Stopping to talk to EVERYONE?

MRSreadcomicbooks

So I've been reading books about weddings, and the one I'm reading now has a HUGE section on saying hi to every. Single. Guest.  I hadn't even THOUGHT about it, but it goes on and on and on about it.  When to talk to people, when not to, how to get away from someone you don't want to get sucked into talking to forever (but you have to at least stop by), etc, etc, etc.

Is it really a faux pas not to stop and speak to every single guest at our reception?  We're not having a "cocktail party", which is where this book suggests starting to talk to all your guests - instead we're having a buffet-style reception.  No servers, no courses, just VERY casual.

Of course we'll have guests I most likely won't meet until the wedding (my fiance's family) and guests I haven't seen in a very long time that I'll want to catch up with, but what about guests I see all the time?  Will they really be that offended if I don't come and spend 15 minutes catching up when I just saw them three days ago?

smalfrie19

You need to thank every one of your guests for coming. Whether thats in the form of a recieving line or table visits during dinner.

photokitty

Yes, you should say hi to everyone. You don't have to spend 15 mins with each guest, but you should at least say hi and thank them for coming. You can do table visits or a receiving line after the ceremony.
GL!

doeydo

Yes, you and the groom should talk to each guest to say "Thank you so much for coming" etc.  You could visit each of the tables during the reception and/or do a receiving line.

mysticl

MRSreadcomicbooks said:

So I've been reading books about weddings, and the one I'm reading now has a HUGE section on saying hi to every. Single. Guest.  I hadn't even THOUGHT about it, but it goes on and on and on about it.  When to talk to people, when not to, how to get away from someone you don't want to get sucked into talking to forever (but you have to at least stop by), etc, etc, etc.

Is it really a faux pas not to stop and speak to every single guest at our reception?  We're not having a "cocktail party", which is where this book suggests starting to talk to all your guests - instead we're having a buffet-style reception.  No servers, no courses, just VERY casual.

Of course we'll have guests I most likely won't meet until the wedding (my fiance's family) and guests I haven't seen in a very long time that I'll want to catch up with, but what about guests I see all the time?  Will they really be that offended if I don't come and spend 15 minutes catching up when I just saw them three days ago?

Probably not.  You should say "hi, thanks for coming" or some version of that though.

emmyg65

I think you have to at least say hello and thank you to each of your guests. At our wedding, we had an informal receiving line after the ceremony and walked around to as many tables as we could during the reception. Beyond that, I definitely spent very little time with the friends I see every week. My husband and I also spent a lot of the night apart so we could each really chat with our friends and family we don't see often.

itzMS

You're going to miss someone. It's inevitable.

When we attend weddings, DH & I always skip receiving lines, and often find ourselves at the bar with other friends during table visits. Oh well!

As long as the couple makes a good faith effort, I'm cool.

banana468

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest.

How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Jen4948

Yes, your guests will be offended if you don't take a few minutes to at least say hello and thank them for coming.  You don't have to have a receiving line, but if you don't, at least do table visits at each table.  But doing nothing at all, or skipping anyone, is one of the biggest breaches of etiquette at a wedding or a party.

mysticl

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

Jen4948

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

banana468

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest.

How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

I don't worry about it. I just assume they will have basic manners. It's one thing to miss them because they're just in demand and it's another to see that there wasn't a modicum of effort.

itzMS

I think it takes a really uptight person to feel slighted if in the course of only 3-4 hours (usual length of a reception) that a bride or groom doesn't have a personal conversation with them. Most weddings in my area are around 200 guests. That's a lot of people. A brief thank you is honestly all that is possible.

phira

I mean, it's nice if you can try to talk to everyone. It's why receiving lines haven't become obsolete. I've been at weddings where the bride and groom don't get to every table before the dance floor opens up, and it's not really terrible. But it is very nice to say hi to at least one of the newlyweds during the event.

I think the thing to remember is that if you are hosting an event, it's polite to greet all of your guests. Imagine going to an event where the host ignored you or didn't indicate in any way that they even knew you had come to their event.

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

aurorajanette

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

My cousin and his wife did this at their wedding. It was really rude. They also sent thank you's over a year after the wedding. At least they sent them, but really it sucked.

SP29

I think it is a faux pas not to greet or thank every guest, at some point during the night.

However, this does not mean you have to spend 15 minutes talking to each guest, a simple "Thank you for coming" suffices. 

Jen4948

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

banana468

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest.

How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  


None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.


Sometimes you just can't track everyone down. We did a receiving line and table visits plus we mingled throughout cocktail hour and the rest of the reception. If we missed anyone it wasn't intentional but it may have happened since I wasn't walking around with a checklist on a clipboard.

itzMS

Most reasonable guests are (hopefully) enjoying the reception and socializing with other family and friends...not sitting with sad puppydog eyes awaiting the bride and groom to approach them.

It's one thing if it's simply a hosted party with 20 guests...if you don't talk to everyone, that's weird. Stressing yourself out over making sure you interact with ALL 200 people at your wedding is absurd. 3-4 hours absolutely flies by.

KickAssMOH

My wedding was small-ish (90 guests) and we tried so hard to greet everyone but we ultimately missed two tables. I blame H - he got frustrated that it was taking us so long to make it through some of the tables of my family, so he scampered off to go see his friends. Before we knew it, everyone was up and dancing and it was too late to turn back. When we woke up the next day and realized what we had done, we felt horrible. A few coworkers and family members of mine who had never met my groom still haven't met him now... and it's SUPER embarassing. If i could get a re-do then I would've had a receiving line because then at least it's not the B&G's fault if someone doesn't get greeted.

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Jen4948

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

And that's why I had a receiving line so I could be sure that we got most if not all of the guests. Yes, the bride and groom should make an effort to say "hi" to everyone but I understand that crap happens and if they don't get to me it's not going to bother me.  Unless they are being blatantly rude and don't talk to anyone or turn their backs on me when I try to say "hi" to them.  

Jen4948

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

And that's why I had a receiving line so I could be sure that we got most if not all of the guests. Yes, the bride and groom should make an effort to say "hi" to everyone but I understand that crap happens and if they don't get to me it's not going to bother me.  Unless they are being blatantly rude and don't talk to anyone or turn their backs on me when I try to say "hi" to them.  

No one said you shouldn't have a receiving line...only that table visits are an acceptable alternative and that couples have the obligation to greet their guests and thank them for coming in one format or the other.  That it doesn't bother you if a couple doesn't do it doesn't negate this obligation.

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

And that's why I had a receiving line so I could be sure that we got most if not all of the guests. Yes, the bride and groom should make an effort to say "hi" to everyone but I understand that crap happens and if they don't get to me it's not going to bother me.  Unless they are being blatantly rude and don't talk to anyone or turn their backs on me when I try to say "hi" to them.  

No one said you shouldn't have a receiving line...only that table visits are an acceptable alternative and that couples have the obligation to greet their guests and thank them for coming in one format or the other.  That it doesn't bother you if a couple doesn't do it doesn't negate this obligation.

And as many people have pointed out they did table visits and they ended up inadvertently missing people for various reasons. In that situation they should not be condemned for not getting to every person.  If they had made no effort it would have been rude but they tried.  

Jen4948

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

And that's why I had a receiving line so I could be sure that we got most if not all of the guests. Yes, the bride and groom should make an effort to say "hi" to everyone but I understand that crap happens and if they don't get to me it's not going to bother me.  Unless they are being blatantly rude and don't talk to anyone or turn their backs on me when I try to say "hi" to them.  

No one said you shouldn't have a receiving line...only that table visits are an acceptable alternative and that couples have the obligation to greet their guests and thank them for coming in one format or the other.  That it doesn't bother you if a couple doesn't do it doesn't negate this obligation.

And as many people have pointed out they did table visits and they ended up inadvertently missing people for various reasons. In that situation they should not be condemned for not getting to every person.  If they had made no effort it would have been rude but they tried.  

I don't condemn them if they at least tried.  I do condemn them if they don't make any effort.

banana468

The couple needs to make a reasonable effort. If people opt out of the receiving line or aren't at the table when the couple greet guests then things happen.

If you opted not to go through a receiving line and you weren't at your table when the couple did table visits, do you really hold it against the couple?

mysticl

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

Jen4948 said:

mysticl said:

banana468 said:

You don't need to spend 15 minutes with each person/couple but you absolutely MUST make the effort to greet every guest. How would you feel if you went to a party where the hosts never made an effort to say hi? Ignoring your guests is one of the ruder things you can do.

Actually, when I'm at a wedding I'm not really worried about the bride and groom talking to me.  I know it's a big day for them and they are busy.  

It being a "big day" for them and their being "busy" doesn't exempt them from the obligation of greeting their guests.  That and feeding them properly are their only real obligations at their reception, and dropping the ball on these are huge faux pas.  Being "busy" just doesn't cut it, and it's frankly insulting to be given the impression that the couple is "too busy" to take a moment to greet and thank you for coming after you took the time to get them a gift, answer the invitation, dress appropriately, and show up on time.

By "busy" I mean they have people making demands on them.  They have the dj asking them stuff, the photographer pulling them away for pictures, family and friends trying to monopolize their time, the venue staff needing questions answered.  Not to mention I'm busy eating,drinking, dancing, talking to my friends.  So if we don't catch up with each other it's no big deal.  Now if they don't do a receiving line and just sit at a sweetheart table all night without talking to anyone else, yeah that's rude.  

None of this is an acceptable excuse for the couple not to at least say hello and thank you for coming.  They may only have a few moments with each person, but it still has to be done-even if it means telling the photographer to hold off and not letting family and friends monopolize their time.  As for the venue staff, that's what a wedding coordinator is for.

Not all of us can afford to pay a coordinator.  The venue where my reception was did not provide that service.  The contact person we arranged everything with did not work the actual wedding.  

Then you have to plan for it.  Greeting your guests has to take priority over photo sessions, for instance, and if someone is trying to monopolize your time, you have to tell them, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to make sure we talk to everyone.  I hope we get to talk later!" or the like.

And that's why I had a receiving line so I could be sure that we got most if not all of the guests. Yes, the bride and groom should make an effort to say "hi" to everyone but I understand that crap happens and if they don't get to me it's not going to bother me.  Unless they are being blatantly rude and don't talk to anyone or turn their backs on me when I try to say "hi" to them.  

No one said you shouldn't have a receiving line...only that table visits are an acceptable alternative and that couples have the obligation to greet their guests and thank them for coming in one format or the other.  That it doesn't bother you if a couple doesn't do it doesn't negate this obligation.

And as many people have pointed out they did table visits and they ended up inadvertently missing people for various reasons. In that situation they should not be condemned for not getting to every person.  If they had made no effort it would have been rude but they tried.  

I don't condemn them if they at least tried.  I do condemn them if they don't make any effort.

Which is the point I was making all along and you kept telling me I was wrong.  

Jen4948

mysticl said:

And as many people have pointed out they did table visits and they ended up inadvertently missing people for various reasons. In that situation they should not be condemned for not getting to every person.  If they had made no effort it would have been rude but they tried.  

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I don't condemn them if they at least tried.  I do condemn them if they don't make any effort.

Which is the point I was making all along and you kept telling me I was wrong.  

No, I just said that couples have to make the effort one way or the other, and that other things like photo shoots don't absolve the couple of the obligation.  If they do make the effort and keep getting interrupted, obviously something has gone wrong, but it's not necessarily their fault. 

"Making the effort" though does mean taking an active part in trying to get to everyone-they can't neglect someone and use, say, needing to take photos as an excuse.  If they try to walk over to that person several times and someone repeatedly interrupts or interferes, that might be a different story.  It seems situational to me.

itzMS

So. Many. Quote. Boxes.

Bottom line, go into it with a good faith effort. Smile, and be gracious. Time can and will slip away from you. Do everything reasonably within your power to get around to everyone. No need to take a guestlist with you to check people off.