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Just Engaged and Proposals

Engaged and 18!

So I know, only 18, but on the 9th, we'll have been together for 3 years. We just attended one of his distant cousin's wedding and that kinda sparked something inside him to start planning. We were engaged back in August and at this wedding, people have been asking us "When's the big day?" and I can't decide. I'm stressed, a little, because we want it to be soon but 1) we need to save up and 2) we'd like to be of legal drinking age (Though I doubt they'll say "No, you can't share in your own toast."). I have such a mix of styles that I don't know how to make it all work. We LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of these riverboats they have down in Stillwater, MN. It's not as expensive as I thought it would be but we're not sure if that's the style we want. Sorry for the rambling, I guess I just would like some suggestions on where to start. Almost every website wants the date, and we don't know it. Help? Haha..

Re: Engaged and 18!

  • Well, if you're planning on waiting until you're 21 - which, honestly, sounds like an excellent idea to me for a number of reasons - you've got a lot of time to plan!  I wouldn't do too much yet- just start collecting ideas together, maybe start a Pinterest (or a physical scrapbook if that's more your thing) to keep everything together.  Styles (and your preferences) will probably change a fair bit over the next couple years, so you can really wait until a little closer in to settle on anything.  Just take the time to enjoy being engaged!
    [Deleted User]goodplan86janellegt13hannahkate86
  • I know you don't want to hear this but you should wait a few years before you get married.  There is not rush.  Go to school and become financially stable before taking the plunge.
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  • I agree with @FMLKitten I think waiting a while would be in your best interest.
  • Waiting is a great idea. Relax. Give yourself time to save and grow a little into your adulthood. I wouldnt normally say that, but if you guys have decided to start planning b/c you went to a wedding and got wedding fever, that seems a tad immature.
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  • Honestly, if you're ready for it, you're the only one who will know and you just need to listen to your heart of what you want to do.  No one says being married has to keep you from going to school or getting a good education.

    I know 30 year olds who still arent ready for marriage, and I know 18 year olds who are stable and mature enough for marriage and kids already. Depends on the person you cant classify all 18 year olds to be not ready.

    If you don't want to wait, travel somewhere and have a small, intimate wedding. I would reccomend maybe going to Puerto Rico and stay in a nice resort with immediate family by your side.  It keeps costs down, you can drink, and its incredibly beautiful there.  We go every year for a week, flying out of Chicago we pay 1,200 for my SO and I :) You then wouldnt need many decorations, and you could have it on the beach. 
    kking1982goodplan86
  • P.s my mom got engaged to my dad during their senior prom, they were 18 and 19 when they got married, drank at their wedding, were married for 16 years then got divorced because my dad cheated. I wish you the best and, congrats! 
  • @PDKH i agree with housing question completely, make sure you can afford a place to live, you dont want to be carrying all your nice new kitchen equipment into one of your parents basements 

    Stress doesn't go over well in new marriages, make sure you have all your ducks in order first, of course :) 
  • I definitely agree to wait. I was engaged before at 20 and i was NOT ready. Take the 3 years to save and you can have a beautiful wedding! 

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  • I'd wait and save. And, I do think people working at a venue that serves alcoholic wont let you slide on the law, just because it's your wedding. It's not worth the risk for them.
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  • I'd wait and save. And, I do think people working at a venue that serves alcoholic wont let you slide on the law, just because it's your wedding. It's not worth the risk for them.
    Long time no see. Welcome back.
     
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  • Me and my fiancé got engaged at 19, close to 20. We had been together for five years. We decided to push our wedding date back and have a long engagement (1 1/2-2 years) so I could graduate college and also save up for exactly what we want! My advice would be to wait. I thought it was horrible to wait that long and everyone would forget about my wedding and I couldn't plan it at all (I sound crazy, I know. Ha!) but honestly It has given me and my fiancé more time to get prepared to start our new lives together. We can work on securing a house, going back to college if needed, relationship issues, etc. AND I've found that a lot of venues are already being booked way ahead of a year so we've already started looking at venues. It gets me super excited because now I can start focusing on things in the wedding! So my advice would be to wait and focus on things you need to pursue right now. You can always make a Pinterest(I'm on there every single day noting ideas) or start making spreadsheets for your budget. Good luck! (:
  • I am also engaged and 18 =) So I know where you are coming from. We just graduated high school and have been dating for 3 years as well. We're waiting until early January of 2017 to get married (we want to be married in the snow) because I'm leaving for the Air Force in 3 weeks and we want to wait until we both have jobs (and I'm out of training and actually start my job) before we have to really plan a wedding. Although I'm a crazy pinterester and pretty much already have everything planned (I even bought a dress because it was only $250 and is the perfect winter wedding dress!)

    But yeah, by 2017, my fiance and I will both be 21 and of drinking age, although I've never really been interested in drinking, we have made the decision to pay for at least most if not all of the wedding by ourselves, unless one of our parents insists on paying for something, although we'd really just prefer the money for honeymoon. And allowing us to wait 3 and a half years or so will help us save the money up (I already figured that if we can put 500 away every month we'll have around 20k!)

    So personally, we're waiting, but if you really love each other, there is no reason you have to wait as long as you know you want to be with each other the rest of your lives. We pretty much got engaged because he wanted to be engaged to me before I shipped off.
  • I am also engaged and 18 =) So I know where you are coming from. We just graduated high school and have been dating for 3 years as well. We're waiting until early January of 2017 to get married (we want to be married in the snow) because I'm leaving for the Air Force in 3 weeks and we want to wait until we both have jobs (and I'm out of training and actually start my job) before we have to really plan a wedding. Although I'm a crazy pinterester and pretty much already have everything planned (I even bought a dress because it was only $250 and is the perfect winter wedding dress!)

    But yeah, by 2017, my fiance and I will both be 21 and of drinking age, although I've never really been interested in drinking, we have made the decision to pay for at least most if not all of the wedding by ourselves, unless one of our parents insists on paying for something, although we'd really just prefer the money for honeymoon. And allowing us to wait 3 and a half years or so will help us save the money up (I already figured that if we can put 500 away every month we'll have around 20k!)

    So personally, we're waiting, but if you really love each other, there is no reason you have to wait as long as you know you want to be with each other the rest of your lives. We pretty much got engaged because he wanted to be engaged to me before I shipped off.
    Oh sweetheart, you sound so young. Do you have a monthly budget that allows you to put aside this $500/month? You'll be making next to nothing as an AB. 20K is a very expensive wedding.

    Knowing you want to be with someone the rest of your life is NOT ENOUGH to make a marriage work. You'll have many many trials to overcome in the military.  
    image
  • This is another reason that we are waiting so long, because honestly, my specialty training will last almost two years, and that is going to be the most difficult time, since I won't be allowed to take leave except for around Christmas time. So we decided that we wanted to wait until after that before we started really planning a wedding.

    And as for the budget, I will have enough because I don't spend money hardly ever, and since I'll be living on base alone, most of my expenses will be covered and I enlisted for 6 years rather than 4, which means I'll be an E3 shortly after BMT.
  • pesematologypesematology
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited June 2013
    Planning things too far in advance is how I ended up divorced. I looked past the present relationship towards the future I wanted to have with my husband, and didn't notice that my husband wasn't right for me. It was especially hard to notice since he's a very nice person and we have a lot of things in common, but if I had slowed down and thought about whether I was happy (Really happy. Not excited, not hopeful, but satisfied, content) in the moment, I might have saved both of us a lot of pain.

    Marriage isn't only about committing to a future with someone. It is also about committing to the life you already have with them.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
    BMoreBride6
  • This is another reason that we are waiting so long, because honestly, my specialty training will last almost two years, and that is going to be the most difficult time, since I won't be allowed to take leave except for around Christmas time. So we decided that we wanted to wait until after that before we started really planning a wedding.

    And as for the budget, I will have enough because I don't spend money hardly ever, and since I'll be living on base alone, most of my expenses will be covered and I enlisted for 6 years rather than 4, which means I'll be an E3 shortly after BMT.
    An E3 still makes virtually no money. And once you are married, the salary bump is not as nice as it seems. Please look carefully over your income and expenses - make a predicted budget. You don't spend money because you're an 18 year old living at home - it will be very different once you're on your own and in the military. Who pays for your car gas and maintenance? Cell phone? Groceries? Toiletries? 

    I'd recommend that you hold off on the planning - not because I don't think you and your FI will make it. I've been with the same person since I was 19.  But because plans change from when you are a teenager to becoming a young adult - especially when you are in the military. Trust me, I know. 
    image
  • edited July 2013
  • PDKH said:
    This is another reason that we are waiting so long, because honestly, my specialty training will last almost two years, and that is going to be the most difficult time, since I won't be allowed to take leave except for around Christmas time. So we decided that we wanted to wait until after that before we started really planning a wedding.

    And as for the budget, I will have enough because I don't spend money hardly ever, and since I'll be living on base alone, most of my expenses will be covered and I enlisted for 6 years rather than 4, which means I'll be an E3 shortly after BMT.
    An E3 still makes virtually no money. And once you are married, the salary bump is not as nice as it seems. Please look carefully over your income and expenses - make a predicted budget. You don't spend money because you're an 18 year old living at home - it will be very different once you're on your own and in the military. Who pays for your car gas and maintenance? Cell phone? Groceries? Toiletries? 

    I'd recommend that you hold off on the planning - not because I don't think you and your FI will make it. I've been with the same person since I was 19.  But because plans change from when you are a teenager to becoming a young adult - especially when you are in the military. Trust me, I know. 
    My husband was an e-3 when we started saving and I worked for AAFES, by the middle/end of our savings he was an e-4 and in 10 months we saved $5,000 for our wedding and also had a separate savings, which equals to $500 a month savings just towards our wedding.  If your boyfriend/fiance/husband works even part time you will have enough to save.  Live on base, or find somewhere cheaper and make money off your BAH, get USAA and save on car insurance, make sure you get mil disocunts on your cell phones, use coupons while shopping at the commissary and save on not paying tax ect. there's so many ways to do it.  It is definitely possible!
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