This happened to me several years ago when I was still married to my ex-husband.
He
had a very close friend from high school who got engaged. He was asked
to be a groomsman. We were invited to the engagement party. It was
lovely. About halfway through the party the bride tapped me and said
she needed to see me outside. When we got out there she informed that
she would not be asking me to be in her wedding just because my husband
was being asked to be a groomsman.
I never, in a million
years, would have expected to be in her wedding. I barely even knew
the girl. I thought it was a little odd but I just smiled and said, "I
totally understand."
She then told me that she was willing to
honour me by making me her "Go To Girl". She explained that on the day
of the wedding, if she needed any errands run or had tasks to be
completed that she would be calling upon me to do them. I smiled, said
ok and agreed to help her.
Wedding day comes. I
dutifully call her that morning to ask her, how I can help, what can I
do? She tells me "nothing" and that she doesn't need me to come to her
bridal suite as she has all the bridesmaids and MOH and her mom and
everybody there and it's really too crowded for me to be there. I am
told to meet the bridal party at the church and there receive my orders.
My
husband leaves so he can go be in the groomsman pictures. I make my
way to the church and knock on the bridal suite. I am told by the MOH
that I am not needed, that they are very busy in there and the bride
doesn't want me. I am told to go sit on a bench and await orders. I
feel kind of strange by now. Kind of lonely and weird and I am
remembering my wedding day and I can't remember treating anybody this
way. But I figure, "well, hey, everybody is stressed out... maybe some
stuff has gone wrong... it's her day... just hang out and be cool."
Finally
mom of bride comes out and tells me that I am to go to the church
vestibule and organize the little "tears of joy" tissue packs and that
every woman, as she enters the church, must be given one. And might I
add that she spoke to me like an errant vendor. At the time I had never
heard of a "Day Of Coordinator" but looking back now, that was the
exact vibe.
So I go to the vestibule and I organize and
smile and greet people. Mother of the Bride pulls me aside after
everybody is seated and gives me my next assignment. I am now told
that, upon exiting the church, EVERY SINGLE person must be given a candle
with a little paper cup on the bottom because there is to be
candlelit procession the three blocks to the restaurant.
Ceremony
occurs, ceremony ends, wedding party retires to take pictures away from
guests. I do my very best to make sure that ALL 100 people hurrying
away from the church to get outside get their precious candles and I am
trying to explain to as many people as possible that there will be this
candlelit procession but it's hard to grab everybody and wrangle and
organize. Keep in mind, I know NONE of these people. I am there as a
guest, as the wife of a groomsman.
Well, before you know it, of course people are lighting their candles and wandering away to
the restaurant. Somehow Mom of Bride finds this out, comes screaming
toward me, "WHY ARE YOU LETTING THEM LEAVE? WHY ARE THEIR CANDLES LIT?
WE ARE STILL TAKING PICTURES, WE ARE NOT READY FOR THE PROCESSION!"... IN
FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.
I was ready for the earth to
open, I was so humiliated. Then I am told that I need to hightail my
ass (in heels) to the restaurant to make sure that everything is ready
and organize the placecard table. I do this, practically breaking an
ankle to get there because I want it PERFECT for this bride. I was a
bride less than a year before and I knew how important perfect felt. So
I walk into this restaurant and I have to start questioning staff, "is
everything ready?". Which I feel super weird about because they have no
idea who I am.
Finally we are ready, the placecards are
set up, the bride and groom enter the room first at the head of the
processional. I am the only person standing in the room, the bride is
heading right toward me and I am smiling at her, excited to see her, hug
her and see if she is happy with her reception setting. She cuts me
dead, walks right by me like I don't even exist. I felt like a piece of
scenery. But I figure, "hey, she's stressed, she's exhausted, she's
excited."
I spent the next 45 minutes helping everybody
to find their placecards and get organized to find their seat.
Strangely enough, as soon as I am done I realized, "hey, I better find
my placecard."
Guess what, no placecard for me. Not only is my
husband seated at the Head Table with all the bridal party without me,
there's just no seat available for me at all. I kind of fade into the
woodwork for a few minutes and then suddenly the Father of the Bride
seems to notice me. He asks where my seat is, he has figured out I am a
guest, he is very concerned. I am touched by this. He is apologizing
like mad, here comes Mother of the Bride who is annoyed that Father of
the Bride (who she is divorced from) is not where he is supposed to be,
outside, with the wedding guests. She tells him to get where he is
supposed to be, looks at me like I am something on the bottom of her
shoe and instructs me that I will be seated in a separate room, at a
small table where the vendors are being fed.
By now I'm kind of
fighting back a few tears and I just nod and do as I am told. The
vendors I am sitting with are very nice people and we have a lovely meal
- the food and drink was GREAT. It was a very pretty reception.
After
dinner the dancing begins. Keep in mind I have not exchanged one word
with my husband since he left early that morning for photography. They
do the daddy/daughter dance, they do the bride/groom dance... then it's
time for each groomsman to dance with their bridal party partner. Then
each groomsman is to dance with each other member of the bridal party,
one by one.... etc... Clearly this was going to go on for sometime...
At
this point I broke. I did something terrible. I went out of the room
and found the bar and had a good stiff drink. Then I asked the
bartender (who was very nice and could tell that I was clearly
miserable) a favour. I pointed out my husband and I asked him to give
him a note from me saying, "I have gone back to the room. See you when
you are done here. Have fun. Love, Me"
Then I left and
walked 10 blocks, in heels, back to our room. He showed up around 4am
LIVID with me. Then I tearfully explained it all to him. He was
quickly mortified by the whole story.