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Etiquette

Is at home party after destination wedding a PPD?

Do you consider a party at home after a destination wedding to be a PPD?

I reallllyyyy don't want one but my FMIL is insisting on having one so we can celebrate with the people in her family who can't make it to Jamaica.

There will be no white dress, no wedding type things. Just a catered meal at a hall in a park with drinks.might be hard to stop her family from making speeches though...
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Re: Is at home party after destination wedding a PPD?

  • No it is not as long as you don't have a fake ceremony, don't wear a wedding dress, and don't do any wedding traditions.  Then it's simply a party to celebrate your marriage, which is completely acceptable.  

    Speeches are toasts- people toast at all types of parties and are non-wedding specific. 
    Ok thank you. I am just really worried it will come across that way. Frankly I don't even want to have it but am doing it to keep FMIL happy.
    NYCMercedes
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree with BlueBirdMB.  However, I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to.  Does your FI want to? 
    image
    Blue_BirdgrumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    novodca said:
    Do you consider a party at home after a destination wedding to be a PPD? I reallllyyyy don't want one but my FMIL is insisting on having one so we can celebrate with the people in her family who can't make it to Jamaica. There will be no white dress, no wedding type things. Just a catered meal at a hall in a park with drinks.might be hard to stop her family from making speeches though...
    This doesn't sound like a PPD.  If you were wearing your dress, had attendants, exchanged vows, cut the cake, did a bouquet or garter toss, or things along those lines, I'd consider that a PPD, but this sounds reasonable.
  • We weren't even planning on having a cake.

    Glad to know this seems to be tasteful enough
  • sandrabrookesandrabrooke member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    And really.....wearing a dress isn't too bad either. But I just like seeing dresses. Just no reenactments and good hosting sounds fine !
    krizzo17
  • One of my friends did that just last year. It was just the two of them for a tropical beach wedding & honeymoon in one. They came back, had a nice dinner out with their immdiate family & then a get together with friends later. If they would have had one event for friends & family they would have needed to rent a hall for the amount of people. What was really cool is that they had a photo album with their wedding photos and honeymoon pictures in it for everyone to see.

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Doesn't sound like a PPD to me. Enjoy!

    PhoneCardLady
  • You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.
    Anniversary
  • ashleyep said:

    You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.

    Really? You don't think that would be too much?
  • Erikan73 said:

    One of my friends did that just last year. It was just the two of them for a tropical beach wedding & honeymoon in one. They came back, had a nice dinner out with their immdiate family & then a get together with friends later. If they would have had one event for friends & family they would have needed to rent a hall for the amount of people. What was really cool is that they had a photo album with their wedding photos and honeymoon pictures in it for everyone to see.

    Yeah, we are hoping to be able to bring our photos as well. We are also going to Paris after the wedding so will have lots to share ha
  • novodca said:
    You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.
    Really? You don't think that would be too much?
    Yes, it would be too much. If you wear your dress and do wedding-like things, it does because a PPD. What you were planning with the food in the hall and no wedding things sounds wonderful!
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    novodca said:
    You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.
    Really? You don't think that would be too much?
    Yes, it would be too much. If you wear your dress and do wedding-like things, it does because a PPD. What you were planning with the food in the hall and no wedding things sounds wonderful!
    I think it depends on your dress. If it's a big poofy ballgown, I might side-eye it; if it's more understated, I would have no problem with it at all. (Probably completely arbitrary.)
    jenniferurs
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If it looks more like a regular party dress that happens to be white, it can pass muster; if it looks more like a traditional bridal gown, it gets iffy.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    To be honest, I'd be a lot more turned off by inviting guests that weren't actually invited to the wedding than I would be by wearing the wedding dress or having attendants.

    This doesn't sound like a PPD to me at all, but I would avoid making it a wedding related event if you are inviting people that won't be invited to the destination.  If it's for the guests that chose not to go to the destination, it's totally fine.  
  • Yes everyone that's coming is certainly invited the destination wedding but are unable to attend.

    I'll probably skip the wedding dress though. Would love the chance to wear it again but think it's probably a little tacky to do so.
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    novodca said:
    You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.
    Really? You don't think that would be too much?
    Yes, it would be too much. If you wear your dress and do wedding-like things, it does because a PPD. What you were planning with the food in the hall and no wedding things sounds wonderful!
    The only thing that makes it a PPD is if you try and re-create the ceremony. Others have different opinions on re-wearing your dress or cutting a cake, but there's nothing wrong etiquette-wise with either of those.
    Anniversary
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ashleyep said:
    novodca said:
    You can wear your dress. Just don't have a ceremony.
    Really? You don't think that would be too much?
    Yes, it would be too much. If you wear your dress and do wedding-like things, it does because a PPD. What you were planning with the food in the hall and no wedding things sounds wonderful!
    The only thing that makes it a PPD is if you try and re-create the ceremony. Others have different opinions on re-wearing your dress or cutting a cake, but there's nothing wrong etiquette-wise with either of those.
    Actually, those two things do make the occasion too much like an actual wedding.  If this is to pass muster, the "wedding" elements have to not be there.
    aurorajanette
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    ashleyepjenniferurs
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.
    aurorajanette
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.
    Nope, I want to see it in person. Plenty of people think it is fine to wear the dress, I'm not alone in this opinion. I don't think wearing the dress makes it a PPD, other stuff does. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    ashleyepannathy03jenniferurs
  • annathy03annathy03 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    Jen4948 said:
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.
    Nope, I want to see it in person. Plenty of people think it is fine to wear the dress, I'm not alone in this opinion. I don't think wearing the dress makes it a PPD, other stuff does. :)



    This is me too.  Don't have a bridal party or throw a bouquet, but I like seeing the dress IRL.  I consider it a victimless breach, like printing addresses onto invitation envelopes.  Is it technically against etiquette?  Sure.  Does it negatively affect the guest?  Nope.

    ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right
    ashleyepjenniferurs
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    annathy03 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.
    Nope, I want to see it in person. Plenty of people think it is fine to wear the dress, I'm not alone in this opinion. I don't think wearing the dress makes it a PPD, other stuff does. :)



    This is me too.  Don't have a bridal party or throw a bouquet, but I like seeing the dress IRL.  I consider it a victimless breach, like printing addresses onto invitation envelopes.  Is it technically against etiquette?  Sure.  Does it negatively affect the guest?  Nope.

    ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right
    -------

    I don't think it is technically against etiquette though. Miss Manners says you can't have two ceremonies because you can't get married twice. As far as I know she doesn't say you can't re-wear your dress, probably because wedding dresses were traditionally just your best dress, not a specific dress for a wedding.

    It's something that some people find tasteless, but I don't it's technically poor etiquette or offensive to guests in any way.
    Anniversary
    photokittyjenniferurs
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
    I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
    GL!
    So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.
    Nope, I want to see it in person. Plenty of people think it is fine to wear the dress, I'm not alone in this opinion. I don't think wearing the dress makes it a PPD, other stuff does. :)



    This is me too.  Don't have a bridal party or throw a bouquet, but I like seeing the dress IRL.  I consider it a victimless breach, like printing addresses onto invitation envelopes.  Is it technically against etiquette?  Sure.  Does it negatively affect the guest?  Nope.

    ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right

    If you were entitled to see it, you would have been invited to the wedding.  If the couple don't want to invite you to the wedding, you're not entitled to see the bride in the dress.
    aurorajanette
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2013
    annathy03 said:
    ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right

    If you were entitled to see it, you would have been invited to the wedding.  If the couple don't want to invite you to the wedding, you're not entitled to see the bride in the dress.

    Oh FFS, no one is ENTITLED to see the bride in the dress.  I'm simply saying if she (generic "she", not just OP) wants to wear it and show people who didn't make it to the wedding, I don't see it as negatively impacting her guests.  If she doesn't want to, that's her choice as well and is NBD.
    Oh FFS yourself.  This is not a wedding, so the bride should not dress like it's her wedding.    If you want to see the dress, then ask to see a photo.  But for her to wear the dress suggests (possibly confusingly to guests) that this is the "wedding that counts" when that boat has sailed already.
    aurorajanettegrumbledore
  • Jen4948 said:
    annathy03 said:
    ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right

    If you were entitled to see it, you would have been invited to the wedding.  If the couple don't want to invite you to the wedding, you're not entitled to see the bride in the dress.

    Oh FFS, no one is ENTITLED to see the bride in the dress.  I'm simply saying if she (generic "she", not just OP) wants to wear it and show people who didn't make it to the wedding, I don't see it as negatively impacting her guests.  If she doesn't want to, that's her choice as well and is NBD.
    Oh FFS yourself.  This is not a wedding, so the bride should not dress like it's her wedding.    If you want to see the dress, then ask to see a photo.  But for her to wear the dress suggests (possibly confusingly to guests) that this is the "wedding that counts" when that boat has sailed already.
    With an at home party, there is no wedding ceremony, so I should hope no one would be confused in regard to which event was the wedding.

    Clearly we'll have to agree to disagree on this one, which is fine, I know it's a split issue.
    ashleyepjenniferurs
  • scribe95 said:
    To me it's simple. You wear a wedding dress to a wedding. This isn't a wedding. If you wanted everyone to see you in your dress then you shouldn't have chosen a destination wedding etc.
    ^^ This
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