Discuss with friend no bridal party?

climbingsingle

Here's a little background info. Liz and I have/had been best friends since Kindergarten (28 years). When I got engaged the first time in 2003, she was in a bad place. I had suspected she was abusing drugs. She was extremely flaky. I didn't want her to be my MOH, but I did want her to be a bridesmaid. When I asked her, she was very upset that she wasn't my MOH. She then created a ton of drama around my wedding and I did in fact find out that she had a serious cocaine problem. 

After my wedding in 2004, we didn't speak much. Then in 2006, she got pregnant and cleaned up her life. Things were going good until recently. 

This is the situation now. She has two kids. She's getting a divorce and she's an alcoholic. I never know which "Liz" I'm going to get - sane, sober and rational Liz or drunk and crazy Liz. It's so bad that most of our friends no longer talk to her. We've tried to help. We had an intervention. Nothing has worked. 

I'm planning my second wedding. I'm only having a MOH; no bridesmaids. I am dreading telling her who my MOH is and that she won't be in the wedding. Is this discussion necessary? Is there any way to avoid it? Probably not, right? My MOH is planning a bach weekend upstate. Liz will be invited along with the rest of my best friends. So she will be included in that. Should I just let my MOH contact her about the bach party and leave it at that? Gah. I don't know what to do. 

Cokezerofreak

I don't think you need to have a specific discussion to explain to her why you don't want her as your MOH or in your bridal party.  After the first wedding drama, I would hope she realizes that there was a problem then and you don't want to repeat it.

melbelleup

I'd let it go until she asks. If she asks, say that you decided to only have one person stand up with you at the ceremony but she still is very important to you and you'd love her to attend your bach party.

CommitmentCat

From what it sounds like she is not in a rational place right now. No matter which way you decide to handle it or tell her there will most likely be a backlash from her. (I say this from my own experience dealing with friends suffering from addiction/alcoholism)

I remember you mentioning her before in a previous post. I think step back, let your MOH ask her, if she confronts you about it then just be honest. Make yourself happy and don't allow your friend to ruin this special time. Once she's in a better place in her own life she'll hopefully come around and realise that she hasn't been the greatest friend. Good luck. Sorry that this is happening. Hope it all works out.

csuave

Don't bring it up.  She will realize when time goes by that she hasn't been asked. 

I had the same kind of thoughts about my BFF of 35 years.  We don't talk that much anymore, she is OOT and a single mom now.  We are just in different places now compared to 8 years ago when I was her MOH.  I never mentioned it and she never brought it up.  She still knew that she is important to me though because I was sure to make her one of the first "we got engaged" phone calls and I called her the day of the wedding and asked her to come to the church basement (my "hideout" room) so I could see her and have a picture of us before the ceremony.

climbingsingle

Thanks for the advice, everyone :-) 

WinstonsGirl

I wouldn't bring it up either.  I had only a MOH, no BM's, even though I had been BM for 2 other girls.  They didn't bring it up with me either.