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advice on a mother vs. FMIL situation?

BriLeigh89BriLeigh89 member
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in Chit Chat
I have been considering who I want to take dress shopping. I know my MOH will go but I was thinking of taking my FMIL since we get along. I know my mother would want to go but she lives in TN and rarely finds the time to visit and when she does it is usually a day or two. I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings but I am afraid she will feel replaced or unwanted. how do I explain without hurting her that I am not trying to replace her but I am doing what is best for me by picking someone near by who also loves me?
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Re: advice on a mother vs. FMIL situation?

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    MrsGandthebeagMrsGandthebeag member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    Why don't you ask your mom if she wants to come with you?  If she can make the trip, great.  If not, tell her not to worry about it.  Then you can ask your FMIL to come.  
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    SJM7538SJM7538 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I had both my mom and my FMIL there. Then we went out to lunch afterwards (some other people were there as well, my sister and a couple of my BMs) but it was a good opportunity for them to spend some time together. They've only met a couple of times but they had a lot of fun. And my FMIL in no way made my mom feel unwanted or unimportant. She oooed and ahhhed at some dresses but utlimately it was that mother daugher experience I wanted.

    If you're mom can't make the trip, she can't make the trip. If she really wants to be there I assume she would make it happen.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I would at least put it out to your mom first and see if she was already planning on coming up.  Maybe line up a weekend and hit a couple stores in the area.

    My mom would have been pretty hurt to have not been at least asked about it.  Then again, I'm extremely close to my mom and wouldn't have considered not trying to have her there.
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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I did my dress shopping during a trip to visit my parents in Ohio.  I took only my mom because I knew it would be the only part of the wedding planning she could help with.  With the holidays coming up, is this something you could do? 
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    azdancer8azdancer8 member
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    My mom flew down to go dress shopping with me. I knew she couldn't do too much due to her health, so I was so happy when I found my dress at store number two. She says that being there with me when I found "the one" was also one of the happiest moments of her life.

    OP, I'd see if your mom can come for at least the first dress stores. Then you can invite FMIL accordingly.
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_advice-on-a-mother-vs-fmil-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8f07cdab-645e-4dc0-a11d-825d580887f9Post:6b007bb0-d6a7-4402-90f6-85cea75f2b9c">Re: advice on a mother vs. FMIL situation?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would at least put it out to your mom first and see if she was already planning on coming up.  Maybe line up a weekend and hit a couple stores in the area. My mom would have been pretty hurt to have not been at least asked about it.  Then again, I'm extremely close to my mom and wouldn't have considered not trying to have her there.
    Posted by munchkinmiss[/QUOTE]

    I could never have missed shopping with my daughter for her wedding gown.

    Ask her and my bet is she would move mountains to be there
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Dress shopping, as the previous posters have already told you, is an extremely important step in the process of witnessing your "little girl" transform into a married woman.  There is no way I would have asked my FMIL to be a part of that.  FMIL had her hands full with the RD and transportation issues for her family to get to the wedding, etc.  Let your FMIL deal with the groom's family issues and projects.  And you and your mom focus on the bride's family issues and projects.
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    meeshell123meeshell123
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    I invited my FMIL but after I asked my mom if it would be ok. Talk to your mom and if she can't be there personally, maybe she can be there via skype or something along those lines.

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    ChristineNBChristineNB
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    I acutally picked my dress out myself but not before I showed my then FMIL and FSIL pics of it.  Then my FMIL and FSIL would take turns coming with me to fittings.  My mom lives 500 miles away, and while I know she loves me, she has a lot of health problems that prevented her from being super involved in wedding stuff.  My MIL was thrilled to be there and show her support
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    BriLeigh89BriLeigh89 member
    First Comment
    my mother is doing my flowers and wedding decorations so she is involved extremely.  I am thinking of starting early next week. although its too early to buy a dress she may be happy just looking with me. I'm very picky and she knows that and she gets frustrated with me. I will see if she can go when she comes up or if she will stay an extra day to go look with me for a while. i'm extremely close to my FMIL since my mother lives in TN and FMIL lives down the street. 
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    TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    In Response to Re: advice on a mother vs. FMIL situation? : I could never have missed shopping with my daughter for her wedding gown. Ask her and my bet is she would move mountains to be there
    Posted by ootmother2 I agree! Since the day she was born, I have been looking forward to this! Deprive me of this pleasure? Don't know how I would react.
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    BriLeigh89BriLeigh89 member
    First Comment
    my mom has made it clear it would in no means be a pleasure to her. she hates shopping with me and has said before when I was dress shopping in school she would never go wedding gown shopping because I am way too picky and I take too long. but I will ask next week.
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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to Re: advice on a mother vs. FMIL situation?:
    [QUOTE]my mom has made it clear it would in no means be a pleasure to her. she hates shopping with me and has said before when I was dress shopping in school she would never go wedding gown shopping because I am way too picky and I take too long. but I will ask next week.
    Posted by BriLeigh89[/QUOTE]

    then what exacty is the problem here?
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    carlynkevincarlynkevin
    First Comment
    My dad was with me when I found my dress.
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    BriLeigh89BriLeigh89 member
    First Comment
    I'm going to stop posting here. a lot of ppl on here are rude but if I had a chance to get on here every five seconds to post to everyone maybe some ppl would understand. but I'm kinda getting tired of seeing the same negative ppl on all of my posts I feel like they just read what I write just to leave a rude comment and be hateful. so I will stop asking for advice and wing it on my own from now on. the reson I posted is because my mom will want to go but only when it suits her and she won't want to be there long because she will get annoyed and antsy. I just wanted a nice way to tell her I woukd rather take my FMIL because she is patient with me. I know my mom's feelings will get hurt but she acts harassed when I ask her to go and then she gets dramatic when I say something about taking someone else. she just gets way too defensive. sorr yI asked for help. bye
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