Wedding Etiquette Forum

Pollish: Out of town BMs and pre-wedding parties.

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Re: Pollish: Out of town BMs and pre-wedding parties.

  • It really depends on who it is and what the extent of the party will be.

    BIL and SIL came to CT from OH for a shower that MIL and I threw.  I didn't go to her OH shower but DH and I did drive to Toronto for the joint bachelor/bachelorette (separate events, same city) weekend.  Plus, we drove out for the wedding and spent a few days in SIL's town.

    We wouldn't do that for just anyone though.  We did it for BIL and SIL because we're so close to them.  The person of honor would need to be really close family or a best friend to do it.
  • I was an OOT BM and I did not attend any pre-wedding festivities.  The Bride and the MOH understood and the other BM got over it or not, I relaly do not know.  I did send the MOH a check with what I considered a reasonable amount plus some for my share of the festivities (since she never gave me an amount.)

    I am not expecting my attendant (I only have one) to fly in for pre-wedding festivities.  I would like her there for rehearsal and the wedding, beyond that, it;s not necessary or expected as my wedding is in Australia and she's in Alabama.

    I think that when they agree to be in the wedding party they agree to show up for rehearsal, the wedding and the reception.  Nothing more.  I would have loved to have been at her parties, but finances and vacation time did not allow it.  She understood.  And liekwise, it's stupid to expect her to come all the to Australia for a weeekend only to come back in a month or so.
    I don't mind being held to a higher standard; I mind being held to a lower one. (Sam Seaborn, The West Wing)
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  • I'm a bride with OOT BMs and I'm actually flying to them for the pre-wedding thingies. They are all in one town and I'm in another state, so I figured it would be most convenient for them. I don't mind it.

    I would feel awkward asking them to fly in town for pre-wedding thingies. If I were a BM in someone else's wedding, I would. But I wouldn't expect that of anyone.
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