Bridesmaid Shoes

moorewedding530 · January 2015

I've opted for the mismatched bridesmaids to make sure my girls can afford the dress, feel beautiful in it, and have something they'd wear again. I've given them a color swatch to match as close as they can (the dresses will be coral, mid-thigh to knee length, any fabric as long as they're comfortable.) and asked them to find a teal bubble necklace to wear (I suggested Charming Charlie or somewhere cheap). The problem is, I have no idea what to tell them to wear for shoes. I am wearing sparkly teal Toms, and I know that I want them to wear flats. Should I have them get the same shoes so there is some uniformity? It's an indoor spring wedding (May 30) and I have 6 girls. Suggestions please!

Maggie0829 · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

I've opted for the mismatched bridesmaids to make sure my girls can afford the dress, feel beautiful in it, and have something they'd wear again. I've given them a color swatch to match as close as they can (the dresses will be coral, mid-thigh to knee length, any fabric as long as they're comfortable.) and asked them to find a teal bubble necklace to wear (I suggested Charming Charlie or somewhere cheap). The problem is, I have no idea what to tell them to wear for shoes. I am wearing sparkly teal Toms, and I know that I want them to wear flats. Should I have them get the same shoes so there is some uniformity? It's an indoor spring wedding (May 30) and I have 6 girls. Suggestions please!

You should really be paying for the jewelry since you are requesting something specific.

Second bolded...no. They should be able to wear whatever shoe they want. For a coral colored dress I would suggest either a black, nude or silver shoe. Then let them pick or wear a pair they already have. And why the need for them to wear flats? Just let them wear whatever they want.

climbingsingle · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

moorewedding530 said:

I've opted for the mismatched bridesmaids to make sure my girls can afford the dress, feel beautiful in it, and have something they'd wear again. I've given them a color swatch to match as close as they can (the dresses will be coral, mid-thigh to knee length, any fabric as long as they're comfortable.) and asked them to find a teal bubble necklace to wear (I suggested Charming Charlie or somewhere cheap). The problem is, I have no idea what to tell them to wear for shoes. I am wearing sparkly teal Toms, and I know that I want them to wear flats. Should I have them get the same shoes so there is some uniformity? It's an indoor spring wedding (May 30) and I have 6 girls. Suggestions please!

You should really be paying for the jewelry since you are requesting something specific.

Second bolded...no. They should be able to wear whatever shoe they want. For a coral colored dress I would suggest either a black, nude or silver shoe. Then let them pick or wear a pair they already have. And why the need for them to wear flats? Just let them wear whatever they want.

This.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

Heck, I can have my mom make the jewelry - that's no problem. If they already have a teal bubble necklace, they should be able to wear that. I should add, by bubble necklace, I mean something chunky, not a specific design. I'm not looking for something too specific. I'm not quite sure why a $5 necklace from Charming Charlie would break the bank if they didn't have one.

I'm not sure why it's wrong to ask them to wear flats, though. I think nude or brown would look best, maybe give them the option of sandals, too.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

Heck, I can have my mom make the jewelry - that's no problem. If they already have a teal bubble necklace, they should be able to wear that. I should add, by bubble necklace, I mean something chunky, not a specific design. I'm not looking for something too specific. I'm not quite sure why a $5 necklace from Charming Charlie would break the bank if they didn't have one.

I'm not sure why it's wrong to ask them to wear flats, though. I think nude or brown would look best, maybe give them the option of sandals, too.

The point is that you should not require a specific piece of jewelry. No one cares what jewelry they are wearing. Why not just let them wear whatever they already have?

Why do you want them to wear flats? Some people prefer heels, others prefer wedges and others prefer flats. Why not just let your BMs wear what they are comfortable in and be done with it?

Stop being so damn controlling over things that do not affect you and will have zero affect on your wedding day. These little details do not matter.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

Maggie0829 said: moorewedding530 said: Heck, I can have my mom make the jewelry - that's no problem. If they already have a teal bubble necklace, they should be able to wear that. I should add, by bubble necklace, I mean something chunky, not a specific design. I'm not looking for something too specific. I'm not quite sure why a $5 necklace from Charming Charlie would break the bank if they didn't have one.
I'm not sure why it's wrong to ask them to wear flats, though. I think nude or brown would look best, maybe give them the option of sandals, too. The point is that you should not require a specific piece of jewelry. No one cares what jewelry they are wearing. Why not just let them wear whatever they already have?
Why do you want them to wear flats? Some people prefer heels, others prefer wedges and others prefer flats. Why not just let your BMs wear what they are comfortable in and be done with it?
Stop being so damn controlling over things that do not affect you and will have zero affect on your wedding day. These little details do not matter. All I wanted was suggestions on shoes, nothing more. "For a coral colored dress I would suggest either a black, nude or silver shoe. Then let them pick or wear a pair they already have" was all I needed.
Not sure why asking BMs to wear flats is being "so damn controlling" considering I'm letting them wear the dresses they want, but thanks for your help!

Have a great day!

ETA: Not sure why the boxes aren't working!

Maggie0829 · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

Maggie0829 said:

moorewedding530 said:

Heck, I can have my mom make the jewelry - that's no problem. If they already have a teal bubble necklace, they should be able to wear that. I should add, by bubble necklace, I mean something chunky, not a specific design. I'm not looking for something too specific. I'm not quite sure why a $5 necklace from Charming Charlie would break the bank if they didn't have one.

I'm not sure why it's wrong to ask them to wear flats, though. I think nude or brown would look best, maybe give them the option of sandals, too.

The point is that you should not require a specific piece of jewelry. No one cares what jewelry they are wearing. Why not just let them wear whatever they already have?

Why do you want them to wear flats? Some people prefer heels, others prefer wedges and others prefer flats. Why not just let your BMs wear what they are comfortable in and be done with it?

Stop being so damn controlling over things that do not affect you and will have zero affect on your wedding day. These little details do not matter.

All I wanted was suggestions on shoes, nothing more. "For a coral colored dress I would suggest either a black, nude or silver shoe. Then let them pick or wear a pair they already have" was all I needed.

Not sure why asking BMs to wear flats is being "so damn controlling" considering I'm letting them wear the dresses they want, but thanks for your help!

Have a great day!

ETA: Not sure why the boxes aren't working!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because you are dictating what type of shoe they can wear. Listen to what you are wanting to do. If telling someone what kind of shoe they can and cannot wear is not controlling then I don't know what is.

You cannot tell people how to post on here. If you don't want opinions on certain things then maybe you should learn to edit yourself before posting. What you are wanting to do is ridiculous. They are shoes. Shoes that YOU don't even have to wear. This is ridiculous.

ETA: Fucking boxes!

moorewedding530 · January 2015

There's a big difference between posting an opinion and being rude.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

There's a big difference between posting an opinion and being rude.

Guessing you are insinuating that I am being rude? Nope, not so much.

I think you need to get some thicker skin if what you think I posted was at all rude. I was being honest with you. Sorry I didn't cover it in sugar and chocolate and deliver it to you with a puppy.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

Over it.

ohannabelle · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

There's a big difference between posting an opinion and being rude.

Yes, there is. The difference is not what you want to hear vs. what you hear.

A teal bubble necklace is very specific. I don't own a teal bubble necklace, have no need for a teal bubble necklace, and would never wear one again. So any specific requests like that should be paid for by the bride. Even if it's only five dollars.

I think you're worried too much about details that don't matter.

If they're wearing coral dresses of aprx. the same lengths, isn't that enough?

And shoes? Same thing. People have very specific tastes in shoes, and what they feel good/look good in. I have short chubby legs. In flats, I have even shorter chubbier looking legs, so I'm never comfortable wearing flats with dresses. So yes, this is a very specific request for people to buy something that they may not like or want.

Nobody really looks at the bridesmaid shoes, so I'd just ask them to choose for themselves. Happy, comfortable friends who feel good about what they're wearing is so much more important than matching.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

ohannabelle said:

moorewedding530 said:

There's a big difference between posting an opinion and being rude.

Yes, there is. The difference is not what you want to hear vs. what you hear.

A teal bubble necklace is very specific. I don't own a teal bubble necklace, have no need for a teal bubble necklace, and would never wear one again. So any specific requests like that should be paid for by the bride. Even if it's only five dollars.

I think you're worried too much about details that don't matter.
If they're wearing coral dresses of aprx. the same lengths, isn't that enough?

And shoes? Same thing. People have very specific tastes in shoes, and what they feel good/look good in. I have short chubby legs. In flats, I have even shorter chubbier looking legs, so I'm never comfortable wearing flats with dresses. So yes, this is a very specific request for people to buy something that they may not like or want.
Nobody really looks at the bridesmaid shoes, so I'd just ask them to choose for themselves. Happy, comfortable friends who feel good about what they're wearing is so much more important than matching.

I asked what I should do. That, in no way, constituted being called "so damn controlling."

Still, I appreciate your respectful reply and opinion. I understand the teal necklace may be difficult for people to find in their closet. Maybe other colors could be options, too? (My colors are coral and teal, obviously). Or, maybe I could just have my MOH wear a necklace to set her apart from the other girls?

I appreciate your input on the shoes too! My girls are all different sizes. I thought maybe having them all wear flats would help with uniformity (my fiancé's all about that) but you made some good points about feeling comfortable in different shoes! Thanks!

Maggie0829 · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

ohannabelle said:

moorewedding530 said:

There's a big difference between posting an opinion and being rude.

Yes, there is. The difference is not what you want to hear vs. what you hear.

A teal bubble necklace is very specific. I don't own a teal bubble necklace, have no need for a teal bubble necklace, and would never wear one again. So any specific requests like that should be paid for by the bride. Even if it's only five dollars.

I think you're worried too much about details that don't matter.
If they're wearing coral dresses of aprx. the same lengths, isn't that enough?

And shoes? Same thing. People have very specific tastes in shoes, and what they feel good/look good in. I have short chubby legs. In flats, I have even shorter chubbier looking legs, so I'm never comfortable wearing flats with dresses. So yes, this is a very specific request for people to buy something that they may not like or want.
Nobody really looks at the bridesmaid shoes, so I'd just ask them to choose for themselves. Happy, comfortable friends who feel good about what they're wearing is so much more important than matching.

I asked what I should do. That, in no way, constituted being called "so damn controlling."

Still, I appreciate your respectful reply and opinion. I understand the teal necklace may be difficult for people to find in their closet. Maybe other colors could be options, too? (My colors are coral and teal, obviously). Or, maybe I could just have my MOH wear a necklace to set her apart from the other girls?

I appreciate your input on the shoes too! My girls are all different sizes. I thought maybe having them all wear flats would help with uniformity (my fiancé's all about that) but you made some good points about feeling comfortable in different shoes! Thanks!

mikenberger · January 2015

Gotta agree with the other PPs. Also, I have wide feet and finding just a random cheap pair of shoes is difficult for me (Speshul snowflake here.) so I would be spending a pretty chunk of change on a pair of shoes just for your wedding. So your bridesmaids wearing a pair of shoes that they may already own or would purchase without the instigation of your wedding is being helpful to them.

I'm currently going through this with a wedding I'm in this summer. No. I do not wear 5" heels. "BUT IT'S WHAT I WANT THE BRIDESMAIDS TO WEAR." No. I'm not buying 5" heels and I'm not wearing 5" heels. Unreasonable request. Same applies to flats, sandals, heels, whatever. Shoes are not going to break your wedding, same with a teal bubble necklace.

You want it? You pay for it.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

mikenberger said:

Gotta agree with the other PPs. Also, I have wide feet and finding just a random cheap pair of shoes is difficult for me (Speshul snowflake here.) so I would be spending a pretty chunk of change on a pair of shoes just for your wedding. So your bridesmaids wearing a pair of shoes that they may already own or would purchase without the instigation of your wedding is being helpful to them.

I'm currently going through this with a wedding I'm in this summer. No. I do not wear 5" heels. "BUT IT'S WHAT I WANT THE BRIDESMAIDS TO WEAR." No. I'm not buying 5" heels and I'm not wearing 5" heels. Unreasonable request. Same applies to flats, sandals, heels, whatever. Shoes are not going to break your wedding, same with a teal bubble necklace.

You want it? You pay for it.

Should I have a specific color or scheme or just trust their discretion on color? If they already have the shoes, more power to them!

5" heels sound awful. I can't wear heels, as I'd look like an elephant on a balance beam, so I'm not wearing heels. I'm wearing Toms. They're comfy, but you won't see them during the wedding, and they might make cute pictures if we decide to show them then. I'd love to be able to buy everything (like Toms for them to wear) for all my girls, but ain't nobody got time (or money) for that.

mikenberger · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

mikenberger said:

Gotta agree with the other PPs. Also, I have wide feet and finding just a random cheap pair of shoes is difficult for me (Speshul snowflake here.) so I would be spending a pretty chunk of change on a pair of shoes just for your wedding. So your bridesmaids wearing a pair of shoes that they may already own or would purchase without the instigation of your wedding is being helpful to them.

I'm currently going through this with a wedding I'm in this summer. No. I do not wear 5" heels. "BUT IT'S WHAT I WANT THE BRIDESMAIDS TO WEAR." No. I'm not buying 5" heels and I'm not wearing 5" heels. Unreasonable request. Same applies to flats, sandals, heels, whatever. Shoes are not going to break your wedding, same with a teal bubble necklace.

You want it? You pay for it.

Should I have a specific color or scheme or just trust their discretion on color? If they already have the shoes, more power to them!
5" heels sound awful. I can't wear heels, as I'd look like an elephant on a balance beam, so I'm not wearing heels. I'm wearing Toms. They're comfy, but you won't see them during the wedding, and they might make cute pictures if we decide to show them then. I'd love to be able to buy everything (like Toms for them to wear) for all my girls, but ain't nobody got time (or money) for that.

And see? I can't wear Toms. I bought a pair once and I could barely fit my feet into them.

I would just trust their discretion on color. I have a bridesmaid insisting on wearing her chucks. But that's HER. That's her flair. I love her flair. I personally think it'll be a cute touch and she'll feel best in her chucks. I'd rather have her happy on the day of than uncomfortable in shoes that she hates that she purchased.

kvruns · January 2015

I'd make a color recommendation or maybe a few even (silver or nude or whatever) and then if you want to say something like "I like the idea of flats best but if you would rather wear heels that is ok too". Since the dresses are already being mismatched I don't think shoes need to matter much.

FWIW I was in a wedding this summer and shoes turned into a HUGE deal and brought out some major bridezilla (not saying you are, just sharing my story). We had the same dress, different colors and had to have matching shoes (that we paid for). Ended with uncomfortable prom-like shoes that will never be worn again. everyone has different feet and preferences (2 wanted heels, 2 wanted flat or wedge) and if we would have been told a color or style it would have been fine and not created a big rift in the whole process.

my favorite when we were making suggestions was being told nude shoes would clash with her bride's dress and thus ruin the pictures so we couldn't have that color. sigh.

msuprincess04 · January 2015

If the necklaces are so cheap, you could just buy them for the BM (I did this for my girls, they were $8 each). While I kind of like the idea of some uniformity with the different dresses, as they may have different necklines, different necklaces might work better. As for the shoes, I think we all agree that the girls should be able to wear whatever neutral shoe they want and find comfy. I like silver with lighter color dresses.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

kvruns said:
my favorite when we were making suggestions was being told nude shoes would clash with her bride's dress and thus ruin the pictures so we couldn't have that color. sigh.

I can't even.

badbnagdway · January 2015

I have twice been told to wear specific shoes as a bridesmaid. Both times the bride purchased the shoes. I did not like either of the pairs of shoes and was glad I didn't have to buy them myself. One pair was a silver heel that was not comfortable or really to the liking of any of the bms. One pair were very basic ivory flats. The flats admittedly were really comfy, but they looked like slippers and I felt silly all day. The bride and groom were short and the bride didn't want us to tower over them. It made little sense because with or without heels we still towered over them.

All this to say, as someone who has been through it, your girls would really prefer you let them pick their own shoes. If you must dictate what they wear, I agree with others, buy it for them.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

Why don't you just suggest low heels or flats or sandals in a pale color. That should give everyone a wide choice so they can buy or wear whatever they own. As far as a teal bubble necklace, I would only put this on for you as a dear friend. That is my absolutely worst color. You could say chunky bold necklace and leave the color up to them. Of course, I still think you should pay for costume jewelry.

manateehugger · January 2015

Stick a bouquet in her hand, have her in the same color as other girls with bouquets, pose her around a bride, and any girl is going to look like a bridesmaid - perfect uniformity or no.

Seriously, please do not tell your ladies to buy cheap one-time wear necklaces and shoes they may not like. It sucks as a bridesmaid. Trust me, the less demands you have, the happier and more carefree everyone will be - including you! You will thank yourself later, your bridesmaids will thank you, and no one else will care.

Here's my BM's - who all wore different styles in the same color. I have no idea what jewelry and shoes they wore. If you think they don't look uniform enough, I don't know what to tell you.

blushingbride8888 · January 2015

I'd say stick with nude or silver - nude may be easier for them to find or they might have already. I think let them pick whatever heel height they want. Flats...heels...everyone's comfort level is different and no one is going to be concerned about their heights or what's on their feet.

I agree on paying for their jewelry. I was looking at Charming Charlie for my bridesmaids and the cost is great and there are tons of options. I think turquoise may be hard for them to find and if I was a bridesmaid and couldn't easily find what the bride was requesting I'd honestly be pretty irritated. If you supply it there's no stress or added cost for them.

artbyallie · January 2015

My bridesmaids shoes are not even visible in any of the pictures. Nor is their jewelry even though I made bracelets for them (not as a gift! They got an actual gift tailored to their interests!). This is such a non-issue. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to even try to match their shoes to each other. Also, I like dainty jewelry and would never wear any kind of big chunky necklace no matter how much I like shopping at Charming Charlies.

moorewedding530 · January 2015

badbnagdway said:

The bride and groom were short and the bride didn't want us to tower over them. It made little sense because with or without heels we still towered over them.

All this to say, as someone who has been through it, your girls would really prefer you let them pick their own shoes. If you must dictate what they wear, I agree with others, buy it for them.

We're both really short, so that was part of the reason I wanted flats. But apparently that's not acceptable.

Is asking for a color scheme "dictating" enough to have to buy the shoes?

kvruns · January 2015

in my opinion giving a color scheme is fine and isn't in the realm of "bride should buy". I think your BMs will appreciate that.

then again I never knew that was a rule until I came on here so what do I know I've been in 2 weddings and in both cases I was told what shoes to buy and my gift has been the jewelry for the ceremony and I just assumed that was how it went

atlastmrsg · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

mikenberger said:

Gotta agree with the other PPs. Also, I have wide feet and finding just a random cheap pair of shoes is difficult for me (Speshul snowflake here.) so I would be spending a pretty chunk of change on a pair of shoes just for your wedding. So your bridesmaids wearing a pair of shoes that they may already own or would purchase without the instigation of your wedding is being helpful to them.

I'm currently going through this with a wedding I'm in this summer. No. I do not wear 5" heels. "BUT IT'S WHAT I WANT THE BRIDESMAIDS TO WEAR." No. I'm not buying 5" heels and I'm not wearing 5" heels. Unreasonable request. Same applies to flats, sandals, heels, whatever. Shoes are not going to break your wedding, same with a teal bubble necklace.

You want it? You pay for it.

Should I have a specific color or scheme or just trust their discretion on color? If they already have the shoes, more power to them!
5" heels sound awful. I can't wear heels, as I'd look like an elephant on a balance beam, so I'm not wearing heels. I'm wearing Toms. They're comfy, but you won't see them during the wedding, and they might make cute pictures if we decide to show them then. I'd love to be able to buy everything (like Toms for them to wear) for all my girls, but ain't nobody got time (or money) for that.

Hmmmm, nailed it. Ain't nobody got money for a cheap plastic necklace (I'd never wear again--I thought that trend was finally dying) or Tom's (I'd never wear again). Exactly why bridesmaids don't want to do this. They don't need necklaces. Just edit.

Not to mention, in 10 years, you might not want candy colored teal and coral--you might have wished you had edited to something more timeless. They probably have taupe heels, sandals, etc. Just let them wear whatever taupe they want.

I would hate spending even $5 on something I really dislike (icky plastic jewelry) or the Tom's, just like you said. I could go to Panera and almost eat my favorite sandwich for lunch today for that and enjoy it a million times more. I'd rather wear no jewelry than the cheap trendy/Pinterest-y stuff.

You may also want to start looking over at the hair/beauty or other places if you were expecting the maids to have the exact same hairdos, manicures, etc. Because if you were, you'd better find the way to "get time (or money) for that" since it's on your tab.

artbyallie · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

badbnagdway said:

The bride and groom were short and the bride didn't want us to tower over them. It made little sense because with or without heels we still towered over them.

All this to say, as someone who has been through it, your girls would really prefer you let them pick their own shoes. If you must dictate what they wear, I agree with others, buy it for them.

We're both really short, so that was part of the reason I wanted flats. But apparently that's not acceptable.

Is asking for a color scheme "dictating" enough to have to buy the shoes?

Depends on the color. If it's a neutral (black, silver, nude, navy, "any metallic," or even red), then no. If you want teal shoes, you do need to pay for them. I still maintain no one will notice and/or give a single fuck about what color their shoes are.

KatWAG · January 2015

moorewedding530 said:

badbnagdway said:

The bride and groom were short and the bride didn't want us to tower over them. It made little sense because with or without heels we still towered over them.

All this to say, as someone who has been through it, your girls would really prefer you let them pick their own shoes. If you must dictate what they wear, I agree with others, buy it for them.
We're both really short, so that was part of the reason I wanted flats. But apparently that's not acceptable.

Is asking for a color scheme "dictating" enough to have to buy the shoes?

________BOXES_______

And the real story comes out.

So what happen if a GM is taller than your Fi? Does he have to squat in the back of pictures?

@moorewedding530 if you are specifying that the shoes be anythingother than a neutral color, then you need to pay for them.

And I would never wear a dress and flats, my legs would look like tree trunks.

ElcaB · January 2015

I wouldn't pick out a pair of shoes. I suggest giving a color & style and letting them decide for themselves. Asking them to wear brown or tan flats/sandals is fine.

jenna8984 · January 2015

I just want to say that it's not always super unreasonable to request flats. I'm the MOH in a June wedding and we all have to wear flats including the bride because it's on a golf course which doesn't allow heels (would ruin the turf). So yea, I hate flats and sandals and think they make me look stumpy and stupid with a knee length dress, but I have to wear them. (She is buying them & I plan to change into my own for the indoor reception- is that rude to not wear the ones she buys for the whole night?)

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