Hi all,
I am mostly a lurker, I have posted a couple of times here and there. I am the MOH in my sister's upcoming wedding. Only a couple months to go now! Well, this whole process has been TORTURE for me! And not really because of my sis but because of her future in laws.
To give you some background:
Groom in the middle child of 5 kids. 4 boys and the youngest is a girl. His two older brothers have always had problems with their mother (didn't speak for years because of fights). So groom was the oldest child in the house for the last 10 years. He's used to his mother and pretty much gives her whatever she wants, but what she wants is soooo unreasonable! When we were in high school, a group of us would hang out and she's call him 20 min after we left to say he needed to come home to do this or that. She also thinks that she is allowed to talk to people however she wants. I'll save the rest of my examples for the wedding related stuff!
So my very sweet sister decided, before they were even engaged, that she wanted to include the mother (the older two brothers didn't include her at all) and she wanted to ask the younger sister (14years old) to be a bridesmaid. The groomsmen are the groom's 3 brothers.
So, some things the mom has insisted be a certain way:
~The colors, she didn't like their choices and broke them down to change it
~The time of the ceremony. They wanted to start at 5, she wanted it at 6.
~Length of bridesmaid dresses. Bride originally said short, the said that is HAD to be long, now they are long.
~The whole process of getting the bridesmaid dress. They would not go for the little sis. Then they went and everything was good. Then they waited at least 3 weeks before they ordered the dress and tried to talk my sister into letting the 15 year old wear a different dress form a cheaper place, even though they never said anything about price being an issue before.
~The MIL insisted the grooms 2 neices be in the wedding
These are just a handful of examples. Each one on their own seems like no biggie. So every time my sis says, "Well, it's not that big of a deal, I might as well keep the peace and not piss of FMIL" Because if she did piss FMIL off, the woman would give her the silent treatment, talk about her to the other family members, and basically just do anything she can to make my sister's life hell. Oh, and BTW she's not contributing a dime! My parents and the couple are paying for all of it!
Well, as of today, I have had it! I am so upset about this last one! Okay, My sister says today that she regrets so much about her wedding and that she hasn't stood up for more and she's worried that she's going to look back and feel bad about things. When my mother asked for an example she said, "I would have insisted A, B and C be in the WP and not just let them tell me it had to be siblings only." (2 girls and 1 guy) So my mom and I say, why not ask them now? We know these people and they'd be so honored and WANT to be there for the wedding and for my sister and her fiance. She gets super excited and says, "You're right, why do they have any say in this? The day of will be so much better with A, B, and C there!" She then texted the ladies to see if they could meet her in person and she planed to ask them face to face to be in the WP because they mean so much to her and that's what she really wants. I was thrilled! I knew they would help make it a great day and not let this stupid FMIL and FSIL do anything to ruin the day.
Well, then she goes to talk to fiance and he gets mad (wtf right?!) She knew she wanted to talk to him first because it is THEIR wedding party and it would be rude not to tell him. So he says he doesn't understand why they have to change things. But, it was ok when it was his rude mother who wanted to change the color?! And then he says his mom won't like it and he wouldn't talk to her more about it and now my sister is saying she's just going to drop it to keep the peace. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!?!
I'm so mad and I don't even know where to start! First of all, I am sad that my sister won't stand up for herself on something so important! I understand why she let those other things go. It didn't really make a difference to her on these things so why should she fight with people about it. Ok, but we're talking about the WP why in the world would the FMIL have ANY say in that?!?
second, I'm really starting to dislike my future brother in law! He can't stand by my sister on this ONE issue and say, "if that makes you happy we will figure it out, my mom doesn't have any say in it!" I mean, come one! you're getting married! cut the damn cord already!! And lastly, that awful woman! She has controlled things so much that she is making me miserable and treating my sister like crap! I HATE HER!!
*sigh* I'm feeling a little better, so thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I'm just so upset. I really want to just cry! I want her wedding day to be perfect and I can't control these people and the crap they are pulling! And I also feel like, if groom won't stand by her, or try to understand her point on this, and he just picks his mother's side, why is she marrying him?!? I like the guy and all, but this isn't just a little dispute over who they want in the WP, this is a BIG deal! Right?! (You can tell me if I'm overreacting about this)
I'm so sorry this is so long. I just can't get over it. Seriously, this woman makes the movie "Monster in Law" look like a cake walk! This stuff I described is only the tip of the ice burg! And I can't do ANYTHING!
Thanks again for letting me vent. I think I need to just take a step back and remove myself from some of the wedding planning. It's all just going to be the way FMIL wants it anyway!