I need advice! My mother (who is paying for the entire wedding) has already made it clear to my FH and I that we will not be able to invite many kids to the wedding due to costs, which I am more than ok with. However, my FH is not happy. He has over 20 kids on his side of the family (all under the age of 10 btw), but they are all his second cousins. I have 4 kids on my side of the family, 2 of whom are my first cousins and 2 of whom are my second cousins. I have already explained to my family that my second cousins cannot come and my family is understanding of that.
I thought it would be an easy way to not invite a bunch of kids by saying that we're limiting it to first cousins, but my FH seems hurt and thinks I'm excluding his family. I've explained to him that of course this is not the case and that I've already excluded some kids from my family, and we can't afford to pay for over 20 extra children. (Not to mention that I don't want a bunch of screaming kids running around all night).
It's even more of a dilemma because we don't know what to do about the flower girl or ring bearer. The 2 children on my side of the family are both boys and are too old to play a role in the wedding. So we were thinking of inviting some kids (second cousins) from my FH's side of the family to fill those roles, but I'm concerned that this will cause everyone else to question why their kids weren't invited. We've also been toying with the idea of providing child care, but I'm not sure if that would work out financially either.
I guess my question is it inappropriate to limit kids to first cousins, but then invite some second cousins to fill the role of ring bearer and flower girl?