question

rmrodriguezc · July 2011

Hello

chelseamb11 · July 2011

Bridal attendants are not supporters of the sacrament (like a Godparent would be), they are just witnesses. Only two of my six bridesmaids are Catholic but I have no issue with it. If you are worried she will be disrespectful on your day make sure she understnands that, even if she doesn't belive what you believe, she needs to respect that it is YOUR wedding day. If you are close to her and want her to be a bridesmaid, make her a bridesmaid. It is not a bridesmaid's job to provide support in your future marriage. They are there to share the day with you and witness the joyous occasion

lisa89760 · July 2011

I agree with PP...I have 9 bridesmaids and only 3 of them are catholic and I would highly doubt the majority of the rest have even been to a catholic ceremony (my best friend is even Jewish and she has NO idea what to expect!)

I would talk to your friend about it and see what she says.

newlyseliski · July 2011

chelseamb put it well

Nope, no issue... they just can't receive communion if you're having a full Mass! If you have any concerns that she might be disrespectful... definitely address it with her beforehand. If she's your best friend, it doesn't seem like that would be an issue!

Have you already asked her to be a bridesmaid or are you still deciding whether or not to? If you're uncomfortable with having her as a part of your wedding party, perhaps consider asking her to be a personal attendant instead. If you think she'd be offended if you don't ask her... you would be fine to include her!

lalaith50 · July 2011

While I agree that she does not have to be Catholic to be in your bridal party, I think that it IS to be considered how she will support your marriage in the future.

I mean, it's not like there's a written rule of "this is what a bridesmaid is supposed to do," so if YOU expect/hope for marriage/spiritual support from your bridesmaids, well, then that's how YOU should pick them!

(Personally, for me, I do expect and hope for that, and I think it is not asking too much, especially since it sounds like you do have other girls who would fill that qualification.)

Riss91 · July 2011

I think that regardless of whether you have her as a bridesmaid, you need to speak with her about how she disrespects your religion - for the sake of your friendship. A good friend would refrain from making those comments (at least in front of you). She might not realize that she is doing something inconsiderate and hurtful. If she is unwilling to respect your faith, I would think she is not the best choice for a bridesmaid.

doctabroccoli · July 2011

None of my bridesmaids are Catholic (or even particularly religious), and I'm pretty sure at least one of them is Athiest. But they are my friends, and I respect them for their views as they respect me for mine.

Also, from an etiquette standpoint, if you have already asked her to be a bridesmaid, you cannot demote her.

professorscience · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_athiest-bridal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:b6c60c5e-968e-4910-be85-73a89ff23e7dPost:324ab7c0-ab60-4c25-8982-4b6057fd77fe">Re: Athiest Bridal Attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that regardless of whether you have her as a bridesmaid, you need to speak with her about how she disrespects your religion - for the sake of your friendship. A good friend would refrain from making those comments (at least in front of you). She might not realize that she is doing something inconsiderate and hurtful. If she is unwilling to respect your faith, I would think she is not the best choice for a bridesmaid.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS. It really bothers me that someone you consider a best friend would degrade your faith in the way you say. It's okay to have friends who differ from you on matters of faith, but a good friend should never make you feel bad for believing something.</div>

kathleenkmm · July 2011

We're having 6 attendants between the two of us. Nobody in the wedding party is Catholic except for me. I don't think it matters that she's an athiest, but the fact that you're worried about her being disrespectful would make me think twice.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2011

If having her stand in the front of the church with you on your wedding day will make you feel happier and calmer, and more prepared to receive the Sacrament of Marriage (and hopefully the Eucharist), then ask her to be a bridesmaid. If having her with you will make you feel more stressed or nervous, or distract you from prayer, then don't ask her.

Calypso1977 · July 2011

i personally could not have someone in my WP that wasnt at least Christian. I would never have my official witnesses be of any faith other than Catholic, but that's just me.

i dont do well with folks who make fun of my faith. im honestly not sure i could be friends with someone who did. have you ever told her to stop the comments because they are offensive to you?

monkeysip · July 2011

Yeah, agree with PPs. It's not a problem that she's atheist... she can still be a BM... but it does concern me that she would make fun of your religion.

Almost all of my friends and family are non-catholic, but none of them make fun of my religion.

HelloKaty37 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_athiest-bridal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:b6c60c5e-968e-4910-be85-73a89ff23e7dPost:01d1089e-7102-428b-9dd5-66dfe98aa0dc">Athiest Bridal Attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm considering not having her as part of the bridal party because I do not feel that she would provide me the Catholic support and guidance that I will need during difficult times in my future marriage. She views marriage as something that can be thrown away rather than a sacrament of a lifelong committment.
Posted by rmrodriguezc[/QUOTE]
Eek! I think her attitude about marriage in general is a bit more of a problem than her being atheist for this particular matter. Plenty of people who don't believe in a higher power believe in marriage nonetheless. I agree with PPs that whether or not she is a bridesmaid is totally up to you, but if she disrespects not only your religion but also the union that you are entering into, it may be cause for a discussion between the two of you before the ceremony, if only for the sake of an open and honest friendship. No need to try to "convert" her to your viewpoint on either, but she should be made aware that you don't have the same feelings about marriage and therefore what she will be witnessing is the beginning of a lifelong commitment. Otherwise to her it might be just another day, albeit one with a rocking party at the end.

ootmother2 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_athiest-bridal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:b6c60c5e-968e-4910-be85-73a89ff23e7dPost:0fab93a9-e665-4f61-9dc3-475b395bff14">Re: Athiest Bridal Attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE]None of my bridesmaids are Catholic (or even particularly religious), and I'm pretty sure at least one of them is Athiest. But they are my friends, and I respect them for their views as they respect me for mine. Also, from an etiquette standpoint, if you have already asked her to be a bridesmaid, you cannot demote her.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

^ This

The fact that you feel she shows disrespect for your religion is a totally different topic than having an atheist BM.

You deserve the respect for your beliefs as she does for her beliefs.

I think you two should have a heart to heart talk about respecting each other's beliefs.

LOLways · July 2011

This friend's flippant attitude towards your personal beliefs would offend me if I were you. That's not to say that you should go ahead and get flustered and upset, but maybe let her know how you feel (I think you are saying that it's hurtful) about the fact that she isn't supportive of this part of your life.

As a new Catholic, I will say I have always found it offensive when people make fun of our faith, even before I became Catholic. I don't know why it's accepted by our society/ culture to make fun of Catholics in particular. Every time there's a news article about a pedophile priest, people come out of the woodwork and have some really horrible things to say.

blush64 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_athiest-bridal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:b6c60c5e-968e-4910-be85-73a89ff23e7dPost:01d1089e-7102-428b-9dd5-66dfe98aa0dc">Athiest Bridal Attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, I'm torn because one of my best friends is an athiest, and she constantly makes fun of the Catholic faith. I'm considering not having her as part of the bridal party because I do not feel that she would provide me the Catholic support and guidance that I will need during difficult times in my future marriage. She views marriage as something that can be thrown away rather than a sacrament of a lifelong committment. I do have three sisters and a future sister-in-law that could be bridesmaids. What shall I do? Also, if I do not use her, how would I go about letting her know this?
Posted by rmrodriguezc[/QUOTE]

EDIT

I would NOT have that girl in my bridal party. I don't see why she'd want to be part of something like that anyway.

For me it's not an issue of who is or isn't Catholic. (I never gave that thought when choosing anyone) It's respect and attitude toward marriage. (to me that matters)

Not believing is one thing, believing something different is also fine, actively making fun of the religion I think is grounds for not having her in the BP. It would be insulting to me to have someone like that as part of a sacrament.

Bridal party members don't have to share the same beliefs BUT this is not just a case of not believing. It's insulting.

She thinks marriage is a joke, that alone would be enough for me not to ask her.

Just a note... I don't think athiests should in any way be excluded from bridal parties or anything, My sister married an atheist and they are very happy together. He has never felt the need to make fun of anything related to the religion. They have been married over 10 years and with three kids. (raising Catholic) It can work when there is respect.

Hope61 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_athiest-bridal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:b6c60c5e-968e-4910-be85-73a89ff23e7dPost:01d1089e-7102-428b-9dd5-66dfe98aa0dc">Athiest Bridal Attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE] I do have three sisters and a future sister-in-law that could be bridesmaids. What shall I do? Also, if I do not use her, how would I go about letting her know this?
Posted by rmrodriguezc[/QUOTE]

I think PPs have given a lot of valuable advice. In regards to this last question... if you don't ask any other friends, then its easy--she'll realize (and if need be, you can point out to her) that you limited your bridesmaids to just family members, As long as you haven't already asked her, which is a different issue, there's no need to let her know she's not a bridesmaid--she'll figure it out soon enough. And if she asks about it, disclose however much you want--just say your wedding party is already decided and leave it at that, or gently explain that the wedding party will be "my sisters and so-and-so, who I think will be really supportive of our Catholic marriage."

ootmother2 · July 2011

My point was not that I have a problem specifically with Catholic bashers, I have a problem with anyone bashing anyone choice of religion.

That including Catholics bashing Jews, Jews bashing Protestant, Protestant bashing....well, you get my point.

mica178 · July 2011

Atheist. Sorry, the misspelling has been bugging me.

Most of my friends are not especially religious. However, if one of them was making fun of my religion and said that marriage is something that can be thrown away, I wouldn't want her to be standing by my side at the altar as I state my vows in front of God, my family and dearest friends.

If you haven't asked her, I probably wouldn't, at least not without a serious heart to heart with her about what being a bridesmaid means to you (supporting your union, recognizing how you as a Catholic view marriage, etc.). If you have asked her, you cannot un-ask her unless you're willing to end that friendship.

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