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Flower girl trouble?

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Re: Flower girl trouble?

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    snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:
    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Judgy much?

    Well, it takes one to know one, because just because she didn't say so doesn't mean it's not the case.  You are also jumping to conclusions that it's not the case, so I suggest reining in your judginess, because it's hypocritical in your case.

    BTW, therapists would agree that emotional abuse does tend to go down the way I described.
    Wait, you're calling ME judgmental when YOU'RE accusing some stranger of child abuse based on a few words on the Internet? And FYI, therapists would also agree that not every single person who would stop his daughter from being a flower girl after saying she could is an abuser. And by the way, I didn't jump to conclusions. I never said that he wasn't an abuser. I said that we don't have enough information to make that determination.
    Bullshit.  We were talking about emotional abuse, not physical abuse, although that might be going on too.  There are only so many ways it happens.

    And you know something?  Something doesn't have to be specifically stated for anyone to have permission to comment on it.  I certainly don't need your permission to comment on anything.
    Who said anything about physical abuse? I never said you can't comment on it. What I said was that you were jumping to conclusions and accusing this person of being an abusive parent, even going so far as scripting how he carries out the abuse, when we have no details.

    If this person actually is abusive, then I'd be questioning the OP's priorities in worrying about her flower girl instead of the child living in an abusive home.
    I didn't say anything about physical abuse either.  But you know something?  I don't need your permission to guess at how it might be happening, because it follows predictable patterns.

    Exactly how is the OP supposed to "worry" about what's going on with this child?  Is she supposed to not get married or not have a flower girl in her wedding because one girl is in a bad situation at home?  Exactly when the fuck does she have your permission to live her own life?
    Oh for crying out loud, no one is telling you or the OP you can't do something or not giving you permission for something. Knock it off with the MUD already.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Judgy much?

    Well, it takes one to know one, because just because she didn't say so doesn't mean it's not the case.  You are also jumping to conclusions that it's not the case, so I suggest reining in your judginess, because it's hypocritical in your case.

    BTW, therapists would agree that emotional abuse does tend to go down the way I described.
    Wait, you're calling ME judgmental when YOU'RE accusing some stranger of child abuse based on a few words on the Internet? And FYI, therapists would also agree that not every single person who would stop his daughter from being a flower girl after saying she could is an abuser. And by the way, I didn't jump to conclusions. I never said that he wasn't an abuser. I said that we don't have enough information to make that determination.
    Bullshit.  We were talking about emotional abuse, not physical abuse, although that might be going on too.  There are only so many ways it happens.

    And you know something?  Something doesn't have to be specifically stated for anyone to have permission to comment on it.  I certainly don't need your permission to comment on anything.
    Who said anything about physical abuse? I never said you can't comment on it. What I said was that you were jumping to conclusions and accusing this person of being an abusive parent, even going so far as scripting how he carries out the abuse, when we have no details.

    If this person actually is abusive, then I'd be questioning the OP's priorities in worrying about her flower girl instead of the child living in an abusive home.
    I didn't say anything about physical abuse either.  But you know something?  I don't need your permission to guess at how it might be happening, because it follows predictable patterns.

    Exactly how is the OP supposed to "worry" about what's going on with this child?  Is she supposed to not get married or not have a flower girl in her wedding because one girl is in a bad situation at home?  Exactly when the fuck does she have your permission to live her own life?
    Oh for crying out loud, no one is telling you or the OP you can't do something or not giving you permission for something. Knock it off with the MUD already.
    You knock it off.  You're creating as much MUD as you're accusing anyone else of doing. 

    Whether you like it or not, the unfortunate truth is that regardless of what might or might not be going on with this child, the OP does not have to plan her wedding or life around the fact that a child might be being abused in some way, especially because she doesn't have control over the child's living situation.  If she suspects abuse, all she can do is report it to the appropriate authorities.  If all she has to go on is the fact that the father is a jerk and might yank his child out at any moment, but she doesn't have any other evidence, then there's nothing she can do about that but either ask her and accept that she might get jerked out, not ask her, or ask her together with the other girl and if it happens, just have the other child as a flower girl.

    But at no time is she required to, nor is it even wise for her to, stop being concerned about her wedding simply because of what might, but which even you point out there's no evidence for, be happening to this girl.  Aside from the fact that there is no evidence, this girl isn't and can't be her number one priority.
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    snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    On another note...

    OP, I think PP have offered good advice. Only choose another girl if you want her in it regardless of what happens with this one. Don't choose a back up.
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    justsiejustsie member
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    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Judgy much?

    Well, it takes one to know one, because just because she didn't say so doesn't mean it's not the case.  You are also jumping to conclusions that it's not the case, so I suggest reining in your judginess, because it's hypocritical in your case.

    BTW, therapists would agree that emotional abuse does tend to go down the way I described.
    Wait, you're calling ME judgmental when YOU'RE accusing some stranger of child abuse based on a few words on the Internet? And FYI, therapists would also agree that not every single person who would stop his daughter from being a flower girl after saying she could is an abuser. And by the way, I didn't jump to conclusions. I never said that he wasn't an abuser. I said that we don't have enough information to make that determination.
    I'm a therapist (well a counselor) and I agree with the above. Stopping a girl from being a flower girl would not constitute emotional abuse, and I feel as if you are really trying hard to pigeon toe this situation into something that is more serious than the (little) information we have been given here. 
    image
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    justsie said:
    snowywinter said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Judgy much?

    Well, it takes one to know one, because just because she didn't say so doesn't mean it's not the case.  You are also jumping to conclusions that it's not the case, so I suggest reining in your judginess, because it's hypocritical in your case.

    BTW, therapists would agree that emotional abuse does tend to go down the way I described.
    Wait, you're calling ME judgmental when YOU'RE accusing some stranger of child abuse based on a few words on the Internet? And FYI, therapists would also agree that not every single person who would stop his daughter from being a flower girl after saying she could is an abuser. And by the way, I didn't jump to conclusions. I never said that he wasn't an abuser. I said that we don't have enough information to make that determination.
    I'm a therapist (well a counselor) and I agree with the above. Stopping a girl from being a flower girl would not constitute emotional abuse, and I feel as if you are really trying hard to pigeon toe this situation into something that is more serious than the (little) information we have been given here. 
    Actually, I'm not.  I said that if there is emotional abuse, it probably plays out according to a pattern, one element of which might consist of constantly yanking away from a child something that the child was promised or doing so without a good reason. 

    I don't believe that not allowing one's child to be a flower girl is in and of itself emotional abuse because there might be some valid reason to not allow one's child to be a flower girl, such as money, time, illness, or something like that. 

    That said, I do think that making a decision on the spur of the moment to prevent one's child from being a flower girl, out of malice or even just because one can, isn't a valid reason to not allow one child to be a flower girl.  The OP is worried about that.  Maybe it is part of a pattern that indicates emotional abuse. 

    Whether it is or not, the OP shouldn't base her entire decision about whether or not to have a flower girl around this particular girl's situation or even spend more time worrying about her particular situation than planning her wedding, as some PPs have suggested.  Her wedding involves a lot more people and issues than just this one girl's situation.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    image

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    This thread sure took an unexpected turn. All I care about is why OP feels like she must have a flower girl, but she hasn't come back to address that.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    The fuck happened here?



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    Knottie1433048614Knottie1433048614 member
    First Comment
    I feel the need to have a flowergirl because my overtraditionalist mother has made me believe it was a need for a long time, I have decided to forgo the tradition if she can't also she is very young and saying it's her problem to deal with is not right. Yes she is a family member, on FIs side and yes her father is a complete over-controlling jerk. But if there were signs of abuse I would have interviened by now.
     1 day down, forever to go.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    It's fine to have a FG. It's fine to have 2.

    But asking a second, *just in case* the first one can't be in the wedding only serves to make the first feel like a prop, and that she is replaceable. Choose people (whether that is one or five) to be in your WP because you are close to them and wish to honour them with the role, not to fill slots. 
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    @Knottie1433048614 said:

    I feel the need to have a flowergirl because my overtraditionalist mother has made me believe it was a need for a long time, I have decided to forgo the tradition if she can't also she is very young and saying it's her problem to deal with is not right. Yes she is a family member, on FIs side and yes her father is a complete over-controlling jerk. But if there were signs of abuse I would have interviened by now.

    @Knottie1433048614, this past hasn't been touched since August. No need to bring it back up.




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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    AddieCake said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    I feel the need to have a flowergirl because my overtraditionalist mother has made me believe it was a need for a long time, I have decided to forgo the tradition if she can't also she is very young and saying it's her problem to deal with is not right. Yes she is a family member, on FIs side and yes her father is a complete over-controlling jerk. But if there were signs of abuse I would have interviened by now.
    @Knottie1433048614, this past hasn't been touched since August. No need to bring it back up.
    @holyguacamole79She is the OP of the thread and finally came back and answered my question. 
    oh, Ha - I can't keep the Knottie numbers straight!  Oops.




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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Well, that is just plain Knottie bad manners to wait so long before responding!  How long are we supposed to wait before someone answers a post?  If Knottie 1433048614 wanted to join us, she could have registered a real name by now.



    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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