Registering and Gifts

No gifts, just cash?

JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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Hi ladies, I'm hoping to get your thoughts.  In lieu of gifts for engagement, shower, wedding, etc I am hoping to get CASH.  I've been told by some to have a small registry and people would get the hint.  But after reading these boards, it seems like I could just end up with a bunch of stuff not even on the registry! 

Can you imagine the trouble trying to return everything?  There would probably be no receipt and since it's not on the registry (or even from the same store!), I would get the lowest selling price.  This is not something I want to deal with.

I've also heard that it's appropriate for the wedding party/parents to spread the word when asked.  I think this is a good route.

We really need the cash to help pay for my ring (FI went overboard when he wasn't supposed to!) and we'd really like to honeymoon in a place other than the Poconos!  I was thinking of doing a honeymoon registry, since, other than the fee, that is good as cash.

We will be doing having a small/budget wedding so we don't get in any more debt.  If anyone else was in a similar situation, I'd love to hear what you did!

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Re: No gifts, just cash?

  • In Response to No gifts, just cash?:
    Hi ladies, I'm hoping to get your thoughts.  In lieu of gifts for engagement, shower, wedding, etc I am hoping to get CASH.  I've been told by some to have a small registry and people would get the hint.  But after reading these boards, it seems like I could just end up with a bunch of stuff not even on the registry!  Can you imagine the trouble trying to return everything?  There would probably be no receipt and since it's not on the registry (or even from the same store!), I would get the lowest selling price.  This is not something I want to deal with. I've also heard that it's appropriate for the wedding party/parents to spread the word when asked.  I think this is a good route. We really need the cash to help pay for my ring (FI went overboard when he wasn't supposed to!) and we'd really like to honeymoon in a place other than the Poconos!  I was thinking of doing a honeymoon registry, since, other than the fee, that is good as cash. We will be doing having a small/budget wedding so we don't get in any more debt.  If anyone else was in a similar situation, I'd love to hear what you did!
    Posted by JoanE2012
    Please be a troll.

    In case you're not, you've read these boards.  You know what response you're going to get here.  People know the newly married couple would love cash.  It's not a secret.

    Also, don't count on people to pay for your honeymoon and your e-ring.  If it was too expensive for you two then return it and decide on one that will fit your budget. 
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  • Let me get this straight. You need cash on your wedding day to pay for a ring you already own? Sounds like you have more problems than the wedding.  Like FI being financially irresponsible.
     
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  • MNVegasMNVegas
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    So you were financially irresponsible and now you expect your guests to bail you out? What a peach!

    Asking for cash is RUDE period! HM registries are the same as asking for cash and are deceitful to your guests. 

    You already mentioned the advice people usually give: small registry, spreading info word of mouth.  The reason people suggest this is so you don't offend your guests by making a direct request for cash.  Also the whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts not cash. 

    You do realize people don't have to give you gifts at all, so be grateful for any you get. 

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    In addition to the other info, if you just want cash, you should decline showers.  A shower is for physical gifts.  Not having a shower helps send the message that you don't want physical gifts.
  • In Response to No gifts, just cash?:
    Hi ladies, I'm hoping to get your thoughts.  In lieu of gifts for engagement, shower, wedding, etc I am hoping to get CASH.  I've been told by some to have a small registry and people would get the hint.  But after reading these boards, it seems like I could just end up with a bunch of stuff not even on the registry!  Can you imagine the trouble trying to return everything?  There would probably be no receipt and since it's not on the registry (or even from the same store!), I would get the lowest selling price.  This is not something I want to deal with. I've also heard that it's appropriate for the wedding party/parents to spread the word when asked.  I think this is a good route. We really need the cash to help pay for my ring (FI went overboard when he wasn't supposed to!) and we'd really like to honeymoon in a place other than the Poconos!  I was thinking of doing a honeymoon registry, since, other than the fee, that is good as cash. We will be doing having a small/budget wedding so we don't get in any more debt.  If anyone else was in a similar situation, I'd love to hear what you did!
    Posted by JoanE2012

    How is any of this your guests' problem?  If you and your FI are this financially irresponsible (or incapable of planning ahead and saving), you aren't mature enough to be getting married.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    Thanks for the replies.  I guess I just took the honest approach in asking this question.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I don't need physical gifts.  We bought a house a year ago and it's fully furnished and decorated.  Why would I want more physical gifts?  I hate clutter, and I don't need another towel set or sheet set or baking pans.

    We would rather have the CASH to pay off the ring (FI went overboard and like I said, he wasn't supposed to) and go on a nice honeymoon.  And I don't want to end up going to Mexico....we want somewhere unique!

    I read in another post someone suggested putting "no boxed gifts" on any invitations.  Also, I don't see what is so offensive about honeymoon registries.  If a couple has everything, why can't guests contribute to experiences they will have on their honeymoon?
  • In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    I read in another post someone suggested putting "no boxed gifts" on any invitations.  Also, I don't see what is so offensive about honeymoon registries.  If a couple has everything, why can't guests contribute to experiences they will have on their honeymoon?
    Posted by JoanE2012
    You never put any mention of gifts on a wedding invitaiton.

    Wedding registries are offensive because they are lies.  People think they are buying you a dinner or scuba lesson or whatever.  They are not.  They are giving a company payment for  the cost of that gift.  The company in turn gives you a check minus a fee so the $100 dinner is now a $92.50 check that you don't have to use for the gift that was given to you.

    Wedding guests are not idiots. They know that cash is always welcome (especially if they are married themselves) and a small registry is a great way to let them know that you don't need "stuff."

    Will you get things not on your registry?  Sure.  It happens but you just return them if you don't want it.  It's not that big of a deal.  The people who would do this would do it even if you wrote in big red letters "We only want $$$" across your invitation.
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  • Please don't do a honeymoon registry. They pay a fee, they're not actually buying you what they think they are, it's rude and deceptive.

    People will give you cash. Really, they will.
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  • Ali092011Ali092011
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    edited May 2012
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    Thanks for the replies.  I guess I just took the honest approach in asking this question.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I don't need physical gifts.  We bought a house a year ago and it's fully furnished and decorated.  Why would I want more physical gifts?  I hate clutter, and I don't need another towel set or sheet set or baking pans. We would rather have the CASH to pay off the ring (FI went overboard and like I said, he wasn't supposed to) and go on a nice honeymoon.  And I don't want to end up going to Mexico....we want somewhere unique! I read in another post someone suggested putting "no boxed gifts" on any invitations.  Also, I don't see what is so offensive about honeymoon registries.  If a couple has everything, why can't guests contribute to experiences they will have on their honeymoon?
    Posted by JoanE2012
    I'm not gonna lie, you sound like you think you're entitled to the gifts you want, and comments like this really rub me the wrong way.

    Graciously accept anything you get. Don't consider your gifts "clutter." Consider them a generous gesture by people who want the best for you and your husband as you begin your life together.

    Geez.

    ETA: Why do you keep typing "CASH" in all caps?
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : I'm not gonna lie, you sound like you think you're entitled to the gifts you want , and comments like this really rub me the wrong way. Graciously accept anything you get. Don't consider your gifts "clutter." Consider them a generous gesture by people who want the best for you and your husband as you begin your life together. Geez. ETA: Why do you keep typing "CASH" in all caps?
    Posted by Ali092011
    Well, isn't that what a registry is really for?  To tell people that IF they buy you a toaster, here's the toaster you want.  The registry is not really a suggestion, otherwise you'd end up with five toasters and brown towels when your bathroom is blue. 

    We just don't want any physical gifts, that's all.
    Nov182015
  • hoffsehoffse
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : Well, isn't that what a registry is really for?  To tell people that IF they buy you a toaster, here's the toaster you want.  The registry is not really a suggestion, otherwise you'd end up with five toasters and brown towels when your bathroom is blue.  We just don't want any physical gifts, that's all.
    Posted by JoanE2012
    Then don't register, and donate the physical gifts you do receive.  Registries are designed to coordinate patterns, colors, etc.  But they're just suggestions, they're not invoices.  As a guest who NEVER gives cash, I find registries useful because it gives me ideas.  That said, I often pair an on-registry with an off-registry gift like a cookbook that goes with the wok or candles that will fit in the candleholder.  You need to get over it.  You wouldn't get cash from me, even if you did explicitly request it to my face.  I'm not comfortable giving it, and frankly the gift is about what the giver wants to give, not what the receiver wants to receive.
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  • MNVegasMNVegas
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : Well, isn't that what a registry is really for?  To tell people that IF they buy you a toaster, here's the toaster you want.  The registry is not really a suggestion, otherwise you'd end up with five toasters and brown towels when your bathroom is blue.  We just don't want any physical gifts, that's all.
    Posted by JoanE2012

    Well then just don't registry. People have given you good advice.

    You never put anything about gifts on the wedding invitations.  That's as RUDE as asking for cash. 





  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash?: Registries were actually developed to be a service TO your guests, to prevent them from the embarrassment of bringing the same gift as someone else. They are suggestions for their convenience only. You do not directly mention gifts in any way to your guests.
    Posted by StageManager14
    Actually, registries first started so the couple could share with friends and family the china pattern and such that they picked out.  It's not really a suggestion.  If it was intended as a suggestion, the couple would have received all kinds of china patterns.  Or, in today's world, five toasters. 

    Can you honestly say that your registry was a suggestion?  Didn't you pick out a specific toaster for a reason?  Because perhaps you wanted the four slice, not the two slice? Because you wanted the chrome model to match all your other kitchen appliance, not black? Because you wanted it to be marked as BOUGHT on your registry, so no one else bought it and you ended up with five.

    If it's merely a suggestion, and you end up with five toaster that weren't bought from the registry, and there are no gift receipts, how do you even begin to return them?   A registry is basically a nice way to tell people, "if you're going to buy me something, here's what I want". 
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    edited May 2012
    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash? : Actually, yes I can say that it was just a suggestion.  I recieved a ton of small kitchen stuff at my shower, none of which was on my registry, and we use it almost daily still.  Also, some of my favorite gifts were not on the registry, like the family bible with Thomas Kinkade illustrations that my mother bought us.  So, yes, it is a suggestion as in 'if you're looking for ideas of what to buy us, here are some things we want'.  No one is ever required to stick to the registry, and there is nothing rude about choosing to go off-registry.  We do it ourselves pretty often if we know the couple very well. As for returning 4 toasters, you'd actually be surprised how easy it is to return things without a receipt at most major retailers.  Yes, you get the current price on them, but let's be honest, if you're going to complain about not getting ENOUGH money back on the gift someone thoughtfully bought you but that you are returning because you didn't want it, you're just being completely selfish anyway. And to specifically take on your argument, everyone KNOWS that people appreciate cash.  And unless you're going to argue that some checks make 2 slices of toast and some make 4, all cash gifts are the same.  There is no chance of getting you the 'wrong' cash.  So, if that is what registries are for, they aren't needed for cash. 
    Posted by StageManager14
    Didn't want it?  Seriously??  How about didn't need it.  What the heck does someone do with five toasters? 

    I can see picking out something small not from the registry, or a personalized item like you mentioned.  But to pick something more "major", like an appliance that is not on their registry doesn't seem right. I would be completely embarrased if I was at a shower and the recipient opened up a toaster on their registry from another guest. And then she opened my gift, and it was a completely different toaster that she didn't have listed. Really? Why? Not to mention making the shower recipient uncomfortable too.

    So, let's make everyone uncomfortable as five different toasters are being opened. And sorry, but when four of them come over to visit, they're not going to see their toaster. But let's thank them for the toaster anyway in the thank you card.  And hope they don't realize that I only got $23 back for their $40 toaster. Gee, the HM registry would probably yield better!
  • Your arguments are just weak and not cutting it.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    Your arguments are just weak and not cutting it.
    Posted by kmmssg
    And your statement is weak.  Care to back it up?  I love how people just chime in with pretty much nothing to say. 
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re:No gifts, just cash?: Ditto. You also seem to have horrible guests, or at least think they are horrible. I have been to and in many weddings in my life and I've rarely seen appliances given that weren't on a registry and never seen 5 of the same one. You need to relax. Good lord, woman. You're receiving wedding gifts, not invading Normandy. I'm also still not seeing what any of this has to do with cash as gifts. We all agree registering is a good way to prevent multiples and make returning easier if it does happen, but as I pointed out before none of that applies to cash.
    Posted by StageManager14
    Oh, the registry tangent came about from an earlier poster who mentioned something about gifts I want and how I mentioned that was what a registry is for.
  • It has ALL already been said but you are stuck on 5 toasters, etc.  What you want is in bad taste, everyone has told you that, but you keep defending the idea.  It has already all been backed up.  You just don't want to listen.  You want validation that your poorly advised idea is a good one.  Ain't happening.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    It has ALL already been said but you are stuck on 5 toasters, etc.  What you want is in bad taste, everyone has told you that, but you keep defending the idea.  It has already all been backed up.  You just don't want to listen.  You want validation that your poorly advised idea is a good one.  Ain't happening.
    Posted by kmmssg
    The past few posts have been arguing the point of why a registry is not a suggestion.  The five toasters is a clear example of this.  Perhaps you plan on toasting alot of bread, but I sure as heck am happy with just 2 slices. 
  • I'm getting you a glass of sauv blanc Jackie.
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  • If you're so set on asking for cash why don't you just do it and see what kind of response you get from your guests?  I'm guessing that they may not be as generous after you've had the nerve to ask for cash en lieu of gifts. 

    some of my favorite gifts so far have been off-registry centimental things, some worth absolutely nothing to anyone but me, like my grandmother's Kitchen Witch. I think if I had been rude enough to ask for cash, which I would never do, I would miss out on some of these more meaningful gifts too.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    Joan, if the registry isn't a suggestion, then what IS it?  A demand?  A summons?  A subpoena?  Just the mere act of filling out a registry does not ENTITLE you to the contents of the registry, you know this, right?
    Posted by 1covejack
    Apparently you haven't read my earlier posts.  Do I need to explain the whole five toaster situation again?  Here's the cliff notes. 

    If someone puts a toaster on a registry, I would assume that is the toaster they want.  I am not going to use that as a suggestion and go buy another model.  If everyone just used the registry as a suggestion, you'd end up with multiple toasters and embarrassed guests.

    Seriously folks, it's not a hard concept to grasp.  
  • In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : Apparently you haven't read my earlier posts.  Do I need to explain the whole five toaster situation again?  Here's the cliff notes.  If someone puts a toaster on a registry, I would assume that is the toaster they want.  I am not going to use that as a suggestion and go buy another model.  If everyone just used the registry as a suggestion, you'd end up with multiple toasters and embarrassed guests. Seriously folks, it's not a hard concept to grasp.  
    Posted by JoanE2012
    Neither is the concept that a HR is rude as hell since, as you already know and plan on using it as such, it is a cash registry.
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  • We had a large registry, and still over half of the people gave cash.  People like giving money, it is easier for them too. 
    Calm down, don't register and you'll likely get money.  And, accept the fact that you'll get some gifts too, and some people will get you nothing.
    As for an engagement party or shower, you're kind-of stuck there.  They're for gifts, not cash.  You'll have to think of a few things you'd like to have or just don't have those parties. 

    Nov182015
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : And you still fail to point out what this has to do with wanting cash instead of physical gifts.
    Posted by StageManager14
    As I said earlier, "Oh, the registry tangent came about from an earlier poster who mentioned something about gifts I want and how I mentioned that was what a registry is for."




  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    We had a large registry, and still over half of the people gave cash.  People like giving money, it is easier for them too.  Calm down, don't register and you'll likely get money.  And, accept the fact that you'll get some gifts too, and some people will get you nothing. As for an engagement party or shower, you're kind-of stuck there.  They're for gifts, not cash.  You'll have to think of a few things you'd like to have or just don't have those parties. 
    Posted by kimberlykh
    Thank you....I appreciate the comments!
  • How about gift cards from your favorite stores? (think Target, Home depot, etc...) Technically you cam register them online or have your parents/wedding party to spread the word. People would understand, and I personally think its a better gift anyway because it's not tacky like cash yet you can still spend it however you want. Also I find some of the girls on here very rude, if you don't have anything nice to say then keep your opinions to yourself. We are all brides here who's looking for advice, no need to attack with words...
    Nov182015
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    How about gift cards from your favorite stores? (think Target, Home depot, etc...) Technically you cam register them online or have your parents/wedding party to spread the word. People would understand, and I personally think its a better gift anyway because it's not tacky like cash yet you can still spend it however you want. Also I find some of the girls on here very rude, if you don't have anything nice to say then keep your opinions to yourself. We are all brides here who's looking for advice, no need to attack with words...
    Posted by vanillapig
    Thanks, great suggestion!
  • It also seems that you guys might benefit from meeting with a financial planner. We did that this past fall, and it was so helpful. FI had some killer student loans and our advisor helped us refinance some of those, prioritize which loans to pay off first and set savings goals. We have since put a downpayment on a house and paid off a few of FI's higher interest loans.
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  • In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash?:
    In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : Well, isn't that what a registry is really for?  To tell people that IF they buy you a toaster, here's the toaster you want.  The registry is not really a suggestion, otherwise you'd end up with five toasters and brown towels when your bathroom is blue.  We just don't want any physical gifts, that's all.
    Posted by JoanE2012
    And you missed my entire point. I find it interesting that instead of trying to make honeymoon registries or asking for cash sound acceptable, which by the way you would fail to do anyway, you're trying to make traditional registries seem just as rude as these other types.

    My post was an attempt to make you realize and understand that all gifts are OPTIONAL. No one has to spend their hard-earned money on you just because you're getting married. I think people get carried away when every large retailer tries to woo newly engaged women, hoping to get them to register at their store by convincing them it's their right to have fine china and 600-thread count sheets.

    The key is to be grateful, gracious, and graceful about accepting gifts, whether they are from your registry or not. Making snarky comments about how "we don't need household items, what we need is CASH" makes you sound like none of those three.
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