Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?

NuggetBrain

Your wedding day should be about more than an excuse for your friends and family to use their vacation days.  And you know, they might want to use those vacation days on, oh, I don't know, A VACATION.  You really are a peach.

RachNRich

Would you attend a wedding reception if you had to pay for your own meal?

[Deleted User]

My friend was MOH in a wedding which ended in her paying for her own meal.  She was PISSED!  Also it was a surprise you need to pay for your own food.

The reason for etiquette is not to follow sill rules just to follow rules, it to make sure people are comfortable.  It's YOUR wedding you pay.  

If you want to elope do that instead.  

agk0125

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your dress was EXPENSIVE considering your budget. I only spent $150 on mine because hosting my guests was more important to me than a dress.

Wow.

lalap69

My Mind = Blown

You can easily do this reception for $1000, probably half of that if you work with the restaurant.  Your dress cost $400.  Your budget is $3000.  WHAT ELSE ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON? 

Honest to God, you've got a full board full of people all telling you the same thing and you still can't grasp it?   HOST YOUR FRIGGIN' GUESTS.  Or don't invite them at all.

gottahavashorti

Have you considered staying at the beach for a couple days less?  That would give you the money to cover your guests' meals.

I completely missed the tidbit about vacation time before.  Some people are very good at using their vacation time on their own.  Others don't have the time to use their vacation if they want to keep their jobs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That would be super rude. Host what you can afford. If you can only afford iced tea, lemonade, water, sandwiches and salad, then that's what people will have for lunch. You wouldn't invite someone to your house for lobster and say at the end of the night, "Oh, that will be $30. And since you had a glass of wine, you can actually round it up to $35."

Also, have you ever BEEN to a meal where 30+ people pay their own way? It becomes a logistical nightmare.

The place we are having our rehearsal dinner has fixed menus: appetizers to share, a salad, then a choice of 3 entrees and a choice of 2 desserts. Tea, water and soda included. For more money we can add beer and wine. It isn't rocket science.

Also, YOU DO NOT MENTION GIFTS. Do not tell people not to bring a gift. Do not tell them to only bring cash gifts. Do not tell people where you are registered unless they ask. Do not mention gifts AT ALL. Gifts are gifts - meaning they are always optional. It is tacky to mention anything about them, as that assumes people are bringing them. Which is probably true, but it is still rude. A cheesy phrase like, "Your presence is your present!" does not make it easier to swallow.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:fa8b34cc-d947-4628-9171-35c9665619e2">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, have you ever BEEN to a meal where 30+ people pay their own way? It becomes a logistical nightmare.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


Actually I know of a lot of places down here who will not split checks.  Especially for 30 people.  They flat out refuse to serve them that way.  Forget the fact that making them pay is rude, you might find the restaurant will not let you do that anyway.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, and for a lunch time wedding, I feel a dry reception is fine. Just allow the guests to have soda, tea, etc hosted by you. Beer and wine are nice if you can afford it, but not necessary. SOME kind of hosted food and drink IS necessary.

britne28

I would be very offended if I showed up to the wedding and had to pay for food.  And I would not be amused to hear that you though it was a fabulous way to spend my vacation days.  Which aren't a lot so they are precious and to be used wisely.  Either do as PPs suggested and have a BBQ or potluck or something within your budget or only have a wedding. 

redheadfsu

OP

I'm 25 with $100,000 in Student loan debt & I would NEVER do this. Asking guests to pay for a meal at a wedding is as rude as you can get.

Just NO!


EDIT: I have to pay $$$ for health care as my job doesn't provide it. (Damn economy) I would save a lot if I was covered under FI's but that is NOT a reason for us to get married before we can pay for it or be rude to my friends & family.

mrsamyjones

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:3a1b22ea-afec-4949-a895-f0d44f69bd90">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
[QUOTE]haha ok, I wasn't trying to change your opinions. I wanted to hear more of an unbiased opinion from other people. My friends and I are from 25 to 30 years old. The wedding dresses in the photo is really old, I can't find a way to delete that! I've actually found the dress I've been looking for, it was about $400, mainly chiffon, which is perfect for a beach wedding. We're not spending a "couple of thousands of dollars" on hotel rooms. The reason why we have to be really really cheap is because my fiance has over 70K of college debt  We're trying our best to avoid any more debt on top of that. <strong>The reason why we want to get married is because we've been together for 5 years and his new job has the healthcare plan I really could use.</strong> I really liked this idea "You can send out invitations to the "wedding only" on the beach and then use word of mouth that you'll be going to the restaurant after." It actually makes sense. Because we don't know how many people will show up and it's be a lunch for all of us. The wedding will begin at noon and so on. I wasn't going to really put anything like "no gifts" on the invitations about the gifts because we didn't want to imply that we have a registry of any kind.
Posted by ash03vic[/QUOTE]

This is not a reason to be getting married.

And you obviously don't understand what everyone has been saying over and over and over. You cannot host a reception without providing (paying for) the food. I am shocked that ANYONE told you this was okay, let alone several of your so called friends.

megk8oz

I haven't read through all the responses on this yet, but making your guests pay for whatever food you serve is completely rude and unacceptable. If you can't afford to feed everybody, then you need to either start saving so you can do so, or start making cuts elsewhere in your budget.

aerinpegadrak

My dad suggested that we go out for dinner after the wedding and just let the guests pay for themselves.  I asked if he knew the exact moment when he lost his damn mind.  It's appallingly, unspeakably rude.  If you can't afford to pay for any sort of food for your guests, even just punch and cake, you can't afford to invite them to your wedding.  Simple as that.

SuMmErKuTiE

A guest should NEVER have to pay for their own meal at a wedding, they're your guests! I didn't even know people did this! I don't think a guest should have to pay for their food OR their drinks at wedding.

trix1223

Oh my dear.  I'm coming in late to this, but I really have to weigh in.

#1:  You don't get to decide how people use their vacation time.  Frankly, telling me that MY vacation time would be perfect to use for your wedding is AW-ing beyond a lot of AW-ing that we see here.

#2:  Asking guests to take their vacation time, pay for air fare, hotels, rental cars, attire, gifts (because honestly, NO ONE goes to a wedding without bringing a gift),  and then, presenting them with a check for their food after the ceremony is just stunning.  Stunningly awful.

#3:  Who in their right mind would think that either of the above is a good idea?  Other than, of course, you, who appear to want a princess moment without having to pay for it.

#4:  If you can't afford to treat your guests graciously, please, please, puh-leeze go to the courthouse.  You can get married there for less than $100.

Neither you OP or your edit makes this a good idea at all.  Don't do it.

megk8oz

Oh, you're doing this for health care? Nope, sorry, you still have no sympathy from me.

DH has had health insurance through his job for the past 3 years, I have not had health care since I was 19 (I'm now 25). When we got engaged 2 years ago, we knew I needed the benifits. However, I knew we had to pay for the wedding ourselves and didn't get any kind of "do-over" later on, and we didn't want regrets. While we did not have anything incredibly fancy, we were able to put together something nice and only invited the people we could afford to host. 

We waited until we had our finances in order to pay for the wedding we wanted (Which included feeding our guests). We made sure we had some "God Forbid" money set aside in case I needed it, and if a huge emergency came up, we would have dealt with it from there. But it never once occured to me to either rush my wedding or chintz out on our guests just so I could get a tetnus shot.

ricksang

I have 100 grand in student debt and I still fed all 50 of my guests. No matter what your excuse is, you can't ask them to pay for their meals. If you want to do this, get married on the beach alone and then have a dinner g2g or something. If your friends/family are agreeing with you about your plans, I can bet it is because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Think about this: if it was perfectly acceptable to allow guests to pay for their own meals, why the hell would people host weddings where they themselves pay $100+ per plate for their guests meals? Doesn't that seem like a huge waste of money is etiquette doesn't dictate it to be necessary?

ggmae

Oh good grief. Pay for their meals. Call the restaurant ahead of time to talk over the menu and if cost is an issue, make sure that they don't put expensive food out for guests to choose from. Pay for the meals ahead of time so that there is no confusion on wedding day.

You said you'd have about 30 guests max, right? Even if the cost per meal was $30, you'd still be under $1,000 for 30 people. Not bad!

Honestly, if I were expected to pay for my own meal at a wedding, I'd most likely decline the invite.

tannymcgee

you are a selfish little brat.  that's all. 

*edit* in the interest of politeness, I just want to clarify that I feel that you are acting in a very selfish and bratty manner by expecting your guests to pay their own way at your wedding.  will grandma have to pay, too?

Lasairiona

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:d3f52c8c-0aa1-4a8a-a5e3-8acc3b4e7480">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be very offended if I showed up to the wedding and had to pay for food.  And I would not be amused to hear that you though it was a fabulous way to spend my vacation days.  Which aren't a lot so they are precious and to be used wisely.  Either do as PPs suggested and have a BBQ or potluck or something within your budget or only have a wedding. 
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]
Even a potluck is rude since "guests" (using that term quite loosely) are still expected to pay for and provide their own food. Hence they are not really guests. Add to that, there is usually nowhere to cook that food unless everyone attending lives in the same town, nor is there any way to make sure that it stays a safe temperature while the ceremony and pictures and whatnot are taking place.

luckyme502

If I was a guest at your wedding I would be totally pissed I had to pay for my own meal.  I took time off of work to support you on your day and you can't even pay for a lousy meal!  You will pay for your bridal to stay in the hotel for a couple nights, but you won't pay for everyone's meal? 

banana468

If you're still planning a Hawaiian honeymoon, take from the HM fund and spend it on your wedding reception.

Or elope.

deepcovejackie

OP--what you're looking for is a wedding that your "guests" will be paying for.  For reasons of health care coverage.

How romantic.

JanoBean75

You can't be real. I refuse to believe that there are people out there that think this is okay.

Lasairiona

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_should-guests-pay-their-meal-beach-side-restaurant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:55a29154-417a-46e5-a0eb-a74a5d03e71ePost:fd85f444-5d0d-44dc-9bb6-7c3b27ea1698">Re: Should guests pay for their meal at a beach side restaurant?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't be real. I refuse to believe that there are people out there that think this is okay.
Posted by JanoBean75[/QUOTE]
Sad to say, there are more people than you think who believe this is perfectly ok.

GinaBean3

i agree with everyone.....you should NOT ask your guests to pay for their meal. I think it's really tacky and disrespectful!