i.just.can't.

Lowell14

My best friend is getting married the month before me so she shares a lot of her planning with me. I decided to hold back after she decided to imitate some of my ideas (BM dress colour, blue shoes as something blue, tea length dress) I know that I dont have a monopoly on ideas but she has said 'I love that! I may do that too!'

But I digress: I have been able to lead her out of bad etiquette when I can (no b-list guests, not buying the BMs jewelery to be worn at the wedding and saying its their BM gift) but tonight took the cake, brownie and whole ice cream sundae! She ordered her invites and told me she and her FI WANT gifts at the shower (which she is throwing herself) and money only at the wedding. They put 'monetary gifts only' on the invites...i.just.can't.anymore.

Her wedding stresses me out more than my own. I try to correct her when I can but is it worth my time anymore?

Lowell14

She also just bought herself a tank top that says 'sweating for the wedding' Oy Vey!

Jen4948

If you're feeling that stressed out over what aren't your faux pas, then it may be time to just step back from them and let her and her FI be responsible for them and accept whatever fallout may result.

Save your sanity for your own wedding and other business.

mysticl

leahjwatts said:

My best friend is getting married the month before me so she shares a lot of her planning with me. I decided to hold back after she decided to imitate some of my ideas (BM dress colour, blue shoes as something blue, tea length dress) I know that I dont have a monopoly on ideas but she has said 'I love that! I may do that too!' But I digress: I have been able to lead her out of bad etiquette when I can (no b-list guests, not buying the BMs jewelery to be worn at the wedding and saying its their BM gift) but tonight took the cake, brownie and whole ice cream sundae! She ordered her invites and told me she and her FI WANT gifts at the shower (which she is throwing herself) and money only at the wedding. They put 'monetary gifts only' on the invites...i.just.can't.anymore. Her wedding stresses me out more than my own. I try to correct her when I can but is it worth my time anymore?

No it's not.  You aren't responsible for her at all.  

BTW: blue shoes as something blue is not an original idea, in fact it's been kinda trendy, so that's not one you can consider her to be "imitating" from you.  

Lowell14

Thanks Jen4948 I don't know why I let it bother me. I will definitely need to take a step back. She emails frequently so am I best to reply and try and change the subject?

NYCBruin

Bean dip her till the cows come home and don't bring up your own wedding around her at all, that will just give her an excuse to talk about her tacky ideas.

harper0813

Leah, if she asks your advice I think you're fine to give it - but with the invites, I'd just leave it be.

climbingsingle

My jaw literally dropped at what she put on the invites. Omg. 

Lowell14

Thanks ladies! Bean dipping it is I agree about the shoes. It was poor example

Jen4948

leahjwatts said:

Thanks Jen4948 I don't know why I let it bother me. I will definitely need to take a step back. She emails frequently so am I best to reply and try and change the subject?

Yes.  Bean-dip her.  If she just doesn't get it, tell her, "Friend, I'd appreciate it if we could talk about something else now."

MuppetOverlord

Are you in her wedding party? Did you guys not want to give her a shower?

I'd get over the wedding details part, you guys will still have very different weddings.

Most people think it's ok to give jewelry as the gift. My best friend gave that to me as mine. I accepted it graciously. (Though thought it was a crap gift)

She can tell you what she wants but her putting that on the invitation is ridiculous and would either make me decline the wedding entirely or would make me give her a tangible gift at the wedding to spite her. All eyes are on her. I would tell her I think it's really tacky but stop after that. It wont reflect on you at all.

marshmallow1982

Two best friends getting married a month apart both tea length dresses and blue shoes? You're second so people will assume you've copied her!

Change your shoes and don't tell her any more of your ideas.

photokitty

marshmallow1982 said:

Two best friends getting married a month apart both tea length dresses and blue shoes? You're second so people will assume you've copied her!

Change your shoes and don't tell her any more of your ideas.

No they won't. They'll think either think everyone does it and it's common place (which it is) or they won't notice. Do your thing. And stop telling her. 

Or tell her ridiculous stuff. Like we're having sword swallowers and a magician. A first dance that breaks into a twerk Miley Cyrus style. A polka band for the cocktail hour. 80's throwback bridesmaids dresses and powder blue ruffle tuxes. Come back and share the photos!!

MuppetOverlord

The first time i got married, it was a month after one of my best friends weddings. We shared 2 guests.

This time I got married, one of the shared guests came, and I copied a whole bunch of things from her wedding, including black dresses, pashminas and a cariacturist.

The mutual guest didn't even associate the 2 and my friend was delighted about the few similarities because they were good ideas to steal and it meant she didnt have to buy a dress.

I don't remember what the shoes looked like for any bride at any wedding I've ever been to.

So I'm trying to say that I dont think they will have a ton of mutual guests and I don't think the mutual guests will notice or care about any similarities.

banana468

I'd totally call her out on the gift thing just because it is so rude. Other than that, let it go.

wrigleyville

marshmallow1982 said:

Two best friends getting married a month apart both tea length dresses and blue shoes? You're second so people will assume you've copied her!

Change your shoes and don't tell her any more of your ideas.

I really hope this is sarcasm. I can't remember what most of my friends' dresses looked like, let alone their shoes. One week after my cousin got married, I was hard-pressed to describe her dress. All I remembered was that it was A-line and ivory.

Bottom line: nobody will care or notice. OP can and should keep her blue shoes.

katieg520

If she's not asking for your advice, then I can bet she doesn't care about your opinion.

annathy03

I'm planning on blue shoes too, mostly so I can buy something I'll wear again

Her invites are horrendously rude, but if she's ordered them already there isn't much to be done- if she asks you I'd be honest but she probably won't.  For your wedding I'd bean dip her like PPs suggested and distance yourself from her planning.

cowgirl8238

photokitty said:

marshmallow1982 said:

Two best friends getting married a month apart both tea length dresses and blue shoes? You're second so people will assume you've copied her!

Change your shoes and don't tell her any more of your ideas.

No they won't. They'll think either think everyone does it and it's common place (which it is) or they won't notice. Do your thing. And stop telling her. 

Or tell her ridiculous stuff. Like we're having sword swallowers and a magician. A first dance that breaks into a twerk Miley Cyrus style. A polka band for the cocktail hour. 80's throwback bridesmaids dresses and powder blue ruffle tuxes. Come back and share the photos!!

Maybe it's just me being snarky but I would do what that! 

In all seriousness, if she doesn't ask your opinion she won't want advice.  If she does ask you though be honest and tell her you think it is rude.  I wouldn't be stressed out over her wedding though, it will only look bad on her.  If she asks you about your wedding plans change the subject...you don't have to keep sharing information with her if you don't want to.  Also I don't think many people will compare you to her as far as the dress and shoes, I understand that you don't like the idea of being copied, but its a part of the planning.  GL!

Lowell14

Thanks ladies. I won't share and will bean dip. The lack of etiquette was what bothered me most. I think the other things were bugging me a bit so vented about them too. But, you ladies are right: shoe colour and dress type aren't going to determine who good or bad either wedding will be.

On a fun note: its 1 year and 1 day until my wedding day!

BlueBirdMB

I think you need to take a step back and breathe.  I totally understand how hard it is to hear about all the bad etiquette and keep your mouth shut, but try to not hear it.  Don't bring up the weddings with her at all and try to change the subject when she wants to talk weddings. 

BTW, I literally have a fit every time we get invited to one of H's family weddings... they all say "please no boxed gifts" on them, i.e., "give us cash".  I. Just. Can't. Either.

Keith+Brenna

I went through a similar situation with one of my best friends, hers was 6 months prior to mine. She had a honeymoon registry, forced me and the other bridesmaids into expensive dresses and shoes, asked us to clean up the day after, and had us be at the venue at 9:00 am the day of to help set up. She didn't let us leave or provide food, but had her husband bring her a sandwich and ate it in front of all of us. Anyways, what I am getting to is that I learned from this and many other things she did/wanted to do and I made sure to avoid them. You are not going to be judged by her wedding, but she will. Just make sure you don't make the same mistakes, and it sounds like you won't.