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I'm being accused of being a bully

kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
in Wedding Woes
I'll be back for the regs discussion but wanted to share this and get some of your thoughts.

Last night I got threatening messages through my FB PM.  She claims I bullied her when (her or I - not clear) was in Middle School.  Nothing she has said sounds factually or characteristically like me at that age, and neither my sister or only solid friend from Middle and High School recognize her.  She doubled down on all of this on two FB posts in an alumni group for our HS.

However, as someone who was bullied, I know I'll never forget my bully and when I had the chance to talk to him about it, he didn't remember bullying me, so I don't want to categorically dismiss her allegations either.  The thought that I could have caused someone so much harm they still carry it 25 years later truly upsets me.  I want to respond as a victim of bullying who found peace.  But because she literally threatened to beat me up, I won't.

Thanks for letting me talk about this here.
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Re: I'm being accused of being a bully

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    banana468banana468 member
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    If she's doubling down on all of this would you share the PMs to a board moderator about the threats?  Not that you need to do it but more to essentially say this was 25 years ago and this isn't the way you move on.

    Have you seen any of this person on FB before?   Is it possible that she's mentally unwell and is having delusions?   
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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I think I would hand it over to the mods of the alumni group.  There's really 2 separate issues at play: the accusation of bullying, which I would let the mods know you're interested in working through and apologizing for the bullying and that you do have some additional questions if they are willing to go-between and mediate. 

    The other issue is her threatening you.  In the groups I mod, it's a zero tolerance policy, so I'd probably mute her at a minimum and then try to mediate issue #1.  If that couldn't be resolved, I'd remove her from the group.  I don't let FB groups that I mod serve people's needs to reach victims.
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    6fsn6fsn member
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    I wondered about the campaign angle too. I'd ignore and block her. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    I wondered about the campaign too.   Any chance she's seen you?
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    I blocked her on FB and shared the PM's with the mod.  He's been removing any comments where she names people, but there's a big thread about me unnamed.  She stated her graduation year (2 years after me) and claims I came to her house when I was 16 and she was 10 and threatened to beat her up because she kissed someone named Johnny (I went to school with a Johnny but was never really friends with him) oh and of course I'm not 6 years older than her.  She also said it was over my sister, and listed the wrong name for her.  This whole thing is bizarre and disturbing.

    I haven't engaged with her at all - her behavior tells me she's unwell.  Who threatens to beat someone up at almost 40?  I actually doubt this is campaign related, though that does concern me.  She lives in the far east burbs and I'm in the far west, and H's campaign is local.

    We have 3 mutual friends on FB - none of which are active users.  My sister messaged the one who she is good friends with to try and get a last name.
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Am I misunderstanding the dates?
    She says in one post you're 2 yrs ahead of her for grad, then says you were 16 and she was 10 for the you to come to her door.

    The whole thing doesn't add up, and I'm glad you mentioned to a Mod as well
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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    This sounds all really bizarre! I'm glad you reported it and your'e done. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it!

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    levioosalevioosa member
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    She sounds unwell. I'm sorry Kimmi. 


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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    MissKittyDanger said:
    Am I misunderstanding the dates?
    She says in one post you're 2 yrs ahead of her for grad, then says you were 16 and she was 10 for the you to come to her door.

    The whole thing doesn't add up, and I'm glad you mentioned to a Mod as well
    No you're not misunderstanding.  That's why her story factually doesn't really add up.  And I'm 5'3" so its not like I was a tall - looked older - kid. LOL
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    kimmiinthemitten said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Am I misunderstanding the dates?
    She says in one post you're 2 yrs ahead of her for grad, then says you were 16 and she was 10 for the you to come to her door.

    The whole thing doesn't add up, and I'm glad you mentioned to a Mod as well
    No you're not misunderstanding.  That's why her story factually doesn't really add up.  And I'm 5'3" so its not like I was a tall - looked older - kid. LOL
    Oh good ... I read it 3x but I don't trust myself sometimes lol

    You don't even look your age, so I can't imagine where she's getting the info. Was there someone in the area she's possibly mixing you up with? {mental health issues taken off the table in this thought}
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Is it at all possible that you have the same name first name as someone who was a bully and 20 years later she's confused? 
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    banana468 said:
    Is it at all possible that you have the same name first name as someone who was a bully and 20 years later she's confused? 
    Ironically my only friend from that period shared a name with someone else at our school but I didn't.

    There were a ton of Kims, three groups of us that were sisters and names started with K's, but no Kim and Kelly's (which she called my sister).
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    ei34ei34 member
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    That sucks Kimmi. You were smart to block her and inform the moderator.  Three girls bullied me pretty badly in middle school and although it’s been 20 years it’s all still quite vivid; your accuser sounds unwell.  
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    kvrunskvruns member
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    I was thinking case of mistaken identity. Does the mod (or anyone ) on the alumni page even know who she is? 
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    kvruns said:
    I was thinking case of mistaken identity. Does the mod (or anyone ) on the alumni page even know who she is? 
    The mod is at least a decade older and seems very uninterested in the drama - who can blame him LOL.  My sister is good friends with someone she is FB friends with so she is reaching out to see if we can get a last name (her FB name is her first and middle, presumably).
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    kvrunskvruns member
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    Oh gotcha, the Alumni page is for the whole school, not just like certain graduating classes.  I was thinking it was a reunion page
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    Another vote for "this person is unwell" and keep on the moderators about them because you want to have a paper trail on this one especially if physical violence is threatened.  

    We have a pretty decent alumni and reunion group with the active members of my class... There's the "Peaked in high school", but worse, "the one" who is biologically aged the same, but mentally, they're still 14 and have not grown up yet.  
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    So last night she started PMing a friend of mine who was defending me in the thread. We’ve all blocked her so I have no idea if the mod kept her after all that. 

    I also have a last name now from my sisters mutual friend. It sounds vaguely famailar but my sister still has no idea who she is and they graduated together. 

    Hopefully all this craziness is over. I was feeling bad that I may have caused someone pain but after she went on a rampage threatening people, I’m over feeling guilty.   She is still responsible for her reaction to the bad things that happened in her life, and I no way did anything to provoke this 25 years later. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    What a crazy story!  I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  There are just so many bizarre pieces.  It seems like she has mistaken you for someone else.

    I might have tried to reach out...if it wasn't for the physical threats.  That puts this in another ball game.  Definitely don't respond to her or any of her posts. 

    Hopefully she will lose interest and move on. 

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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    short+sassy said:

    What a crazy story!  I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  There are just so many bizarre pieces.  It seems like she has mistaken you for someone else.

    I might have tried to reach out...if it wasn't for the physical threats.  That puts this in another ball game.  Definitely don't respond to her or any of her posts. 

    Hopefully she will lose interest and move on. 

    There are four of us in total who have blocked her - myself, sister, and the two friends she started messaging that commented on the original post.  She has been blocked from the group too for her behavior.  She does have a criminal record, but all I can see for free is a Violation of Probation charge - I'm still debating paying the $10.00 for the full criminal record.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    kimmiinthemitten said:
    short+sassy said:

    What a crazy story!  I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  There are just so many bizarre pieces.  It seems like she has mistaken you for someone else.

    I might have tried to reach out...if it wasn't for the physical threats.  That puts this in another ball game.  Definitely don't respond to her or any of her posts. 

    Hopefully she will lose interest and move on. 

    There are four of us in total who have blocked her - myself, sister, and the two friends she started messaging that commented on the original post.  She has been blocked from the group too for her behavior.  She does have a criminal record, but all I can see for free is a Violation of Probation charge - I'm still debating paying the $10.00 for the full criminal record.
     Hmm.  On one hand, it's spending money on an asshole.  But on the other, the information could be helpful. 

    Have you googled her name since you have it in full now?  I wonder if she's gone after other people? 
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    Ro041Ro041 member
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    Do you have an old yearbook where you could look her up and see if she looks familiar then?  Maybe she was in some groups that you or your sister were in and that could jog a memory or two?

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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    Ro041 said:
    Do you have an old yearbook where you could look her up and see if she looks familiar then?  Maybe she was in some groups that you or your sister were in and that could jog a memory or two?
    No.  My dad put all of our stuff in a storage unit that he failed to pay on so we have almost nothing from growing up, including photos:(.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    kimmiinthemitten said:
    Ro041 said:
    Do you have an old yearbook where you could look her up and see if she looks familiar then?  Maybe she was in some groups that you or your sister were in and that could jog a memory or two?
    No.  My dad put all of our stuff in a storage unit that he failed to pay on so we have almost nothing from growing up, including photos:(.


    :( that really sucks.  I bought a couple storage units at auctions...back when it was still a "secret" and there weren't 100 reality shows about it.

    I guess it depends on the facility and/or the person going through the unit, but I always returned personal photos I found to the front desk.  The three facilities I was at even announced at the start of the auctions that they would attempt to return any personal photos to the original owners.

    I even found someone's mortgage to their house.  No idea if they still owned it, but I returned that to the front desk also. 

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