Catholic Weddings

Pre-Marital Counseling and LIving together

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Re: Pre-Marital Counseling and LIving together

  • The difference is that you weren't in a romantic relationship with your roommate. I think this is confusing nowadays because people truly assume you are sexually active if you've been dating for more than a few days. So, the connection between living together and sex isn't as big of a deal to the general public, bc sex is basically assumed anyway.

    Regardless of how our society functions, we have to turn back to the faith and the catechism. Scandal is defined here for your reference: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P80.HTM

    So, the idea is that we shouldn't be setting the appearance of sinful behavior because this can negatively impact others' views of what constitutes sinful behavior. Regardless of whether we are living as brother and sister, it has the appearance of sin. So, others think this isn't a big deal and then the sin becomes commonplace. This is why we are where we are today. Everyone assumes sex because of years and years of people intentionally and unintentionally giving scandal or implying acceptance of sinful behavior as okay.

    As far as specific circumstances are concerned, it is difficult to make that judgment call. I think this is why priests are trying to make the best of a situation and guide you to the "lesser" sinful behavior. This is the case with many other sins as well. Many times we can't seem to avoid sinning - or it seems "worth it" to sin in order to avoid a dire circumstance. That is what God's grace is for. To help us mend and strengthen our resolve to prevent those situations in the future.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm still not understanding.  So is being in any situation where people assume you're having sex committing the sin of scandal?

    I guess I'm just confused given the way our society portrays sex as so rampant.  As I said previously, does that mean anytime a couple is alone together for an extended period of time that they're committing the sin of scandal since people may think they are having sex?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • It is really tricky because our society today is so numb and assuming. I'm no authority on this, but I would think you base it off of what a rationally moral person would perceive and not necessarily the normal person in our society.

    Would a devout person that doesn't know you or your situation perceive your behavior as likely immoral? If so, perhaps it does cause scandal to others. I don't think spending time alone for an extended period of time would be deemed as scandalous as most faithful people wouldn't assume you were engaging in premarital sex.

    That's just the meter I use to help me determine my own state. Hopefully others have some better more official advice!
  • It really is interesting. DH & I were one of the few couples to even get married in a Church at all amongst our group of friends.

    Premarital sex isn't even considered immoral amongst our social groups.

    I don't know if we even know anyone who is a devout Catholic...which is why we sought out our Priest's perspective.

    This sort of reminds me of the 400 (or however many) Kids and Counting show where the oldest Duggar son wasn't allowed to go on a date with his fiance without a chaperone. I would hope the Catholic Church doesn't take the position that any time an adult couple (dating or engaged) is alone, it's scandalous. :-/
    melbelleupPrettyGirlLost
  • While this is a touchy subject, it's ultimately up to what you as a couple feel comfortable with. My fiance and I chose to move in because it was the best choice following a bad situation. Sometimes society (or finances, as you pointed out in your original post), aren't always forgiving of morals or values. Also, reading some of the other replies, I don't find that any person should be the one to judge you or tell you what is scandalous. Pick the option you and your fiancé are both most comfortable with. While it may not be ideal, sometimes it's the best with what you have.
  • Riss91 said:
    No person here is judging anyone. And those attempting to help understand the sin of scandal are talking about what the Church defines, not our own personal opinion. The purpose of discussing is to help others - to be sure they understand possible ramifications. The Church's teachings exist for a reason - to help us get to heaven.
    Amen!  :-)  I think this was very well-stated!
  • Yeah, you should definitely talk to your priest. My fiancé and I lived together for 2 years before our engagement and our priest wasn't having it. He moved out about a month ago.
  • I understand where your coming from. Until recently I thought the exact same thing for myself, but for ME it would just be hard to live with him as just my roommate. I did a face to face confession with out priest after my fiancé moved out and I am not trying to do that EVER again...lol
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