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Etiquette

Do I pay for the shrugs?

Question of opinion - I am not asking for matching accessories for my girls.  They can wear shoes they already own, jewelry they already own etc . . . I didn't ask them to buy shrugs, but I noticed that when I went to order my sister's dress for her, my other two bridesmaids had decided to buy matching shrugs for themselves.  I'm worried that they might have felt obligated to buy them, even though I didn't ask them to.  Should I offer to pay them back for the shrugs?  They weren't that expensive, so I could probably swing that in the budget. 
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Re: Do I pay for the shrugs?

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you didn't ask them to buy them then you don't have to pay for them. They chose to buy them, probably in case they get cold. If you buy them for them you should buy them for all your bridesmaids.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    melbelleup
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Question of opinion - I am not asking for matching accessories for my girls.  They can wear shoes they already own, jewelry they already own etc . . . I didn't ask them to buy shrugs, but I noticed that when I went to order my sister's dress for her, my other two bridesmaids had decided to buy matching shrugs for themselves.  I'm worried that they might have felt obligated to buy them, even though I didn't ask them to.  Should I offer to pay them back for the shrugs?  They weren't that expensive, so I could probably swing that in the budget. 
    Why don't you ask them why they purchased them? That should help you decide if you want to offer to buy them for all.
  • If they bought them on their own, I think it's fine to leave it.  If you found out that your bridesmaid bought new jewelry instead of something she already had, you wouldn't offer to reimburse her for that, KWIM?

    If you like them and now want to get them for all of your bridesmaids, I would buy them for the other ladies and reimburse the ones that already bought them.  Tell them you saw they bought them and thought it was such a great idea that you decided to buy them for everyone.  

    melbelleupkerbohls-aries8990
  • If they are not too pricey, and you like them anyway, could you consider them the bridesmaid gift?  I know that "reimbursing" is not really a gift, but they did not let you know they were considering this purchase either.
  • If they are not too pricey, and you like them anyway, could you consider them the bridesmaid gift?  I know that "reimbursing" is not really a gift, but they did not let you know they were considering this purchase either.
    No, just no.

    I would do what other suggested and ask them why they purchased them. If you never mentioned it to them, I don't think you are responsible for paying them back for them.
    melbelleup
  • Okay, thanks!  This puts my mind at ease.  I'll ask them and see what they say.
    I only have one other bridesmaid, and she is actually borrowing a cover-up from me, and since she is maid of honour and already has a different dress, she doesn't really have to match in shrugs. 
    imageimage
  • I've bought a dress and shrug before thinking that it was a complete outfit and the "dress" was not the full dress, KWIM? I don't know that you need to worry much about this, unless it turns out that a bridesmaid thinks you put her over budget. Asking wouldn't hurt though.
  • That's totally on them.  I know my nieces wanted every possible accessory they could get for my wedding but their moms controlled the bank account :)
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  • Did they see you buy your sister's with a shawl and then feel like that was the expexctaion? If so I could see how you might feel like you should take care of that but otherwise its on them

  • Senecaf said:
    Did they see you buy your sister's with a shawl and then feel like that was the expexctaion? If so I could see how you might feel like you should take care of that but otherwise its on them
    Based on her original post it sounds like they purchased their stuff before the OP ordered the sisters dress so they didn't see her purchase the dress and in another post she said she's loaning her a cover up so they didn't see her purchase that either.
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  • That is correct, @mysticl.  I talked to one bridesmaid, and she did not feel pressured to get it - she just wanted to get it to match the dress and feel warm.  Though hopefully it is not so cold at the reception that she needs to be wearing a shrug the whole time - then I have other problems.

    imageimage
  • kerbohl said:

    That is correct, @mysticl.  I talked to one bridesmaid, and she did not feel pressured to get it - she just wanted to get it to match the dress and feel warm.  Though hopefully it is not so cold at the reception that she needs to be wearing a shrug the whole time - then I have other problems.

    A lot of time the thermostats are set for men in their suits so women do end up being chilly, especially if they don't have sleeves.  
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