I wanted to get some objective opinions out there because I'm really at a loss. I just got engaged to the love of my life and I'm really excited, but some things are coming up with his family that are really bothering me.
First off I am Christian and my fiancee is Jewish, raised in an orthodox home. His mom has come around and has congratulated us, but his dad has not, and I highly doubt he will be coming to our wedding. I really hope he does but he has stated that he wants nothing to do with our wedding and to not expect him and his wife to help out.
Aside of all this drama, my parents are very happy for us and are contributing a large amount to our reception. They told my fiancee and I that they are more than happy to come help us check out venues if we wanted. Now my fiancee's mother told him a while ago that she would also contribute a little to our wedding, that it may not be much but that she would give something. She said that she did not know about her husband but that she would give what she could. My fiancee and I had never even broached this subject with her and had never planned to but we were pleasantly surprised and appreciative.
Now that we are looking at venues, his mother tells him that she cannot contribute anything to the wedding but that she will give a "nicer" gift, whatever that means. What's irritating me about this situation is two things - one she should have just never said anything about giving something towards the wedding and I would have been fine. Two, I find it a little messed up that her and her husband took out a huge loan to help finance his sister's fancy wedding a few years back, but then will give absolutely nothing to their son. I know that traditionally the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and maybe the honeymoon, and while I never expected that to happen I thought something would have been contributed. To me it's not the money - it's the gesture and the fact that someone says one thing and does another.
Now I'm getting aggravated because my fiancee keeps trying to involve his mother in the wedding planning process and is asking her to let us know what venues she wants to come view with us. He is also asking her to make a guest list of who she wants to invite on top of the people from her side that we already have on our list (we have 210 people in total and it is split pretty evenly between his side and my side). I'm sorry but I really do not think this is appropriate - I want his family to obviously come to the wedding and be a part of our special day, but I do not want them involved in the planning process at this point. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I don't plan on saying anything to them and I really want things to be as cordial and pleasant as possible, but I also really don't think it's not fair to me or my family to involve people in the planning process when they are contributing nothing.