn't nervous and he wasn't rough or inexperienced).  Some women's bodies are just built like this.  If I go for more than a few weeks without sex, the next time back hurts a little even now, ten years later.

    In the event that you are uncomfortable or it is hurting, just stop and pick up again when you are ready.  It sometimes takes a few times to finish.  Take it slow and just enjoy everything leading up to the big moment.
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    JaciAngel9JaciAngel9
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not a virgin but I agree with everybody on here when they say to take it slow and relax.  I do have a good amount of family and friends who did wait and are still virgins.  The ones that have been married have had problems because they did not know of the hygiene issues.  Please be sure to talk to a doctor or somebody to avoid getting urinary tract infections and making sure that you take precautions to avoid.  Everybody is different but PM message me if you have questions.  Also, maybe pack some lubrication, just in case.  Sometimes, that eases the sex and makes it more enjoyable.  To get more personal, when I have myself to him, we had lubrication and I was not as sore as I have been since that night. 
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jaci Angel, what are you supposed to do to avoid a urinary tract infection?  Just wash there afterwards or something?  

    Also, I second the idea of waiting till the next morning or when you are on your honeymoon and also bring lots of lube.  
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd advise her to use the bathroom after sex to flush any bacteria that might have been pushed up the urethra out.
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    tldhtldh member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_bit-embarrassing-butany-other-virgin-brides-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:a23938c6-b02c-4872-90fe-686e9b29b5e6Post:71d0c3fe-e33a-45fb-b313-498c765b3dc1">Re: A bit embarrassing, but...any other virgin brides out there?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jaci Angel, what are you supposed to do to avoid a urinary tract infection?  Just wash there afterwards or something?   Also, I second the idea of waiting till the next morning or when you are on your honeymoon and also bring lots of lube.  
    Posted by Theresa626[/QUOTE]

    go to the bathroom afterwards.  this gets rid of any bacteria that may have gotten into the tract.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    yes, bathroom afterwards!!!

    also, TMI (but hey, my prior post was already pretty graphic compared to most on this thread) the only time i EVER had a UTI was when i had sex during my period.  never again. ever.  damn, that infection was painful!
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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also, maybe pack some lubrication, just in case.

    YES!

    My husband and I were both virgins (and high school sweethearts!) and I definitely recommend lube and not getting dehydrated on your wedding day.

    But seriously, it is such a wonderful thing to share with each other, even if it isn't "perfect." Plus, I like to think God gave us an awesome wedding gift--I entered the infertile period on our wedding night, so we had an AWESOME honeymoon.

    Waiting until marriage has confirmed for me that humans were meant to be monogamous.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    marissa, i'm excited - we are heading out on our second honeymoon this friday (we only went away 3 nights locally after the wedding) - ill be in my infertile phase by the time we board the plane to leave.  i cant help but think its a "reward" from God for finally doing the right thing.  i was still a pill user at the time we were married, mostly because i wanted to "play" on our honeymoon... a selfish choice indeed.  so happy now that we are taking our trip that things worked out perfectly!

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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have fun!
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    tee hee, thanks.  it definitely feels different this time around, being in a better place spiritually and physically.
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    halliebahallieba
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the tips and encouragement!  I appreciate it a lot!  :)
    I can't wait to be Mrs.! :)
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    halliebahallieba
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, and today I went and bought myself a GORGEOUS and rediculously expensive babydoll and "robe" that I have been eyeing since January.  My wedding is a month away, so I had them giftwrap it all pretty for me.  I've waited 27 years for this man, so I think I deserve to wear something pretty on the honeymoon!  :)
    I can't wait to be Mrs.! :)
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    Kate504Kate504 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I won't be but my fiance is the only person that i have been with. You will be fine. Just relax and take it slow, try not to tense up. i still get nervous. I was 25 almost 26 when i lost my virginity and my fiance and most everyone i know said that they were jealous that I had waited so long and wish they had too, so DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. It is something to be praised.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. It is something to be praised.

    agreed!

    work that babydoll, hallie.  :-)
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    Tuneful_BrideTuneful_Bride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was a virgin bride. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I have to agree with the PP that my wedding night confirmed my choice to wait. There were kinks to work out, and things that didn't go perfectly (some things caused us to laugh hysterically), but that why you have the rest of your lives together! The beautiful closeness we experienced that first time was well worth our wait. 


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    CaitlinLoikoCaitlinLoiko
    First Comment
    Super late on this I know, but reading it gave me warm fuzzies and encouragement. I second, third and fourth everything that has been said (I am still waiting since my wedding a few months away, but these are all things older/married female friends and relatives have told me).

    I (almost) can't wait until that night, but I'm so glad that we are!
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