Head table no no?

mrb5000 · July 2009

Ok banana, maybe I should have clarified - I know that the guests at my wedding will be there to share in my happiness, and they will want the day to be about me. I don't know about anybody else's friends and family, but that's what mine will be there for. Maybe I just live a "puppy dog and rainbows" kind of life, but that's not something I'm going to be sorry about.

banana468 · July 2009

I think you're missing a large point of what hosting IS.Yes your guests will be there to celebrate you and have a good time. That isn't the point. The point IS that there are many things that you as a bride can do to show that you're courteous and care more about your guests than a photo.

banana468 · July 2009

Stage, I also love that people cite tradition only if it supports what they want.It's also tradition to live with your parents until you're married, be a virgin until you walk down the aisle, etc. Gotta love the convenient argument.

banana468 · July 2009

Is it just me, or does Banana think that its her way or the highway?It's you.

MsFlicka · July 2009

I'm not going to render judgement on head tables, because I know a few situations where they worked out great and others where they were a disaster. Most weddings in my area don't do them and WP sits with their dates or family. But I will say this; In our circle of friends everyone knows the meaning of the words "hostess" and "reception" and what those entail: putting guests, including the WP, first. It amazes me how the notion of hospitality has become so totally lost in our culture to where a wedding reception, originally seen as a premier opportunity for the bride and groom (or often the bride's family) to extend their graciousness and hospitality to their friends and family has become a "DO WHAT YOU WANT" Princess Day that is ALL ABOUT ME! Yuck. Nothing says no class and trash than someone with that attitude. Repeat after me: The reception is for your GUESTS. The reception is for your GUESTS. You are the hostess, and your first concern, in everything, should be "are my guests as happy and as comfortable as I can make them?" Not, "Will they tolerate this for 45 minutes?" Plan accordingly.

banana468 · July 2009

You know, I might agree that it is just me if I thought that there was any good reason for you to make other people feel bad about their own choices for THEIR weddings. However, I just noticed that you got married like TWO YEARS AGO, but are still stalking TheKnot forums everyday lol... Its time to get over it. People's choices are going to be their choices. It is nice to give opinions and information regarding general wedding ettiquette, because it gives couples something to consider. It is another thing to force your ideas on other people and tell them how THEIR wedding should be. Give your opinion and move on. You already had your day, let other people have theirs on their own terms.Mliberty, I'm not forcing my opinion on ANYONE. I'm stating etiquette and engaging in healthy debate with those who state differently. I'm also trying to understand why such a practice takes place. As Stage Manager and I have both said, there has yet to be a reason that anyone (on this thread or in other threads on the subject) has given in support of a traditional head table (that splits ups WP from their spouses) that can be supported. If there is one I'd love to hear it. I'd love to understand why it makes sense to do so but as of yet, there hasn't been any substantial support given.Also, I am married for almost two years now (next week...woohoo!!). That means I've been through this. I've run the wedding planning marathon from start to finish. I know what it's like to be an engaged person about to be married but I also know what it's like to BE a bride, a bridesmaid and a guest. And, are you seriously stating that you think people who haven't been married are the only ones who should be on this site? Some of the BEST advice I received as a bride came from the married ladies and the moms. Without them, it would be the blind leading the blind.BTW, as a side note, I'm not just making up quotes in my post above. I quoted a post aimed at me that was subsequently DD'd.

kmaaron814 · July 2009

i think the knot is crazy because I had a head table for the entire bridal party (12 total) and it was no big deal. Only people getting married have ever heard of not having a head table so inless your entire guest list is people getting married they will not know that having a head table is "so 80's".

ksmylee67 · July 2009

I always did agree that a head table was the way to go. My wedding is in less than 2 weeks, and after reading this, I'm bugging out. Most of my BP are not bhringing date OR their dates have someone else I can seat them with. One of my groomesmen has a girlfriend who we have never met before. Also, none of that groomeman's friends or family are going to the wedding. So now I'm wondering who exactly to sit the girlfriend with. Ugh, it's too close to my wedding date to be worrying about this now!!!!But overall, I think the idea of the head table to honoring to your party members and it gives them a chance to show off as part of being in the wedding. Remember, it's an honor to be in someones wedding, otherwise everyone would be part of the bridal party!

LauraT2009 · July 2009

We're doing a kings table since our wedding party is very small. It will be something of a U shape with our closest family members. The two non-family members in the wedding party will get to sit with their dates, family and friends. Everyone seems happy about it so far. But our wedding is not typical American traditional. BTW, I just went to a wedding with a head table and no one referenced the 80s until the d.j. started taking song requests for dancing.

notagirlikeme · July 2009

I have been reading through all of the comments that have been given over a seemingly simple question and been laughing hysterically! Who knew that there would be such a controversy about who sits where? I was getting a little concerned that people were about to come to blows! Everyone is different and because of this fact it should be left up to the individual bride and groom. I can appreciate the fact that we will indeed be "hosts and hostesses", but seriously, people that go to weddings expect weird food, intoxicated guests, and will probably find something to complain about. The idea is to celebrate the fact that two people found each other! The party is just a bonus.That being said, as hosts we try to please as many people as we can, but we can't possibly please everyone. If you can't be separated from your SO for the length of a typical wedding/reception perhaps you should decline the invitation to be part of the WP. If you happen to be the date of someone in the WP and just can't stand the idea of not being next to them, don't go.

preciousnikki · July 2009

I have worked at a banquet hall since 2002 & I've worked so many wedding receptions, it's not funny. Most of the time we have a generic head table where bp's dates are separated, but still with friends. It all seems to work out fine. No harm, no foul.Although, we have seen a trend of "captain's tables," where there is a "round table" of sorts (that's actually square) amongst the guests' round tables. I still like the head table part. I don't know about tradition in this area, but almost 7 years of weddings with head tables, I'd say it's pretty normal and fine. I'm having a head table at my wedding and I don't expect any feelings hurt.Besides, you can't always please everyone, that's a bit extreme.

MsFlicka · July 2009

Only people getting married have ever heard of not having a head table so inless your entire guest list is people getting married they will not know that having a head table is "so 80's". Not really. I had heard of not having tables years ago, long before I was getting married because most weddings I've been to have not had them. I've been to two with them in the past 15 years; one had a small wedding party that was all brothers or sisters of the Bride and Groom, and it worked out well. At the other I was a groomsman's date, sat with strangers, and left after an hour because it sucked. And whoever said the "reception is not a reward"; no one said it is a reward. People come to your wedding to show their love and support for you. You host them afterward to show your love and respect for them. Its not a petty little tit for tat. It's about hospitality. It seriously makes me sad to think this concept is so alien to so many people.

KRHagen · July 2009

Every wedding that came before me had a head table, my wedding will have a head table and every wedding that comes after me will probably have a head table. Honestly, I've been on the knot a while now and it really seems like no matter what you do someone on here is going to have a problem or call you rude. DO WHAT YOU WANT. ITS YOUR WEDDING. If you spend your time worrying what people on here say, you'll just make yourself crazy.

ffmaid · July 2009

ksmy- Yes that girlfriend of a groomsman who you have not met will spend the entire meal portion of your wedding being miserable. Your gm will if at all a good guy go immediatly after dinner and abandon your head table. Chances are the rest of your WP will too. Dates get sat together so either have a head table big enough for wp + SOs or have a sweetheart or parent table. Or be ok with the groomsmen and the groomsmens girlfriends main memory of your weding being how alkward and misearble she felt

nealbl · July 2009

We had a rectangle long head table it included 12 people bridesmaids on one side and groomsman on the other. You are only sitting for 45 minutes tops so I really wouldn't worry about it. Every wedding I have ever been to had a head table exceopt my brothers, because the rooms to eat in were all split up. If you planned on ahving one just have one.

C&Rin09 · July 2009

Gee, I bet you (C&R) didn't expect this!!! hahaUm, no I did not expect this debate when I logged on this morning! I totally get all sides, and am still deciding what to do, and will be discussing the details with the vendor and FI. FWIW, I agree with Bananna that from the time they get in the limo to after dinner is over it is a really long time to be separated from their partners. Lots of stuff to think about, this.

miguelhilary2010 · July 2009

In my opinion, head tables are merely an inconvenience for the bridal party. Its not that serious. I was a BM in a wedding this past October and knowing ahead of time that I would be unavailable for most of the day (getting hair/makeup, pictures, ceremony, head table, etc.) I opted to attend alone. I explained everything to my fiance, and he was perfectly fine with staying home! And as some others mentioned, the meal takes about 45min out of the reception... then they can spend the other few hours with their significant other.The point is, if you have understanding friends/family in your bridal party, they should be happy to do whatever makes you happy for ONE day. If they are really inconvenienced (and find it "rude") by spending time away from their loved one, then that is really selfish!Why are people getting so aggressive on here? Relax ladies.

tigger212003 · July 2009

I am using all round tables. At our table will be the best man, his wife, maid of honor and her finace with us. the table next to us will be 1 bridesmaid and her husband, bridemaid and guest, groomsmen and wife and another groomsmen and wife. The another table with groomsmen his wife which is a bridemaidmy cousins, there son the rin bearer and my 2 uncles from that side of the family. The another table with the solist from our wedding, her husband, the the guy doing our DJ stuff and his wife with my uncle, aunt and 2 cousins that we need to keep seperated from my grandparents. The across the room from this table will be my parents, my grandparents, fi mom and fi aunt and grandma. Then everyone else will be seated where ever they want to.

bluepoet2007 · July 2009

We are also doing a head table, which our WP is fine with. I've been to weddings with both setups. At the weddings with head tables, the WP wasn't expected to remain up there all night

They stayed thru toasts, but even during dinner, they visited with them a bit. No one had a problem

I don't foresee any issues with ours, since the format does still exist. The day belongs to you and FI---have things the way you want them to be! A little separation is fine; I don't think it's taboo. HTH!

banana468 · July 2009

The day belongs to you and FI---have things the way you want them to be!It's really a shame that people continue to have this mentality.

jenna_mathes · July 2009

Wow, some people are getting pretty shaken up about this! First off, congrats on winning such a great prize! I, too, am jealous

. Secondly, while yes, it's your day I don't think that you seem to be behaving like it's ONLY your day. You're being thoughtful about the seating - something I think some people are overlooking.We have 9 people in our bridal party. We are having all round tables, and 2 are assigned to the bridal party. That way we can all have our dates (some people are flying solo by choice) and FI and I can enjoy the company of all our friends. Do what is best for you, FI, and the BP. You seem to be aware of their feelings, so I'm sure whatever you choose will be great. Good luck!

amykay19 · July 2009

i have 10 people in my party inclusing us (not including the flower girl and ring dude) i am having one round table in the middle of the head table for me and my man and two tables of the side for the wedding party. I dont think a head table is dated. its your wedding.

ElleestJenn · July 2009

My future sister in law had a head table and only one person in their party was married and they gave him the option of sitting at the head table or with his wife. He chose to sit with his wife but during the entrance and toasting he stood at the head table and then went to his seat after. I'm going to have a head table as well and unless someone in the party is in a serious relationship or married, the other aren't going to have dates (because they all said they don't want to bring one) they'll have the option of sitting at the head table or with their significant other.

Future Mrs. Lindstrom · July 2009

Hubby & I had 3 attendants each & we did a head table. The MOH & Best Man were a married couple, my BM's were Hubby's sisters & the GM's were hubby's cousin & his sisters boyfriend. The only attendants that didn't sit with us were the ring bearer & flower girl, we let them sit with thier families. You could have a table near either side for your head table for the attendants dates. Then once photos, toasts & dinner is finished they can join their dates at those tables.

tommyandy · July 2009

What did your folks have at their weddings? You and your FI could do the same thing as another way to honor them. Hopefully your WP will have SO who are mature enough to handle being without their sweetie for a few hours. Besides, do they stay side by side the whole time at every party they go to?

LCuddy · July 2009

Hi, I have been to 2 weddings this year and both had head tables. One of them had a very large bridal party, 10 guys and 7 girls, so they actually sat people on both sides of the table instead on one. Since the bridal party were all friends, their dates and/or significant others were all friends as well and no problem sitting together without there date. I think for my wedding we will be doing a sweetheart table, but have a regualr round table right next to us of our bridal party. I may be speaking for myself here, but i don't want to sit with my parents lol, i want to enjoy my new husbands company all by myself without all the mothers asking a thousand questions.the only thing i don't like about a rectangular head table is that you can only talk to whoever you are sitting directly next too. If we wern't doing a sweetheart table, we'd be doing a "bone" table. Two rounds tables, with a small square table inbetween them.

tommyandy · July 2009

Banana468 - If one does not wish to follow tradition, why have a wedding at all?

SHAWNEE31 · July 2009

Wow this is deep. I never really liked head table however I do not have the anger as some people. In my hall the only way to fit people is to have a head table so we decided we would have a sweet heart table for us. My folks would have a round table with immediate family and his folks would have one next to my folks. The "head table" the long table will have the bridal party and their dates.

futurestepmama · July 2009

At my first wedding (I know, not a good reference) we had a head table. I never even CONSIDERED doing it differently. Seriously, it never even crossed my mind, although now I certainly see both sides. The funny thing is, no one sat at it! The whole BP squeezed in chairs with their SOs. I had never seen that happen before, and although strangely rude, I guess it gives a pretty good insight on their opinions of a head table. I really do think, like a lot of people have said, that it depends on your bp's opinions. Check with them, and all should work out. Good luck!

khurley82282 · July 2009

I am having a head table and every wedding I have ever went to has had a headtable and I don't understand why it is considered rude. The bride and groom along with the people they chose to stand up for their special day should be in the spot light for everyone to see and not just another person in the crowd.

Head table no no?

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