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Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?

We're having a total budget and intimate wedding of under 3K in Georgia. It will be on the beach and then have our reception/lunch at the beach front restaurant that will be right next to where the ceremony is held. The number of guests will be pretty small, anywhere between 10 to 30 guests. I've heard of some wedding receptions at fancy restaurants where the menu was extremely limited because the bride/groom had to pay for it. The restaurant is a very very laid back place, it's more like a bar and grille that you'd go to when you go on a beach vacation. We are not going to have any decoration at the wedding and reception. It's not necessary when we've got the beautiful beach, water, and nature. We will definitely call the restaurant ahead of time to let them know how many people will be arriving for lunch.

The thing is, do we pay for their meals- when it's all going to be a la carte, the most expensive meal may be like 30 bucks and such. We wouldn't want our guests to take advantage of this. We're also not going to be asking for any gifts when their presence is our present, too. Two of my bridesmaids think it is only fair that the guests pay for their meals and drinks if we request for no wedding gifts. Although, we may pay for toasting wine for each of the guest to toast the celebration of our wedding.

What do you think?


*edit*

Ok thank you everyone for your responses!

Actually, both of our families live in Georgia. My fiance and I currently live in South Florida because he was able to find a better job out here. But that's why we're having the wedding in Georgia to make it very convenient for both of our families in Georgia. Most of them live near the coast of where we're having our wedding.

The budget we set is 3K because we don't know exactly how much both of our attires will cost and we're paying for our wedding suite on the beach so it'd be our honeymoon, too. We're also going to rent a few hotel rooms on the beach for the wedding party for the 2 days before the wedding, so we could have our girl time with my bridesmaids and the guys have their own time as well. Also, my fiance's grandmother lives in NY and he really wants to fly her down for the wedding, so we're going to be paying for her flight ticket.

The guests we're inviting are the closest friends and a few relatives. We just thought that our wedding day is a great excuse for our friends and family to use for their vacation days. I asked 5 different people that aren't in our wedding party about this to get more of an unbiased opinion and they all said the same thing that my bridesmaids said. I guess each bride has different groups of guests.

Again, we don't want any gifts at all, thats why we thought their presence at our wedding is enough and that if they wanted to pay, they could use the "gift money" for paying for their meals. That's what my girls said. I don't know....
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Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?

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    Your reception is a thank-you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony. By no means should they have to pay for their meals or drinks. Have a limited menu that you can afford, but NEVER ask your GUESTS to pay. THey are your guests and you should be a hostess.
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    Never, ever ask your guests to pay for anything.  SarahPLiz is completely right, the reception is a thank you for attending.  Have a menu you can afford, or change your ceremony time so you can do heavy apps or a dessert reception.
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    No, guests shouldn't pay for anything...  That is the hosts' obligation.  And I seriously doubt that these people who love you enough to come to your wedding will "take advantage of you" because you're picking up the tab.

    Also, you seem to be from Southern Florida but you're getting married in Georgia.  Does these mean your guests will be traveling to your wedding?  If so, it becomes even more imperative that you pay for their meal.  

    #1 rule of a destination wedding = make it worth it for your guests to have traveled.  The absolute very least thing you could do would be to pay for their meal.  

    You said that your budget is 3K.  Even if 30 people came and all of them ordered a $30 meal, you're looking at a food cost of under $1,000.  Seriously, what else are you going to spend your budget on if not on feeding your guests?

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    ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:716940f5-10bc-4d80-b466-ddc9ef3ab84d">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Again, we don't want any gifts at all, thats why we thought their presence at our wedding is enough and that if they wanted to pay, <strong>they could use the "gift money" for paying for their meals.</strong> That's what my girls said. I don't know....
    Posted by ash03vic[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're not asking for gifts BUT guests can use money they would spend on a gift to pay for their own meal.  So unless paying for their meal is optional, then they are effectively buying you a gift.  They're gifting you your reception.  Do you see the irony?</div><div>
    </div><div>Just pay for the meal and accept regular gifts if you want.  You have over a year to come up with enough money to invite 10-30 people to lunch.  Don't cheap out.  It's your WEDDING.</div><div>
    </div><div>Don't you want people to remember that you were a gracious hostess?   Don't you think it's ridiculous to spend be willing to spend a couple thousand dollars on attire/hotel rooms, etc. and not spend a thousand on feeding your guests?  Do you really want a waiter passing out separate checks at the end of the meal?  </div><div>
    </div><div>And please stop listening to your friends' advice.  They are severely misguided about basic wedding etiquette.  Repost this on the Etiquette board and include a poll if you don't believe what I'm telling you.</div>
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    You've gotten some really bad advice from your friends. Pay for the meal. If you're concerned about offering the full menu, choice one or two selections. Or work with the restaurant to create an abridged menu of all options in your price range. But you need to find a way to pay for your guests' meals.
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    Guests do not pay for anything other than their travel expenses and a gift for the couple. If you can't afford to pay for this yourselves, you must scale back to something that you can afford.
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    I have never heard of guests paying for their own food before.  I have heard lots of things on these boards,  but this is a strange question.  The PP's are all correct.  You dont have your guests pay for their meal.  Ever.  Just because you have a small budget and you are deciding to have a laid back reception and not ask for gifts doesnt justify making people pay for food. 

    If you cant afford to feed them, then you need to either change your venue to a backyard and make the food yourself, or pick a few items you can afford and offer a limited menu. You have plenty of time to save for this.  Feeding 30 people is not that expensive.  If people are telling you they dont mind, its only because you have asked them and they dont want to be impolite and tell you no way.

    Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your friends?
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    If you can't afford a full meal and are not willing to cut your guest list, your only option is cake and coffee.
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    YOur edit doesn't change my initial response. You should budget for food for your guests, and then set your budget for attire. If its totally laid back and casual, then your attire shou'dn't cost much. You need to look at your budget and set priorities. Serving a meal, or at least cake and punch at a non-meal time, should be in your budget BEFORE your attire or paying for bridal party hotel rooms.

    Truthfully, if I knew the B&G paid to party it up with their friends for days before the wedding, and I took time out of my day to go, travel or not, and had to pay for my own meal, I'd be severely pissed. AND I would take my gift back home with me, because obviously the B&G have no sense of generosity towards their guests.

    I know you say you don't want gifts, but that has nothing to do with it. at. all. You should never expect gifts, or that someone will want to give you one. I guarantee your guests will be put off by paying for their own meals, even though they may not tell you to your face. Of course your BMs are telling you its ok.. they get a free hotel room out of it!
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    PP's are all correct regarding who pays.

    You mentioned "calling ahead" to the restaurant, you need to make sure this is a solid booking i.e. you have written confirmation of your booking.  You may find that the restaurant only offers a set menu for large groups (it makes it easier for them to cater), so you should be able to organise a pre-agreed menu with a choice of 4-5 mains that your guests can choose from within your budget. 

    You don't have to tell the restaurant it's a wedding (as they'll probably hike their prices up if you do).


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    The wedding reception is your opportunity to thank your guests for spending this day with you.  You should absolutely pay for their meals.  If you're worried about cost, contact the restaurant ahead of time and set up a menu in advance.  Don't just assume you'll be able to call ahead that day and get tables for 30 people.  They may say no.  You need to contact them in advance to set this up.
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     I would be pissed if I showed up to a wedding where the bride was wearing a huge dress like what you have in your pictures, and then I was given nothing to eat.  My mom did something like this when she got remarried.  There were about 20 people, and she couldn't afford to pay for everyone's meal and it was VERY uncomfortable when bills got passed out.  People don't go to a wedding expecting to have to pay for their meal. 
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    I'm APPALLED!  What???  You expect me to buy a dress to attend your wedding, pay for my flights, my hotel, my rental car, AND my meals while I'm there?  I'm just going to watch you get married?  Send me a picture!

    1.  How many weddings have you attended that you paid for your own meal?

    2.  This isn't really a reception so please don't send out invites to this.  You can send out invitations to the "wedding only" on the beach and then use word of mouth that you'll be going to the restaurant after.

    3.  While you call it dinner afterward, the restaurant is going to call it a reception.  As soon as you call the restaurant and let them know that you just got married, they are going to want you to reserve the restaurant and then  you'll be paying a deposit, etc.  Just like is expected at a regular reception.

    PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!  Even as offbeat as my friends are and I don't generally have a problem with anything anyone choses to do at their wedding, it is absolutely RUDE to expect me to come to your wedding and pay for my own meal.  If you can't afford to pay for at least cake and punch save your money and have a nice anniversary party later. 

    If it's about the money, try to find a nice pavilion on the beach, cater your own food, (lots of discussion here lately about DIY catering for $500) and have a reception where your guests feel welcomed, not like they had to pay a "cover charge" to get into your wedding.

    I don't mean to be mean, but if I were one of your friends or family I would be offended.
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    pay for their meal. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    If you don't pay, they're not really your guests. Having them as guests implies that you are hosting ie. paying for the reception. It's fine to look into offering a limited menu that fits your budget, but it's not even a little bit fine to ask your guests to pay for anything (food OR drink).

    Also, please don't put "your presence is our present" anywhere - not invitation, website, nothing. If you don't want gifts, just don't register. Some people may choose to give you cash or a gift, and they have that option, but it's considered tacky to bring up gifts at all (even if it's to say "no gifts").
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    Don't make it a la carte, then. Set a prix fixe menu, where guests can only choose between certain food options (or give everyone the same dish and have a vegetarian meal available for those who request it). That way, you know what the final bill will be.
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    haha ok, I wasn't trying to change your opinions. I wanted to hear more of an unbiased opinion from other people. My friends and I are from 25 to 30 years old.

    The wedding dresses in the photo is really old, I can't find a way to delete that! I've actually found the dress I've been looking for, it was about $400, mainly chiffon, which is perfect for a beach wedding.

    We're not spending a "couple of thousands of dollars" on hotel rooms.

    The reason why we have to be really really cheap is because my fiance has over 70K of college debt  We're trying our best to avoid any more debt on top of that. The reason why we want to get married is because we've been together for 5 years and his new job has the healthcare plan I really could use.

    I really liked this idea
    "You can send out invitations to the "wedding only" on the beach and then use word of mouth that you'll be going to the restaurant after."

    It actually makes sense. Because we don't know how many people will show up and it's be a lunch for all of us. The wedding will begin at noon and so on.

    I wasn't going to really put anything like "no gifts" on the invitations about the gifts because we didn't want to imply that we have a registry of any kind.
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    There is no excuse to not know how many people will be attending. That is why you send out rsvps and follow up on them. So you would rather follow bad etiquette than to make sure that your guests are not inconvenienced in any way?
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    Of all the good advice you were given, why did you happen to latch onto the bad advice?  You can't invite people to your ceremony and then mention that you're going to lunch and they can tag along (paying their own way) if they so desire.  That is just so wrong.

    If people take the time to come witness your ceremony you are then obliged to thank them by hosting some type of reception.  In your case it would be lunch.  If you can't affort an inexpensive luncheon, then get married at 3pm and then host cake and punch for your guests.  Anything less would be considered a breach of etiquette or in simpler terms, just plain rude.


    I'm not saying this to be mean or snarky but so that you don't offend people, do yourself a favor and go buy, or check out from the library, a copy of Emily Post's etiquette book.  You'll find it invaluable all through life; IMO every girl should have their very own copy.

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    [QUOTE]I really liked this idea "You can send out invitations to the "wedding only" on the beach and then use word of mouth that you'll be going to the restaurant after." It actually makes sense. Because we don't know how many people will show up and it's be a lunch for all of us.
    Posted by ash03vic[/QUOTE]
    Please do <em>not</em> follow that advice.  It does not make sense, because receptions are a thank you to your guests for attending.  If you invite people to the ceremony, they must be invited to a reception.  Cake and punch is fine, but you can't ask them to attend the ceremony then send them on their way.

    Several people have suggested that you arrange with the restaurant to have a fixed menu for your guests.  That is a great suggestion.  You will know how many people will show up if you ask for RSVPs.  Postcard RSVPs are less expensive due to postage, you can also ask for phone RSVPs but be prepared to have to call more people since not everyone will respond that way.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:3a1b22ea-afec-4949-a895-f0d44f69bd90">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really liked this idea "You can send out invitations to the "wedding only" on the beach and then use word of mouth that you'll be going to the restaurant after." It actually makes sense. Because we don't know how many people will show up and it's be a lunch for all of us. The wedding will begin at noon and so on.
    Posted by ash03vic[/QUOTE]



    That is a HORRIBLE idea. Do not listen to whoever gave you that awful advice. It is BEYOND rude to invite your guests to a wedding and then not feed them afterward, and people will be talking shiit beghind your back (and hopefully to your face, if anyone in your family has the common sense to teach you some manners).

    It's not your guests' problem if your FI has $70k of debt and if you have no health insurance. Your situation isn't unique, princess. Plenty of people on these boards are dealing with similar, if not worse, situations, and they still have the decency and etiquette to provide their guests with something to eat.

    If you want to scale it back to a cake and coffee reception, or something casual (pizza, sandwiches, hot dogs and burgers, whatever), that's perfectly fine. But don't just say, "Hey, come watch us get married and then pay for your own food afterward if you feel like it!" That is an awful, awful, AWFUL thing to do to people, and I'm amazed that none of your real-life friends or family are telling you so.
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    hollieheidihollieheidi member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2010
    FWIW--------maybe you didn't get it from my original post and I didn't word it well becuse I think I was so shocked........

    If you invite hem to the ceremony only and spread it by word of mouth that you will be at the restaurant after then you still have to pay for their meal.  It is still a reception!!!!  I was saying DO NOT SEND OUT INVITES FOR THIS!  I do however think you can invite them to the ceremony only, but then you still should serve some sort of appetizer or punch even if its on the beach at the wedding site.  You can't invite someone to a wedding and expect them just to be so happy to be there and see you get married and serve them NOTHING!  Just as a friend and someone who cares you should want to show some sort of appreciation to those friends and family who are there to support you.

    If you want to go out with your friends and family for dinner as a married couple then do it on your own after your wedding.  You don't have to invite them to the ceremony.  Get married and then go out to dinner.

    In no way shape or form is it appropriate that you invite someone to a wedding and expect for them to pay for their own meal.

    A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony. It is held as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receives society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple. Hosts provide their choice of food and drink, although a wedding cake is popular. Entertaining guests after a wedding ceremony is traditional in most societies, and can last anywhere from half an hour to many hours.

    Before receptions—a social event that is structured around a receiving line, and usually held in the afternoon—became popular, weddings were more typically celebrated with wedding breakfasts (for those whose religious traditions encouraged morning weddings) and balls (for those who were married in the evening). The popularity of receptions, rather than breakfasts, dinners, and balls, during the 20th century led to the name reception being applied to any social event after a wedding, whether it is brunch, tea, dinner, or a dance.

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    Thanks for clarifying, Hollie. You are right in that case.

    The rest of your post had good advice so I was very confused as to why this suggestion seemed so bad, lol. Glad to hear that it was a miscommunication!
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    Wow.  Frankly, I'm glad I'm not one of your "guests" because this whole thing would set me off, and I'd have a hard time not telling you this on your wedding day or sending you an email or letter later.  There are certain rules that you HAVE to follow, and giving your guests food is one of them.  Even if it's just cake and drinks! 

    What is your problem?  Why are you SO against doing even a modestly decent thing for the people you pretend to love?

    And, your dress costs more than mine did.  I had a $4800 wedding for 50 people, and I managed to pay for all of their meals at a very nice restaurant.  You very clearly have made up your mind that your not going to be conscientious to your guests.

    Also, why would you go into debt for a wedding-- you save up and then pay for it.  AND, I've got $40k in student debt, yet my H and I (Oh, did I mention I've been unemployed for 2 years?) managed to have a fun, budget friendly wedding without making feel like they weren't really wanted.

    I think what you're really after is an elopement.  If that's the case, you don't invite anyone but your parents and siblings.  Even then, you should still pay for their dinner.

    Ugh. 
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    Just as a side note.....a budget wedding AND reception for $3K can be done.  The budget board has a ton of ideas and for destination weddings with at home receptions. 

    Personally, I have a ton of debt, three kids, house, cars, etc.  We all have reasons to be on a budget..there is nothing wrong with being on a budget or even the amount.

    Check with the restaurant first, they may be able to work with your budget and put together something really nice for you.  Alcohol is a big expense so just one signature drink in bulk might be more economical.  Beer and wine are perfectly acceptable.

    Scheduling your wedding for earlier in the day and serving a lunch buffet might fit you budget and idea better anyway. The cost is less, no alcohol necessary and you're right if the weather is right, everyone will want to get back outside.

    The beach at sunset would be perfect for a wedding and then a self-catered bonfire would be an AWESOME reception.

    Don't think of your budget as a hinderance, use it to your advantage to make it a very personal memorable wedding. I'd rather have the memory of your wedding as "that really cool sunset wedding with a great party at the bonfire after" rather than tell my friends "she got a really great gift....I spent $800 to go to her wedding and eat at a TGIFriday's after the wedding."  I doubt I would be one of the ones to attend and if I did, I definately would go somewhere else I would rather pay for dinner.

    I didn't want you to feel that you are only going to get slammed....I wanted to give you some ideas and try to work from there.  Do a little more research, check out some other options and try to find something that is more appreciative for those that do love and care about you.
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    Personally I think it's pretty rude to invite people to a wedding where everyone needs to travel, get hotel rooms,they will have to eat out for some meals and then not even provide ONE meal for them.   They are spending a bunch of money to spend the day with you, the very least you could do is provide a meal.  It does not have to be fancy, but I would feel bad not giving them anything to eat. 

    Call the restaurant...  See what they can do.  You said the most expensive meal is $30  see if they can give you a pre-fixed menu for less money.  Actually the restaurant might prefer that.  I know DH's would not accept a party of 30 without prior notice.  Cooking and serving 30 at one time is not as easy has serving 30 people who have stagged reservations.  A pre-fixed can help you and them.


    btw - Who cares if you are not asking for gifts?  Gifts are not required anyway (even if most people do give one).






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    No, no, no. You have to pay for their meals. Honestly, for so few people how much would it cost you?
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    Just invite the number of guests you can afford to host.  If you can only afford to buy dinner for 10 people, only invite 10 people.  It's really that simple. 
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    I'm always amazed at how many clueless and/or selfish people are out there. 

    No, this is not ok, in any way shape or form.  Frankly, I'm shocked that your friends would tell you it is. 

    If you invite people to your wedding, you cover everything for them at the wedding and reception.  You don't have to offer a meal, but you can't charge them for it.  The same goes with alcohol.

    It is also incredibly rude to ask for or expect gifts anyway, so I'm not sure where you think that not doing that makes this any better. 
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    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:716940f5-10bc-4d80-b466-ddc9ef3ab84d">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>We just thought that our wedding day is a great excuse for our friends and family to use for their vacation days. </strong>
    Posted by ash03vic[/QUOTE]
     
    ...because that's how I'd want to spend my vacation days. Traveling to your wedding, paying for everything involved, and then paying for my meal, too.

    There's no way to justify having your guests pay for their meal. Stop trying. It's wrong, it will be wrong forever, and your friends are wrong for suggesting it.
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