(NWR) How do you handle your finances as a couple?

ashleyep

My fiance and I have had the money talk a few times and can't really agree on a good compromise for after we're married. Neither of us has any debt, and we make about the same income. We currently have bank accounts at the same bank and one joint account that we both have access to. We put a certain amount of money into it each paycheck and auto-pay our rent and utilities. For other purchases we'll either reimburse ourselves from the joint account or if it's more than we have in there, the other person will gives us half. We don't really keep track that much on what we spend for things like going out to eat or groceries or borrowing some cash here or there. We're pretty loose about who pays for what, and we don't really keep too much track of what we owe each other. 

Anyway, FI doesn't want to combine all of our money. He likes to manage his money more directly, while I prefer to put everything on autopay and just make sure that the money is in my checking account around the time to pay the bills when they're due. He thinks we'll step on each other's toes or lose track of our spending if we combine accounts. I think it's not worth the hassle to keep everything separate. I hate feeling like I need to ask him to pay me back for plane tickets we buy or vacations or things like that. Plus, while we both have similar savings, he keeps most of his in his employee stock purchase plan on which he gets a discount and mine is in a savings account. I'm worried that this will mean that when we buy a house, I'll end up paying more for the down payment. Which is fine, but if something were to happen and we got divorced, I'll have no right to any of the money in his ESPP, but because we're married, he'd probably still have access to half of my savings, even if they're technically separate accounts. 

My idea of a compromise was to have a main joint savings/checking that our paychecks into and then each have a separate checking account that we sort of give ourselves an allowance into. It still gets confusing with credit cards - do we have a shared credit card, and our own credit card? But then I have to make sure I use the right card when buying something, ugh. And he's not a big of the idea of an "allowance" so to speak. 

Anyway, how do you manages your finances with your spouse?

Teddy917

We have seperate savings accounts that we never use (long story). So we keep our money in a box as a collective account. He gets money from Social Security which is more than I make (I work at Del Taco currently). All major bills come out of the SS money (he insists on doing it that way do I don't have to stress if I don't get much money that check or even if I quit/am fired) and then my check goes towards paying back our debts, savings, tithing, and spending money.

ElcaB

We've lived together for four years and are getting married a year from now.

We keep separate checking and savings accounts. We take turns paying our mortgage, or if we have a big expense like building our deck, we split it down the middle. As far as everything else goes, we don't keep track --- groceries, dinner, etc. is just bought by one of us. We never argue about it or feel like we need to keep it even, so it works for us.

We've talked about creating a joint account in addition to our separate ones and that's probably something we'll do within the next year or so.

smalfrie19

Right now we have separate checking accounts and a joint savings (primarily for the wedding) with bills, everything is split right down the middle..we each contribute what we can to savings and have made a "savings plan" so we know how much to put in when. I think it will probably stay this way even after we are married. It just works for us...

bakerie

Our money is completely combined, we have everything in a joint account. It was something we both felt pretty strongly about and it just works best for us. 

ashleyep

ElcaB said:

We've lived together for four years and are getting married a year from now.

We keep separate checking and savings accounts. We take turns paying our mortgage, or if we have a big expense like building our deck, we split it down the middle. As far as everything else goes, we don't keep track --- groceries, dinner, etc. is just bought by one of us. We never argue about it or feel like we need to keep it even, so it works for us.

We've talked about creating a joint account in addition to our separate ones and that's probably something we'll do within the next year or so.

This is kind of what we do. I used to take groceries out of the joint account, but then I realized that he pays most of the time when we go out to eat. So now I just pay for groceries myself (plus my credit card gets extra points for groceries).

I'm just not sure what we'll do with the money from the wedding. Split it down the middle? Open a joint savings account?

thelastdreamer

We don't live together so right now all of our money is completely separate. Once we get married though, we've decided to combine everything. It will all be "our money," period. This is the way both of our parents have handled their finances, and we've talked to both sets about how to go about it and manage it. We've agreed that either of us needs to spend more than $100 on something out of the ordinary (bills, groceries, etc.), we'll talk to each other about it first. He doesn't have any debt whatsoever. I have college loans and a car payment, but I also make more money than he does, so it's not like I'm sucking him dry. We just agreed that, for us, we wanted to be totally open with our finances with each other.

I don't think every couple needs to do things this way or should do things this way. I think it depends on personalities, etc. 

ashleyep

thelastdreamer said:

We don't live together so right now all of our money is completely separate. Once we get married though, we've decided to combine everything. It will all be "our money," period. This is the way both of our parents have handled their finances, and we've talked to both sets about how to go about it and manage it. We've agreed that either of us needs to spend more than $100 on something out of the ordinary (bills, groceries, etc.), we'll talk to each other about it first. He doesn't have any debt whatsoever. I have college loans and a car payment, but I also make more money than he does, so it's not like I'm sucking him dry. We just agreed that, for us, we wanted to be totally open with our finances with each other.

I don't think every couple needs to do things this way or should do things this way. I think it depends on personalities, etc. 

This is how my parents did it too. We both spend money on frivolous things more than we probably should, so maybe that's why he wants to keep it separate. But whether they're combined officially or not, it's all shared in the eyes of the law I think.

southernbelle0915

Right now, we have one joint savings and one joint checking. We have direct deposit into these accounts and this is what we use for short term spending (checking) like mortgage, utilities and groceries and kind-of-long-term spending (savings) like buying a car and planning a trip to Brazil (wooo!!). 

We each have our own checking and savings in addition to that. We plan to eliminate these accounts eventually, but we've been too busy to go to the bank and do it. We plan to have our finances completely combined. We each have our own investments that we've kept completely separate - also because we haven't had to time to sit down and align everything.

Neither of us have any debt (except for our house), but if we ever do, we'll share it equally. 

MaryGraceRich

We are not yet married but have been living together for a few years. We each have our own checking account. We also have a joint checking and a joint savings. We each have separate retirement plans.
We each have half of our paychecks direct deposited into the joint checking. The other half goes into our own checking accounts.
Out of the joint checking we pay rent, fios, and cell bills. Gas and electric I usually pay out of my money because he gets paid a lot more than me, more of his money pays the rent. Groceries and daily expenses we decide at the time where its coming from. We pay our own credit cards and he pays his motorcycle insurance. We also decide together how much gets transferred into savings.

KatWAG

bakerie said:

Our money is completely combined, we have everything in a joint account. It was something we both felt pretty strongly about and it just works best for us. 

This is what we do.

ashleyep

southernbelle0915 said:

Right now, we have one joint savings and one joint checking. We have direct deposit into these accounts and this is what we use for short term spending (checking) like mortgage, utilities and groceries and kind-of-long-term spending (savings) like buying a car and planning a trip to Brazil (wooo!!). 

We each have our own checking and savings in addition to that. We plan to eliminate these accounts eventually, but we've been too busy to go to the bank and do it. We plan to have our finances completely combined. We each have our own investments that we've kept completely separate - also because we haven't had to time to sit down and align everything.

Neither of us have any debt (except for our house), but if we ever do, we'll share it equally. 

@southernbelle0915 If you direct deposit into your joint account, do you transfer money to your individual checking accounts from there? Automatically?

Good point about the debt. If/when we buy a new car for one of us, if we don't pay with cash, we'll probably want to add the car payment to our joint account.

Maggie0829

I am pretty much the financial person in our relationship.  I pay all the household bills every month.  I also remind him to put the alotted amount into our checking account each month as well as remind him to pay his car bill.  H is horrible with money and always has been so I knew what I was getting in to.

For us, we have a joint checking and savings where we each put in a certain amount every month. That money covers household bills plus grows our savings.  We each have our own personal bank accounts from which we pay our own personal bills and where we keep our "fun" money.

If we want to buy something for ourselves we use our "fun" money and do not have to discuss the purchase with the other person regardless of price (that is as long as the person doing the purchasing isn't going into debt because of it).  While if we buy something for the house or do some remodeling we discuss the price and typically go out and buy what we need/want together and then that money comes out of our joint account.

We also have our own separate credit/debit cards for our personal use.  H had gotten into credit card debt before we got engaged and it only kept growing.  Finally a few months after we got married I told him he needed to get a debt consolidation loan to start paying that off.  That loan was going to go in his name alone because even though we are married that was his debt to pay off, not mine.  Of course he couldn't get the loan on his own so I co-signed.  Even though he pays that bill with his own money I do remind him when it is due and makes sure he pays it on time since my name is associated with it.  I also make sure he pays his personal bills on time and in full because since he is so bad with money I want to make sure that he doesn't kill his credit rating thus making it harder for us as a couple to get future loans if they are ever needed.

I honestly could not imagine having all of our money combined.  H spends his money frivolously and I would feel overly stressed worrying about our accounts every single month.

FutureMrsN3312

We don't live together right now.  We each have our own checking/savings and then we have a joint "wedding fund" which will become our joint checking account after we're married.  As of now the plan is 80% of our paychecks will go into the joint account.  This will cover rent, utilities, car insurance, etc. 

The left over 20% will be in our own checking accounts.  This will be for our own "fun" money.  Drinks with the girls, mani/pedi's, etc.  We won't know till we actually use this method but it looks good on paper lol

I also think we have a "gray" area.  Like where will dinner out together come from and my car payment.

Maggie0829

FutureMrsN3312 said:

We don't live together right now.  We each have our own checking/savings and then we have a joint "wedding fund" which will become our joint checking account after we're married.  As of now the plan is 80% of our paychecks will go into the joint account.  This will cover rent, utilities, car insurance, etc. 

The left over 20% will be in our own checking accounts.  This will be for our own "fun" money.  Drinks with the girls, mani/pedi's, etc.  We won't know till we actually use this method but it looks good on paper lol

I also think we have a "gray" area.  Like where will dinner out together come from and my car payment.

To the bolded.  When we go out to eat sometimes I pay for it, sometimes he pays for it and then other times we say "screw it" and put it on our joint card.  It just depends on what we feel like.

As for the car payment situation.  He has his own car which I can't drive at all since I have no idea how to drive stick and it is loud and very low to the ground and just all around uncomfortable to be in.  Basically it is his "play" car so he pays for that himself.  Then we have our car which I primarily drive but was bought as a family vehicle so we both pay for that.

CLI242009

We have all our accounts joined. We don't pay each other back or anything like that but when either of us like to make a big purchase we talk about it. 

If I wanted to say buy a new video game or some new clothes. He would be okay with that as long as we didn't have any bills coming up to pay & that also he can go out and buy something nice for himself too. No arguments about it and we're fine. 

All our debt is almost paid off since we combined our accounts. We share everything, nothing is separate. If we're planning to be together forever & share our life together, than we believe that every aspect of your life should be joined together. Nothing separate. We believe if you're thinking about important decisions separately instead of as a joined unit, then there's something wrong. 

This is just what we believe, if couples who do, do this and it works for you, then that's fine with us. Just for us that's what we believe about our relationship and how to handle things.  

kitty8403

We have separate accounts, which we intend to maintain after the wedding. We will be adding a joint account that we can both contribute to/monitor. 

kitty8403

CLI242009 said:

We have all our accounts joined. We don't pay each other back or anything like that but when either of us like to make a big purchase we talk about it. 

If I wanted to say buy a new video game or some new clothes. He would be okay with that as long as we didn't have any bills coming up to pay & that also he can go out and buy something nice for himself too. No arguments about it and we're fine. 

All our debt is almost paid off since we combined our accounts. We share everything, nothing is separate. If we're planning to be together forever & share our life together, than we believe that every aspect of your life should be joined together. Nothing separate. We believe if you're thinking about important decisions separately instead of as a joined unit, then there's something wrong. 

This is just what we believe, if couples who do, do this and it works for you, then that's fine with us. Just for us that's what we believe about our relationship and how to handle things.  

:-) I think it comes down to communication. If it's a routine purchase, we don't see the need to ask permission, but we do discuss big-ticket stuff.

thisismynickname2

FutureMrsN3312 said:

We don't live together right now.  We each have our own checking/savings and then we have a joint "wedding fund" which will become our joint checking account after we're married.  As of now the plan is 80% of our paychecks will go into the joint account.  This will cover rent, utilities, car insurance, etc. 

The left over 20% will be in our own checking accounts.  This will be for our own "fun" money.  Drinks with the girls, mani/pedi's, etc.  We won't know till we actually use this method but it looks good on paper lol

I also think we have a "gray" area.  Like where will dinner out together come from and my car payment.

This. All of it

MyNameIsNot

After a couple of years of marriage, our system is similar to your current system.  We have a joint checking and a joint savings and each have separate accounts.  Our checks are direct deposited into our individual accounts, and we are each responsible to transfer a certain amount to the joint checking and into joint savings per paycheck.  

The major bills (mortgage, car note, insurance & utilities) come out of the joint checking.  Our individual debts (credit cards, my student loans) come out of our individual accounts.  When we go out, grocery shop, etc, we spend from individual accounts and cards.  We have no joint credit cards and will never get any.  There isn't even a debit card for our joint checking.  For larger purchases, we discuss where the money is coming from on a case by case basis.  For example, our down payment came out of savings, but our flights to visit his mother next week was a set amount we each extra contributed to joint checking over a couple of paychecks.  We're each entitled to spend the leftover money in our individual checking to avoid that frivolous spending/allowance restriction issue.  

It sounds complicated, but it's actually really simple.  I'm responsible for managing the joint account, which usually involves a few clicks on online bill pay.  I keep a small cushion in that checking, but I usually end up transferring some leftover into savings a couple of times a year.  

Just food for thought about the individual retirement account.  It varies by state, but I'm a lawyer and used to do divorce work.  Individual accounts of any sort, including 401k, profit sharing, even pensions can be divided in divorce.  Your right to it depends on your state and your situation, but there is a mechanism where these accounts can be divided in two without tax consequences in the event of divorce.  It might be worth it to contact a lawyer in your state that handles divorce or pre-nups to find out whether you could get screwed if he put all his savings in a profit sharing while you put all yours in a joint savings.  

CLI242009

kitty8403 said:

CLI242009 said:

We have all our accounts joined. We don't pay each other back or anything like that but when either of us like to make a big purchase we talk about it. 

If I wanted to say buy a new video game or some new clothes. He would be okay with that as long as we didn't have any bills coming up to pay & that also he can go out and buy something nice for himself too. No arguments about it and we're fine. 

All our debt is almost paid off since we combined our accounts. We share everything, nothing is separate. If we're planning to be together forever & share our life together, than we believe that every aspect of your life should be joined together. Nothing separate. We believe if you're thinking about important decisions separately instead of as a joined unit, then there's something wrong. 

This is just what we believe, if couples who do, do this and it works for you, then that's fine with us. Just for us that's what we believe about our relationship and how to handle things.  

:-) I think it comes down to communication. If it's a routine purchase, we don't see the need to ask permission, but we do discuss big-ticket stuff.

Oh no I didn't mean we asked permission to each other, just that we spoke about what we do with our finances o.O I didn't mean it like that at all if that's how some took it! lol 

I also agree with you kitty, communication is the key. Like I said, this is what FI and I believe, what all of you gals are doing with your guys is what works for you. To each their own ^_^ 

daria24

We have a joint checking, savings, and credit card, as well as our own individual checking, savings, and credit cards. We each deposit half of our paycheck into joint checking, when we build up a high balance we move some over into joint savings.

We pay all our bills/joint expenses out of the joint accounts. So all groceries, household items, rent, utilities, etc. But if I grab a sandwich for lunch, that comes out of my personal account. If we pay cash for things we don't worry about paying the other person back. I don't think it's worth the hassle for $10 here and there.

If we have a big purchase coming up, we each add in more money to the joint account, we currently don't touch our joint savings. The system works well for us, I can't imagine having everything completely combined.

Jells2dot0

Our finances are completely separate. We do not have joint accounts for anything other than our primary residence. We decided a long time ago that since we have similar salaries and savings habits, we'd keep things the way they are. We split our bills/expenditures based on our incomes and priorities. It's almost 50/50. He has children, so I do not contribute towards that unless I want. I spend my discretionary funds on travel. I am in charge of daily stuff like groceries and whatnot. He pays the utilities. It will really vary widely by circumstances and the couple, IMHO.

CLI242009

Jells2dot0 said:

Our finances are completely separate. We do not have joint accounts for anything other than our primary residence. We decided a long time ago that since we have similar salaries and savings habits, we'd keep things the way they are. We split our bills/expenditures based on our incomes and priorities. It's almost 50/50. He has children, so I do not contribute towards that unless I want. I spend my discretionary funds on travel. I am in charge of daily stuff like groceries and whatnot. He pays the utilities. It will really vary widely by circumstances and the couple, IMHO.

In the case my FI had children, in the beginning I would agree with doing that. It all depends on the situation but I can see why people do not join accounts, especially for that reason. 

Although, does it matter? Doesn't the government see it as total income when you are married, even if you do have separate accounts? If someone was paying child support, then got married, the new spouse's income gets put into his TOTAL amount of income. Right? Sorry off track, just a thought that came into my head. 

JoanE2012

We each have our own checking.  DH pays most of the bills, including the mortgage, out of his account.  My paychecks get funneled to: 1) our long term savings joint account 2) our vacation fund joint savings and 3) the rest into my own checking account.   We both have similar salaries and are contributing pretty much equally, whether it's to savings or expenses.   It works for us now.  

Doesntplaynice82

I am a budget nazi...I have an elaborate spreadsheet that started off as Dave Ramsey's budget thing but I have tweeked it over the years to fit my needs. I know where every red cent is or needs to go.

We have individual bank accounts where our paychecks get deposited and we have a joint account. I work extra jobs so I can make more money if I want to. We each have a set amount that we MUST transfer to the joint account each week (he gets paid weekly) if we happen to make more we can deposit more but never less. All of our joint bills get paid from the joint account with ebills or automatically. (rent, insurance, cable, phone bills etc) We also pay off our debts from our joint account (figured if we are getting married his debt is my debt and vice versa).

I pay for my gas and have my own spending money from my personal account; same with him. I don't want to have access to see what he spends his personal money on...that is his business and what i spend mine on is mine and this works for us!  

Doesntplaynice82

CLI242009 said:

Jells2dot0 said:

Our finances are completely separate. We do not have joint accounts for anything other than our primary residence. We decided a long time ago that since we have similar salaries and savings habits, we'd keep things the way they are. We split our bills/expenditures based on our incomes and priorities. It's almost 50/50. He has children, so I do not contribute towards that unless I want. I spend my discretionary funds on travel. I am in charge of daily stuff like groceries and whatnot. He pays the utilities. It will really vary widely by circumstances and the couple, IMHO.

In the case my FI had children, in the beginning I would agree with doing that. It all depends on the situation but I can see why people do not join accounts, especially for that reason. 

Although, does it matter? Doesn't the government see it as total income when you are married, even if you do have separate accounts? If someone was paying child support, then got married, the new spouse's income gets put into his TOTAL amount of income. Right? Sorry off track, just a thought that came into my head. 

Not for child support. The support is determined by the biological parent's income only.

Jells2dot0

Doesntplaynice82 said:

CLI242009 said:

Jells2dot0 said:

Our finances are completely separate. We do not have joint accounts for anything other than our primary residence. We decided a long time ago that since we have similar salaries and savings habits, we'd keep things the way they are. We split our bills/expenditures based on our incomes and priorities. It's almost 50/50. He has children, so I do not contribute towards that unless I want. I spend my discretionary funds on travel. I am in charge of daily stuff like groceries and whatnot. He pays the utilities. It will really vary widely by circumstances and the couple, IMHO.

In the case my FI had children, in the beginning I would agree with doing that. It all depends on the situation but I can see why people do not join accounts, especially for that reason. 

Although, does it matter? Doesn't the government see it as total income when you are married, even if you do have separate accounts? If someone was paying child support, then got married, the new spouse's income gets put into his TOTAL amount of income. Right? Sorry off track, just a thought that came into my head. 

Not for child support. The support is determined by the biological parent's income only.

It actually varies by State. Where I live, it is not a factor. However, my DH's kids are now adults. So, when we got married, he only had 4 months of support remaining. He does pay college costs, though. We will be filing taxes as a married couple and we did not choose the keep separate accounts for that reason. I imagine we'll owe taxes this year and we'll split the payment. If we for some reason we get a refund, we'll split it. We have an accountant that will figure all of that out, though!

lovesclimbing

Our money is completely combined.  We have one joint checking account and right now, do not have a savings account (we've been pretty close to broke for awhile and are now starting to get ahead). 

I don't like our account and want to get it changed.  The bank said it was a "joint checking account" but somehow, H is the "primary" on it, so basically, I can't do anything major - H has to do it.  They wouldn't let me cancel overdraft protection or change my name on the account.  This isn't something where it takes both of our signatures, they only need his.  To me, that's not a joint account.  Everything major should let either of us do it on or own or it should require both of us to do it.  So, I want to talk to them and figure out why this is and change our account, possibly switch banks if they won't do something about it.

OK, rant over.  

melbelleup

We have separate accounts. I have two checking accounts and two savings accounts. He has a savings and a checking. My one checking and savings is the same place as his, but I'm using that account solely for wedding and "rainy day" money. It's NC's state credit union. Once we move back to PA (most likely summer of 2015) we will close both our accounts with them. My other checking is a PNC account so he'll most likely tag on to that account with me and we'll joint it up. My other savings account I use solely for my student loans, but we might make it into our joint savings account. My dad is also on this account which often comes in handy for me. Granted, that's a savings account in PA only.  BUT until we move back to PA, we'll be keeping our finances separate. He pays rent and utilities already and I pay groceries, cell phone bill, and cable bill.. so it'll stay that way. We basically pay the same amount each month for bills so it's pretty fair.

ashleyep

MyNameIsNot said:

After a couple of years of marriage, our system is similar to your current system.  We have a joint checking and a joint savings and each have separate accounts.  Our checks are direct deposited into our individual accounts, and we are each responsible to transfer a certain amount to the joint checking and into joint savings per paycheck.  

The major bills (mortgage, car note, insurance & utilities) come out of the joint checking.  Our individual debts (credit cards, my student loans) come out of our individual accounts.  When we go out, grocery shop, etc, we spend from individual accounts and cards.  We have no joint credit cards and will never get any.  There isn't even a debit card for our joint checking.  For larger purchases, we discuss where the money is coming from on a case by case basis.  For example, our down payment came out of savings, but our flights to visit his mother next week was a set amount we each extra contributed to joint checking over a couple of paychecks.  We're each entitled to spend the leftover money in our individual checking to avoid that frivolous spending/allowance restriction issue.  

It sounds complicated, but it's actually really simple.  I'm responsible for managing the joint account, which usually involves a few clicks on online bill pay.  I keep a small cushion in that checking, but I usually end up transferring some leftover into savings a couple of times a year.  

Just food for thought about the individual retirement account.  It varies by state, but I'm a lawyer and used to do divorce work.  Individual accounts of any sort, including 401k, profit sharing, even pensions can be divided in divorce.  Your right to it depends on your state and your situation, but there is a mechanism where these accounts can be divided in two without tax consequences in the event of divorce.  It might be worth it to contact a lawyer in your state that handles divorce or pre-nups to find out whether you could get screwed if he put all his savings in a profit sharing while you put all yours in a joint savings.  

@MyNameIsNot - it's not a retirement account, it's an investment account. He gets to buy his company's stock at a 15% discount and I think he has to hold onto it for something like 2 years or he gets charged a penalty. So I guess I would probably have rights to that if anything every happened.

I told him that I'm okay with this arrangement for now, but if we ever end up in a situation where one of us isn't working for whatever reason, we need to re-evaluate. Plus I think once kids are in the picture it can be tricky to keep track of who is spending what on them.