Bridesmaid Question

soontobemrszito

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get some opinions on this.  One of my bridesmaids is a lifelong friend (we met when we were 3), she was my roommate in college, and I was her MOH in her wedding a year and a half ago.  She has since moved about 8 hours away, so we don't see each other as often as used to.  We used to stay in touch fairly frequently, either through calls, emails, or texts.  However, in the last year or so, she has become very distant to all of our friends, but especially me.  I asked her to be a bridesmaid back when we got engaged in December 2012, and she said yes that she'd love to.  But in the last 10 months sine she said she'd be a bridesmaid, she has been almost non-responsive to all of my emails, texts, and voicemails.  She came to the one event I had to try on bridesmaids dresses and pick those out, but before and since then she has not responded to any of my emails, texts, or returned a single phone call (and there have been many).  I never mention the wedding to her when I call, because honestly I just want to talk to my friend and see how she is doing.  I ordered all of the bridesmaids dresses and they all said they'd pay me back, and I have heard nothing from her.  What should I assume?  Do you all think she still wants to be in the wedding?  No one else has heard much from her either, but she has responded to some emails (she wrote back to my MOH saying she couldn't come to the bachelorette in February).  My wedding is in April, and I really want here in the party, but I'm starting to worry that if she doesn't respond to any of my communication with her now, how will it be closer to the wedding?  I would be totally understanding if she has something going on in her life, but I have no way of knowing it because she never calls/texts/writes me back!  Just wondering how you all would handle a situation like that and what I could maybe do to make the situation better for everyone

doeydo

That's too bad, but she is probably either really busy or has something going on in her life.  I would just keep trying to contact her every so often and keep being friendly.  I would still assume that she will still be a bridesmaid unless she says otherwise.  

MyNameIsNot

soontobemrszito said:

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get some opinions on this.  One of my bridesmaids is a lifelong friend (we met when we were 3), she was my roommate in college, and I was her MOH in her wedding a year and a half ago.  She has since moved about 8 hours away, so we don't see each other as often as used to.  We used to stay in touch fairly frequently, either through calls, emails, or texts.  However, in the last year or so, she has become very distant to all of our friends, but especially me.  I asked her to be a bridesmaid back when we got engaged in December 2012, and she said yes that she'd love to.  But in the last 10 months sine she said she'd be a bridesmaid, she has been almost non-responsive to all of my emails, texts, and voicemails.  She came to the one event I had to try on bridesmaids dresses and pick those out, but before and since then she has not responded to any of my emails, texts, or returned a single phone call (and there have been many).  I never mention the wedding to her when I call, because honestly I just want to talk to my friend and see how she is doing.  I ordered all of the bridesmaids dresses and they all said they'd pay me back, and I have heard nothing from her.  What should I assume?  Do you all think she still wants to be in the wedding?  No one else has heard much from her either, but she has responded to some emails (she wrote back to my MOH saying she couldn't come to the bachelorette in February).  My wedding is in April, and I really want here in the party, but I'm starting to worry that if she doesn't respond to any of my communication with her now, how will it be closer to the wedding?  I would be totally understanding if she has something going on in her life, but I have no way of knowing it because she never calls/texts/writes me back!  Just wondering how you all would handle a situation like that and what I could maybe do to make the situation better for everyone

This is exactly why you shouldn't ask WP until 6-9 months before the wedding.  That ship has sailed for you, but hopefully someone else can learn from your situation.

She's moved 8 hours away.  That is something going on in her life.  Adjusting to a new city is a huge life change.  It sucks that your friendship has changed, but that often happens when people have big life changes. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you, it just means she's busy.  

If she traveled 8 hours to try on dresses, I'd say she's pretty committed.  I don't know anyone that would do that.  Unless she tells you she won't be coming, she's a bridesmaid.  April is still quite a while a way, and your wedding probably isn't her priority.  

soontobemrszito

I must have mistyped. Sorry. She didn't move recently...we have always lived about 4 hours from each other (since college) and right after her wedding 1.5 years ago she moved a few hours away from there making her further from me. She didn't just move. I don't want my wedding to bee her priority. I just don't see how a friend who wants to be a bridesmaid never replies to any messages, phone calls, anything. I am so happy she came to the dress thing, but to not reply to any phone calls, emails, or texts, I think is rude and it makes me think she doesn't want to be a party of the wedding anymore. You're right though about waiting to pick the party. I definitely do recommend waiting to decide on the party after seeing this situation (and another bridesmaid is being somewhat similar). It's just frustrating.

soontobemrszito

I also just real miss talking to my friend so maybe venting helps a little :-)

melbelleup

MyNameIsNot said:

soontobemrszito said:

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get some opinions on this.  One of my bridesmaids is a lifelong friend (we met when we were 3), she was my roommate in college, and I was her MOH in her wedding a year and a half ago.  She has since moved about 8 hours away, so we don't see each other as often as used to.  We used to stay in touch fairly frequently, either through calls, emails, or texts.  However, in the last year or so, she has become very distant to all of our friends, but especially me.  I asked her to be a bridesmaid back when we got engaged in December 2012, and she said yes that she'd love to.  But in the last 10 months sine she said she'd be a bridesmaid, she has been almost non-responsive to all of my emails, texts, and voicemails.  She came to the one event I had to try on bridesmaids dresses and pick those out, but before and since then she has not responded to any of my emails, texts, or returned a single phone call (and there have been many).  I never mention the wedding to her when I call, because honestly I just want to talk to my friend and see how she is doing.  I ordered all of the bridesmaids dresses and they all said they'd pay me back, and I have heard nothing from her.  What should I assume?  Do you all think she still wants to be in the wedding?  No one else has heard much from her either, but she has responded to some emails (she wrote back to my MOH saying she couldn't come to the bachelorette in February).  My wedding is in April, and I really want here in the party, but I'm starting to worry that if she doesn't respond to any of my communication with her now, how will it be closer to the wedding?  I would be totally understanding if she has something going on in her life, but I have no way of knowing it because she never calls/texts/writes me back!  Just wondering how you all would handle a situation like that and what I could maybe do to make the situation better for everyone

This is exactly why you shouldn't ask WP until 6-9 months before the wedding.  That ship has sailed for you, but hopefully someone else can learn from your situation.

She's moved 8 hours away.  That is something going on in her life.  Adjusting to a new city is a huge life change.  It sucks that your friendship has changed, but that often happens when people have big life changes. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you, it just means she's busy.  

If she traveled 8 hours to try on dresses, I'd say she's pretty committed.  I don't know anyone that would do that.  Unless she tells you she won't be coming, she's a bridesmaid.  April is still quite a while a way, and your wedding probably isn't her priority.  

This. I would just keep trying. Maybe FB, email, call, etc and keep on it. Keep wedding talk out of it which it sounds like you do.

To the bolded: It's actually funny you say that because I live 8 hrs from my home town currently and will be driving on Fri 22nd to go shopping for BM dresses for my brother's wedding.