I really hope this question doesn't make me sound like an insensitive biotch, but do I need to add a part to the ceremony to mention deceased family members? Here's a little bit of background if it makes any difference -
Second marriage for both, I'm in my early (soon to be mid...) thirties, he's mid forties. His father is deceased, and his mother won't be attending. She's in good health, just crazy. She's invited, but thinks he should get back together with his ex-wife, so let's just say she and I are not exactly each other's favorite people. So, if I mention his father, it seems kind of weird since his mother isn't there anyway. My oldest brother committed suicide a year and a half ago. His wife and two daughters (9 and 11) will be at the wedding and this will be the first big "family" gathering they've been at since his funeral. Family is spread out all over the country, so we don't see each other much. My concern is that mentioning it is going to be more upsetting than touching to my sister in law and nieces. Then, of course, we could do the grandparents, but after a certain age, it's kind of assumed that your grandparents are no longer around.
I don't want to make it sound like "it's my day" and I don't want anything upsetting, I just think the thing with his father would be weird and the thing with my brother would be very painful for my family. Do I need to add this stuff or can I just skip it? I'm so used to seeing it as a part of weddings, but never really kept track of which weddings had it and which (if any) didn't. I do think that done right, it can be beautiful, but in my case I don't really see a good way to do it.
Thoughts?