Last minute invite, GAH!

Blackbird230

FI's cousin is getting married on Friday. Originally I didn't have an invitation because I haven't even met that part of his family yet, we hadn't been going out extremely long, etc. Well Sunday night after he and I had gotten back from our vacation, his mom got a call. One of his cousin and her BF are on the rocks and the BF won't be coming to the wedding. They extended me the invite. So now I have less than a week to pick out a dress and figure out what I'm going to do for a wedding gift. Not that I feel horrible because FI and his brother still haven't figured out their gift either. (Guys...pffh.) Luckily I know the wedding color is eggplant so I can avoid it for my dress (Thank you FMIL.) 

Have any of you gotten a last minute invite? Did you end up filling space with last minute invites for your own wedding when you had a sudden cancellation? 

psychbabe314

Typically B-listing like that is considered bad etiquette. As far as I have seen from other boards, this is really frowned upon. Don't do it at your own wedding :-) But, other than that since you are now going, enjoy it since you can be with your FI now.

I haven't ever received a last minute invite. I did almost not receive one. I was a BM and the Bride did not want to "waste money" on sending information out to us. *sigh* That invited made me so mad... it still gets me riled up... but not for the reason that she wasn't going to send one out to me.

Edited: Spelling correction

Blackbird230

@psychbabe314, yea. I knew at first it was because they were keeping numbers low and they didn't know me as well as the cousin's BF. FI is just super happy I can come now because he was going to be really bored. I guess knowing I'm a B-list in this case doesn't make me that mad since I have never met the bride or the groom.

bethsmiles

If I were you I'd be pissed and decline the invitation and I sure as hell would not be getting them a gift.

First you should have been invited in the first place. All SOs should be invited, regardless of how long they've been together. No one gets to decide the seriousness of your relationship but you and your SO.

Second, you've been b-listed which is also horrible etiquette.

Absolutely do not do this for your own wedding. Using people as fillers is one of the absolute rudest things you can do in wedding planning.

psychbabe314

Honestly, I don't think being B-listed would bother me that much either :-) It is just considered the correct etiquette not to do it. Basically, I probably wouldn't do it to anyone else, but if it happened to me I wouldn't be offended. I hope the wedding is lots of fun!

audrewuh

If OP is okay with the last minute invite, I don't see the point in wasting righteous anger over it. 

B-lists have their places. I think we did one or two, but they were more "our wedding party is bringing a date I didn't know about" or the one where my BFF wasn't out yet and really wanted to bring his BF, but decided to bring a friend as his date instead. Which I guess weren't really B-lists on my own end, more people decided to invite people and didn't tell me until the week of the final headcount. 

Our ceremony was open to our church members, and I wish I had invited the 6-8 people that had shown up for the ceremony that weren't invited to the reception. I didn't know I'd be able to accommodate them until I showed up to the reception and saw we had 6 no-shows. 

@Kait, I suggest you and BF go in on a gift together, mainly bc it's his family that you haven't met before. 

bethsmiles

@audrewuh - I don't really see it as "righteous anger". If OP isn't offended by it fine, whatever but I would legitimately offended over it. My cousin decided not to invite my BF to her wedding because we weren't living together so it wasn't serious enough so yeah other people judging the seriousness of my relationship offends me.

phira

Honestly, I wouldn't go. It's too last minute.

audrewuh

bethsmiles said:

@audrewuh - I don't really see it as "righteous anger". If OP isn't offended by it fine, whatever but I would legitimately offended over it. My cousin decided not to invite my BF to her wedding because we weren't living together so it wasn't serious enough so yeah other people judging the seriousness of my relationship offends me.

But in this situation, your relationship wasn't the one being judged. Your reaction just came off on the extreme side, is all. 

It sounds like your cousin is a peach. I'm sorry you had to experience that at the hands of a family member. 

tuarceatha

I love weddings. I'd go if I got invited 8 hours before.

tuarceatha

Hummingbird125

I get why B-lists are totally rude and I would NEVER do it for my own wedding, but I'm with @jenjenniferf - I'd totally go anyway. As long as you personally are not offended, I see no problem with going - but don't stress too much about the gift. If I were you, I'd go in on a gift with your BF.

500days

I'm with @bethsmiles on this one. I just feel that B-listing is so rude. It's not a production/play and the people you invite to your wedding are not, and should not be, replaceable in my opinion. In your position @kait, I understand how you do not want to make "waves" in his family- but please understand that this isn't acceptable behavior. No one should intentionally separate a couple at any social event. I would hate to think that your engagement makes your relationship any more "significant" than any other relationship or partnership.

Blue & White

Trust me, being b or c listing is rude as anything. In this case I see it more as an acknowledgement that you may be around for a bit longer which is a good thing, but normally? Rude rude rude.

Like ya know, my college roomie who c listed us to her wedding 1200 miles away where we got the invite the week before the wedding? Yep we didnt go. Cause shockingly, flights are pricey 5 days before the wedding. If you don't like me, you should just not invite me. It works better

beanbot2002

Ok, we all know that b-listing is rude on the part of the bride/groom. Can someone show me where in the ettiquette handbook it says that accepting said b-list is rude? I don't think it's there. I know we're all ticked for Kait, that she was b-listed. BUT KAIT SEEMS FINE WITH IT. So, what's the big damn deal. She doesn't seem offended.

@Kait, I agree with whoever said I would go in on a gift with your FI. Go and have a great time! Dance your tushy off and make sure you come back and post pics of you and the FI all dolled up.

audrewuh

beanbot2002 said:

Ok, we all know that b-listing is rude on the part of the bride/groom. Can someone show me where in the ettiquette handbook it says that accepting said b-list is rude? I don't think it's there. I know we're all ticked for Kait, that she was b-listed. BUT KAIT SEEMS FINE WITH IT. So, what's the big damn deal. She doesn't seem offended.

@Kait, I agree with whoever said I would go in on a gift with your FI. Go and have a great time! Dance your tushy off and drink all the drinks and make sure you come back and post pics of you and the FI all dolled up.

FTFY @beanbot2002.

beanbot2002

@audrewuh LOL I thought she was under 21? I may have confused her with another one of the new youngins though

audrewuh

beanbot2002 said:

@audrewuh LOL I thought she was under 21? I may have confused her with another one of the new youngins though

When does that stop ppl at a wedding? Especially the 20 yr olds. 

beanbot2002

@audrewuh You speak the truth.

Swazzle

B-List aside, I would be the most annoyed at the fact that I wasn't invited with my SO. I think it's really fucked up to not invite both parts of a social unit. 

My half-sister didn't invite my (now) H to her wedding. We had been dating and living together for 4 years and she had met him as many times as she had met me. I declined the invitation and I also did not send a gift. 

GoldenPenguin

jenjenniferf said:

I'm with @jenjenniferf & her wonky gif.

tuarceatha

BriSox81 said:

jenjenniferf said:

I'm with @jenjenniferf & her wonky gif.

What is up with that?! I sucks at the internets.

GoldenPenguin

It's because you aren't a gif-master like me & @swazzle. 

audrewuh

BriSox81 said:

It's because you aren't a gif-master like me & @swazzle. 

She's hot. 

Blackbird230

Yea so I'm just going to go. I had a late start for work today because of elections night and swung by Macy's and got a dress. It's a maroon half sleeve lace with a thin gold belt. Should be cute and I have a ton of shoes! Thursday my best friend and I already had planned for manicures so it should work out perfectly.

I was a bit ticked when I didn't originally get invited, not going to lie. However BF and I were only a few months in at the time, so I didn't think much of it. So yeah, not completely ok with the B-listing, however understanding and just accepting it and having fun! Now to figure out gift with FI. Shouldn't be too bad. Worst comes to worse we just throw together like $50 especially since I don't know the bride and groom yet.

Blackbird230

Here's the dress I found. Sorry for the funny socks! I'm wearing my tall boots today. lol

[Deleted User]

I like that dress!  it's such a pretty color, and the cut is so cute on you.

tuarceatha

Kait is so pretty.

psychbabe314

Looks great!

cowgirl8238

@Kait I love that dress!  It looks so good on you!  Sorry the B&G were jerks to you, at least you know better!  Also have a great time!

bethsmiles

@Kait - Super cute dress!

Also, I don't remember anyone saying that accepting a b-list invite was rude only that sending them was.