WWYD?

Steph0871 · January 2012

chels, FFS, quit trying to force yourself on people. This all reminds me of when you harassed your FMIL to teach you how to knit. And are you seriously considering not inviting the spouse of your FI's good friend just because she hurt your feelings?? Besides the fact that its a terrible idea, it will only serve to make you look bad (and by proxy, make her look like the 'victim' and prove her point.)

ricksang · January 2012

Isn't Expired Bride the poster who people were picking on b/c of her name?

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:2f09bad9-b3bc-43ea-9790-2f812dcb538a">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]chels, FFS, quit trying to force yourself on people. This all reminds me of when you harassed your FMIL to teach you how to knit. <strong>And are you seriously considering not inviting the spouse of your FI's good friend just because she hurt your feelings??</strong> Besides the fact that its a terrible idea, it will only serve to make you look bad (and by proxy, make her look like the 'victim' and prove her point.)
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

No, other people suggested it and I asked if that was honestly acceptable. We already decided they're still getting invited.

I never harassed my FMIL to teach me how to knit. I asked her once, she said yes, and then she pushed it off. Then when she got an attitude about it, I wasn't goingt o have her do it anymore, but she told me to come over so she could show me.

ETA I don't get how this is me forcing myself on them. It's not like I'm running back to her crying/apologizing asking what I can do to make her like me. I've never once tried to force our friendsihp because I've known for awhile it doesn't exist

Megbo2012 · January 2012

Chels I totally agree with what DJ said. My group had a friend who had a past that included sex drugs and drinking. Now she found Christ and won't stop telling everyone about it. Our group sometimes feels like we cannot involve her in anything because she will be so judgmental. (She judged that FI and I were going to live together before marriage, when people drink, have sex, swear everything). Also she couldn't stop talking about her faith about how we should feel too. It's tough. I'm not saying you are doing that, I have no idea, but it's really hard to be around that. It also sounds like they are being biitches just to be biitches.

TBH I would just let it go and not put myself in that situation again, until the situation changes. If it becomes more of a guy thing, that would work out better for you, the ladies can hang out together, FI and his guys can hang out together, and you can hang out with your friends. Idk, it's definitely tough.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:21582e86-9882-4c26-84b8-156bfebaac14">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Chels I totally agree with what DJ said. My group had a friend who had a past that included sex drugs and drinking. Now she found Christ and won't stop telling everyone about it. Our group sometimes feels like we cannot involve her in anything because she will be so judgmental. (She judged that FI and I were going to live together before marriage, when people drink, have sex, swear everything). Also she couldn't stop talking about her faith about how we should feel too. It's tough. I'm not saying you are doing that, I have no idea, but it's really hard to be around that. It also sounds like they are being biitches just to be biitches. TBH I would just let it go and not put myself in that situation again, until the situation changes. If it becomes more of a guy thing, that would work out better for you, the ladies can hang out together, FI and his guys can hang out together, and you can hang out with your friends. Idk, it's definitely tough.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

Oh I don't blame you. That sounds a little nutso. I've never really shoved my "turnaround" in anyones faces. If anyone asks, I'm not afraid to answer, but it's not like I walk into every situation saying "Praise the Lord I am a new woman!!" (I'm not like that at all lol) I don't judge anyones actions regarding their choices to have sex or not. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

allisong23 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:2f09bad9-b3bc-43ea-9790-2f812dcb538a">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]chels, FFS, quit trying to force yourself on people. This all reminds me of when you harassed your FMIL to teach you how to knit. And are you seriously considering not inviting the spouse of your FI's good friend just because she hurt your feelings?? Besides the fact that its a terrible idea, it will only serve to make you look bad (and by proxy, make her look like the 'victim' and prove her point.)
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

I'm with Steph on this one. I have this feeling there is a completely different side to this story.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:e31dc76e-6715-4771-a4f1-dc7aa283d0ec">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD? : I'm with Steph on this one. I have this feeling there is a completely different side to this story.
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

Even if there was, it doesn't warrant her treating me the way that she did. I'm open to anything she has to say to me. But nothing has been said past what I posted.

cheeseandrice · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:853a2e19-9a87-4fdb-821d-e8591c69954a">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD? : No, other people suggested it and I asked if that was honestly acceptable. We already decided they're still getting invited. I never harassed my FMIL to teach me how to knit. I asked her once, she said yes, and <strong>then she pushed it off. Then when she got an attitude about it,</strong> I wasn't goingt o have her do it anymore, but she told me to come over so she could show me.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

How did she go from "pushing it off" to "getting an attitude about it" if you didn't pester in between? You texted your FI about it and he told his mom and so on and so on. Until you got your way.

ETA: Dude. I'm not sure why I'm arguing this with you, because I really don't care.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fa1e0763-bec6-4f89-8950-51f6aa2f51eePost:59de7575-d23e-4db5-8298-aa20cc68b4e0">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD? : How did she go from "pushing it off" to "getting an attitude about it" if you didn't pester in between? You texted your FI about it and he told his mom and so on and so on. Until you got your way. ETA: Dude. I'm not sure why I'm arguing this with you, because I really don't care.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

I asked her at one point, then she said she was busy with stuff and she'd teach me in the spring (being spring of 2011). In the spring I asked her about it, she said to wait until after FSIL's wedding in Sept. In October, I asked her again and she said she would be free that afternoon. that same day, she had an attitude about it just to FI, at which point I said nevermind, she doesn't have to teach me. Then she insisted I come over so she can teach me. She then taught me.

polichik · January 2012

For the sake of my FI and his long-standing friendship with this guy, I'd ask N to meet me for coffee or something, face-to-face, and try to hear her side of the story. If you remain calm and just try to understand why she feels the way she feels about you, you could really win some respect. You don't have to be best friends with her, or even friendly, but if DH has a best friend who's going to be in his life for a long time, I couldn't fathom letting this dynamic continue for the next however many years.

If you enter into it from a place of curiosity and defensiveness, you might understand what it was that bothered her and learn something about yourself in the process.

Ok, I know this is where the chorus of "kumbaya" starts playing and "the more you know" star flies across the screen. But people rarely flash at others the way this girl did without reason, and I'd hate for this to happen to you again. If there's something about you that pisses people off, wouldn't you rather know now than 20 years down the line?

Or, if she reveals herself to just be crazy, at least you'll rest easy knowing it wasn't you.

Bkseller13 · January 2012

Invite them and seat her at the kiddie table. :-)

In all seriousness, if she's not willing to talk cordially with you, there's not much you can do until she gets over her snit. Try again in a few months.

monkeysip · January 2012

I don't know about your experiences, Chels, but I find this problem unavoidable sometimes.

I rarely ever volunteer my beliefs to people, but I happen to be friends with and have classes with a lot of people who are both really opinionated and polar opposites of my beliefs.

So sometimes they start to go on and on with their opinions on things, assuming that I would agree with them, and I can't help but to finally tell them how and why I disagree or else I feel that they're going to assume that my silence is agreement with them. While I usually like to keep the peace, I don't like people assuming that I'm in agreement with them when its an issue I feel strongly about.

This can be very problematic...

WWYD?

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