How much do you give at a wedding?

bethsmiles

One of BF's best friends that he's known since elementary school is getting married at the end of November. I don't think they've registered anywhere (I've checked every place I can think of) so I'm guessing they would prefer money. Because I prefer to give a gift off a registry I've never given cash at a wedding so I don't really know how much is appropriate. If the gift is from both me and BF how much is appropriate to give?

cu97tiger

I try to cover the cost of my plate. If you know they're doing a backyard buffet, I might give $100 for the couple, but if it's at a nice reception hall, I'd give $200 or $250. That's assuming you can afford either of those amounts. You're never obligated to give more than you can afford.

Swazzle

We pretty much always give $250 from the both of us. 

CLoGreenEyes

Give what you can afford. Usually I can kick in about $50-$100 to whatever BF and I give.

buddysmom80

We do the whole cover for your plate thing, but it's sometimes hard to figure that out. Last wedding we went to, it was cash bar and buffet and we gave $50 each.

Stina51286

We typically do cover your plate +some. Places around here are pretty cheap and mainly family style fried chicken. I think the cheapest place here is $14/person and the most I've seen was $21/per for a whole package. We do $50-$75, but typically I went to the shower too and spent about $40.

For me, I'd say this question kind of goes with the territory of where the wedding is at. Where Swazzle lives, I am sure weddings costs a lot more money then here in WI.

labro

I've never gone to a wedding as part of a couple so I usually give about $50 to $75. That's usually all I can afford. I think what feeds into it for me is 1. Am I in the wedding? 2. Have I already given a gift at pre-wedding events? 3. If one and two don't apply, how do I feel financially? I think if I was attending the wedding of a very close friend or relative and it was me and BF and I hadn't already given a gift and wasn't participating I'd want to spend $150 to upwards of $200 between the two of us.

[Deleted User]

we typically give a check for $50 if we're doing cash, and in our circle of friends/area of the country that's a pretty generous amount.

Blackbird230

I happen to get creative with my gifts. For my sister's wedding, I was a bridesmaid and all and spent a bunch on the dress and parties and everything. I ended up working with my artistic friend to paint wine glasses (one with her and one with her husband) with how they would look on their wedding day! They were so cute. BF ended up giving them their ceremony video work.

Peaseblossom55

We usually give $250 from the both of us, but for my sister, his sister and when my best friend got married we gave $300.

[Deleted User]

I'd prefer to give a gift instead of cash as well so FI and I usually go in together on gifts that add up to $75-$100.

loves2shop4shoes

I try to cover the cost of my plate.  Right now, since money is tight, Jeremy and I would probably give $200.  We've given as much as $500. 

But, as Tiger said, give what you can afford.  If that's $50, it's $50.

[Deleted User]

I don't think anyone gave us more than $50, except one family member gave $100.  mostly we received $20-$40 for cash gifts.  I think I would pass out to see more than $250!  then again, my state/city has one of the lowest costs of living in the country. 

my second cousin did gift us a KitchenAid standing mixer, and I bawled like a baby because I never expected anything that nice.  we just put it on the registry so I could get the registry discount. 

labro

@CocoBellaF I got one of those at my house warming party back in August. Totally unexpected! I also bawled like a baby!

[Deleted User]

@lmhollister - we are KitchenAid twinkies!!  I got the red one.  I want to get the glass mixing bowl and a few more attachments.  I love mine, LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

labro

@CocoBellaF Ours is all stainless steel but I really loved the red one like you got and the dark gray charcoal colored one with the matte finish. Stainless steel is still good though just in case I ever switch up my kitchen colors. We got the professional grade one with the HUGE stainless steel mixing bowl. I am in love with it! I seriously couldn't believe it when this couple walked in with this huge box for us...I honestly hadn't expected gifts at all since we didn't call it a house-warming party...just a new house bbq.

I think whenever the time comes to register for a wedding I'll ask for some of the attachments...like the meat grinder and pasta maker thing...stuff like that.

AprilH81

I try to do around $50-75 for a shower gift and $100-150 for a wedding gift (assuming I'm not in the wedding, bought plane tickets, etc.)

I will admit that until recently I never realized that the shower gift and the wedding gift were not the same thing.  Fortunately I had not been to that many wedding to be super embarrassed.

doubleSS07

I haven't been to many formal weddings (most of my friends went to the courthouse for a myriad of reasons) but the ones I have been to, I've also been IN.  I usually give something off the registry and can't even ever remember giving cash.  The most we got was $300 from a couple family members.  Mostly it was gift cards in the range of $50-$100 because we were out of town for the wedding and we really appreciated getting those.  I agree with the sentiment of give what you can afford.  Shoot we had at least 2 close friends of H's not even bring a card.  WTFBBQ.

bethsmiles

Thanks ladies! I'm thinking $150 will be a good amount. I think it's just a cake and punch reception (the ceremony is at 1:30 so I'm not expecting a meal) so that should more than 'cover our plate'.

aurorajanette

I think it also depends on how well you know a couple. I typically give around $75(for just me) or $150 (if FI is with me) for a co-worker or someone who is not a great friend. We give around $200-$250 (depending on what we can afford at the time) for close friends and family.

phira

Wow, I am cheap We typically buy gifts off registries that are $50-60, and if there isn't a registry, we'd probably give that much in cash (or $54 if it's a Jewish wedding).

Unrelated--I desperately want a KitchenAid. And I want a red one because I grew up with a red one!

KeptInStitches

If you're cheap, so am I, @phira.

phira

@KeptItStitches *high five*

bethsmiles

I didn't realize so many people gave $200+!

@phira - I want a kitchenaid too! My mom got a new mixer and said she would give me her old one but it's way to heavy to ship (it would cost too much) and I usually fly when I vist and don't really want to have to take it on a plane.

phira

@bethsmiles My mom is storing her KitchenAid at my grandmother's house; she said it's too big for her house and she never uses it. So I asked if I could have it ... and she said no! But no one is using it now! Aaaah!

To be fair, I would bake so many cookies, we would run out of money buying baking ingredients and new jeans after I eat too many.

doeydo

Just give what you can afford or whatever amount you are comfortable with.  I think I would put myself in the "cheap" category after reading the responses, though.  
I want a KitchenAid mixer, too.  

leia1979

I know NEY in general is a little more weighted towards the east coast, but it seems the east coasters give more.

We do around $100 total (from the two of us). Most of our guests gave us cash (partly cultural--I got lots of red envelopes), and it was generally $100 per couple. A few people gave a little more but no more than $200 per couple, and we're generally all professionals in our 30s.

bethsmiles

@leia1979 - good to know! This is one of BF's oldest friends so I don't want to come off as cheap in giving them a gift but we couldn't afford to give more than $200.

blabla89

So what's the expectation for bridesmaids to give? I'm in a family friend's wedding that entails purchasing an expensive dress, buying plane tickets and then renting a car to get my brother and I to the location, plus a hotel room. I'm probably going to get a little gift just for her next time we visit, and my brother and I will split the cost of one of the more expensive (~$250) items on the registry. So at this point I feel like I've invested a lot in the wedding already.

Bridesmaids, how much did you give?

CLoGreenEyes

I would be done at that point, @lalalaurita. You're already purchasing from her registry and spending a lot of money to be there; that is quite generous of you already! I know my OOT BFF did not expect a thing from me and refused to tell me where she was registered since I was going to have to travel so far. BF and I did give her some cash in the end ($100, I think), but that was only possible because he helped me with that after all the other expenses.

OnceUponAVine

I definitely prefer giving gifts and if a couple doesn't have a registry I'll get creative (I made an "at home" date night kit for one of my bff's when she got married). So, don't feel obligated to give cash if it makes you uncomfortable.
Other than that I go with how well I know the couple and my financial situation. BF & I will usually give between $100-$200.