Head table no no?

C&Rin09

I am beginning to worry about the head table situtation, especially since reading that people "haven't seen one since the 80's" Here's my situation: I won a decor package worth $5000 at a wedding show.  At the initial consultation with the vendor, she showed me her portfolio and head tables were featured heavily.  I really didn't think much of it, but The Knot has me very worried that this is in poor taste.  I understand the logic of not doing a head table, but my crowd all knows each other and the wedding parties dates will not be left alone without anyone to talk to. I ran my worries past FI and he doesn't like the idea of a sweetheart table.My question is, what are some options besides a sweetheart table? My wedding party is 10 people altogether, including bride and groom.  If we did a big long table with dates it would be 15-16 people, which is huge. TIA.

danieliza1127

We had round tables at our reception so we sat at one table, in the front row middle, with my parents and my husband's parents.  Then at the table immediately to the left of us and to the right of us, our wedding party sat with their spouses.  It worked out great for us. 

mbcdefg

You could sit with the Best Man and MOH and their dates. Or your siblings and their dates. Or both sets of parents.   Then have the rest of the BP (and dates) seated elsewhere around the room with people they know.

TiDa2009

I still see head tables all the time.  My sister had one at her wedding and FI and I didn't think anything of being seperated. I think that if you're WP dates know eachother or other people it should be fine.  Maybe run it past them (WP and dates) and see what they think. I can see the argument of not having them and we're actually not having one either, but our WP and their dates know eachother and that's about it.  So we're seating them with eachother. HTH

C&Rin09

Thanks for the suggestions everyone.  I like the idea of the B&G with MOH+1 and BM+1.  Unfortunately my parents are not together and not friendly and FI's dad is deceased so the idea with the parents isn't really a viable option although very nice.I also want to say that I am really trying to not be demanding for pretty pictures.  I want everyone to be comfortable too, that's why I asked the question. 

banana468

What about a king table where all the dates join you?If decorated well, it will not look like a cafeteria style table.

ffmaid

C&R- You are not coming off as demanding just unsure of what options are done typically . Don't worry it will be fine. The happy couple +best man+ date + MOH+ date option sounds like the best one given your family situation

C&Rin09

I agree ffmaid, thanks for the suggestion.  I am definetly going to talk to the vendor and FI and see if there is something else that can be done.  I just felt like I got a mini-flame from some people for even daring to ask the question.

momofayden

I am having a head table with us and our parents only.  I am letting the bridal party sit with their families.  I read on a few occassions that past bride's really didn't get to spend alot of time with their parents on their wedding day and wished they had since it was a big day for them too. 

Jaclyn619

I have no problem with a head table, infact I'm prob doing one. From my expiriences being in weddings (w/ head tables)I wasn't upset being away from FI for 5 hours. I barely sat at the table and I saw him the whole night on the dance floor anyways.. not once did I think it was rude...Maybe it was different cause we were all friends with everyone in the WP and their spouses were friends with eachother....???If you REALLY like the idea of a head table and your concened about your WP spouces, ask them what they think...They might not even mind, but you'll never know if you don't ask.Good Luck! and that's awesome that you won a prize! I'm jealous!!

kmcguire80

We had no seating chart, but my mom was "worried" about having to claim a seat so I made "reserved cards" just for the parents (2 sets on his side, 1 set on my side).  We did not take a seat because we didn't eat with everyone.  The caterer put together a plate for us and we ate standing at a cocktail table in the other room (my dress was not a sitting dress).  We only spent about 10 minutes eating because we were so busy socializing with everyone.So we had no seating charit, no seating chart and no sweetheart table.  But I have seen the sweetheart table and the wedding-party table at multiple weddings in the last few years.

Septwedding09

I have been in many weddings, and many of which did head tables. It's still common.   Personally I'm not a fan, but it's up to the bride and groom.  I never had a problem with it, and my fiance never minded being split from me as long as he was placed at an appropriate table where he knew people.  So if you want to do it, do it!My brother did round tables and did a "sibling table" with him, his wife, and their siblings and dates.  It was fun. My fiance and I are doing sweetheart. I think it will be nice to eat our dinner just the two of us (if we have the time to eat, that is).  I also have a huge WP so that wouldn't have worked. 

cravecase

Everyone around us still does head tables...it is very strange not to.  We are doing a large rectangle table in the middle of our round guests tables, we will be on the end and our wedding party facing each other on the sides (like a large banquet table).  That got a huge amount of 'under the breath comments' from the older guests as it was!   We mentioned to some of our wedding party whether they would prefer to sit with their guests or at the head table and they almost seemed offended that we wouldn't put them at the head table with us.  Now on the other hand, we have some friends from Puerto Rico and I had to explain to them what a head table was (not saying that no one in Puerto Rico does it, just that they hadn't seen it).  I think it depends on where you are and what normally happens in your area.

dojo1

I'm doing a head table.  To be honest, this was the first I've heard of it being "rude".  I think around here people expect a head table and if you're in the wedding party you expect to be separated from your date for the meal portion. I don't think this is a big deal AT ALL.  I'd be surprised if someone told me they didn't think they could handle being left to their own devices for the meal portion without their spouse or date (a little co-dependent, perhaps?)If separating wedding party guests from their dates for the meal is like telling the guest "you're not as important to me"... well... that's actually true, otherwise they would have been chosen for the wedding party.  No one should feel slighted because you are closer to their spouse than them. 

msouza314

What we're doing is sitting with our best man/ maid of honor and their significant others then having a seperate table of the bridesmaids and groomsmen with their dates. It works out a little easier for us because he has two best men and I have two maids of honor but I think it could still work as a small table of 6 for you. The way you could have a table of 9 or 10 for the rest of your bridal party and their dates.

banana468

DO-JO, when a friend of mine mentioned splitting DH and me up at her wedding (she ultimately didn't), I wasn't disliking it as you stated, No one should feel slighted because you are closer to their spouse than them.  I was slighted because I felt that she would have been belittling my relationship with my husband of almost a year on her wedding day.  The concept actually boggles my mind. 

macorrea

Im having a family table with my FI and I, our parents, and our siblings. The wedding party can go at tables with their family beside you.

banana468

Macorrea, that's a great suggestion if it fits.  When DH has been a GM in a wedding, it hasn't been for family events. 

StessFreeBride

I see head tables all the time. As a bridesmaid, I don't like them. Each time I've been seated at a head table, my boyfriend (now fiance) is left to sit with all the other boyfriend/girlfriend/fiances of the rest of the wedding party. They are left with NOTHING to talk about, and he ends up not having a very good time. He ALWAYS complains to me when there is a head table. Yes, I've been in lots of weddings:)The best ideas I've seen are either using the sweetheart table or having the bride and groom sit with their parents and grandparents OR the bride and groom sits with siblings or honor attendants. A friend's husband originally wasn't hot at the idea of a sweetheart table, but in the end loved it because it gave them the chance to actually eat and talk to each other at their own wedding. The rest of the night they were working the crowd. It's something to think about.

shanmarie4082

My sister was married last year and had a head table (there were 10 people total at it).  It was awesome.  As the MOH, I loved being able to be right next to the Bride and share every moment with her.I am also planning on doing a head table.  However, we are going to have it with dates.  So we will have about 15 people.  We are doing a smaller table in the middle and 2 longer tables in the sides (sort of set up like a V).  This way, no dates are alone, but I can still hang with my BP.  As far as sweetheart tables go, they are really up to the bride and groom.  IMO, I don't love them.  I have the rest of my life to sit alone with my FI, I'd like to be able to share our day with my close family and friends too and not feel so excluded. 

ams777

I don't think you should worry so much about splitting up the dates in your wedding party. Especially since you say everyone knows each other. This is your day and if you want a head table, then have one. How long are the dates really split up anyways? Maybe 45 mins or an hour while you eat? After that they can be together all night. It's not a big deal, nor rude in any way.

kndeckar

I agree it's not rude AT ALL IMO. And I definately don't think anyones intention with head table is to "belittle" someones relationships. I think thats a little dramatic! Anyways, it was always my understanding that a head table was so the guests could see the bride and groom and their WP. I always enjoy them in weddings I have been in.

banana468

This is your day and if you want a head table, then have one. We've been over this.  It isn't just the bride's day.  If it's only about her there wouldn't be guests....or a groom.How long are the dates really split up anyways? Maybe 45 mins or an hour while you eat? Not even close.  When DH was a GM, we were split from the time he entered the limo until after the dinner was served.  Altogether the time apart was somewhere around 3 hours when you factor in the transportation, ceremony, cocktail hour and pictures.  He was in all of those while I was with the rest of the guests.After that they can be together all night. It's not a big deal, nor rude in any way.Actually, it IS rude.  And I definately don't think anyones intention with head table is to "belittle" someones relationships. I think thats a little dramatic!It may not be the intention but that's a side-effect of the practice of splitting up established couples.

shigaites

We're planning on doing a head table.  We will have been living overseas for almost 5 years by the time our wedding comes around and we will not have seen our wedding party in that time.  So not only is it just a head table, it will be a mini-reunion time for us.  Luckily the ones that do have SOs, they are good friends with our other friends so I don't have any concerns of them feeling slighted for having to sit with their friends rather than their SO at the head table

rubylove00

I agree that it is a little dramatic to say that it is rude to split up couples during the meal service.  I've said it on here once and i'll say it again, the wedding day is about the bride and groom.  It is not about you as the guest!  Why do some people think anothers' wedding day is about them???  Yes, it is an event that celebrates unity, but it is the unity of the bride and groom we are celebrating, not your relationship with your SO.  It is kind to take into account what your bridal party wants, so ask them if what they would prefer.  If it were me, and hopefully any other bridesmaid, I would be willing to help the bride in any way.  When you agree to be in a wedding party, you must understand that there are events on that day that will separate you from your SO - whether it be beaty prep, transportation, pictures, or head table.it is not rude to separate couples.  when i agree to be a bridesmaid i expect that i wont see my SO much on the day (head tables have been at every wedding i've been to.) They are not out of style, out of date or rude...or else no one would do them!Personally, I like to see the wedding party sit together and i think it would be weird to see the backs of half the wedding party.

banana468

They are not out of style, out of date or rude...or else no one would do them!Actually, they're fading from fashion.  They're about as popular now at weddings as Member's Only jackets are today.I'll buy that when you agree to be a BM, you agree to do what the bride requests.  That isn't the point.As a BRIDE, you should do what makes your attendants comfortable and what honors their relationships as well.  It isn't about complaining WP members.  It's about being a bride (and groom) who show that they care more about their attendants then some display arrangement.The reception may be about the nuptials that just took place but it's FOR the guests.  As the wedding party are generally people closest to the bride and groom making them some of the MOST honored guests, it's not exactly honoring them to make them sit separate from their sig others from the meal when they've been split from that sig other due to wedding duties since pre-ceremony.

mrsdavid2be

I'm with several of the PPs.  I've never attended a wedding that didn't have a head table.  This post is the very first time I've ever heard anything negative about it.  When my FI was in his sister's wedding, it never even dawned on me to be upset that he was seperated from me.  I wanted to be there at the wedding and he agreed to be in the bridal party, I was a guest, he was a groomsman, we reunited after a few hours on the dance floor and all was well.  The same thing when I was in a friend's wedding, no big deal.  Never imagined anyone would think of it as rude.  I found this thread facinating.  Head tables are still the way to go where I am from.  I really think that it depends on where you live, some places may be steering away from them, but not everywhere.  Do what you want, you only get married once. ( I hope! )

jillzlee

We hav a huge wedding party and I never like being split up from my signifigant other so we are not having a head table. FI also disklikes the sweetheart table. So, we are doing something different. At our table will be us, of course, and my Matron of Honor and her husband, and his Best Man and his wife. Our table is going to be in the center of all the other tables so we can be surrounded by family and other bridal party people. Your only going to be sitting for a short time anyways, so dont worry to much about it.

banana468

If a head table was so offensive it wouldn't be tradition ;-)It's also 'tradition' for the woman to stay home and raise the children.  There's also the tradition of a dowry and saving yourself for the wedding night.  I certainly didn't follow those traditions and I wasn't about to follow one on my wedding day that split up my dearest friends from those dearest to them.Why do something for the sake of tradition?  Do it because it works!Plus, if we're going to go back MANY years, my guess is that people getting married were from similar social circles.  It was more than likely that the BP were very close with one another before the wedding day.  This isn't the case anymore with couples marrying from different faiths, social circles and geographical areas. 

mrb5000

My two cents - ask your wedding party how they feel about it!  If you have a BM that is as strongly against it as some of the posters here do, then hopefully she'll tell you.  If your wedding party is in it for the right reasons (to love and support you on your day) they probably won't mind sacrificing an hour or two with their SO's.Don't let anybody tell you that the point of your wedding day is for other people - it is totally about you and your husband.  You're the one that's going to be looking back on that day for the rest of your life.  (Unless you have a really bitter guest who is going to whine about that wedding they went to when the bride had the nerve to separate her from her husband, how rude, etc etc...in which case you probably shouldn't have wasted the $$/plate on inviting her anyway.)  If the guests are there because they care about you being happy, they'll enjoy themselves if you're happy! 

banana468

mrsb, the reception IS for the guests.  That's the appropriate way of approaching the hosting aspects of it.  It's for the bride and groom (and their parents if they're hosting) to thank the guests for attending the ceremony. If the guests are there because they care about you being happy, they'll enjoy themselves if you're happy! That's a line loaded with puppy dogs and rainbows but zero common sense.