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[Deleted User]

I can't believe the trash that these new posters are spewing. There is NO POLITE WAY TO ASK FOR MONEY. Period. Pay for your own fucking honeymoon, that is no one else's responsibility. If you do this, people WILL talk about it behind your back and they won't forget. Be remembered for what a lovely hostess you were at your wedding, not a greedy, tacky and rude Bridezilla.

MobKaz

CoralRobinsEgg said:

We are in a similar predicament. We’ve been living together for almost 4 years and really we don’t need anything + we have no place to store anything new as well. Honestly money toward a downpayment of a house would be awesome, but I find asking for money to be tacky and rude. (I realize in some cultures it’s actually traditional to give money to the bride and groom. If you are old school Italian American I doubt you’ll even need to let people know you want money as that’s a traditional gift. But you might need to walk around with a crisp, new and white pillow case to receive it).   A wedding should not resemble Halloween with a bride walking around begging with a pillowcase.

There are a number of other options that might work otherwise, that you can register for. 

Websites like Honeyfund.com - allow you to register for honeymoon items. (If you are paying for your own honeymoon, you can let others buy you cocktails or dinner out as part of your experience and squirrel away that money instead. Of if your parents are paying, I’m sure you can agree that the money they would have spent go to something for your future.) There are also sites that allow you to register for classes, dinners, gallery openings etc around town. (Once again if these are things you regularly do you can save the money, if not. Find things that would be an awesome experience for the two of you to have.) I think we will do some of the above as I have been informed by family members that they’d rather give us money. However, I am also registering for smaller things I need/want replaced -> like those awesome cast-iron skillets I just can’t get myself to splurge on, or new cutting boards.

Two other suggestions to consider: 1) As someone who is more crafty but has limited funds, I like to give people things like their wedding album, or do the wedding makeup. I have substantial skills in both and it cost me nearly nothing to pump out a product that most of my friends cannot. You should consider how it will make your friends feel if you ask for money. Some might decide they can’t afford to come, esp if your wedding is in another town and they have to pay for travel and accommodations.

2) If you have friends who have talents like baking, or playing an instrument, or have amazing calligraphy skills. You can ask them to help you out on your wedding day in lieu of a gift.   It is NEVER appropriate to presume anyone will give you a gift.  Period.  Such an entitled and greedy assumption is mind boggling.  Having a friend bake you a cake (even if you pay for the ingredients) costs them nearly nothing and saves you a bundle of money. Same thing with having people play the music at your ceremony. It makes the whole thing more personal and it probably saves both you and your friends a bit of money. (More money to save toward your dream home.) 

I think there are a lot of great, and classy ways to indirectly ask for money  (You may think there are, but in fact, there is NO great, classy, or appropriate way to do this.) without letting people know you are holding open your pocket-book. Have a chat with your fiancé and see what you guys can come up with. I’m sure you’ll find some great ideas. (And you can still alway register for those new cutting boards and steak knives for those people who just can’t help themselves. Seriously, register for something, because otherwise you’ll get stuff you don’t want and probably can’t return. And worst might be stuck with to be polite).  Clearly being polite is the absolute last thing on the minds of these posters.

Liatris2010

Ugh.

Deleting your post and changing it to something attention grabbing is going to stop replies, it is going to get more. So let me just add one thing:

The purpose of a registry is to help your guests. If I am giving a gift, I have some idea of what I want to give, usually China or bar ware. I've already made that decision, but what I don't know is the pattern or style you prefer, so I check the registry and make sure you are getting the thing I want to give you in the style you like. Money doesn't come in sizes, colors, and patterns, it is one size fits all and everyone knows it makes a good gift, so you don't have to tell people you like it, they already know.

Finally, you say "cute" but what you actually mean is immature. If I ask for money in an immature way, people will let it slide because they'll think I'm not grown-up enough to know better. If you are grown-up enough to get married, you are grown-up enough to know soliciting gifts is rude, regardless of the delivery.

ohannabelle

Twelve first time posters. Twelve. And every single one here to tell us why honey-funds are brilliant, and that manners are outdated. Really?

vt&dt

I haven't been around for a long time... but even before I started lurking/occasionally posting on TK I knew this!  Where are the parents/aunts/grandparents here?

We don't really need anything, either - but we made a small registry because we know that some people want to get us a physical gift, and they'd like to know our style, colors, etc.  If we didn't get a single gift or a dime in cards, we'd still have an absolute blast at our wedding and be 100% content and satisfied that we got married and got to celebrate it with our closest people.

Cute poems that disguise asking for money (rude) are almost worse.  And I can guarantee that while I've given a gift to every couple that's invited me to their wedding, I'll break my 100% record if someone has a honey fund or asks for gift cards.  Gifts aren't required, and I can't reward bad behavior (it's the teacher in me, I think.)

Ugh.  I could rant about this all day.... but I probably shouldn't.

LondonLisa

I have never seen such a bunch of greedy women in one place (to be fair, I have yet to check out Wedding Bee)! I'm just imagining all these women with their palms outstretched as people walk into their weddings: "Alms for the poor"! Do none of you have any dignity??? You are literally begging for money. How déclassé!

And to the woman who is telling her guests to pay for one thing and using it for another. You know what they call that in the real world? FRAUD! Honeymoon/ cash registries are bad enough without lying to your friends. 

If you want money, here is the BIG secret: Don't register. The end. Everyone knows cash is a good gift. Good grief, what entitled jerks!

climbingsingle

Well, changing the post title to "No more replies" certainly worked, huh? 

<sarcasm>

The amount of greediness and tackiness and lack of manners in the post is unbelievable. 

jneen101

If someone lied to me and said I was buying them a swim with dolphins and I later found out that person took the dolphin money and spent it on a roof I would not be friends with that person anymore.  What is wrong with people?  That is really bullshit.

If people want to give you money, they will give you money.  I always give money at weddings.  Then, if you want to spend that money on a honeymoon, do it.  If you want to spend that money on a roof, do it.  If you want to spend that money being an asshole, do that too. 

vt&dt

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Well, changing the post title to "No more replies" certainly worked, huh? 

<sarcasm>

The amount of greediness and tackiness and lack of manners in the post is unbelievable. 

I saw that, thought about it... and couldn't leave without adding my two cents.

For some reason, it bothered me SO much that there were this many posters encouraging asking for money (in any way) and I felt like I should help balance it out.  Haha.

Weesh

JordanF13 said:

I can't believe the trash that these new posters are spewing. There is NO POLITE WAY TO ASK FOR MONEY. Period. Pay for your own fucking honeymoon, that is no one else's responsibility. If you do this, people WILL talk about it behind your back and they won't forget. Be remembered for what a lovely hostess you were at your wedding, not a greedy, tacky and rude Bridezilla.

Yes! This!!!

RebeccaB88

What's the scientific name for a large group of greedy, rude, entitled brides? A gaggle? A flock? This has to be some kind of TK record...ghost profiles, maybe?

RebeccaB88

What's the scientific name for a large group of greedy, rude, entitled brides? A gaggle? A flock? This has to be some kind of TK record...ghost profiles, maybe?

MobKaz

RebeccaB88 said:

What's the scientific name for a large group of greedy, rude, entitled brides? A gaggle? A flock? This has to be some kind of TK record...ghost profiles, maybe?

They are Special Snowflakes.  They have their own logo.......

as well as their own awards........

khubman

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

ohannabelle

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

No.

MobKaz

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

So in addition to this sudden infusion of first time posters with absurdly bad ideas, their lack of conscience and aptitude for lying will be another commonality?  I would really love to know what radar is being transmitted to recruit these trolls.  @KnotPorscha, for real....this cannot be legit.

climbingsingle

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

Oh good! Another tacky idea! 

ac411020

Asking for money is rude and this is what you are doing. Would you go stand outside and ask strangers for money for your wedding? If not, then you shouldn't be asking your guests for money either.

MNVegas

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

That is a cash registry and extremely BAD advice. 

IT IS RUDE!!   IT IS TACKY!!   IT IS INAPPROPRIATE!!   IT IS OFFENSIVE!!!  IT IS DECEITFUL!!

I don't know anymore ways to say it without risking getting banned.

tabathafaye

Sometimes I check out posts that have been obviously deleted OR have had the titles changed to "No More Replies".

Cause I can.

chibiyui

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

kitty8403

jneen101 said:

If someone lied to me and said I was buying them a swim with dolphins and I later found out that person took the dolphin money and spent it on a roof I would not be friends with that person anymore.  What is wrong with people?  That is really bullshit.

If people want to give you money, they will give you money.  I always give money at weddings.  Then, if you want to spend that money on a honeymoon, do it.  If you want to spend that money on a roof, do it.  If you want to spend that money being an asshole, do that too. 

Exactly. And I am one of those people who does not give money. I will go well out of my way to give something physical. Telling me you like money is terrific and all (sarcasm, k?), but it doesn't make me want to give it to you. The point of a honeymoon registry is to *trick people like me* into thinking we are giving something physical and meaningful, when in fact all you are getting is cash. That's pretty darned deceptive.

(Edit: part of post got eaten by phone)

kitty8403

beatrix0810 said:

Asking for $$ towards a house fund or honeymoon fund is fine. The fact is that nowadays couples are paying for their weddings rather than relying on one or both sets of parents to pay for it. Thus, they probably can't also fund a honeymoon or a down payment on a house. The economy is in the garbage and the requirements on buying a first home are now more strict than they have been in a long time. The purpose of a wedding gift is to help get the new couple set up for life together. If you have pots and pans and furniture, helping the couple get set up for their future likely means helping put money down toward buying a house. If you think about it, whether with a registry or not, YOU ARE ASKING FOR MONEY FROM YOUR GUESTS. Unless you think they are somehow getting these towels for you for free. Ask for what you need. Those offended can opt to not attend and not buy you anything.

Times have changed and the view that you can't set up a house fund is old fashioned. Most young people are graduating college in a MOUNTAIN of student loan debt that their parents and grandparents didn't have to worry about. It's much harder to save up the kind of money necessary to put down on a house. I have been to two weddings where the couple asked for money for a house fund. I want to see them buy a house and start a family so I contributed what I could. It felt good knowing my hard earned cash is going toward something real and not towels or bedsheets that will wear out and fade with time.

Tell your guests a gift is not necessary, but if they'd like to contribute to your house fund you'd be over the moon. It's your wedding and your life and those who think it's rude don't have to come.

Like you said, times have changed. As in, women (in most Western nations at least) are no longer considered family property up for barter, and couples are setting up households independently of their parents and grandparents. Shocker. Not to mention, brides' ideas about what a "wedding" is have also changed rather drastically in recent years. People who are getting married need to remember they are grown adults, not teenagers begging for new shoes at the mall. Mommy and Daddy are stepping aside to let the new family form. They might still feel generous, but the kids are responsible for their own fiscal choices now.

Seriously, do you know no young couples who still need help starting out? Or who havent lived together for a decade or so? Because I do--a lot of them. We're probably better off than most couples our age, but we've also made do with tiny apartments and old castoff furnishings for years in order to cut down our debt and save for a place. We could genuinely use a lot of new things, and we're smack in that late 20s-early 30s bracket considered so typical now.

The fact of the matter is that it's not your guests' responsibility to figure out how to help you pay for a fancy party, a sexy trip, AND a house. A place to live is a necessity (though owning it outright is not); the others are totally optional. Yes, many cannot afford all of it by conventional media-driven standards, but perhaps their expectations need a reality check.

OnceUponSnow

I read all answers opposed to the other kinds of registries and I don't understand why asking for towels on a website is not considered rude ? Or why having China is supposed to ''help the couple get started in life'' or is considered a necessity, more than owning a house ? I am against deceiving your guests ; I think the ''fake'' honeymoon registries are awful and I would expect a couple who chose this kind of registry to use it as it was intended to. But I also believe most of us are already well started in life when it comes to the basics, and that most of us have lived with our fiancés well before getting married, unlike our parents and grandparents ; and some of us might carry huge student loans that our parents and grandparents didn't have to worry about when they got married. There's a reason why the registry is almost never used anymore in some areas (including mine), and it's because it isn't as useful as it used to be. I live in an area where people get married older (into their 30s mostly). It's only fair that a couple finally getting out of college and getting married wants to owe a house and start a family, too. Any gift that could help them achieving this goal, be it money or material possessions, is welcomed. But I doubt buying China will be as useful to their daily life as offering downpayment money, or just money they can use to pay off their student loans. I just can't understand why this couldn't be considered a way of helping them, as they are starting in ''real life'' too. I know I'm biased because it's how it's done here (wishing wells and cardboxes, no registry), but I'll never get the ''having a registry is not the same as asking for money/gift'' argument. They all serve the same purpose : offering something useful to the bride and groom you love, and helping them out. If the means of help have changed over time, I'm totally okay with it.  

chibiyui

OnceUponSnow said:

I read all answers opposed to the other kinds of registries and I don't understand why asking for towels on a website is not considered rude ? Or why having China is supposed to ''help the couple get started in life'' or is considered a necessity, more than owning a house ? I am against deceiving your guests ; I think the ''fake'' honeymoon registries are awful and I would expect a couple who chose this kind of registry to use it as it was intended to. But I also believe most of us are already well started in life when it comes to the basics, and that most of us have lived with our fiancés well before getting married, unlike our parents and grandparents ; and some of us might carry huge student loans that our parents and grandparents didn't have to worry about when they got married. There's a reason why the registry is almost never used anymore in some areas (including mine), and it's because it isn't as useful as it used to be. I live in an area where people get married older (into their 30s mostly). It's only fair that a couple finally getting out of college and getting married wants to owe a house and start a family, too. Any gift that could help them achieving this goal, be it money or material possessions, is welcomed. But I doubt buying China will be as useful to their daily life as offering downpayment money, or just money they can use to pay off their student loans. I just can't understand why this couldn't be considered a way of helping them, as they are starting in ''real life'' too. I know I'm biased because it's how it's done here (wishing wells and cardboxes, no registry), but I'll never get the ''having a registry is not the same as asking for money/gift'' argument. They all serve the same purpose : offering something useful to the bride and groom you love, and helping them out. If the means of help have changed over time, I'm totally okay with it.  

No one is forced to buy anything of a registry. No one is forced to look up a registry. A registry itself isn't rude because its a guideline.

Advertising your registry, like putting it on a wedding invite, is rude. Just like asking for money is.

Also, gift giving is regional . Some areas tend to give cash over physical gifts and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with that either, though I've never heatd of a wishing well.

manateehugger

How do people not understand the difference between a registry for items and a registry for cash?

Let me explain what happens when most people receive an invitation: You invite me to your wedding. I'd like to give you a gift. I google your name to see if registries pop up. One of a few things happen:

1. You've got a registry out there with lots of items on it, suggesting to me you'd really like to furnish your home. Wonderful - I decide that toaster and set of towels you said you'd like are pretty nifty. Done, easy. 

2. You have a very small registry or no registry, suggesting to me you don't really need any household gifts. Well, since I still want to get you a gift to say "Congrats!" So I write you a check or give you a gift card. 

DONE. That's it. You don't need to tell me you want cash.You do probably need to tell me what colors you want to redo your kitchen in. Registries are guidelines to help your guests know your tastes and needs (think of sending a Christmas Wish List to your family when they ask for one). Having a registry out there (that you, of course, don't advertise) is merely offering a suggestion to guests who have already expressed their desire to give you something. 

Can you imagine asking a friend, "Hey, what do you want to do for your birthday?" And she responds, "Well I don't really want to do anything, so instead of taking me out to dinner and drinks, why don't you just give me the cash you were going to spend doing that?" No - because it's rude and ridiculous and presumptuous. 

photokitty

chibiyui said:

No one is forced to buy anything of a registry. No one is forced to look up a registry. A registry itself isn't rude because its a guideline.

Advertising your registry, like putting it on a wedding invite, is rude. Just like asking for money is.

Also, gift giving is regional . Some areas tend to give cash over physical gifts and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with that either, though I've never heatd of a wishing well.

I have heard of a wishing well, you throw pennies in it...so I have no i idea why anyone would want one at their wedding?!?!?! But hey, of you ask me for pennies I'll go the bank and get a whole roll for you and forgo my typical wedding gift and save a bunch of money! ;-)

natswild

@PDKH, that was a really good way of putting how rude it is for honeymoon/cash registries. Thanks!

AddieCake

khubman said:

Have any of you thought about using a wish registry? It's a registry that allows the illusion of buying items for the wedding or honeymoon, and the cash is just deposited into your account via paypal. 

I can't wait to use mine. Check it out? 

http://www.wedandwish.com/?rf=821765225

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

mimiphin

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Well Reply this!!! Also Wedandwish~ Really Ick!!!!