Dear Prudence,
My husband’s father died just before we got married, 17 years ago. He had been married to a woman with three daughters of her own, and the two had just had another baby girl at the time of his death. My husband and his brothers had a contentious relationship with their stepmother and stepsisters, and cut them out of their lives entirely after their father’s estate was settled. I have never forgotten my husband’s half-sister, that little girl, and it’s always bothered me that he walked away from her as well as his stepfamily. He didn’t consider it worth having a relationship with them in order to remain close to her.
Over the years I’ve often thought of her and tried to find out more about her—if she looks like her brothers, how she’s doing. I don’t know if her brothers care at all that she exists. Today I found her on Facebook through her mother’s profile. She’s 18 now. I’m not sure what to do with this information. Do I tell my husband I was looking for his sister? Do I just send him a link to the Facebook profile? I know better than to contact her without talking to him first, but I’d love to find out if she knows her brothers exist or if she was told horrible lies about them and hates them. I realize what a can of worms any contact with her will open.