When we sent out STD's in late September a couple we are friends with was married. Between then and 4 weeks ago when we mailed out invitations, they filed for and finalized their divorce. The husband was FH's friend from HS but I had gotten SUPER close with the wife and our friendship was the main reason the four of us ever got together - she and I met for lunch/drinks all of the time, the boys never saw each other unless we hung out as couples. So, we decided to invite them both. It was our understanding that the divorce was not particularly ugly or nasty and that they could deal with being in the same room for one night.
Today, FH received a message on FB from his buddy that goes something along the lines of, "There's an issue. Something happened this week and I had to take out a restraining order against FomerWife. I know that we're both invited to the wedding but she can't come if I'm going to. But if you really want her there instead of me, just let me know. The RSVP is ready for the mail as soon as you let me know what you decide."
I'm really put off by this. One, because I'm not sure that he's telling the truth about the restraining order - he has a very long history of lying which is part of what led to the divorce. Two, he's making it a "pick one of us, and if it's not me I'll be pissed" situation.
She was invited to and has already RSVP'd "yes" to my shower (which is next weekend) - we have not yet received her RSVP to the wedding.
FH thinks we should send her an e-mail expressing that we'd (I'd) love to see her at the shower and celebrate with her then, but somehow uninvite her to the wedding. I, have no stinking clue what to do. I don't feel right asking her not to come after sending her an invitation, but if there truly is a restraining order in place, legally she cannot come.
What would the etiquette ladies do?