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Future In Laws Going After Brides Parents For Money

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Re: Future In Laws Going After Brides Parents For Money

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    mimivacmimivac member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I agree that no good can come of this meeting. What everyone has promised to pay for has already been established (even if your in-laws wish to "re-negotiate" their earlier gift by harrassing your parents). It will only cause further strife between them and may compell your parents to agree to things they cannot afford and did not plan for.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Tell your parents not to meet with FILs. No good can come of that. Whether your FI talks to his parents or not, you know they're going to ask your parents for money anyway. Even if they don't, it's going to the fat ass gorilla in the room. 

    Just no. Postpone the dinner date until after the wedding when the air has cleared. It's only a few weeks away, so it's not super rude of your parents to just be like "sorry, we're incredibly busy before the wedding. Let's do this in a month or two."
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    ZhabeegoZhabeego member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Oh hell no. Your FI needs to tell his parents to stop. Your parents owe his nothing - not a penny, not an explanation, not the time of day. These people have some nerve. They volunteer to pay, choose the vendors THEY want, now want to try to embarrass your parents into paying half? If they want to ask anyone for money, it should be you and your FI but This whole thing seems extremely manipulative to me. They planned the event that wanted by promising to pay and now that they have it, they want to reneg. Gross.
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    ZhabeegoZhabeego member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    OP - I just want to add - none of this is about what your parents can afford and they certainly should not feel obligated to discuss their financial position with virtual strangers. You and your FI are adults. You, as adults, chose a wedding that fit your budget. Anything either set of parents wants to contribute is a GIFT to you and in NO WAY obligates the other set of parents to anything. Your FI needs to make that clear to his parents. They offered to pay for things. If they no longer wish to pay, then they either need to cancel what they've ordered or talk to the two of you. Those are their options.
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    scifichick09scifichick09 member
    First Comment First Anniversary

    UPDATE:

    My fiance was finally able to talk to his parents about the situation and get it through their heads that it is just plain wrong for them to ask my parents to help pay for what THEY offered up. However, since they will not be asking my parents for the money, now we have to pay it. Which really pisses me off because I would have rejected what we thought was a gift had I known we'd have to pay for it in the end. That being said, I don't want to have to move the whole wedding this close to the date, so we're just going to have to cut some things out and move some money around to fork over the money :/.

    Ugh.

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    scifichick09scifichick09 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Zhabeego said:
    Oh hell no. Your FI needs to tell his parents to stop. Your parents owe his nothing - not a penny, not an explanation, not the time of day. These people have some nerve. They volunteer to pay, choose the vendors THEY want, now want to try to embarrass your parents into paying half? If they want to ask anyone for money, it should be you and your FI but This whole thing seems extremely manipulative to me. They planned the event that wanted by promising to pay and now that they have it, they want to reneg. Gross.
    This was the exact thought I had when this all came up.
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    scifichick09scifichick09 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    The problem is one of the things they paid for was the decorater, which is providing all the tablecloths, chair covers, centerpieces, and silverware. They also paid for all the tables and chairs. If we tell them to cancel, I'm not cinfident we can get all that sutff on our own this close to the wedding. We're also getting married in California while living in Oklahoma, so all this is also being done long distance,.
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    scifichick09scifichick09 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thank GOD they are not doing the RSVP's...that would've been a disaster. They aren't handling anything else for this wedding.
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    I would find out what vendors have not been paid in full and see if the contracts can be adjusted. Can you reduce the amount of flowers? Change the bar and menu to something still nice, but not premium?

    I would make sure the caterer is paid before the event bc you have to host your guests. If your FILs signed the contracts with the other vendors I would leave them on the hook for it. Worst case scenario you don't have flowers or a decorator. You know your have cake and photography since your parents are generously providing them without being jerks! Hopefully you have the contract with the officiant - since you definitely need that vendor ;)

    Your FILs suck...sorry and good luck! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Since their names are on the contracts, I wouldn't pay them one red cent. If they refuse to pay the vendors, that's on them, not you. Call their bluff and let those vendors send them to collections. You didn't agree to any of this, and your names aren't on the contracts.

    This is ridiculous.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    In all honesty, now that you've said YOU owe for stuff THEY booked, did something happen in their lives that they're not disclosing? Did they get a massive medical bill, or lose a job, or something else that would be potentially embarressing and worrisome right before a wedding? 

    If not, they're total jerks, and I'm so sorry this is happening. I've had two friends' parents not come through with promised financial gifts and it really sucks.  All couples can really do to safeguard is plan a wedding they can afford on their own :( 

    ________________________________


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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:
    MAN I'm so tempted to tell your FI to say "Alright, the wedding is right around the corner. We'll firm things up after the wedding is over. For the record, we are NOT happy about how you want to handle this."

    And then don't pay them. Hey, you never agreed to pay them at any point in time and they booked everything. 

    I'm sorry, but these people are such assholes.

    This. 

    Also like the other PPs said I would let them know in a very blunt way with a lot of curse words (I have a potty mouth when I'm pissed) that they have damaged the relationship beyond repair and that I would never trust them again. This was so sneaky and underhanded. What assholes.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    thisismynickname said:

    In all honesty, now that you've said YOU owe for stuff THEY booked, did something happen in their lives that they're not disclosing? Did they get a massive medical bill, or lose a job, or something else that would be potentially embarressing and worrisome right before a wedding? 

    If not, they're total jerks, and I'm so sorry this is happening. I've had two friends' parents not come through with promised financial gifts and it really sucks.  All couples can really do to safeguard is plan a wedding they can afford on their own :( 

    If the FILs haven't disclosed it, the OP probably wouldn't know about it.  If the things in the bolded paragraph are happening, I agree that the OP and her FI should modify their expectations and be prepared to pay for the things the FILs promised to pay for.  But it seems to me that the FILs would have disclosed a valid reason for not being able to follow through on payments if they had one.  But that isn't what's happening here.

    Remember, they first tried to get the OP's parents to pay for the things they promised.  That sounds more like they wanted the wedding to have particular features that they themselves didn't want to pay for.  Only after the FI spoke to them did they then state that they wouldn't pay for the things they booked.  The time to disclose any reason that they wouldn't pay for something was before they booked anything.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    thisismynickname said:

    In all honesty, now that you've said YOU owe for stuff THEY booked, did something happen in their lives that they're not disclosing? Did they get a massive medical bill, or lose a job, or something else that would be potentially embarressing and worrisome right before a wedding? 

    If not, they're total jerks, and I'm so sorry this is happening. I've had two friends' parents not come through with promised financial gifts and it really sucks.  All couples can really do to safeguard is plan a wedding they can afford on their own :( 

    If the FILs haven't disclosed it, the OP probably wouldn't know about it.  If the things in the bolded paragraph are happening, I agree that the OP and her FI should modify their expectations and be prepared to pay for the things the FILs promised to pay for.  But it seems to me that the FILs would have disclosed a valid reason for not being able to follow through on payments if they had one.  But that isn't what's happening here.

    Remember, they first tried to get the OP's parents to pay for the things they promised.  That sounds more like they wanted the wedding to have particular features that they themselves didn't want to pay for.  Only after the FI spoke to them did they then state that they wouldn't pay for the things they booked.  The time to disclose any reason that they wouldn't pay for something was before they booked anything.

    Well, right, if they didn't disclose it, OP wouldn't know. I'm just taking a guess at what could be behind the scenes. It sounds like they're manipulative people. But, then again, I've had a recent health scare and while I normally tell my parents everything, I did not tell them about the scare. We're a family of worryworts. I could understand someone trying to withhold information during a stressful yet happy time (like wedding planning) and save the bad news for later.  It's just a thought.
    ________________________________


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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    thisismynickname said:
    Jen4948 said:
    thisismynickname said:

    In all honesty, now that you've said YOU owe for stuff THEY booked, did something happen in their lives that they're not disclosing? Did they get a massive medical bill, or lose a job, or something else that would be potentially embarressing and worrisome right before a wedding? 

    If not, they're total jerks, and I'm so sorry this is happening. I've had two friends' parents not come through with promised financial gifts and it really sucks.  All couples can really do to safeguard is plan a wedding they can afford on their own :( 

    If the FILs haven't disclosed it, the OP probably wouldn't know about it.  If the things in the bolded paragraph are happening, I agree that the OP and her FI should modify their expectations and be prepared to pay for the things the FILs promised to pay for.  But it seems to me that the FILs would have disclosed a valid reason for not being able to follow through on payments if they had one.  But that isn't what's happening here.

    Remember, they first tried to get the OP's parents to pay for the things they promised.  That sounds more like they wanted the wedding to have particular features that they themselves didn't want to pay for.  Only after the FI spoke to them did they then state that they wouldn't pay for the things they booked.  The time to disclose any reason that they wouldn't pay for something was before they booked anything.

    Well, right, if they didn't disclose it, OP wouldn't know. I'm just taking a guess at what could be behind the scenes. It sounds like they're manipulative people. But, then again, I've had a recent health scare and while I normally tell my parents everything, I did not tell them about the scare. We're a family of worryworts. I could understand someone trying to withhold information during a stressful yet happy time (like wedding planning) and save the bad news for later.  It's just a thought.
    I can understand not wanting to dump bad news on the OP and her FI during their wedding planning, but the way the ILs have been going about trying to recoup the costs of these vendors they booked doesn't suggest to me that anything is wrong besides their thinking they are entitled to make promises and then leave other people to pay for the things they booked.
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    MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    scifichick09 said:
    The problem is one of the things they paid for was the decorater, which is providing all the tablecloths, chair covers, centerpieces, and silverware. They also paid for all the tables and chairs. If we tell them to cancel, I'm not cinfident we can get all that sutff on our own this close to the wedding. We're also getting married in California while living in Oklahoma, so all this is also being done long distance,.
    Sorry you are dealing with this. If you feel it's best to help pay that is up to you.  You are a much bigger person than me because I would have flipped my lid.  This makes me even more thankful that my in laws kepts their mouths shut when it came to our wedding because they did not contribute one dime to it (and we were not expecting them to).

    With that being said what can you cut in order to make this as little of a financial burden for you?  Echoing what others have said don't cut the hosting requirements such as food and chairs. How about nixing the decorator?  It's not necessary and I would do it just to spite the future in laws.  :)

    We are here to help if you wanted to share a breakdown of the contacts and costs. But if not that's ok too. Come back any time for advice or to vent!
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    jnissajnissa member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MGP said:
    scifichick09 said:
    The problem is one of the things they paid for was the decorater, which is providing all the tablecloths, chair covers, centerpieces, and silverware. They also paid for all the tables and chairs. If we tell them to cancel, I'm not cinfident we can get all that sutff on our own this close to the wedding. We're also getting married in California while living in Oklahoma, so all this is also being done long distance,.
    Sorry you are dealing with this. If you feel it's best to help pay that is up to you.  You are a much bigger person than me because I would have flipped my lid.  This makes me even more thankful that my in laws kepts their mouths shut when it came to our wedding because they did not contribute one dime to it (and we were not expecting them to).

    With that being said what can you cut in order to make this as little of a financial burden for you?  Echoing what others have said don't cut the hosting requirements such as food and chairs. How about nixing the decorator?  It's not necessary and I would do it just to spite the future in laws.  :)

    We are here to help if you wanted to share a breakdown of the contacts and costs. But if not that's ok too. Come back any time for advice or to vent!
    These threads make me grateful every day that I have both parents and FILs who entirely stayed out of providing any commentary about any single thing we did for the wedding. 
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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    MGP said:
    scifichick09 said:
    The problem is one of the things they paid for was the decorater, which is providing all the tablecloths, chair covers, centerpieces, and silverware. They also paid for all the tables and chairs. If we tell them to cancel, I'm not cinfident we can get all that sutff on our own this close to the wedding. We're also getting married in California while living in Oklahoma, so all this is also being done long distance,.
    Sorry you are dealing with this. If you feel it's best to help pay that is up to you.  You are a much bigger person than me because I would have flipped my lid.  This makes me even more thankful that my in laws kepts their mouths shut when it came to our wedding because they did not contribute one dime to it (and we were not expecting them to).

    With that being said what can you cut in order to make this as little of a financial burden for you?  Echoing what others have said don't cut the hosting requirements such as food and chairs. How about nixing the decorator?  It's not necessary and I would do it just to spite the future in laws.  :)

    We are here to help if you wanted to share a breakdown of the contacts and costs. But if not that's ok too. Come back any time for advice or to vent!
    This is a great idea! It's completely not needed, and the FIL wanted it, so they can pay for it. If they don't want to pay, too bad, not having it.

    Definitely make sure you have enough food and seats for everyone. Everything else is extra.
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