Extra Costs

Knottie58993630 · October 2014

well, im not making it up...

Are we required to provide a vendor meal for our photographer or other outside vendors?
You are not. Many photographers and other vendors put in their contracts that you have to pay for their meal at your event. Our staff certainly will not be eating during your event. They will be focused on providing excellent service to you and your guests. So should your vendors. If one of your vendors says that they require you to pay for a meal for your event, simply tell them that the venue does not allow this. This will cut short their attempt to get you to pay for a meal for them.

http://deitynyc.com/deity-wedding-planning/

And its actually a gorgeous highly rated venue in Brooklyn, NY.. so that whole thing already threw me for a loop. If everything else is perfect about the place then is that one thing worth not having it there? No one pays for my meals when I am working..

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie58993630 said:

well, im not making it up...

Are we required to provide a vendor meal for our photographer or other outside vendors?
You are not. Many photographers and other vendors put in their contracts that you have to pay for their meal at your event. Our staff certainly will not be eating during your event. They will be focused on providing excellent service to you and your guests. So should your vendors. If one of your vendors says that they require you to pay for a meal for your event, simply tell them that the venue does not allow this. This will cut short their attempt to get you to pay for a meal for them.

http://deitynyc.com/deity-wedding-planning/

And its actually a gorgeous highly rated venue in Brooklyn, NY.. so that whole thing already threw me for a loop. If everything else is perfect about the place then is that one thing worth not having it there? No one pays for my meals when I am working..

Sorry but that is a super shitty venue. And when you work you get a lunch break. That is not the case for wedding vendors. They are typically working the entire time and will maybe take 10-15 minutes to shovel down some food. They do not get an hour to leave and get a nice meal and then come back. Feed your vendors and do not use such a shitty venue that refuses to allow your vendors to eat.

klk111415 · October 2014

It's standard for a meal to be provided to your vendors (DJ/MC/Photographer) Your DJ shouldn't charge you for a meal in your payment for their services, but your venue should have a discounted rate and they should be included in your headcount. My venue offers half price for all vendors since they don't drink. They get the same meal as the rest of your guests. Most venues will even offer them cake. Talk to your venue about the pricing for vendor meals before you pay $50 to your DJ for his meal.

Knottie58993630 · October 2014

You are basing your determination that it is a shitty venue only off the vendor meal thing?

Up until coming across that last night, when looking for recommended photographers, I thought it was an absolutely amazing venue. It is beautiful and reasonably priced by NYC standards. The DJ is included. All the reviews I could find were very positive (except one). I am the type of person who feeds everyone no matter if its expected or not, so this did not sit well with me.. I just don't know that it is enough of a reason to disqualify a venue. Most of the photographers I have seen who work there are also highly rated and expensive, I would assume they wouldnt take the job if they had a problem with this?

I would assume the vendors would be taking breaks - while we eat. I have had plenty of jobs where my own break was only 30 minutes.

This is just very confusing to me.. I have never heard of anything like it in my life.

lyndausvi · October 2014

Knottie58993630 said:

well, im not making it up...

Are we required to provide a vendor meal for our photographer or other outside vendors?
You are not. Many photographers and other vendors put in their contracts that you have to pay for their meal at your event. Our staff certainly will not be eating during your event. They will be focused on providing excellent service to you and your guests. So should your vendors. If one of your vendors says that they require you to pay for a meal for your event, simply tell them that the venue does not allow this. This will cut short their attempt to get you to pay for a meal for them.

http://deitynyc.com/deity-wedding-planning/

And its actually a gorgeous highly rated venue in Brooklyn, NY.. so that whole thing already threw me for a loop. If everything else is perfect about the place then is that one thing worth not having it there? No one pays for my meals when I am working..

that is the craziest thing I've read.

As a banquet server/bar tender they are correct that their staff will not be eating during the event. However, every single place I have worked (we are talking about 5 different states and various different sized companies) the staff has gotten a shift meal. At the place I'm at now about an hour before the event starts we are fed some food while we do a final run through of the night's events.

Other places did things similar. We would get to the venue at 2 for a 6pm event. We would setup the event then around 4:30-5 or so we would take a break, eat some food they provided. Then finish up and work the event until mid-night or even longer.

3rd party vendors do not have the same access to food as the servers do. As they are not paid by the venue or caterer. I understand if they do no want give discounts or even provide something they are not already making for the clients wedding. But it's down right ridiculous to say you are not allowed to order a few additonal meals to feed to the vendors.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie58993630 said:

You are basing your determination that it is a shitty venue only off the vendor meal thing?

Up until coming across that last night, when looking for recommended photographers, I thought it was an absolutely amazing venue. It is beautiful and reasonably priced by NYC standards. The DJ is included. All the reviews I could find were very positive (except one). I am the type of person who feeds everyone no matter if its expected or not, so this did not sit well with me.. I just don't know that it is enough of a reason to disqualify a venue. Most of the photographers I have seen who work there are also highly rated and expensive, I would assume they wouldnt take the job if they had a problem with this?

I would assume the vendors would be taking breaks - while we eat. I have had plenty of jobs where my own break was only 30 minutes.

This is just very confusing to me.. I have never heard of anything like it in my life.

Yes I am. How your venue treats your other vendors and how your venue tells you to treat your other vendors is a big determining factor and says a lot about the venue. Yes you may be hiring these people to work at your wedding but you shouldn't be treating them like crap. And not providing them with a meal is treating them like crap.

So you would be fine if your photographer left the premise for 30-60 minutes to get dinner? I doubt that.

wandajune6 · October 2014

I'd also worry about finding vendors willing to work with this venue. Given how difficult they are about meals, I'd worry that there might be other roadblocks for potential vendors that you're not aware of. I see potential problems meeting the contractual requirements of both venue and vendor.

ohannabelle · October 2014

If one of your vendors says that they require you to pay for a meal for your event, simply tell them that the venue does not allow this. This will cut short their attempt to get you to pay for a meal for them.

Note that they don't say you can't buy a meal. They simply give you suggested verbiage to avoid doing so. How this benefits them is beyond me, but I seriously doubt they'd refuse to sell you another plate.

lyndausvi · October 2014

Are we required to provide a vendor meal for our photographer or other outside vendors?
You are not. Many photographers and other vendors put in their contracts that you have to pay for their meal at your event. Our staff certainly will not be eating during your event. They will be focused on providing excellent service to you and your guests. So should your vendors. If one of your vendors says that they require you to pay for a meal for your event, simply tell them that the venue does not allow this. This will cut short their attempt to get you to pay for a meal for them.

I just want to point out that this is a Q&A from the venue. The question is ARE YOU REQUIRED? Well no, the venue does not require you to buy vendors a meal. Which is often the case. Venues do not require meals for outside contractors. Why would they even care how 3rd party vendors are compensated?

That said, they have no right to say a vendor you pick to use are not allowed to have that in their contract. That is just crazy.

In addition to that it's BS they are telling you that you are not allowed to buy a vendor a meal. It's not their business who the food goes to. If you want to purchase an additional meal for a vendor what is it to them?

They are within their rights to not give you a discount or make a different meal from the rest of the event. But it's discrimination to flat out refuse service to someone because of their profession.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

This whole idea of purposely not wanting to feed your vendors during a wedding has me firmly clutching my pearls. I cannot even fathom not wanting to offer up a meal. And the break thing- these are professionals. They know when and how to take breaks and not have it affect the event. Otherwise, they'd have poor reviews and would not be in business.

Knottie58993630 · October 2014

I don't think anyone said anything about not WANTING to feed their vendors.. I have zero problem feeding my vendors, I expected to do so.

I also have no problems with them taking a break, even a 30 - 60 minute one. There are 2 photographers, no reason they cant take turns. And I am pretty sure its illegal not to allow them breaks. That would be more absurd to me then not purchasing them a meal.

Both of the photographers I am interested in have done weddings at that venue before. One of them is a recommended vendor for the building. So I am assuming they must have worked that out somehow, I just don't know how.

And yea, it seems crazy to me too. Which is why I put it here for thoughts because I have not encountered anything like that before. The meals are served family style so maybe that has something to do with it? Again, I do not know. I need to ask.

As for why they would care about it.. if you read through that entire link it seems they care an awful lot about a lot of things you wouldn't expect them too. They don't allow favor tables or seating cards either. No idea why. They said the doorman will give out favors to your guests as they leave, they did not provide an alternative as to how seating arrangements would be figured out.

Viczaesar · October 2014

Knottie58993630 said:

You are basing your determination that it is a shitty venue only off the vendor meal thing?

Up until coming across that last night, when looking for recommended photographers, I thought it was an absolutely amazing venue. It is beautiful and reasonably priced by NYC standards. The DJ is included. All the reviews I could find were very positive (except one). I am the type of person who feeds everyone no matter if its expected or not, so this did not sit well with me.. I just don't know that it is enough of a reason to disqualify a venue. Most of the photographers I have seen who work there are also highly rated and expensive, I would assume they wouldnt take the job if they had a problem with this?

I would assume the vendors would be taking breaks - while we eat. I have had plenty of jobs where my own break was only 30 minutes.

This is just very confusing to me.. I have never heard of anything like it in my life.

I see several issues with that venue based on their website. This is one of the more egregious, but frankly they sound like a giant pain in the ass to deal with. The fact that they want you to put one start time on your invitations but say that the actual ceremony will likely start half an hour after that and the fact that they will not allow your guests into the venue before the invitation start time, no exceptions, is also a giant red flag.

What do we put for a start time on our invitations?
Put your start time on your invitations as your contract states, but expect your ceremony or reception to start about a half an hour after that. Please notify your guests will not be allowed to enter the venue until the official start time, no exceptions.

In general it looks like they would nickel and dime you to death. $500 for a one-hour rehearsal the day before, $250 per hour for any outside vendors or setting up DIY projects prior to your official start time, etc. etc.

ETA: The shitty writing on their website is irritating the fuck out of me. Why the random capitalizations and irregular punctuation? You'd also think they'd know that the noun is officiant, not officiate. Officiate is what they do, not what they are.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

This venue is full of etiquette blunders; there is no way in hell I would book this place. They also charge 150 dollars for a tasting!

How far in advance of the Wedding should we ask my guests to RSVP?
We need the final RSVP number at least three weeks in advance of the wedding. It is typical for couples to ask for their guests to RSVP no later than 3-6 weeks before the wedding.

And this one:

After our open bar open tab ends, can we switch to cash bar?
Absolutely!

MGP · October 2014

annakay511 said:

They can think its rude if they want- but sorry, they should not get a $100/plate meal when I am already paying them thousands of dollars to be there (for WORK)!

Late to this discussion but just wanted to say - are you kidding me???

First, I am tired of this arbitrary $100/plate figure. Not everyone spends that, and the ones that do will usually will not have a problem feeding their vendors. It's usually the poor planners/terrible budgeters that balk at feeding them. ("ZOMG I am NOT paying $12 for my underling DJ to eat catered BBQ buffet with the rest of us").

Second, how would the quality of your work be if your boss asked you to work 10 hours with no meals, no bathroom breaks, and standing the whole time? You may be their boss for just one day, but don't be that type of boss. And if you decide to be that way don't bitch when they have an attitude or their quality of service wasn't what you expected.

Third, if you can't see the cost benefit of treating your vendors well you are absolutely insane. I estimate it cost .5% to feed my photographers and band. If you can't free up a half percent in your budget to do the right thing you should not be getting married, because you are probably treating many other people poorly as well.

weddingcactus · October 2014

I'm sorry that I'm fairly late to the discussion, but I'm really confused/uncertain how this works. Are these vendors not being paid to work during the mealtime? I don't mean to be snarky or rude, I'm just confused. I just figured you'd have the photographer taking pictures of your guests enjoying dinner, doing toasts, etc. And potentially a DJ might be there getting the mic set up and announcing stuff. How do they do that if they're eating dinner with the guests?

Also what about really small wedding guest lists? I'm looking at less than 20 guests enjoying a very intimate wedding ceremony and reception. Do the vendors sit down and mingle with us? That just seems like it takes away from the privacy/intimacy of the gathering. Maybe it depends on the number of hours you've booked the vendors? And the types of vendors? What happens with florists and day of coordinators and performers (musicians, etc)? I can sort of understand the officiant sitting with the guests since they might be someone close to the bride and groom (like a pastor/priest) and after the ceremony their job is done.

I certainly do not want to be rude to my vendors. And I would be more than happy to provide them with water (like I would to a repair person coming into my home). I just never expected to pay for meals for them and treat them as guests. But if that's the proper thing to do, then I will reconsider my point of view.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

weddingcactus said:
I'm sorry that I'm fairly late to the discussion, but I'm really confused/uncertain how this works. Are these vendors not being paid to work during the mealtime? I don't mean to be snarky or rude, I'm just confused. I just figured you'd have the photographer taking pictures of your guests enjoying dinner, doing toasts, etc. And potentially a DJ might be there getting the mic set up and announcing stuff. How do they do that if they're eating dinner with the guests?

Also what about really small wedding guest lists? I'm looking at less than 20 guests enjoying a very intimate wedding ceremony and reception. Do the vendors sit down and mingle with us? That just seems like it takes away from the privacy/intimacy of the gathering. Maybe it depends on the number of hours you've booked the vendors? And the types of vendors? What happens with florists and day of coordinators and performers (musicians, etc)? I can sort of understand the officiant sitting with the guests since they might be someone close to the bride and groom (like a pastor/priest) and after the ceremony their job is done.

I certainly do not want to be rude to my vendors. And I would be more than happy to provide them with water (like I would to a repair person coming into my home). I just never expected to pay for meals for them and treat them as guests. But if that's the proper thing to do, then I will reconsider my point of view.

Vendors, if provided with a meal, do not sit with your guests. Some venues have a back room where vendors can sneak off to for 5-10 minutes to eat. They don't get cake or booze, but rather just a plate of whatever you are having to eat while the meals are being passed to your guests or guests are in the buffet line.

I know I didn't even realize my vendors even ate because they did it so discretely. I know I had my DJ play certain songs/style of music during dinner, so he set that all up beforehand so it would play 2-3 songs in a row. He may have eaten in the back room or not, but I know he had time to do it. As for my photographer, I personally would not want any photos of my guests shoveling food into their face, so dinner was a perfect time to take 5 minutes to eat.

MGP · October 2014

weddingcactus said:

I'm sorry that I'm fairly late to the discussion, but I'm really confused/uncertain how this works. Are these vendors not being paid to work during the mealtime? I don't mean to be snarky or rude, I'm just confused. I just figured you'd have the photographer taking pictures of your guests enjoying dinner, doing toasts, etc. And potentially a DJ might be there getting the mic set up and announcing stuff. How do they do that if they're eating dinner with the guests?

Also what about really small wedding guest lists? I'm looking at less than 20 guests enjoying a very intimate wedding ceremony and reception. Do the vendors sit down and mingle with us? That just seems like it takes away from the privacy/intimacy of the gathering. Maybe it depends on the number of hours you've booked the vendors? And the types of vendors? What happens with florists and day of coordinators and performers (musicians, etc)? I can sort of understand the officiant sitting with the guests since they might be someone close to the bride and groom (like a pastor/priest) and after the ceremony their job is done.

I certainly do not want to be rude to my vendors. And I would be more than happy to provide them with water (like I would to a repair person coming into my home). I just never expected to pay for meals for them and treat them as guests. But if that's the proper thing to do, then I will reconsider my point of view.

Please see the comments I made right above yours. Feeding your vendors is a small investment with a huge payoff. I would like to see your attitude and work ethic after 7 hours on a Saturday night after your were told you could only have water. While these people have chosen to have this type of profession it does not take away their rights or ability to have the same things anyone with a more traditional "desk job" would expect in regards to meals and breaks.

We advise on these boards that if your wedding falls over a meal time that you need to provide a meal to your guests. Same goes with the vendors that work those hours which majority seems to be photographers and DJ/entertainment. Honesty I don't think anyone would have a problem with you not feeding the guy who delivered your cake, but the photographer who stays with you from hair and makeup until you step in your honeymoon suite deserves a meal. Does that make sense?

It truly sounds like you are trying to see another perspective and that is what I am trying to give you in the most respectful way. Bottom line is if you would expect it in your own workplace you should be willing to provide it to your vendors as well. In regards to a small wedding any professional will not try and infringe on your privacy and if you are so concerned with the "intimacy" of the event you should probably just forgo hiring vendors at all.

For what it's worth at my wedding we fed my vendors well. The photographers alternated their breaks and the band took a 30 minute break during the salad course. Worked out perfectly because who gives a crap about music and/or wants to be photographed while you are eating salad?

jacques27 · October 2014

weddingcactus said:

I'm sorry that I'm fairly late to the discussion, but I'm really confused/uncertain how this works. Are these vendors not being paid to work during the mealtime? I don't mean to be snarky or rude, I'm just confused. I just figured you'd have the photographer taking pictures of your guests enjoying dinner, doing toasts, etc. And potentially a DJ might be there getting the mic set up and announcing stuff. How do they do that if they're eating dinner with the guests?

Also what about really small wedding guest lists? I'm looking at less than 20 guests enjoying a very intimate wedding ceremony and reception. Do the vendors sit down and mingle with us? That just seems like it takes away from the privacy/intimacy of the gathering. Maybe it depends on the number of hours you've booked the vendors? And the types of vendors? What happens with florists and day of coordinators and performers (musicians, etc)? I can sort of understand the officiant sitting with the guests since they might be someone close to the bride and groom (like a pastor/priest) and after the ceremony their job is done.

I certainly do not want to be rude to my vendors. And I would be more than happy to provide them with water (like I would to a repair person coming into my home). I just never expected to pay for meals for them and treat them as guests. But if that's the proper thing to do, then I will reconsider my point of view.

Think of it this way: Do you work full-time? Are any of the hours that you work over what would be a traditional meal time? If yes, should your boss deny you a break or the opportunity to eat because when you agreed to take the job, you knew your shift would be over a meal time?

Just because this is a one-off gig doesn't mean the rules don't apply to them. Any vendor spending a significant portion of their day and/or the duration of your reception should be fed (ETA: I suppose, you could just give them a paid lunch break and let them leave for an hour to go find their own lunch or dinner, but that's not always feasible depending on the area and you're on your own without their services for that time then). So a day of coordinator? Yup. DJ? Yup (they have to show up early to set up way before you even get there and wait to break down their equipment until after you all leave - that's a long day). Photographer? Yup. (My friend recently worked a wedding. The ceremony was at 4:00, the bride wanted him there at noon to he could follow her around like a puppy to the salon and get all of the getting ready pictures. The wedding was also an hour a way, which meant he actually left his house at 10:30. The reception was done at 11:00pm. He got home a bit after midnight. Picture spending 14 hours in dress clothes driving around, walking around following people carrying equipment and only having water. Even if they'll only be there for six hours or eight hours - you're asking a lot from these vendors).

Now, a florist or a baker who will probably be there an hour, maybe two to deliver and set up? They likely aren't staying for the duration and wouldn't require a meal. Would you be an awesome person to make sure there are beverages (lemonade, soda, or a juice) there and maybe a light snack available if they need it? Yup. Maybe you're their fourth delivery of the day and they just haven't had a chance to stop and take a small break yet.

Also, keep in mind - these people are professionals. There will be lulls (do you really want your DJ making announcements while everyone is enjoying their meal and deep in conversation with each other? Do you really need 300 photos of people caught mid-chew eating their dinner). And your vendors know when is a good time to have a break and how to not be intrusive. Or, like in that facebook group I posted earlier, you can also invite them to join you as one bride did. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Treat people decently and as your equals instead of paid help and you may end up having a delightful time with them.

caitlinmca · October 2014

Our DJ's contract stated that vendor meals or vendor boxes would not be acceptable, and that whatever the guests would be having would be acceptable whether that be buffet or plated and didn't matter the food. Our DJ mentioned the reasoning behind the no vendor boxes being that mostly its just a cold sandwich, a pop and some chips if that and our DJ company has I believe 6 DJs, maybe more or less, but they have a few weddings each weekend, so he said the same boxed meals get to be old.

phat49firstime · October 2014

I talked to our dj about it. He puts that a hot meal must be provided and that's for several reasons. You wouldn't want to have your dj scarfing down pizza in a suit or tux at your wedding. You wouldn't want your dj to leave and go get food. You want your dj fed a quality meal during his 10 hours of providing music for your ceremony, reception and dance. I get that but there is a part of me that wonders why the dj wouldn't bring his own food just as I do when I work different shifts that over lap lunch or dinner but hey, that's just me. I am chalking this up to industry standards. I did check out the vendor page about the meals given (complete with pictures) and found that interesting!

lyndausvi · October 2014

phat49firstime said:

I talked to our dj about it. He puts that a hot meal must be provided and that's for several reasons. You wouldn't want to have your dj scarfing down pizza in a suit or tux at your wedding. You wouldn't want your dj to leave and go get food. You want your dj fed a quality meal during his 10 hours of providing music for your ceremony, reception and dance. I get that but there is a part of me that wonders why the dj wouldn't bring his own food just as I do when I work different shifts that over lap lunch or dinner but hey, that's just me. I am chalking this up to industry standards. I did check out the vendor page about the meals given (complete with pictures) and found that interesting!

Most venues or cateres do not allow outside food. That includes a DJ bringing food from home.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

I'm so glad I don't work in the wedding industry. I can't believe this is such a controversy. Just feed your vendors.

I gave no thought whatsoever to the 100 dollars or so I spend on two vendor meals. In the grand scheme of things it was nothing to me and just another cost of having a traditional night time wedding

Do you guys also nickel and dime servers' tips?

MGP · October 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

Do you guys also nickel and dime servers' tips?

Sadly, they probably do. At 15%.

eshaney · October 2014

One thing that can be tricky is if you aren't doing a full on sit-down dinner. We are having stations with dinner foods, customized pasta, carving station, etc along with various sides - mac and cheese, salads, fruits/cheeses etc. We will also have a few passed items during cocktail hour. I have been at a wedding before (actually my first wedding) where it turned out my planned and photographer went to high school together. I guess they both decided to take almost an hour off towards the dancing portion of the evening where some good photography moments in particular were missed. I was very upset. So if it works, yes, they can eat when everyone eats, but I am going to try my darndest to avoid all vendors just dropping everything at the same time. I may give them a menu before hand and make sure my planner "takes care of them" throughout the night with food and drink or perhaps ask if they would mind staggering my main photographer and her second shooter taking their dinner break(s). 8 to 10 hours is a long day! But I do have place settings for my vendors so they aren't banished to the outside or a corner to eat standing up.

graciegra · October 2014

If you have stations, the caterers may serve your vendors plates with a little bit of everything or your vendors typically will go through the lines after guests have so they don't spend time in line.

When planning where your vendors eat, most (DOC/planner, DJ) are totally okay with eating 'behind the scenes' and typically do that. The DJ is likely eating with a few songs cued up; a band is eating during their break.

Your photographer may ask to be seated among guests. This is for *your* benefit, so they can best gauge what is going on and grab shots of anything if need be. Several others pointed out that most of meal time is not too photogenic (chewing mouths, etc.) but they may want to grab photos of severs carrying trays out/ food/ etc or any impromptu toasting that goes on.

Also, if you want to be sure your photographer is 100% available at all times, you should hire a second shooter. Otherwise the photographer will miss things (maybe a pretty big chuck) whether for bathroom breaks, meals, or just being in a different area of the party.

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