Just Engaged and Proposals

The Two Year Engagement! :O

My fiance and I got engaged in May and are thinking of getting married in June 2015 (2 years and 1 month after our engagement). When we tell people 2015 they look at us like we're crazy and ALWAYS ask why not next year. We'll be paying for most of the wedding ourselves and want to have time to save up the money. From what I've heard it's best to book a date a year in advance and we are not comfortable setting a date for next year not knowing if we'll have the money we need by then. People keep telling us to do something cheap and simple and giving their opinions on the best way to do that which is also getting annoying. We know what we want and how to go about it in an affordable way but it adds up quickly. We just want to know we have enough to cover everything and have extra in case of last minute emergencies. For some reason that seems to be a hard concept for people to understand. I'm annoyed with all the questions about when and why and I am I tired of explaining every time. I don't know why everyone else is in a rush for us to get married. If it doesn't bother us, it shouldn't bother them. Is anyone else out there planning a long engagement and do you have to deal with these questions also? What have you found to be the best way to deal with them?

Re: The Two Year Engagement! :O

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Bean-dip them. Just change the subject after saying something like "That's what works best for us." If you don't engage them in that conversation, they can't bother you with it.

    Congratulations on your engagement and happy planning!
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Frankly, I like the long engagement idea.  A Lot.  You and I get the benefit of an entire year just to gather ideas before we even have to think about booking anything.  When it comes to the actual planning, booking a venue, deciding on the gown, hair, makeup, etc. We won't be making any hasty decisions or feel rushed; we'll already have a pretty clear idea of what we want.  That's going to cut down on the wedding planning stress a little bit.  
    If someone has a problem with your long engagement, politely tell them that it's what works for you, and you are happy to have the extra time to plan and save up.  If they persist, and continue trying to tell you how to handle your own personal life, tell them to f off.  Just kidding, just remind them that it's your wedding and you'll do what you want, but if you need any advice, you'll give them a call.  Not that you will or anything, just let them think they're helping, it makes them leave you alone faster.  If they really nag you and reach a point where they're aggravating you, you should let them know that they're bothering you.  You don't need to tell them to f off or anything (Unless you are very bold and want to- whatever floats your boat) just let them know that you're waiting two years, that's absolutely final, and you would appreciate it if they would accept that.  
    I am also in a long engagement, but I'm 19 so people are more relieved when we say we're waiting a few years (Although that moment between saying I'm engaged and explaining we're waiting until we're 21 is annoying.  You're absolutely right- everyone automatically assumes you're getting married right after getting engaged and almost find it odd to wait.)  Another wonderfully obnoxious thing I've noticed is that while everybody who knows both my fiance and I, and have seen us together, sees no problem with us being engaged and is very happy for us (This includes parents, grandparents, etc. on both sides), everyone who has never seen us together and doesn't know him well seems to want to give their two cents about how they think they know better than I do about MY personal life.  Lovely habit people have, isn't it?  
    Happy planning, don't let anyone bug you too much- remember, at the end of the day, all that matters is that you and your fiancé are happy.  
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I am also having a long engagement - got engaged in September and we set the date for May 2015. I find it interesting when people comment on the long engagement, because they are not paying for my wedding. They will be eating and drinking and dancing on my dime, so maybe they should keep their opinions to themselves. My fiance and I are both paying for our wedding ourselves and we would like the extra time to save, etc. I just tell people that we would like to save for a wedding that will make us both happy, but if they want us to get married next year they can definitely contribute towards the wedding to make that happen. That usually shuts them up. I hate when they also give their opinion - Oh why do you want a big wedding? Why not just go to city hall? Well why not mind your own business? I wouldn't let it get to me. Funny thing I told a friend we were waiting till Spring 2015 and he asked why so long? So I gave him my reasons. He got engaged last month and when I asked him when his date was he said Summer 2015 lol. 
                                 Anniversary
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    CJandRyanNikita2013
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My engagement was 2 years. For the first year, I simply was too busy with work to be trying to plan a wedding, and I was just not ready to start actively planning. And I told people exactly that and then changed the subject. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We're having a 2 year engagement. We're both set on a September wedding (fall is our favorite season and it's still warm enough to get married outdoors where we live) and next year is just too little time, particularly because we are paying for most of it ourselves. We're also buying a house next year so we use that as our reasoning for a 2 year engagement.
  • We are going through the same thing. We got engaged in May and will be getting married May 24, 2015. We had just graduated from college and knew we wouldn't have the money for a one year engagement. People don't understand why we would wait so long, but the people who are most important to us understand. 
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  • Congrats and happy planning!!!!
  • We got engaged in march of 2012.  We were planning for Sept of 2014 But who knows the 2 year engagement might turn into 3 years! lol  But i am in the same boat.  We are paying for everything ourselves and even though we have half saved up.. I just can't bare to use it until we have the exact budget I plan to spend (or not spend).  I can't imagine running out of funds and trying to figure out where I'm going to get more money from.  I get the same questions from EVERYONE.  When's the wedding?  Have you set a date yet?  etc. etc.  My FI mom even suggested we do a small wedding... (she seems rather unconvinced we're even going to have a wedding lol)  I'm taking my sweet time.  My simple answer is we're still saving and they will be the first to know when we set the date.  Good luck!
  • I got engaged 9/21/2013 and we aren't getting married until March of 2015. My fiance and I have been together 5 1/2 years already, so we get asked ALL the time why we are waiting so long. Why NOT wait so long??? We are lucky and my father is footing the bill, but even without having to save up for the wedding, I want to ENJOY the planning process!! It's so much more fun when there's not such a time crunch and we get to entertain all the possible ideas. 

    It's comforting to know there are others with what seems like an endless engagement :) Happy planning to us all!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    CJandRyan
  • My fiance and I got engaged in July, we are planning our wedding for April 2017. Because I go to school and we have small finanical issues we need to work out, but we both think it would make our relationship that much stronger. I would really love to enjoy the actual planning process since I'm going to be out of school by then. I would of course have loved to do it sooner, but sometimes the finances and schooling can be difficult. Don't give up hope, it's gonna happen.
  • My Fiance and I got engaged November 1st and are planning an October 2016 wedding (a month shy of 3 years).  My fiance goes to school full-time and will graduate with his masters December 2015.  We want to buy a home and be able to save as much as we will need.  Right now, our plan is to save $100 a week (not much, just cutting out the luxuries) until then.  Between the two of us, that will give us $30,000 at the end of three years of saving plus the $30,000 we already have saved (our down payment on our first home).  I am working off the books right now as a nanny, so we are waiting for my FI to graduate and get his big boy job so that we can get approved for a mortgage.  Enjoy this time and tell everyone else to piss off! Do what works for you as a couple! Congratulations btw =)
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 2 year engagement. My cousin had a 2 year engagement and sure, to everyone else 2 years seemed like too long, but it really isn't. My cousin and his bride had a beautiful wedding and all of the events leading up to the wedding were well planned, gorgeous and full of little personal details.

    However, dealing with family/friends that disagree or constantly question you with how you two decide to run the show can be frustrating and discouraging. It will pass. For my cousin it was just a matter of letting everyone know. The questions seemed to have stopped for the most part a couple months into their engagement. Everyone ended up very pleased with their wedding and all the parties leading up to it.

    Kudos to you for being realistic. Weddings are expensive!!
  • Yep, 2015 probably for us (possibly 2016) But, so far I have just said it is so that we can finish up school (graduating this spring for him/ this summer for me) and have time to save up money. Nobody has been super pushy so far, but I am preparing for when I see my mom's family in December and I am sure everyone will have an opinion then! I will definitely use the bean dip technique from @KeptInStitches

  • My fiance and I got engaged in June of 2012 and arent getting married until October of next year. We get some crazy looks too and people always ask tons of questions about it. I just tell them that we didnt want to settle on something because we coulndnt afford it right away, after all it is (usually) a one time thing... I wouldnt stress over it, at the end of the day you are the one that has to be engaged that long and if you are fine with it then everyone else can deal
  • November 2016 and I get the same thing, we got engaged a year ago and didn't even think about it til recently but now that we are actually planning it people are crazy. Venues will email me back with we still have dates available for 2014 and 2015. Even my mom is talking about how its so far away, if I had the money to do it now then but I don't.
  • We finally decided to jump the broom this year, however; we aren't getting married in July 3, 2015 in Punta Cana. The two years gives us plenty of time to plan and helps everyone save to come to our wedding
  • I'll be engaged for about a year and nine months when we get married. I'm finishing my undergrad first. A lot of people say "why are you waiting so long?" and others are still like "why so soon?" so I've pretty much stopped listening to anyone but close family & friends.
  • We've been engaged for five years. The first three years my FI and I were in college and wanted to save and then his mom had cancer and we decided to wait until she was better before we got married. You do what works best for you guys and when people ask you about it tell them just that. If they persist you can either ignore them, change the subject or tell them it is none of their business.
  • We have a long engagement too! We got engaged on July 4 and we're not getting married until May 30, 2015. We knew we wanted to get married when it was warm out, and one year didn't seem like enough time. It's funny... before we got engaged, everyone was like "Make sure you give yourself enough time to plan! Everything books up so fast!" And now that we have a date, people are like "oh... really?" But for us, I think our friends and family are just so excited that they can't wait, and neither can I! The hardest thing about a long engagement for me, is waiting so long before I get to enjoy this amazing party we're planning!
    CJandRyan
  • positivekpositivek member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    I had an engagement of over two years. I personally found it a lot easier to work my numbers when I had plenty of time to research how much things cost before setting a budget for each category (as opposed to having set numbers that I had to make items fit into). It made it less stressful in figuring out what I could DIY through trial and error, and what could be scaled down or had to be cut altogether. So, when I figured out early on after lots of off-the-rack try-ons that a custom dress was just going to be it for me, I still had plenty of time to research, say, photography that was a lot less expensive than the going rate for photogs I found on wedding sites/google (found someone through networking that wasn't all that well known yet but very good nonetheless). I may have put more time into pricing research/scoring deals and DIY'ing- in order to afford bigger ticket items- than most brides might prefer, however.
    I think people thought it was long but figured it was our deal, so no one really gave us a hard time about how long we were waiting, thankfully (especially after they knew we had to book the venue 18 months in advance anyway, as the month we wanted was starting to fill up).
    CJandRyan
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I got engaged Dec. 2012 and wedding is June 2014, so about 1.5 years.  Originally we were planning 2-3 year engagement, because we really aren't in any hurry. Most of our family was supportive of that, although there were a few people that questioned why we would wait so long.  We just told them that we really weren't in any rush and left it at that.  But, then both of our fathers started having some health problems, so we decided that it may not be a good idea to push it out too far.  We knew that we needed to do our wedding in summer, since we wanted a small destination wedding and we have many people that work at schools, including FI, so that was the easiest time for people to travel. But, I honestly feel that my 1.5 year engagement is actually pretty short, even though we've already been together 5 years.

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  • We got engaged in August 2012 and we are getting married August 2015.  So, it's a 3 year engagement. We've been together for 12 years and people assume since we've been together so long, we should just have something small. We opted for a long engagement because we are saving for our dream wedding. We deserve it. We got the same responses as you and we just blow it off. It's none of their business. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't have the wedding you want. Everyone's timeline & financial situation is different and you do what feels comfortable for you and FI. We just booked our venue last weekend, and we couldn't be happier with the choices we made for a long engagement. Best of luck to you both! 
    CJandRyanChryswed
  • Omg! I have been dealing with the same thing. Everyone has something to say about how far off our date is. So much so, it had me questioning it myself. I really like the day that we set but with all the comments, its hard not to wonder. Its gotten so bad that I don't even want to tell people when my day is just to spare myself having to explain. I guess it's a matter of tuning people out. They are not the ones getting married, we are. So really, their opinion doesn't matter.
  • People looked at me like I was crazy when I told them our tentative date. We chose Feb 2015 and everyone was like "Why?? Isn't 9 years long enough?". People always wants to put their 2 cents in everything. You do what works for you. FI proposed to me on Dec 28th and it was so close to the new year. I figured Feb 2015 is enough time to save up money or make payments for the wedding especially since we are paying our own wedding. No one is helping us.

    Congrats and enjoy your wedding planning! :)
  • I got engaged in June, and i'm getting married in July of 2015. We have set a date and secured a venue for the exact date. My mom tried to push us to get married sooner, but we have a large guest list, and even with help need time to save up! Plus, i really want to take the time and slow down to enjoy the wedding planning process and our engagement!
    CJandRyan
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