*Vent* - FMIL!!!

missmo14

A bit of background - FI and I met online and within 8 months we were engaged to be married. I had met my FMIL a few times and thought everything was ok. ANYWAY fast track to planning for our wedding and I couldnt help but feel that FMIL was being so negative about everything. Telling me that MY guest list was too big (FI and I are paying for everything) but then adding more people to their list, that I should do my own make up for my wedding day, that Im spending too much money on our wedding etc. To add to it all she has asked FI whether he was "sure he wants to go ahead with it".

 

Anyway - the final straw for me and the reason I'm posting here is I found out that she has made the following comment "I just never thought he (FI) would be marrying a BLACK person". That is beyond rude and unacceptable to me. Is anybody else dealing with this sort of ridiculous attitude/behaviour from FILs? How do you cope?

Jenmonroe

My motherhad the same problem, my farher being half portuguese and my mother being brazilian decendants of african and amazon indian. My grandmother made it hard for my mother in the beginning and worshipped the ground my aunts new anerican husband walked on. Sooner then expected things turned around and my mother and grandmother are bestfriends.

SashaVonBonBon

My fiance is white and I'm black. His mother, over the course of our five-year relationship has expressed her unhappiness with us/me. Even going so far as to tell him that "interracial relationships are hard..." etc. He'd had enough and told her, point blank, that he was hurt and disappointed by her remarks. He would no longer entertain them and clearly stated that he chooses me over her. Since then, I've never been back to her home, and he doesn't discuss our relationship with her. She clutched her pearls when he not only moved cities to be with me, but bought a house with me (she told him a story about an uncle who did the same thing but ended up losing everything because she stole from him, etc. Yes girl. His mother went there.). Because of this, he hasn't told his family we're engaged yet. He will soon, as he can't and shouldn't keep it a secret. We're paying for this wedding with our own money, so they will have absolutely zero say in anything. I can't imagine his mother would make demands as your FMIL is. And even if she did, I'm positive my fiance would shut her down so I'd never hear about it. 

Reasons why I can deal with this:

1. The fiance handles his mother. He makes it very clear I'm his priority. Estabilishing this makes his mother realize that if she values her son, she will back off of me. And so far she has.

2. We live in different states. We really don't have reasons to deal with each other.

3. Both fiance and I are in our 40's. We're independent in every way. And we're too old for trifiling matters like other people's issues.

4. I don't really think she hates me. I think no one would be good enough for her sons. She doesn't even like her younger son's wife who's a tall, slim, white woman who came from a wealthy family. If you don't like a tall, slim, white woman who came from a wealthy family, you're not gonna like me. :-D  I kid. Kinda. Seriously though, I don't take it personal. I'm really bothered by how her actions have impacted my fiance. Growing up his parents were pretty liberal and raised him with those ideals. He was not expecting this behavior and attitude from the people he loves. Imagine seeing an ugly side of your parents that you never dreamed existed in them. So yeah, I feel for him.

So yeah, I hear you. Have your fiance back up the FMIL. Now.