My FI's sister called dibs on our venue!

lovesclimbing · November 2014

ReginaLambert13 said:

This is a tough one. I am a person who has had her wedding planned since I was 12 and would be crushed if anyone "stole" one of my major ideas. That being said, to not book the venue would be letting her steal your idea as well. The thing is that I had a venue picked out even just a couple months ago and was very hush hush about it because I was terrified of someone using it. Then a couple things changed and I thought I'd just look around a bit more to see if anything else fit the bill and sure enough I found something I love even more and than is (no exaggerating) 10x cheaper. So I would have felt really bad if I had made someone change their plans and then I didn't even go with it.

Honestly, I feel really bad about it, but what I would likely do here would be to lie and say we had already paid for the place. I would just say that we had to put a deposit down or lose it and that we hadn't found anything else within our budget that was even close to that place.

I think part of the reason FHs family may be freaking out is that they are worried about their kids, and you aren't one of them. If I'm wrong then totally disregard but from their perceptive it's their sons wedding and then later their daughters (future) wedding. Most families would likely put more importance on a daughters wedding. Also, they know how much their daughter cares about the venue but for all they know you just picked a place and it's not that big of a deal. All they see is their son and boys don't often care about things like venues so to them all that's happening is their son is being inconvenienced by having to find a new place. They may not be thinking about how you would be emotionally upset. I could be way off but in my situation my FHs family doesn't really think through my thoughts/feelings. For them it's because they genuinely dislike me but I can imagine the same thing happening just out of thoughtlessness because you are new to the group and they aren't used to having to think about your feelings.

Honestly, if they get really bad about it you could always mention that she still has the option to get married there. Yes, for some people it might take away some of the fun but it also might be neat to sort of make it the family venue!

What about your fiance? Doesn't he get a say in this wedding? Also, I can probably guarantee there have been other people before you and will be other people after you who have used/will use your* ideas.

*They're not really your ideas if you didn't invent them.

ohannabelle · November 2014

ReginaLambert13 said:

This is a tough one. I am a person who has had her wedding planned since I was 12 and would be crushed if anyone "stole" one of my major ideas. That being said, to not book the venue would be letting her steal your idea as well. The thing is that I had a venue picked out even just a couple months ago and was very hush hush about it because I was terrified of someone using it. Then a couple things changed and I thought I'd just look around a bit more to see if anything else fit the bill and sure enough I found something I love even more and than is (no exaggerating) 10x cheaper. So I would have felt really bad if I had made someone change their plans and then I didn't even go with it.

Honestly, I feel really bad about it, but what I would likely do here would be to lie and say we had already paid for the place. I would just say that we had to put a deposit down or lose it and that we hadn't found anything else within our budget that was even close to that place.

I think part of the reason FHs family may be freaking out is that they are worried about their kids, and you aren't one of them. If I'm wrong then totally disregard but from their perceptive it's their sons wedding and then later their daughters (future) wedding. Most families would likely put more importance on a daughters wedding. Also, they know how much their daughter cares about the venue but for all they know you just picked a place and it's not that big of a deal. All they see is their son and boys don't often care about things like venues so to them all that's happening is their son is being inconvenienced by having to find a new place. They may not be thinking about how you would be emotionally upset. I could be way off but in my situation my FHs family doesn't really think through my thoughts/feelings. For them it's because they genuinely dislike me but I can imagine the same thing happening just out of thoughtlessness because you are new to the group and they aren't used to having to think about your feelings.

Honestly, if they get really bad about it you could always mention that she still has the option to get married there. Yes, for some people it might take away some of the fun but it also might be neat to sort of make it the family venue!

With all respect...

What the everloving fuck does this even mean? Please, enlighten me. I am just dying to know how a twelve year old plans a wedding.

(I deem "ReginaLambert13" a troll, based on this and other posts. Nobody is this ridiculous.)

Knottie28062262 · November 2014

That is just silly and for his parents to ask you to change your venue to keep someone who is not even dating anyone is just rude.

edenisle · December 2014

Absolutely ridiculous. I mean, how bad is she if even her parents are afraid to make her unhappy? Says a little something about why she is still single, IMHO.

iloveu4ever · December 2014

She is all by herself. No man no ring. She is gonna have to put her big girl panties on and deal with it. Go for it. She can have it too when she get engaged unless they close it.

Iamnowmrsjms · December 2014

I would say something like, "Looks like we both have great taste! We booked the venue.." End Story.

Agree that there's no "venue dibs."

bamadiybride · December 2014

You have got to be kidding me! You are the one that is engaged right now and venue locations are one of the first things you need to book in advance! Who is to say when she does get engaged her fiance or his family want them to have it somewhere else. You can't base your wedding plans off the "future" wedding plans of her. Also, I'm sure your decor and her decor will be completely different. You can both have it at the same venue and make it look like two different weddings!

weddingcactus · December 2014

This reminds me of part of a SYTTD I saw this weekend where a little sister who was not engaged and did not even have a boyfriend decided to call "dibs" on a wedding dress that happened to be the one her sister loved (in pictures). I didn't see how the show concluded, but I thought it was so silly. How can you call dibs on something when you don't know when or even if you can ever use it? Venues come and go. Dresses are discontinued all the time. Unless you have a completely 100% unique and original idea or design, it really can't be "stolen". A venue is probably going to be used by many couples after you and has probably been used by many couples before you. In no way does using the same venue ruin the wedding. Just think about the oodles of people that get married in the same church. Oh the humanity!

futuremrsnickyp · December 2014

my best friend just married her husband at the same venue his sister got married in a couple years before. Same church (that's probably pretty common) and same reception hall. He said that it made everything 100 times easier because they were already familiar with the staff and the place...

I think your FSIL should be happy that you're going to do a 'dry run' of her venue... it will just make things way less complicated for her when she decides to get married.

My FI's sister called dibs on our venue!

Re: My FI's sister called dibs on our venue!

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