Agh! Invite mailing and RSVP timing

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

I'm having the same issue as @Sembree1 with my invite mailing time. Our wedding is also on March 15th and we have an A list and a B list. We're hoping we don't have to resort to sending the B list out, but we have a feeling that some of the A list (the elderly family members from out of state) won't be able to make it. We don't know when to send them, so that if we DO need to send the B list, we have enough time to get all rsvps in so we can get the final head count to the venue on time. FI wants to send them the beginning of December w/the A list RSVP as 1/15 and send the B list out on 1/10 with an RSVP of 2/15. Are we insane?

HELP!!!!!!!

Maggie0829 · October 2013

Whoa, first, get rid of the B list. B lists are super rude and yes, your guests will know that they were B-listed and it will make them feel like crap. You should set a guest list of everyone that you would like to come to your wedding. If certain people can't make it, oh well, but you don't go and try to fill their spots with others that you only kinda, but not really wanted at your wedding.

For your one and only set of invites, you should send them out 6-8 weeks before your wedding day. As for RSVPs, it depends on when you need to get your final numbers back to your venue. For example, if you venue needs a final head count two weeks before your wedding day then the RSVP date should be Feb 22nd. This will give you a week to let the last of the RSVPs trickle in and also will give you time to call anyone who did not RSVP.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I'm having the same issue as @Sembree1 with my invite mailing time. Our wedding is also on March 15th and we have an A list and a B list. We're hoping we don't have to resort to sending the B list out, but we have a feeling that some of the A list (the elderly family members from out of state) won't be able to make it. We don't know when to send them, so that if we DO need to send the B list, we have enough time to get all rsvps in so we can get the final head count to the venue on time. FI wants to send them the beginning of December w/the A list RSVP as 1/15 and send the B list out on 1/10 with an RSVP of 2/15. Are we insane?

HELP!!!!!!!

And yes you are insane. Sending invites out for a March wedding in December is completely ridiculous. And having a B list is just as ridiculous if not more.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

Whoa, first, get rid of the B list. B lists are super rude and yes, your guests will know that they were B-listed and it will make them feel like crap. You should set a guest list of everyone that you would like to come to your wedding. If certain people can't make it, oh well, but you don't go and try to fill their spots with others that you only kinda, but not really wanted at your wedding.

For your one and only set of invites, you should send them out 6-8 weeks before your wedding day. As for RSVPs, it depends on when you need to get your final numbers back to your venue. For example, if you venue needs a final head count two weeks before your wedding day then the RSVP date should be Feb 22nd. This will give you a week to let the last of the RSVPs trickle in and also will give you time to call anyone who did not RSVP.

Maggie0829 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

I'm having the same issue as @Sembree1 with my invite mailing time. Our wedding is also on March 15th and we have an A list and a B list. We're hoping we don't have to resort to sending the B list out, but we have a feeling that some of the A list (the elderly family members from out of state) won't be able to make it. We don't know when to send them, so that if we DO need to send the B list, we have enough time to get all rsvps in so we can get the final head count to the venue on time. FI wants to send them the beginning of December w/the A list RSVP as 1/15 and send the B list out on 1/10 with an RSVP of 2/15. Are we insane?

HELP!!!!!!!

And yes you are insane. Sending invites out for a March wedding in December is completely ridiculous. And having a B list is just as ridiculous if not more.

I told my FI that he was nuts. He was the one that suggested the A list and B list. I only have ONE list put together w/addresses and that's it. He's done his own thing w/the list and thankfully saved it as a separate document from mine. Anyhow. I will mention this to him and tell him it's stupid to send them in December. I plan to send them Jan 2nd and put the RSVP as 2/20. We need #'s by March 1st.

Thanks!!!!

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

Yea, drop the B-list. It's super rude and offensive. Just invite who you want/can and leave it at that.

Invites go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding so Jan 15-Jan 31 for your March 15th weeding. RSVPs should be requested 2-3 weeks before the wedding, so Feb 21-Mar 1.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

Thank you @southernbelle0915. I told FI that I plan to send out the invite 1/2/14 that way it won't get lost in the Christmas shuffle and if we need to track down RSVP's we can. I think he's worried about making numbers. I'm sure we'll be fine.

kitty8403 · October 2013

If you have a lot of out of town guests (we do), it's hard to guess who will show. B-listing is kinda tempting, but it's not nice to your guests. Your plan is also impractical--even if it wasn't rude, why would you mail a second list out five days before the first RSVPs are due back? That is just *asking* for trouble.

Because my family is enormous, out of state, and most people will be traveling a long ways, we plan to send out save the dates well in advance of the full invites. We also called or contacted close elderly relatives (grandparents, great-grandparents) directly. Responses to those gestures might give you a better indication of who is likely to make it. Some family members saw my parents at another wedding last month, so that has been another opportunity to assess the likelihood of someone attending. But do plan on accommodating everybody you invite. You're not an airline--don't try to overbook your seating.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

Thank you @southernbelle0915. I told FI that I plan to send out the invite 1/2/14 that way it won't get lost in the Christmas shuffle and if we need to track down RSVP's we can. I think he's worried about making numbers. I'm sure we'll be fine.

What does this mean? Does this mean that your venue has a minimum of people that you need to pay for? If so, that doesn't actually mean that that amount of people have to be at your wedding. It just means that you have to pay for that amount of people. So say your minimum is 200 guests and you only get 150, well you still have to pay the amount for 200 but you can use the money that would have gone to the 50 meals to up your appetizers or even upgrade the dinner you are deciding to serve. Did that make sense? It is still early LOL!

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

Thank you @southernbelle0915. I told FI that I plan to send out the invite 1/2/14 that way it won't get lost in the Christmas shuffle and if we need to track down RSVP's we can. I think he's worried about making numbers. I'm sure we'll be fine.

What does this mean? Does this mean that your venue has a minimum of people that you need to pay for? If so, that doesn't actually mean that that amount of people have to be at your wedding. It just means that you have to pay for that amount of people. So say your minimum is 200 guests and you only get 150, well you still have to pay the amount for 200 but you can use the money that would have gone to the 50 meals to up your appetizers or even upgrade the dinner you are deciding to serve. Did that make sense? It is still early LOL!

Meaning we have a 140 minimum. We know that if we get 130 in yes rsvps, 4 of the 6 open go to vendors, and then the other 6 we practically eat. We've discussed the chances of not making minimum w/our venue and they said that if we have 134 (including vendors) we could probably flip the other 6 into something extra but we'd cross that bridge when we get there. He's more worried than I am....

manateehugger · October 2013

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

manateehugger · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

PDKH said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

Yes, I know that if the person is dating someone at the time the invites go out, they get the plus one but we are footing the bills ourselves and we are not adding extra people onto the list that haven't been in a "relationship" for longer than 6 months. Our friends are aware of that...especially the one that has a relationship history.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

What PDKH said.

And tell your FI to chill the heck out! Hitting the venues min number is not the end all be all. If you don't hit that number then you will just get to upgrade your apps or your dinner. So hitting the min number or not is still a win-win, in my eyes at least.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

What PDKH said.

And tell your FI to chill the heck out! Hitting the venues min number is not the end all be all. If you don't hit that number then you will just get to upgrade your apps or your dinner. So hitting the min number or not is still a win-win, in my eyes at least.

I plan to tell him that. Yea, it could be a win-win situation but who knows....we'll see when we get to that bridge....

MyNameIsNot · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

Yes, I know that if the person is dating someone at the time the invites go out, they get the plus one but we are footing the bills ourselves and we are not adding extra people onto the list that haven't been in a "relationship" for longer than 6 months. Our friends are aware of that...especially the one that has a relationship history.

So you know it's rude, buy you're doing it anyway? Classy.

Paying yourself is no excuse to be rude to your friends. You need to extend the invitation to the short term significant others. Your wedding is not your opportunity to judge other people's relationships.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

MyNameIsNot said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

Yes, I know that if the person is dating someone at the time the invites go out, they get the plus one but we are footing the bills ourselves and we are not adding extra people onto the list that haven't been in a "relationship" for longer than 6 months. Our friends are aware of that...especially the one that has a relationship history.

So you know it's rude, buy you're doing it anyway? Classy.

Paying yourself is no excuse to be rude to your friends. You need to extend the invitation to the short term significant others. Your wedding is not your opportunity to judge other people's relationships.

Actually, I'm not judging anyone's relationship whether long term or short term. If someone is NOT dating someone at the time the invites go out and then they suddenly start dating someone, NO, the SO is not invited...especially if they think they can just ADD a plus one...If the invite is for ONE person, then it's for one person. If they add someone else onto it, they will get a call.

annathy03 · October 2013

Here is the thing with B lists: people are sure to find out they've been B listed (either by true word of mouth or someone posts about being excited for your wedding on Facebook, a B listed guest gets their invite a month later and puts two and two together), and many times they feel hurt because you made them second tier.

Invites should go out 6-8 weeks before, I would send yours mid January, for everyone. If they are dating someone when invites go out their SO belongs on the invitation. For your timeframe sending out an A list is a particularly bad idea because invites sent in December can be lost in the shuffle with Christmas cards, and you probably won't have enough responses in time to have much of a B list anyways, on top of it being rude in the first place.

MyNameIsNot · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

MyNameIsNot said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

Yes, I know that if the person is dating someone at the time the invites go out, they get the plus one but we are footing the bills ourselves and we are not adding extra people onto the list that haven't been in a "relationship" for longer than 6 months. Our friends are aware of that...especially the one that has a relationship history.

So you know it's rude, buy you're doing it anyway? Classy.

Paying yourself is no excuse to be rude to your friends. You need to extend the invitation to the short term significant others. Your wedding is not your opportunity to judge other people's relationships.

Actually, I'm not judging anyone's relationship whether long term or short term. If someone is NOT dating someone at the time the invites go out and then they suddenly start dating someone, NO, the SO is not invited...especially if they think they can just ADD a plus one...If the invite is for ONE person, then it's for one person. If they add someone else onto it, they will get a call.

Stuck in the box

Setting an arbitrary time limit to make the s/o "count" is judging their relationship.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

annathy03 said:

Here is the thing with B lists: people are sure to find out they've been B listed (either by true word of mouth or someone posts about being excited for your wedding on Facebook, a B listed guest gets their invite a month later and puts two and two together), and many times they feel hurt because you made them second tier.

Invites should go out 6-8 weeks before, I would send yours mid January, for everyone. If they are dating someone when invites go out their SO belongs on the invitation. For your timeframe sending out an A list is a particularly bad idea because invites sent in December can be lost in the shuffle with Christmas cards, and you probably won't have enough responses in time to have much of a B list anyways, on top of it being rude in the first place.

We eliminated the B list. Thankfully I was able to convince him to not have the B list. Phew. The invites are going out on Jan. 2nd.

MyNameIsNot said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

MyNameIsNot said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

PDKH said:

Don't be rude to your friends and family just because you chose a venue with a minimum. Just invite well over 140 (if you can afford it) or just hope for the best.

Did you already extend plus ones to truly single guests? If not, I personally think it's fine to call up a friend you didn't give a plus one to after the RSVP date and say something like "If you wanted to bring a random friend, go for it."

And usually vendors only care if they get the same chunk of money at the end of the day. I bet you'll be able to upgrade something relatively easily (or even take leftovers home).

Those that are single on the list, will definitely be called to say just that if my FI is REALLY wanting to make numbers. We've had debates on whether or not X person can have a plus one, but he has been known to date people for a month and dump them....so I told him no, just him and if we are short we can tell him to bring someone.

We have 168 people on the list, and I can say that maybe 10 of them are definitely going to rsvp no because they are out in Cali, a little older w/health issues, or have other things going on.... I guess I'm over reacting to my FI's behavior. Woooshaaaa.....

1. If X has a person he's calling girlfriend/boyfriend when invitations go out, that person needs to be invited. I understand he's got a dating history, but so does everyone. Anyone in an established relationship needs to be invited with their S/O - no matter what you judge to be the seriousness.

2. Don't bank on anyone saying no - I know there's a slim chance they'll show, but make sure you could cover the cost regardless.

Yes, I know that if the person is dating someone at the time the invites go out, they get the plus one but we are footing the bills ourselves and we are not adding extra people onto the list that haven't been in a "relationship" for longer than 6 months. Our friends are aware of that...especially the one that has a relationship history.

So you know it's rude, buy you're doing it anyway? Classy.

Paying yourself is no excuse to be rude to your friends. You need to extend the invitation to the short term significant others. Your wedding is not your opportunity to judge other people's relationships.

Actually, I'm not judging anyone's relationship whether long term or short term. If someone is NOT dating someone at the time the invites go out and then they suddenly start dating someone, NO, the SO is not invited...especially if they think they can just ADD a plus one...If the invite is for ONE person, then it's for one person. If they add someone else onto it, they will get a call.

Stuck in the box

Setting an arbitrary time limit to make the s/o "count" is judging their relationship.

No, that is how we plan to do it and NO we aren't judging anyone's relationship. Our BRIDAL PARTY will come first when it comes to SO's. Not someone that we have on the list that we KNOW doesn't have an SO then the day the invites go out (or when the RSVP's come back) and we find out that there is a +1 added to their RSVP. A call will in deed go out to those that just think they can add anyone, including their "New SO" that we KNOW wasn't apart of the deal when we sent the invite. I'm not including someone just because someone says it's their SO and we find out that they've been dating only a week or two. HELL NO. Not happening. If that's judging AFTER invites have already gone out then Oh Friggin well. This is NOT their time to be adding people with out asking us first. NOPE.

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

But you are judging relationships under 6 months. There are many women on her that were engaged or talking about marriage within 6 months, so you are saying you wouldn't invite someone's fiancé?
Drop the artibrary cut off timeline. If someone isn't in a relationship by the time invites go out (2 months), you don't have to invite their new SO if they start dating someone in that timeframe, but if they are in a relationship, they should be invited with them

banana468 · October 2013

I think we might need to bust out a dictionary. For someone claiming not to judge, you're doing a lot of it.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

Oh, well as long as you're paying for it yourself you can be as rude as you want....

(sarcasm)

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

lwoehlk said:

But you are judging relationships under 6 months. There are many women on her that were engaged or talking about marriage within 6 months, so you are saying you wouldn't invite someone's fiancé? Drop the artibrary cut off timeline. If someone isn't in a relationship by the time invites go out (2 months), you don't have to invite their new SO if they start dating someone in that timeframe, but if they are in a relationship, they should be invited with them

After speaking with my sister-in-law, she said that how I'm handling the invites is normal. Those that say it's "judging" a relationship had better get with the times. People have "casual" flings where they're not with someone for more than x number of months before breaking it off. I have my list and those that are on it, have their SO's invited with them. Those that are single do NOT get a plus 1 if they are not dating anyone when the invites go out. And yes, I have the right to say at least 6 months because that is what I've read and have been told. I have the right to have people there that I want, not people that are just "added" on because someone thought they could date someone just before the invites go out and change the person after the invites go out. It doesn't work that way.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

lwoehlk said:

But you are judging relationships under 6 months. There are many women on her that were engaged or talking about marriage within 6 months, so you are saying you wouldn't invite someone's fiancé? Drop the artibrary cut off timeline. If someone isn't in a relationship by the time invites go out (2 months), you don't have to invite their new SO if they start dating someone in that timeframe, but if they are in a relationship, they should be invited with them

After speaking with my sister-in-law, she said that how I'm handling the invites is normal. Those that say it's "judging" a relationship had better get with the times. People have "casual" flings where they're not with someone for more than x number of months before breaking it off. I have my list and those that are on it, have their SO's invited with them. Those that are single do NOT get a plus 1 if they are not dating anyone when the invites go out. And yes, I have the right to say at least 6 months because that is what I've read and have been told. I have the right to have people there that I want, not people that are just "added" on because someone thought they could date someone just before the invites go out and change the person after the invites go out. It doesn't work that way.

Wow, who knew your SIL was the end all be all in wedding wisdom. It is kind of strange that a large group of internet strangers are telling you that you are being rude and judgey, but yet you choose to listen to your SIL who is just telling you what you want to hear.

And where did you read or who told you about this "6 month" rule.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

lwoehlk said:

But you are judging relationships under 6 months. There are many women on her that were engaged or talking about marriage within 6 months, so you are saying you wouldn't invite someone's fiancé? Drop the artibrary cut off timeline. If someone isn't in a relationship by the time invites go out (2 months), you don't have to invite their new SO if they start dating someone in that timeframe, but if they are in a relationship, they should be invited with them

After speaking with my sister-in-law, she said that how I'm handling the invites is normal. Those that say it's "judging" a relationship had better get with the times. People have "casual" flings where they're not with someone for more than x number of months before breaking it off. I have my list and those that are on it, have their SO's invited with them. Those that are single do NOT get a plus 1 if they are not dating anyone when the invites go out. And yes, I have the right to say at least 6 months because that is what I've read and have been told. I have the right to have people there that I want, not people that are just "added" on because someone thought they could date someone just before the invites go out and change the person after the invites go out. It doesn't work that way.

Oh well, as long as your sister-in-law validates your poor etiquette form by all means, carry on. /*sarcasm

To the second bolded, do you seriously think that because you've been told something means you "have the right"? That's the worst logic I've ever heard. People tell me I can/can't do things all the time. It doesn't mean they're correct or that, now that they've said that I "have the right" to do whatever they're saying. No.

Look, if someone considers themselves in a relationship, you should respect that. People who are casually dating don't usually consider themselves "in a relationship". Having a "plus one" and inviting someone's significant other is not the same thing.

The point is that you shouldn't judge others' relationship when you're asking them to celebrate yours.

banana468 · October 2013

Well if your SIL said so then we'll take that as Gospel!

Your plan is rude. Those in relationships need to be invited with their SOs. Six months is just an arbitrary and foolish cutoff. If we stuck with something like that then my BIL would not have been allowed to bring his wife to our wedding. They were serious in two months, bought a home at 9 months and were engaged by the 1 yr mark.

If you can't respect those in relationships them don't expect them to respect yours.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

lwoehlk said:

But you are judging relationships under 6 months. There are many women on her that were engaged or talking about marriage within 6 months, so you are saying you wouldn't invite someone's fiancé? Drop the artibrary cut off timeline. If someone isn't in a relationship by the time invites go out (2 months), you don't have to invite their new SO if they start dating someone in that timeframe, but if they are in a relationship, they should be invited with them

After speaking with my sister-in-law, she said that how I'm handling the invites is normal. Those that say it's "judging" a relationship had better get with the times. People have "casual" flings where they're not with someone for more than x number of months before breaking it off. I have my list and those that are on it, have their SO's invited with them. Those that are single do NOT get a plus 1 if they are not dating anyone when the invites go out. And yes, I have the right to say at least 6 months because that is what I've read and have been told. I have the right to have people there that I want, not people that are just "added" on because someone thought they could date someone just before the invites go out and change the person after the invites go out. It doesn't work that way.

Oh well, as long as your sister-in-law validates your poor etiquette form by all means, carry on. /*sarcasm

To the second bolded, do you seriously think that because you've been told something means you "have the right"? That's the worst logic I've ever heard. People tell me I can/can't do things all the time. It doesn't mean they're correct or that, now that they've said that I "have the right" to do whatever they're saying. No.

Look, if someone considers themselves in a relationship, you should respect that. People who are casually dating don't usually consider themselves "in a relationship". Having a "plus one" and inviting someone's significant other is not the same thing.

The point is that you shouldn't judge others' relationship when you're asking them to celebrate yours.

If you didn't read, those that are on the list have their SO's invited (if they have one) those that do not have an SO now, or by the time invites go out, don't have a plus 1 with them.

soontobemrsbuccheri · October 2013

banana468 said:

Well if your SIL said so then we'll take that as Gospel! Your plan is rude. Those in relationships need to be invited with their SOs. Six months is just an arbitrary and foolish cutoff. If we stuck with something like that then my BIL would not have been allowed to bring his wife to our wedding. They were serious in two months, bought a home at 9 months and were engaged by the 1 yr mark. If you can't respect those in relationships them don't expect them to respect yours.

1st bolded statement: Everyone that is on our list has their SO included (if they indeed have one). Those that do not have an SO now or at the time of the invites going out do not have a plus one. If they add someone to the rsvp saying that they're in a relationship that JUST started we will have to tell them sorry we can't afford to add additional people. Period.

2nd statement - I respect all of my friends relationships - whether they just started or not. However, I will say again and they are aware, if they aren't in the relationship when the invites go out they can't add a plus one. Our bridal party gets first dibs.

banana468 · October 2013

You're contradicting yourself. Are you respecting your friends' and family members' relationships or are you sticking to an arbitrary cutoff of six months? Are you respecting their relationships or are you saying that if you haven't heard about the relationship at the time you mail invitations then the relationship is NOT honored?

Could you please clarify?

AndreaJ200 · October 2013

Damn some of y'all are some judgmental critical wedding etiquette internet blog bullies!!! You stated your opinion/response, if OP is going to listen then fine but you can't make her do what you claim to be "right" by being persistent and condescending. It's like the same few posters in multiple threads and I don't even come on here that much and noticed it. All I know is after my wedding, I will not be on here trying to call out what other engaged people planning their wedding are doing wrong - I damn sure hope to be enjoying my newlywed life!! *rant over*

I have nothing to add. The folks who posted in here had some substance beneath their condescending tones: Etiquette claims a B-list is rude (but people do it all the time). You will likely run into timing issues with the overlap of the RSVPs and it sounds risky. At the end of the day you will be married and some people are going to have something do say no matter how many rules you follow.

Agh! Invite mailing and RSVP timing

Re: Agh! Invite mailing and RSVP timing

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