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Etiquette

Declining Thank you card standards

edited October 2013 in Etiquette

While shopping for invites, I've noticed that there are generic, pre-printed thank you cards availble.  Please tell me this isn't real... So the B&G would mail this out without writing anything?

I've only encountered this once and chalked it up to laziness and really bad manners. Years ago, I was invited to the wedding of a coworker, and when I mentioned that I hadn't received a thank you card to another person in the office, she told me that the thank you card was posted in the break room!  And sure enough, there is was, a picture of the B&G holding a sign that said Thank You.  I was really offended at the time.   So is this now a thing?

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Re: Declining Thank you card standards

  • I've seen it more for young children when their parents still need to write the TY note. It is pathetic.
  • I have to agree. If the bride and/or groom cannot take a few minutes to write a note of thanks, then perhaps they were not worth the time you spent to give them a gift.
    grumbledoredoeydo
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    While shopping for invites, I've noticed that there are generic, pre-printed thank you cards availble.  Please tell me this isn't real... So the B&G would mail this out without writing anything?

    I've only encountered this once and chalked it up to laziness and really bad manners. Years ago, I was invited to the wedding of a coworker, and when I mentioned that I hadn't received a thank you card to another person in the office, she told me that the thank you card was posted in the break room!  And sure enough, there is was, a picture of the B&G holding a sign that said Thank You.  I was really offended at the time.   So is this now a thing?

    Was there a note written on the inside or back side of the photo? 
    I think if the office gives a group gift it is ok to send a group thank you note and post it in the break room. I told my co-workers their presence was present enough (which I know is rude, but I where I work there are ethics issues with colleagues giving gifts) so I didn't have to deal with a group thank you.

    Fortunately, I haven never seen a preprinted Thank You in person - So sad that exist :(
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I received a pre-printed thank you card from one of my best friends. I was offended. I took time to pick out a really special gift and she couldn't even write me a proper thank you?

    grumbledoremelbelleup
  • While shopping for invites, I've noticed that there are generic, pre-printed thank you cards availble.  Please tell me this isn't real... So the B&G would mail this out without writing anything?

    I've only encountered this once and chalked it up to laziness and really bad manners. Years ago, I was invited to the wedding of a coworker, and when I mentioned that I hadn't received a thank you card to another person in the office, she told me that the thank you card was posted in the break room!  And sure enough, there is was, a picture of the B&G holding a sign that said Thank You.  I was really offended at the time.   So is this now a thing?

    Was there a note written on the inside or back side of the photo? 
    I think if the office gives a group gift it is ok to send a group thank you note and post it in the break room. I told my co-workers their presence was present enough (which I know is rude, but I where I work there are ethics issues with colleagues giving gifts) so I didn't have to deal with a group thank you.

    Fortunately, I haven never seen a preprinted Thank You in person - So sad that exist :(
    Nope, nothing written. And I checked.  It was an individual gift, and an expensive one at that.  I could understand a written TY to the group if it had been a group gift.  But everyone gave individually, including this woman's superiors.  I was the least of her worries since her bosses really took offense. It was a small company and quite the scandal at the time.
    grumbledoremelbelleupAmyzen83
  • I would never in a million years consider not sending a proper thank you note to my boss for a wedding gift.  That's just stupid on top of rude.  In my office, that shit would get around and you better believe people would judge.  I sure would.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, that's rude, annoying, and stupid.
  • My be alone on this but...

    On the subject of generic pre-printed thank you cards  I really don't mind as long as it's hand signed. It's kind of like how I won't mind if people don't bring a registry gift to my wedding. I don't demand a certain gift from friends (or any gift for that matter) as payment for getting in because I'm truly inviting them to simply help me celebrate a special day. In the same way I don't give a gift with the demand that they send a thank you note in the style I prefer. But I have gone to a wedding and not received a thank you note of any sort, and it does bug me a bit. As for posting a general thank you note on the bullitin board? Not crazy about that idea either. If the whole office chipped in on one gift that's one thing, but induvidual thank you notes should be sent for individual gifts.
    image
  • edited October 2013
    DH and I received a TY card that was a standard notecard. On the outside, it said, 'Bride & Groom thank you,' and had their wedding date on it. It was in the same colour and font scheme as their invites.

    (I thought that was a bit much, but whatevs. The groom (DH's friend) told DH the stationery printing costs ALONE were $500, just for invites, RSVPs, and TY cards).

    But then they wrote a handwritten note inside, thanking us for the gift and having come to the wedding and etc., so I had no problem with the pre-printed outside of the card.

    ETA: 'font' not 'don't' stupid iPhone
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2013
    I've seen these pre-printed cards where in third person formal language they read something like

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
    thank you for your generous gift
    and announce that a thank-you note is forthcoming

    Atrocities like this make me appreciate any thank-you card that at least has a nice personal note and handwritten signature in it.  I'll even accept a nicely worded thank-you note.
  • Pre printed cards are fine if they have a personal statement of thanks inside. A card that says "thank you" ouside and has a simple signature inside is rude and impersonal. Any one could have mass signed thank yous. I would not be offened but I might silently judge them for being lazy.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    H & I put a standard wedding photo on the outside of the card, we didn't have special "thank you" photos done.  Then on the inside we had a generic, "thank you for sharing our day." But we handwrote a special note to each person who gave us a gift. 

    An ex-friend, sent me a pre-printed thank you card, with no handwritten anything!  Even the signature was pre-printed!  I opened it, looked at it and ripped it up and threw it in the trash immediately.  After all I that I went through (as a BM) for her wedding and the generous gift I gave her, she couldn't even do a handwritten note?  She also sent no TY note after hosting her shower.  Her entire wedding debacle is one of many reasons why our group of friends no longer includes her.

    ohannabelle[Deleted User]
  • DH and I received a TY card that was a standard notecard. On the outside, it said, 'Bride & Groom thank you,' and had their wedding date on it. It was in the same colour and font scheme as their invites. (I thought that was a bit much, but whatevs. The groom (DH's friend) told DH the stationery printing costs ALONE were $500, just for invites, RSVPs, and TY cards). But then they wrote a handwritten note inside, thanking us for the gift and having come to the wedding and etc., so I had no problem with the pre-printed outside of the card.

    ETA: 'font' not 'don't' stupid iPhone
    $500 for invites doesn't seem like a huge amount to me. I just bought a gilt.com deal for Wedding Paper Divas $500 for $1000 and thought I was making out like a bandit, ha. 
    Anniversary
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2013
    Good lord I can't imagine spending more than $200 on everything invite/rsvp/thank you card wise.  People overspend ridiculously on invites.  Almost everyone will just throw it away.

    (ETA:  I've priced out invites for us, it will be about $150 for the invites, custom envelopes, rsvp cards, inserts and thank you cards and another $50 for postage.)

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  • $500 for invites doesn't seem like a huge amount to me. I just bought a gilt.com deal for Wedding Paper Divas $500 for $1000 and thought I was making out like a bandit, ha.

    Funny, I bought the same deal, but $100 for $200 since we're having a small wedding. Will probably come in over $200 but no way would I reach $1000.

  • H & I put a standard wedding photo on the outside of the card, we didn't have special "thank you" photos done.  Then on the inside we had a generic, "thank you for sharing our day." But we handwrote a special note to each person who gave us a gift. 

    An ex-friend, sent me a pre-printed thank you card, with no handwritten anything!  Even the signature was pre-printed!  I opened it, looked at it and ripped it up and threw it in the trash immediately.  After all I that I went through (as a BM) for her wedding and the generous gift I gave her, she couldn't even do a handwritten note?  She also sent no TY note after hosting her shower.  Her entire wedding debacle is one of many reasons why our group of friends no longer includes her.

    Stuck in the box

    That is bad enough, but to do that to a BM is astounding. Sounds like you're all better off.

  • DH and I received a TY card that was a standard notecard. On the outside, it said, 'Bride & Groom thank you,' and had their wedding date on it. It was in the same colour and font scheme as their invites. (I thought that was a bit much, but whatevs. The groom (DH's friend) told DH the stationery printing costs ALONE were $500, just for invites, RSVPs, and TY cards). But then they wrote a handwritten note inside, thanking us for the gift and having come to the wedding and etc., so I had no problem with the pre-printed outside of the card.

    ETA: 'font' not 'don't' stupid iPhone
    I think the customization of a pre printed TY, such as a photo, is a nice touch.  But to send without any hand written note?  Just no.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    One of my coworkers told me on Tuesday that her husband was impressed that they'd already received their thank you note for a gift that she gave me on 10/23 because they got married in May and haven't sent a single thank you note out yet. She asked me a couple of months ago if pre-printed ones were okay, and I said that they were not. I guess they haven't done anything since then :(.

  • I was the MOH in my bffs wedding 3 years ago. Between FI and I (he was the bm) we spent close to $1000 on being in the wedding and then gave another $500 in the card. You know what I got as a thank you card.... a card with their picture in it with not so much as a signature in it. Not my name or anything. I have to say I was quite upset.
    At least the one that was sent to FI house had his name in it.
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  • I've seen those online. We will probably take a "thank you" picture. I would never in a million years dream of sending it out without a hand written note!!
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  • Jen4948 said:
    I've seen these pre-printed cards where in third person formal language they read something like

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
    thank you for your generous gift
    and announce that a thank-you note is forthcoming

    Atrocities like this make me appreciate any thank-you card that at least has a nice personal note and handwritten signature in it.  I'll even accept a nicely worded thank-you note.
    I could support something like this if the B&G are OOT from the gift destination and the note is simply to advise that the gift was received.   By OOT, I mean out of the country and traveling "across the pond" to get married.    
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I've seen these pre-printed cards where in third person formal language they read something like

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
    thank you for your generous gift
    and announce that a thank-you note is forthcoming

    Atrocities like this make me appreciate any thank-you card that at least has a nice personal note and handwritten signature in it.  I'll even accept a nicely worded thank-you note.
    I could support something like this if the B&G are OOT from the gift destination and the note is simply to advise that the gift was received.   By OOT, I mean out of the country and traveling "across the pond" to get married.    
    Maybe...but it seems to me that just one communication, in which the couple actually thank the guests for their gift, would be not only more polite but more efficient time-wise, postage cost-wise, and energy-wise.
  • In addition to the lack of personalization thing, my other issue with custom wedding photo cards is timing.  If they are able to get it done, printed and sent out with in the 2 -4wks after return from honeymoon, or wedding if they didn't go right afterwards, then, all else being equal I think they are great.  If they wait the standard 6-8 weeks after the wedding for the photographer to give them proofs of photos, or have to spend days customizing, or go with a cheap but slow printer with 5-10 business day shipping / processing time etc.  It is better late then never but it still bothers me.
  • edited October 2013
    My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts. 

    ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll). 

  • My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts. 

    ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll). 
    I think people wildly overestimate how badly everyone wants photos of them.  
    ^^ This. NWR, but I'd like to add that I think people also wildly overestimate how badly people want photos of their children. One of my dearest friends send out birth announcement photo cards for her third child. They were so desperate to send the picture that they didn't even wait until the baby was cleaned up first. It was three pictures of a gooey baby with his name and birthday. I love babies, but I was grossed out when I got the picture in the mail.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts. 

    ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll). 
    I was told by many people, mostly the older generation and non-FB people, that they enjoyed getting the picture on the TY card because they could keep it as a memento.  Maybe they were feeding me some BS, but that's what they said!
  • My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts. 

    ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll). 
    I think people wildly overestimate how badly everyone wants photos of them.  
    ^^ This. NWR, but I'd like to add that I think people also wildly overestimate how badly people want photos of their children. One of my dearest friends send out birth announcement photo cards for her third child. They were so desperate to send the picture that they didn't even wait until the baby was cleaned up first. It was three pictures of a gooey baby with his name and birthday. I love babies, but I was grossed out when I got the picture in the mail.
    That's insane.  The baby is cleaned up literally within minutes.  I would be annoyed if I received that.

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