Not sure exactly which board this belongs in, so please tell me if I should move it!
I finally "talked shop" with my FMIL regarding wedding plans yesterday, and she threw me for a bit of a loop. Originally my FI and I were planning an intimate, 60-75 person wedding, which fits both the vision we have and the budget we're willing to spend. The original plan was to give 25 invite to each side of the family, with 25 for my FI and I's friends and misc guests.
My FMIL and family are Indian, and she really wants to do a big 'invite the entire community to a big banquet hall' kind of reception (she originally said 300 people and I nearly fainted!). She was so excited about it, and i was so surprised that she was excited (I was expected a low level of antipathy, personally), that I found myself agreeing more or less.
My FFIL, who always seems to get how I'm feeling, suggested that maybe we can do the small ceremony/reception that FI and I want, and then the next week do the big hall reception, which they graciously offered to pay for. At first that sounded like the perfect solution, but then two things kinda came to mind for me, which is where I wanted to ask and see if this is a good or terrible idea :
1) Even if I'm having two receptions, I'm only having one wedding, which is my wedding day. So it's a bit weird to put on another wedding dress (even if its a sari that I don't personally associate as a wedding dress, obviously his family does) and "play bride" a second time, isn't it?
2) While his mom and dad made it seem like everyone would be really excited, and maybe this is a thing where there's a cultural difference I'm not aware of, wouldn't people feel slighted to be invited to the larger reception and not the smaller wedding/reception?
3) Even though our core family (immediate family members & bridal party) would definitely attend both, part of me doesn't like the idea of a "segregated" reception, where all the Americans are at one and all the Indians are at the other. And while my FMIL/FFIL offered to pay (and I think my FMIL is really excited at the idea of putting on a party), I don't want them to feel like they have to "pay to play", or that them financing everything is the only way to have the reception they think is appropriate (though on the flip side...I just cant brainstorm a way to fit the two concepts into one.)
FWIW, my FI is really driving the small wedding and is super excited about the venues we've been planning to look at and is kinda "eh its what she wants, itll make her happy" about the 2nd reception idea. I COULD always put my foot down and say "hey this is what we've planned, i want one reception, end of story", but it seems like a big bridge to burn so early.
Help?