He's not a 'stand-up' guy, he's a doormat. This is all a big ol' nope.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I love my husband. He is a stand-up guy who always tries to do the right thing, but right now, we are arguing about what that is. I am currently pregnant and have a toddler. He has a 6-year-old son with his ex (they were never married). She has been unemployed for a while and is facing eviction. Obviously, my stepson can come and live with us full-time. The problem is his 12-year-old half-sister, “Mia.” His ex wants Mia to come live with us so she can stay in the same school district. “Temporarily” until she gets on her feet.

I am completely opposed to this. One, we literally don’t have room for me (we have a three-bedroom apartment). Two, our finances are already stretched thin as it is. Three, my husband has no legal rights to Mia. Four, Mia has been openly hostile toward me and my child, the few times we have interacted (her mother hates that my husband married me and not her after she broke up with him). This has disaster spelled all over it.

My husband wants to “try it” for the summer, meaning the care of Mia will fall on me since I am a stay-at-home mom. I am this close to packing my bags and moving in with my mother. Mia has a father who lives out of state and grandparents on both sides. They might not be the best, but it isn’t like she or her mother would be sleeping on the streets. Maybe this makes me a horrible person, but I already have my hands full as is. This is too much to ask. How do I convince my husband of this?

—Too Much

charlotte989875

I’d be calling my parents and taking myself and my toddler there. If your husband doesn’t see that bringing a hostile and volatile child, who he doesn’t actually have any parenting rights over, into your home when there is a new baby on the way then that’s a huge problem. 

Mia has options. Not great ones of course but neither of you are her parents and her parents are the ones who need to figure this out. That sucks but that’s the reality. It’s not on you to fix her mother’s finances and you need to be clear about that to your husband. If he continues to push, and doesn’t see your side of it, tell him you need some space until your needs can be respected in your own home. 

ETA: taking in a child is a two-yesses situation. If there’s one no you don’t do it. 

short+sassy

His reasoning doesn't even make sense.  It's to keep Mia "in the same school district", but is also "temporary and only a trial period for the summer".

It sounds crazy the mother even wants to do this.  It sounds like she and Mia can move in with her parents.  She can save money until she can get back on her feet.

But it's even crazier the LW's husband is even considering taking in a child that I'm sure he loves and cares about, but isn't his responsibility at all.

levioosa

short+sassy said:

His reasoning doesn't even make sense.  It's to keep Mia "in the same school district", but is also "temporary and only a trial period for the summer".

It sounds crazy the mother even wants to do this.  It sounds like she and Mia can move in with her parents.  She can save money until she can get back on her feet.

But it's even crazier the LW's husband is even considering taking in a child that I'm sure he loves and cares about, but isn't his responsibility at all.

That sounds like a line Mia's mom has told him, and he hasn't really thought about the reality of it. On the surface it makes sense. 

This is a hard no. 

mrsconn23

Even if Mia was sweet as can be, I'd still be firmly in LW's corner regarding saying no.  There is too much liability in taking in a kid that's not yours with no legal agreement regarding all the things. 

But the fact that this girl is openly hostile, as is her mother, to LW is all the way on the hell-to-the-no train.  

This is definitely, put your foot down and follow through with packing your bags if he won't listen territory.  I feel bad for stepson, because he doesn't deserve this, but LW and their toddler are all LW can control at this point.