I swear they plan their weddings around when they are most fertile

lyndausvi · August 2014

I can just imagine Jill coming home and all the other girls saying "Let's get into mom's stash of PG tests. What fun"

banana468 · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

banana468 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Congrats, smile!
Banana, I know several couples (Catholic and not) who use NFP successfully to plan their pregnancies. None of those couples have more than 4 kids, and all of theirs were planned.

For the sake of the Duggars, I hope this is a smooth pregnancy, especially considering how public this is.

Congratulations Smile!

I hope this is a smooth pregnancy too. It's just SO early to announce that I would hate to grieve publicly or suffer complications publicly. Even now that I'm full term I'm still praying that there aren't any complications for Chiquito or myself.

When is Chiquito joining us, btw? And how are you feeling?

Any day now! My due date is Saturday per the Dr but I think it's Wed the 27th based on when I ovulated. He's really low, head down and I'm feeling a good deal of pressure so time will tell! DH wants to get at least one more weekend before the grand exit. :-)

sarahufl · August 2014

beethery said:

Let's not also forget that the Duggar girls included a point in their book that you never say no when your husband wants to hit it. Sounds like 100% solid, irrefutable relationship advice to me.

I can't get behind this at all. How is that supposed to be a good building block for a relationship?

Inkdancer · August 2014

sarahufl said:

beethery said:

Let's not also forget that the Duggar girls included a point in their book that you never say no when your husband wants to hit it. Sounds like 100% solid, irrefutable relationship advice to me.

I can't get behind this at all. How is that supposed to be a good building block for a relationship?

Why, because submitting to your husband in all things and subsuming your personality to his makes everyone happy! Don't you know that "wife" is just a fancy word for "I own this bitch"?

**In case you could not tell, this concept infuriates me.

sarahufl · August 2014

Inkdancer said:

sarahufl said:

beethery said:

Let's not also forget that the Duggar girls included a point in their book that you never say no when your husband wants to hit it. Sounds like 100% solid, irrefutable relationship advice to me.

I can't get behind this at all. How is that supposed to be a good building block for a relationship?

Why, because submitting to your husband in all things and subsuming your personality to his makes everyone happy! Don't you know that "wife" is just a fancy word for "I own this bitch"?

**In case you could not tell, this concept infuriates me.

I just find it....disgusting. I am not property. This relationship is mine, too.

emmaaa · August 2014

Congrats Smile!!!

I've already told FI and our friends that when we get pregnant I won't post anything on social media until the third trimester if at all. I know a lot of girls I went to HS with who have announced their pregancies on social media when they were at 4 weeks...I feel like they stay pregnant forever.

IrishPirate60 · August 2014

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html Another take on the Duggars.

lyndausvi · August 2014

IrishPirate60 said:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html Another take on the Duggars.

I've read her blog before. It's enlighting.

Sugargirl1019 · August 2014

sarahufl said:

Inkdancer said:

sarahufl said:

beethery said:

Let's not also forget that the Duggar girls included a point in their book that you never say no when your husband wants to hit it. Sounds like 100% solid, irrefutable relationship advice to me.

I can't get behind this at all. How is that supposed to be a good building block for a relationship?

Why, because submitting to your husband in all things and subsuming your personality to his makes everyone happy! Don't you know that "wife" is just a fancy word for "I own this bitch"?

**In case you could not tell, this concept infuriates me.

I just find it....disgusting. I am not property. This relationship is mine, too.

Hmm.. I have not read where they stated this. But DH and I attended a non-denominational church that did a marriage series and they touched on a point of this. I think it is more enlightening to women and it's meant to be heard as "Ladies, do not withhold sex from your husband because you are mad, you just don't care etc." The talk said to be open and sharing with each other, and never say No and just roll over, because husband will feel hurt and it can begin to break a marriage. It was told to share a reason why you are saying no, "I love you so much, and you are sexy, but I am not emotionally in the right spot right now because of what happened at work."

If it's "never say no to your husband", well that sounds like rape pretty much. But if it's meant to be an enlightening piece of advice towards women to making a happy marriage, I liked it. It made me think about if I ever say no to H, how he would think and feel. But so far, he's been the one saying no to me! (Body wants a baby too much!)

banana468 · August 2014

I can't get on board with the idea of "submit" meaning that DH gets what he wants when he wants. That's not the intent of the word at all.

My aunt used to say that as a Catholic, you can't turn your husband down if he has an erection. She didn't agree with me but I told her that's just not true. The point is that sex is a mutual decision.

There's no way I'd be married to someone who pulled that line with me to give it to him whenever he wanted it. I'm thrilled that after a long day, I get to be tired.

beethery · August 2014

"“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big (and) pregnant and you may not feel like he feels."

Click here for the whole thing from Michelle's blog posting on their family blog.

Can't get with that at all. I, as an individual, have agency over my body, no matter what request anyone makes of me. Do I want to make sure FI is happy? Sure. Do I need to be available for him 24/7 even if I feel like shit? No, and anyone who thinks that I should can fuck right off and do their own thing. Might work for some, isn't my deal even a little bit. No thanks.

banana468 · August 2014

beethery said:

"“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big (and) pregnant and you may not feel like he feels."

Click here for the whole thing from Michelle's blog posting on their family blog.

Can't get with that at all. I, as an individual, have agency over my body, no matter what request anyone makes of me. Do I want to make sure FI is happy? Sure. Do I need to be available for him 24/7 even if I feel like shit? No, and anyone who thinks that I should can fuck right off and do their own thing. Might work for some, isn't my deal even a little bit. No thanks.

Yeah. It takes TWO to make it work. And I feel like that kind of statement makes it sound like men are so sexually charged that they can't take no for an answer. Really? How little respect do you have for your "partner" that you think you need to give into him all the time?? That isn't a sign of a healthy relationship. It's the sign that you're acting like a doormat.

ShesSoCold · August 2014

Umm..maybe TMI but if I gave it to him every time H wanted it, I'd be so sore I wouldn't be able to sit down.

theycallmelinz · August 2014

lyndausvi said:

IrishPirate60 said:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html Another take on the Duggars.

I've read her blog before. It's enlighting.

I read this yesterday too. I think it's pretty eye-opening for people that think this is such a perfect model family. It was interesting reading about this whole subculture of people that most of their fan base doesn't know about. I may have even shared the link on my facebook...

climbingsingle · August 2014

Congrats, Smile!!

I really can't stand the Duggars. I wonder what kind of sex ed training the kids get. Yeesh.

lyndausvi · August 2014

lulu411 said:

lyndausvi said:

IrishPirate60 said:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html Another take on the Duggars.

I've read her blog before. It's enlighting.

I read this yesterday too. I think it's pretty eye-opening for people that think this is such a perfect model family. It was interesting reading about this whole subculture of people that most of their fan base doesn't know about. I may have even shared the link on my facebook...

It's interesting to see a different perspective on that way of life. Since she does not know them personally it's pure speculation, but I bet a lot of what she said about them is pretty on target based on her own experiences.

There is a forum called freejinger.org. (Jinger is the one that appears to have had asperations outside of the norm, but is always shot down). There are a lot of other woman from similar backgrounds who give similar testimonies about how they were raised.

beethery · August 2014

Yup. The whole post gave me chuckles because his needs are having food made for him, housework done, and his wife being sexually available.

Her need was for him to be available to listen to her. That's nice. A wall or one of their kids would probably be a good stand-in. Super!

chibiyui · August 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Congrats, Smile!!

I really can't stand the Duggars. I wonder what kind of sex ed training the kids get. Yeesh.

Lie back and think of Jesus.

LabLove86 · August 2014

IrishPirate60 said:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html Another take on the Duggars.

This was a really interesting article!

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

banana468 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Congrats, smile! Banana, I know several couples (Catholic and not) who use NFP successfully to plan their pregnancies. None of those couples have more than 4 kids, and all of theirs were planned. For the sake of the Duggars, I hope this is a smooth pregnancy, especially considering how public this is.

Congratulations Smile!

I hope this is a smooth pregnancy too. It's just SO early to announce that I would hate to grieve publicly or suffer complications publicly. Even now that I'm full term I'm still praying that there aren't any complications for Chiquito or myself.
When is Chiquito joining us, btw? And how are you feeling?
Any day now! My due date is Saturday per the Dr but I think it's Wed the 27th based on when I ovulated. He's really low, head down and I'm feeling a good deal of pressure so time will tell! DH wants to get at least one more weekend before the grand exit. :-)

Prayers for a smooth delivery!!

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

banana468 said:

I can't get on board with the idea of "submit" meaning that DH gets what he wants when he wants. That's not the intent of the word at all.

My aunt used to say that as a Catholic, you can't turn your husband down if he has an erection. She didn't agree with me but I told her that's just not true. The point is that sex is a mutual decision.

There's no way I'd be married to someone who pulled that line with me to give it to him whenever he wanted it. I'm thrilled that after a long day, I get to be tired.

Yeah, I've read quite a bit on JPII's Theology of the Body, and I'm not sure where your aunt is coming from (no offense).

Have you ever read Christopher West? He has a GREAT response to the passage in Ephesians about wives submitting to their husbands. He says that if a woman reads the passage about submitting and DOESN'T get defensive, then something is wrong. But, he goes on to talk about how the word "submission" actually means "to be on the same mission." And in the verse just after that, Paul says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...". So if the husband's mission is to love his wife the way Christ loves the Church, then a woman would naturally be in line with that mission.

theycallmelinz · August 2014

chibiyui said:

Congrats, Smile!!

I really can't stand the Duggars. I wonder what kind of sex ed training the kids get. Yeesh.
Lie back and think of Jesus.

Being a therapist, I often spend my time wondering how people are affected by situations(also because I'm a nerd), and I wonder how the men or women back in the puritan days felt during sex, when it was only suppose to be for reproduction? I wonder if any of them felt guilty for enjoying it, assuming of course they did enjoy it lol

slothiegal · August 2014

SmileDamnit said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm not surprised she's pregnant, but I am definitely surprised that they announced it so early.

Spin-off question: What do you think is normal to announce? I would tell immediate family as soon as I knew, but I would keep it off social media until 12-16 weeks, I think.

Sooooooo, we're only a little over a month post-wedding, and I just recently found out I am pregnant. Nope, didn't plan the wedding around my fertility, but we did know we wanted to start trying right away. Didn't necessarily realize right away truly would come to mean RIGHT AWAY. But so be it. At 36 and 39, we certainly aren't getting any younger!

Re: when to announce? I, personally, wouldn't publicly announce IRL at 6 weeks. We've only told my sister & BFF so far. We're waiting to tell our parents when we can do so in person, and after the first OB visit (which is scheduled for the 8th). We won't announce "publicly" until after 12+ weeks (when ever we are "in the clear" from the doc).

Eeee this is what I get for skipping out on a thread about the Duggars....congrats, Smile, so excited for you!

thisismynickname2 · August 2014

Just commenting on the public nature of their lives... If the newlywed Duggar does happen to lose the baby, I bet it'll be on the show. I happened across the episode where the mother lost baby #20 and it was so heartbreaking. I was crying. I may not agree with all aspects of any one religion, but this is why I retain my faith in God. They really looked to their faith to help them through the loss. Also, I read The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (didn't realize it was so heavy on the religious aspect) and... I'd recommend it, actually. Just because someone may be raised to save themselves for marriage, it doesn't mean they have to be clueless about or screwed up about sex.

banana468 · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

banana468 said:

I can't get on board with the idea of "submit" meaning that DH gets what he wants when he wants. That's not the intent of the word at all.

My aunt used to say that as a Catholic, you can't turn your husband down if he has an erection. She didn't agree with me but I told her that's just not true. The point is that sex is a mutual decision.

There's no way I'd be married to someone who pulled that line with me to give it to him whenever he wanted it. I'm thrilled that after a long day, I get to be tired.

Yeah, I've read quite a bit on JPII's Theology of the Body, and I'm not sure where your aunt is coming from (no offense).

Have you ever read Christopher West? He has a GREAT response to the passage in Ephesians about wives submitting to their husbands. He says that if a woman reads the passage about submitting and DOESN'T get defensive, then something is wrong. But, he goes on to talk about how the word "submission" actually means "to be on the same mission." And in the verse just after that, Paul says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...". So if the husband's mission is to love his wife the way Christ loves the Church, then a woman would naturally be in line with that mission.

I didn't read it personally but I've read a lot of people discussing his interpretation and even priests will say the same thing. It doesn't have to do with saying "Honey as the man you're right all the time!!"

SmileDamnit · August 2014

slothiegal said:

SmileDamnit said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm not surprised she's pregnant, but I am definitely surprised that they announced it so early.

Spin-off question: What do you think is normal to announce? I would tell immediate family as soon as I knew, but I would keep it off social media until 12-16 weeks, I think.

Sooooooo, we're only a little over a month post-wedding, and I just recently found out I am pregnant. Nope, didn't plan the wedding around my fertility, but we did know we wanted to start trying right away. Didn't necessarily realize right away truly would come to mean RIGHT AWAY. But so be it. At 36 and 39, we certainly aren't getting any younger!

Re: when to announce? I, personally, wouldn't publicly announce IRL at 6 weeks. We've only told my sister & BFF so far. We're waiting to tell our parents when we can do so in person, and after the first OB visit (which is scheduled for the 8th). We won't announce "publicly" until after 12+ weeks (when ever we are "in the clear" from the doc).

Eeee this is what I get for skipping out on a thread about the Duggars....congrats, Smile, so excited for you!

Ha! Thanks, Slothie! Not sure thread-jacking a thread about hyper-breeders was the most classy way to "announce", but that's how I roll

AlexisA01 · August 2014

It's still too early to announce to me and FI family that we are expecting because it is high risk. I always wondered when would be a good time to them but I am just to cautious right now.

brideofginger · August 2014

I had a former co-worker not tell anyone until his wife gave birth. He said something about wanting to prove you could have a baby without Facebook knowing. It was interesting, for sure - I figure, kudos to him if that's what they wanted.

luckya23 · August 2014

brideofginger said:

I had a former co-worker not tell anyone until his wife gave birth. He said something about wanting to prove you could have a baby without Facebook knowing. It was interesting, for sure - I figure, kudos to him if that's what they wanted.

I had a friend from grad school who didn't put it on facebook either until she had the baby (by husband's request). I went to visit her a couple years later and I commented that I didn't know if maybe I would find her 9 months pregnant!

Her next pregnancy she did share though (just a couple months after I saw her).

KeptInStitches · August 2014

Congrats, Smile!

I swear they plan their weddings around when they are most fertile

Re: I swear they plan their weddings around when they are most fertile

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